oomis

Try to type it. If they have to struggle to read people’s handwriting, they typically are instructed to put it in the vertical file (I used to be that manuscript reader).

Now, may you be likewise zocheh to bring him to Chuppah and Maasim Tovim!!!!!! MAZEL TOV, Syag!!!!!!!

The sermon. in some shuls. “

And although that was a cute answer, I have a serious response. For kovod haRav alone, it is really improper to walk out just as he begins his drosha. Even if and when it is boring. That is a D’var TORAH he is giving over. Just not nice to walk out. We have to do a lot of things in life that we might not care too much to do. Having and acting with simple derech eretz may be a tircha for some people, but they are the ones most in need of it. And if the sermon is really bad, remember that lifum tz’arah agrah. You get extra brownie points for staying and listening.

I have to tell you, I lose MY breath just LISTENING to the leiner do it!

Great letter In the FJJ this past week.

Goq, I have no idea WHAT you are talking about (see, totally out of my mind…er… the memory bank). And don’t beat yourself up. You are a fine and good person. Period.

And a VERY surprised mother-in-law 🙂

I don’t care WHO he is – he cracks me up with every column. Between his columns and Rocky Zweig’s fabulous letters, I am ready for Shabbos!!!!!!!!

Oomis, you’ve never (that I recall) refuted my response to your theory: do those who don’t employ the methods you object to have a higher success rate of marrying”

DY – respectfully – Nowadays, we have hobbled our ADULT kids from even thinking it is normal to meet girls or guys on their own. They are brainwashed in Yeshivas and Seminaries into thinking it is an aveira gemura to even talk to people of the opposite gender. MY own kids who have not been brought up to think that way, still DO believe that it is wrong to even HEAR info about another shidduch when someone else is working on a shidduch for them. Mind you, the girls don’t even know if the first boy’s side is agreeable to go ahead, but until they know for sure that they will either not go out with the boy at all, or not go out a second time, they are not willing to even discuss other possibilities. That is a huge time-waster IMO, especially for the girls, who are l’chatchilah at a disadvantage in the numbers game.

B”H a million times, I am married to my husband davka because I accepted a date with him for the the next day after I was scheduled to meet a blind date. He called as I was leaving for home to get ready for it. The blind date, as it happened, was a complete dud, he was ill-mannered and boorish, two things that really turn me off. Had I put the second guy (my husband) off by saying I was “busy” (another term I dislike, among the several I have mentioned)) he would likely have shied off from calling me again. We met by the way, at my job, when he came in to purchase some seforim from the publishing house where I was employed, and I was working the front desk while editing a manuscript. MET ON THE JOB????? WHEW! Almost blasphemous…

So my answer is, yes, I think they might have a little more success, though clearly the shidduch “protocols” have affected all frum kids from the very modern to the chareidi. It cannot help but affect all of them, and even the more modern ones are dating a little differently today than in previous generations.

This crisis did not happen overnight, nor in a vacuum. It happened because we bought into a vision of tznius that makes the very idea of dating, untzniusdig. Unless it follows the “protocol,” of course. Read some of the “Ask the Shadchan” letter in the Flatbush Jewish Journal. They are really eye-opening signs of the times. I have seen a lot of ill-advised actions there, people turning away shidduchim because the boy wore the wrong sox, or mothers wringing their hands because their precious maideleh (GASP!) met a boy on her own (What WILL the neighbors think???) These and other types of things are hindering many of our kids from getting married. JMO, of course. I know you disgree. That’s ok, because I likewise disgree with opinions that are different from my own in this regard. It’s what makes this forum great. If we all agreed, it would be very boring.

As regards the shidduch crisis, Hashem never sends a machlah without there first being a cure for it. The problem in my humble opinion, is that we are loathe to acknowledge a very real source of the machlah (in today’s times), which is the way in which shidduchim are conducted in this generation. I know there are people who strongly disagree with my opinion, but that does not mean there is no truth to what I believe.

