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You know why Purim is on the highest madreiga of Jewish holidays, and why Yom Kippur is called the Yom K’Purim, the day LIKE Purim? That is because ANYBODY can be a tzaddik when he is fasting and shukkeling away in Shul for 25 hours on a day filled with introspection and thoughts only of doing Teshuvah. But when he remains a tzaddik on a day of levity and lightheartedness, a day when he is even told to eat a fancy seudas mitzvah and drink alcohol ad d’lo yada (something I do not really recommend in this day and age), and still elevates that levity and foolishness to a height of kedusha when he is NOT somber and fasting, but FEASTING, THAT is a person who is acting with true Tzidkus. There is a reason for that old adage about there being no atheists in foxholes. We are more able to “act religious” when a situation fosters a particular religious emotion in us. Similarly, it is very easy for the Yeshivah world to maintain a certain level of frumkeit and commitment when talmidim do not venture out of the daled amos of the protection of the Yeshivah. And that’s ok, I suppose. But when those same people venture out into the real world, manage to hold down a job, take care of their families, and despite the shmutz that they may see outside the vestiges of the Yeshivah walls, REMAIN totally committed to their observance of Torah and Mitzvos, then their learning has even greater value in my humble opinion.
“parents can call up and ask att/verizon/sprint/tmobile ect to take texting off and 5 sec later the kid could call and put it right back on and parents who dont analiza the bill might not notice”
I don’t knwo what plan you are on, but Verizon and AT&T do not allow anyone to make changes to my phone plan unless I personally make those changes. They ask me a pre-arranged secret question to which only I know the answer, to verify that it is I who am speaking with them. My kids would not know that information, as I picked something that I have never told them (like the name of my third grade teacher). I am sure other phone plans would arrnage such a thing so as to avoid kids changing the plans to include nonacceptable features. And a parent who does not check out the phone bills, is negligent even for himself or herself. What if there are errors?
The danger of making sweeping statements that are truly outrageous, such as the, “worse than the great plague,” remark, is that when a statement actually worth hearing is made, so many people have been turned off to the hyperbole, that they are no longer listening.
“It’s really not so hard to to control cellphone use. If you don’t pay for internet and texting and your kids use them, it shows up on the bill; if they overuse their allotted minutes (and by the way, you as the parent can choose to pay for a limited number of those minutes)it shows up on the bill. Like credit card and bank statements, simply reading every item on the bill can alert you to misuse, and you can take the necessary action, such as taking away the phone. Our rule at home: when a child is old enough to travel around without an adult, they may have a phone; no texting, no internet, and limited minutes; phone is turned off and put away when at home.
Also, here in E”Y, terrorism is r”l a constant worry (and I hear that it ought to be more of a worry in the U.S. than it is). I want to be able to get in touch with my children in the event of an attack ch”v, without having to try and get through to a Yeshiva or B.Y’s phone system that is crashing from the volume of the calls. “
Halavai, this was so well-written, I thought it bore repetition. My children are not always angels, but they are TERRIFIC kids (adults now), and they have never abused the privilege of having the phone or internet. They paid for their own cell phones when they were able to afford them, and had them so we could always quickly reach them. I cannot begin to count how often it was a relief to me that either we could be reached or they could. Anyone whose child cannot be trusted with this responsibility should ask himself why his kids are so untrustworthy. I cannot believe my kids are THAT exceptional (well, they are, but you know what I mean). Brooklyn 19, I think it is YOU who need to pop in on the real world. There are responsible young adults ALL OVER the place, who were brought up to be honest and responsible.
take a look at all but new brides, it might scare my friends.
LOL! Nah, just tell them you are really in touch with your feminine side…
“By unanimous consensus, “The Coffee Room” agrees that cellular phones in the hands of the young, are worse than the great plague.”
Who was it that you polled, exactly?
I think that a phone that has absolutely bare-bones ability to just make and receive a limited number of phone calls, is an asset to any student in any school situation. We live in difficult times, and parents and children need to be able to reach each other in an emergency. This is not always possible otherwise. The cell phone, like any other modern technological advance, can be used for good or for shtuss. We don’t refuse to use the good things because they might also be used for less worthy pursuits. Our kids need to be instructed that if they abuse the privilege of having a cell phone, they will lsoe it. Period. Nos econd chances. I ahve never had a problem with my children in this area.