In my own generation we did not have a shidduch crisis, not in the epic proportions we see today, where SO many people are still single in their 30s or more. Parents of young men and women did not typically check each other out to death before giving a “go” to a set up,the girls were often asked directly by the “fixer upper” if they would be interested in going out with “that nice boy I know from my shul” and the boys were given a girl’s number (no pictures) and called the girls up and asked them out after a conversation of at least a few minutes’ duration. If and when they did not want to go out again, they acted like the grownups they purported to be and told the other person directly. With the exception of chassidic circles or the like, where ONLY official shadchanim made the matches, and people met in a “beshow” or similar date, most frum couples that I know, either met on their own, or were fixed up by friends and family, who gave the boy the girl’s number and the rest was up to the young couple. No one did a background check on each other’s families, until and unless there was a real potential in the relationship. There were no such things as resumes (I DETEST that expression)or research (what is this – a term paper?), and no references (ditto)were called (unless they were our personal friends who knew the boy or girl).

We live in a time that has virtually crippled the process of boys and girls growing up in a normal environment, to feel comfortable in conversing with the opposite gender, and able to be themselves. I do “get” that we also live in morally reprehensible times and as a result need to be even mroe vigilant, but there has to be a safe, reasonable, and morally wholesome and proper way to have boys and girls be comfortable with each other from an early age. There was in my childhood, and in my teen years as well.

Now bring on all the criticisms of my point of view. I respect that there are those who disagree. These are my observations over the last 15 years or so and I have seen nothing to change my mind yet.

surely, you would agree that the place for this is not in front of the kosel?”

I do agree with your entire post.

I love watching certain Disney movies with my grandchildren who are old enough to understand them, and Baby Einstein with my 20 month old grandson who asks for it by name. That, and Uncle Moishy (in equal measure, and sometimes ONLY Uncle M will do). I love explaining all the different things to him, seeing the little hamster wheels turning in his brain, and hearing him call out different colors or words, or even sing along (using his own made up words). There is NOTHING like that special time. TV or movies are not all bad for kids. Just most of it is.

I don’t think so.

And do Bayit Yehudi/Mizarchi/NRP understand and respect the position of the Charadi?

Like I quoted Rav Schach zt”l -“There are two fronts in wartime -one on the front and one in the Bais Medrash.”

Do they understand and respect the position of the Charadi?

I think NOT! “

That may be so, but it is not correct for either side to disrespect the other. It leads to sinas chinam, and stubborn inability to compromise in a reasonable manner that benefits all.

I totally agree with everything Golfer said, and more – I absolutely believe that every neis that has occurred in E”Y in our times (especially during the Gulf Wars), is a direct result of the many, many people learning Torah there. Our physical safety in E”Y is dependent on the spiritual safety that our yeshivos are providing. No question in my mind about that.

That said, I assure HaKatan that if any ehrliche frum yid in my family or anyone else’s has ever had to compromise his frumkeit in any manner in the IDF or any other army, it was b’shaas had’chak and while saving lives. My father Z”L lived on tuna fish, raw fruit and vegetables for his entire army stint, never had a hot meal. For anyone to refer to serving in the army as shmad, is offensive to me. I have no doubt that there is a level of arayos going on in the army, but those same people would sadly be living that way were they NOT in the army. It is a pandemic, not just in E”Y, and not just in the IDF.

Would anyone have paskened that no Jew should serve in the army when they were conquering E”Y 40 years after Yetzias Mitzrayim? How about all the wars that took place IN the Midbor? There were Jews who committed heinous aveiros in those days also, and they were punished for that. These are Milchamos Mitzvah in our day and time. Israel would not need an army, were it not for the fact that our sonim will just not let up. So who should be expected to lay his life on the line every time? ONLY the non-chareidi? Only the frei? Why – are they less Jewish or more expendable?

I do not believe that the Yeshivah boys (who are emesdig in their learning) should necessarily have to BE in the army, but there are all types of service they can give their country (concurrent with limud Torah), which would not be so terrible for them to do, when others are doing the actual fighting to preserve their lives and rights. Likewise, the secular Israeli world needs to be sensitized to the fact that Hashem fiers the world, and in the zechus of all the Torah being learned, has given the IDF many a miraculous victory that cannot be explained in any other way. If you come from a secular mindset, that is not so easy to recognize. Perhaps if they felt their voice was being heard and that they were not being disdained for their “shmad and arayos” (and that is a bit of L”H, while we are at it, to make such an assumption about everyone in the IDF), and perhaps if there were more frum people serving IN the army, their example would rub off a little on the others in a positive manner.