(unless they are realy old when they get married v’hamaven yavin)
Are you implying that elderly people do not show each other affection, or have no need to do so? You could not be more wrong.
maybe we just KNOW people who live there….
We unquestionably support Torah. What we do not (some of us) want to be forced to support is someone else who does not seem to feel the need to be achrayi on his own family. We all have expenses, we all work hard to make ends meet. My husband would also love to take a few years to sit and learn, something which he was denied for most of his life. But that will not put food on the table, and keep a roof over our heads, and my earnings were never enough except to help us get by. I raised our five children, I did not delegate their care to someone else. I took jobs at night so that my husband would be home when I was not. There is no way we would struggle like that to put money on someone ELSE’S table. It is a tough world for all of us. And as we have said repeatedly, if the Kollel generation does not wise up, there will be NO one in one generation or two at the very most, who will be skilled and educated enough to support their own children while they choose to sit and learn. And to accuse someone of being anti-Torah for feeling that way, is incredibly arrogant and probably oveir on Motzi Shem Ra. But what would I know – I don’t learn Gemarah.
It’s an eclectic neighborhood. All types of frum Jews in one place.
“Besides, calling a woman a Rabbi is bad grammar – its rabbanit!”
I am not sure that is correct, either, as the rabbanit is the WIFE of the rabbi. (rebbetzin is not Hebrew for rabbi’s wife).
The Spice and Spirit of Kosher Cooking is excellent, so is the The Heimisch Kitchen, and the Balabusta’s Cookbook. Jamie Geller has a new book out, not sure of the exact title but something like, The New Bride’s Cookbook, specifically geared to the novice cook.
“oomis, why so anti-Torah?”
Taking a lesson from Aharon Hakohein, I will remain silent at reading the previous sentence.
I give everyone here a bracha for a long and healthy life, and the parnassah to be able to do what they need to do with it.
Those who can, do. Those who can’t, usually insist on doing it themselves anyway, and mess up the plumbing, the electricity, and all household repairs.
” i am not a feminist, but i do want to say that there are various sources in the gemara/medrashim that state that man will never be complete without a wife (i dont know the exact places, i heard this at an aufruf).”
Yes, it is true that men are not compelte until they get married.
And then, they are absolutely finished!
(sorry, could not resist, this was calling to me).
“646: Cause you are a lot more likely to err than a Rav is. “
Do you truly believe that? When did you start thinking that you are not responsible for your own decisions in life? I would never trust important things in my life to someone who has no real stake in ensuring my happiness and growth as a person, but might have another agenda. If we are grownups, we are supposed to be grown up, and that involves making choices, sometimes not necessarily the right ones, from which we learn and mature. When we give over our bechira chofshis to anyone, a rov, a parent, anyone else, we are basically telling Hashem he made a mistake in giving us that matana of Free Will.
If the boys in Yeshivah need a healthy outlet, let them have a lot more physical activity, gym class, ball-playing, to let off some steam. Don’t look at the time spent as bitul Torah, but more as V’nishmartem m’od es nafshoseichem.
Beauty is a very subjective thing. One man’s idea of beauty is not the same as another’s. I doubt that Rav Shachter was speaking of external beauty, which is something that can alter with time. I would think that he probably was referring to the inner beauty that a woman possesses when her character and deeds are beautiful. Even a plain-looking woman is transformed when she is kind and loving in nature, and the right man for her will see that beauty, even when others do not.
I have said this before and I will say it again. Regarding women wearing tefillin – if those very same women are properly fulfilling the mitzvos that they ARE obligated in, such as lighting candle, taking challah, and taharas hamishpacha, then I have no problem with them wearing tefillin if it is not assur. The problem with many so-called feminist Jews is that they do NOT want to do THEIR mitzvos, but rather the mitzvos that are obligatory on the men. They want to be counted in a minyan. Were they coming to shul three times a day every day (or even just on Shabbos) and davening properly before that? (Maybe for some women the answer is yes). They want to be called “rabbis.” If they are that dedicated to Torah as they claim to be, they would understand that just as a Kohein can only be a male descended from Aharon HaKohein, so too, can a rabbi only be a male who receives smicha from another male rabbi. That is what the Torah teaches. A woman who is really connected to the Torah would find an avenue that IS permissible to her, such as becoming a really excellent teacher of Judaic studies, as the job of a rabbi is first and foremost to transmit Torah to the next generation. She can also do the job that truly was dsigned for her by Hashem, and that is to bring up the next generation of Torah-observant Jews. But that is not what many of the feminists want. They are looking for the trappings of kovod that they perceive comes with the territory and title of “rabbi.” I don’t say this is true of all Jewish feminists, but I grew up in the 70s and 80s, and BOY was that ever the case. So I am a little suspect when I hear certain things nowadays in this area.
That being said, many women are way more qualified than many men to understand the nuances of Gemarah. Hashem did after all give us Bina Yesaira. Would the men here who believe women are not really able to understand the logic of Torah, also of the opinion that women should not become lawyers, because their grasp of legal concepts and logic might be weak???? Tell that to our new Secretary of State. Should they not become doctors (the world at large thought that for a long time)? Well B”H there are many female doctors today, many of them Orthodox Jewish women, who are very sensitive to the needs of their female patients.
I was taught that it is permissible for women to learn Gemarah, though not necessarily a recommended thing. Still, it is awfully nice for a fifth grade boy coming home from school, to be able to ask his mom for help with his Talmud homework, especially if daddy is not yet home from work, or is in the Beis Medrash himself. Though it is not realistic to expect any women to want or be able to do so, it should not be looked at askance if some can.
I would hope that Rabbi of Berlin is one. he seems sincere and seicheldig. I would not venture to mention whom I absolutely hope is NOT a moderator a) because if I am wrong and they actually ARE, my posts will mysteriously disappear and b) it’s not nice to embarrass someone with an obviously mean comment.
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???? ???? ?????, ??? ????? ??????? ?????? ????? ????? ??? ????? ????? ?????? ??????, ????? ?????? ??? ?????.
This does not sound like a mandate, but rather, a way of an am haaretz (I do not mean this term disrespectfully) being able to get the s’char limud Torah, when he cannot himself learn. I would venture to say that most frum baalei batim nowadays are fully capable of learning at least part of the time, and therefore do not need to pay support to someone else to do their learning for them
One question tho… please explain , “definitely does not matter if he is involved in stuff that could land him a 10 year shteler as the rosh koilel at Otisville.” is that a prison
YEP, and unfortunately there is a solid minyan there at times.
“Just like the Kallah fasts on the day of the wedding, many mothers do too.”
I have never heard of this in my life. The chosson and kallah fast because this day is like Yom Kippur for them. But the MOTHERS??? New one on me….
Nicotine addiction is one of the MOST powerful yitzrei hara in existence. People dying from emphysema, hooked up to machines that are helping them to get a LITTLE breath into their lungs, will still continue to puff away until the day they die, knwoing they are already dying and every new puff is counteracting the machine’s mission to help them breathe. Now if that does not bother one enought o get them not to smoke, maybe the knowledge that they are literally sending their dollars up in smoke will. You may as well set fire to your wallet. Same difference. The momentary enjoyment the cigarette brings, is not worth a lifetime of pain both to you and to your loved ones who are left with the aftermath of your painful death, as well as the potential for dying from second-hand smoke.
First of all, the Torah specifically forbids doing something which is harmful to the body. Only a devout moron would try to defend smoking on the grounds that is is “not proved to be harmful.” Any school child knows smoking causes lung cancer, stomach cancer, emphysema, and heart attacks. If we are not supposed to indulge in behaviors that risk our health, ( and don’t mention about food and obesity – one can live without smoking, but we cannot live without food), then smoking is certainly up near the top of the list. So for a Yeshivah to condone ANY smoking (and the rebbeim seem to be guilty of this, too), is rather hypocritical and foolish, in my opinion. As to cigars, they can cause lip cancer, tongue cancer, and defintily pollute our environment, or so I ahve heard. Whether it is boys getting drunk on Purim, or smoking (which is illegal BTW if you are underage), these are disgusting behaviors and should not be tolerated.