When two Jews wander in the desert and only one has a bottle of water, Halacha dictates that the one should not share his water, because then both will die, and one life is not more important than the other. It does not say anything about two Jews, one frum, and one frei, wandering the desert, and the frei one has the bottle of water. One life is not more important than the other.(Please don’t quote the drowning story with the rebbie and the father, and the son is supposed to save his rebbie first – it is apples and oranges to this inyan).

This is a very sad and serious machlah among Klal Yisroel, that is causing so much sinas chinam, and I hope it can be resolved successfully, and soon, before the world is witness to a bigger Chillul Hashem.

My entire family in E”Y are frum, ehrliche people. Most of the males served in the army, and did not compromise their frumkeit. Did they spend a LITTLE less time (or even more than they would have wished) on learning while busy fighting for their country? Maybe. But they were engaged in pikuach nefesh, protecting OTHER frum Yidden who did NOT physically serve their country. And while I DO believe that learning upholds the spiritual health of Klal Yisrael, there is an Eis Milchama, and we are living through those times now.

No one should ever denigrate any Israeli soldier, frum or not, who is moser nefesh to protect our people. And worse, when it is our own people who LIVE there and benefit from that protection who are doing the protesting and denigrating – that is biting the hand that feeds them.

Can we not understand how frustrating and insulting it must be to the members of Tzahal and Nachal to see obviously frum able-bodied men who refuse to serve their army in ANY capacity, while at the same time they castigate the soldiers who put their lives on the line for them? Both sides need to understand and respect the position of the other.

If it’s a really sweet mohn filling, I would eat it, but I much prefer my own prune lekvar filling. My five-year-old granddaughter made hamantashen with me today (wonderful Bubby/ainekel experience!), and the smell of my house is incredible. I take a jar of lekvar and add lemon juice, allspice (really important!!!) and some cinnamon to it, to taste. OH boyoboy! I used to add finely chopped walnuts also, but due to nut allergies among my young aineklach, we no longer add that in at the present time. It really enhances the hamantashen, though!

When sinuses are swollen, that is another way of saying congested, no? Have you tried putting your towel wrapped head over a bowl of steamy water?

Mod 42 actually said what I was going to post.

In matters of Torah reading, the nekudos must be accurate, because the entire meaning of a word can change, and the Torah was given directly by Hashem. In matters of davening which are primarily tefilos that were written by people (unless it is something like the Shema, which comes from the Torah), there is a teeny bit more wiggle room for alternate pronunciation of certain vowelizations and all are acceptable.

Not everyone is or can hope to be a Rav Salanter. Most guys who are under the table drunk, are already passed out. And there is never a mitzvah in something that results in a chillul Hashem.

Golfer, I will have to start hiring you as my agent!!!! 🙂

I am so sad now from hearing all these tragic besoros, especially when they are about innocent children. Hashem Yishmor.

Most guys who are really drunk act like jackdonkeys. It would not endear them to me. Ayshoshee makes a point, though. How does he handle the drunkenness? Is he a loud obnoxious,boorish one, or just happy and sleepy? (Usually, they are Grumpy and Dopey, though).

If the Rav, Rosh Yeshiva, Rebbe …”

Perhaps they all have designated drivers to chauffeur them around.

I am not in any business, and I really do not like to make these connections on a secular site that sends anonymous people to ask to “friend” me.

Everyone IMO should be trained in CPR properly. It should be as much part and parcel of Yeshivah education as math and science (and is probably a more practical skill to know than how to figure out tangents and quadrilateral equasions). And we should all take refresher courses. This applies to anyone who has a child or doesn’t, who is married or is not, who is old or young – EVERYBODY should know what to do in an emergency UNTIL hatzolah gets there. Sometimes you have literally SECONDS to save a life.