All frozen fish can be made to taste better if you first soak it in milk (yes, I know some people do not mix fish with dairy, but for anyone who eats a tuna melt, that’s a moot point). Somehow the soaking removes some of the fishy taste. Rinse the fish well after soaking it for an hour in a ziploc bag in the fridge , then cook as usual, and see if it makes any difference.
“No I haven’t since I don’t like to bake cutlets- I find that it ends u pbeing pretty dry. If I would use cutlets I’d do it in a pot on the flame rather as it doesn’t need that much time that way.”
Posted 2 hours ago #
The trick with cutlets is to slightly underbake them. I have never had a problem with them being too dry. Meat continues to cook after the heat is turned off, as the internal temp of the food rises for a while, then drops. If you cook them in a sauce, it will help keep it moist, also.
Itzik,
You might have posted with your tongue firmly in cheek, but that is eerily similar to things I have actually been ASKED!!!!!!!
Zucchini IS a type of squash. Also, because there is so much fiber content in these vegetables, it sort of counteracts the carb, so the net carbs are low.
Newlywed, have you ever tried this with cutlets? Sounds yummy.
The interesting thing in the Torah, is that it shows our avos and emahos with all their mailos and also their chesronos. Unlike the non-Jewish world, our tzaddikim are shown to be flawed and not god-like. We call them Tzaddikim, not because they are saints, but because they acted with tzedek, even when they made errors of judgment. Those Tzaddikim were on a higher madreiga than our rpesent day gedolim, and Hashem is very careful to show us that ANYONE even Moshe Rabeinu, ZT”L, could make a mistake in halacha, in the carrying out of ratzon Hashem. Our gedolim are subject to the same foibles, weaknesses, influences in our day, as other tzaddikim were in theirs. They are not Hashem, and they make mistakes. And it is mamesh arrogant to think otherwise, or to state that. Our gedolim are not The Pope l’havdil. We do not believe them to be infallible as Catholics believe of their spiritual leaders. Sometimes a rov comes from a mindset from his community, from his time period, from his own family minhagim, that lead him to a particular hashkafa. I have no quarrel with that, nor would I presume to be so arrogant to as to tell him he is wrong. But the fact is that when there are shivim panim laTorah, there will be seventy-ONE opinions, all of them halachically valid. And today, there may be a different type of validity to things that might have not been viewed as favorably in the shtetls of Europe, because for example, in GENERAL, women did not do certain things, whether they were Jews or not. There was a time when women did not vote, either. Is it untzniusdig for them to go out and do so nowadays?
Put (up to 10) chicken parts in a roasting pan, sprinkle with onion soup mix, minced garlic, a jar of duck sauce and lots of cinnamon. Cover and bake at 350 until fork-tender then uncover, shut the heat, and let the chicken brown in the residual heat (very energy-conscious). This looks like it took a long time to potchkeh with it, but ti is so simple a child could put it together. Decorate the chicken paltter with chunks of pineapple or sliced oranges, and serve with white basmati rice or white and wild rice, with craisins.
” In fact by being friendly and warm to EVERYONE, u r actually encouraging them to dress and behave in the modest way that u do. “
I agree that one should be warm and friendly to everyone. But I also think some people need to lose the attitude that ONLY their level of tznius is acceptable and that somehow we are in need of being “fixed” by them and brought ot a higher level. I dress in long sleeves, long skirts, non-flashy colors,nothing too tight. So if I wear cap sleeves under a long sleeve shirt, or a slit at the bottom of my skirt, that makes people who don’t do so on a higher madreiga? Please. that type of thinking is extremely divisive in the frum world. We need more achdus, not more harchaka.
r u gonna say that Starbucks sells something that Cafe K doesn’t?
I don’t like Starbucks coffee and have only beent here twice, but does Cafe K (I have never been there) make the same type quality of fresh-ground coffee as a Starbucks or Dunkin’ Donuts? We hve a kosher DD by us, and no restaurant I have been to makes a cup of coffee as good as that one. So yes, Starbucks might conceivably sell something that Cafe K doesn’t. Or maybe Cafe K’s coffee is outrageous!
Mrs. B. that sounds yummy, PLUS it is very low-carb, enough to be perfectly legal for a person on a carb-free diet. I was once on the Atkins Diet and this would have been an allowed kugel. I willd efinitely try this, bli neder. Thanks for posting it.
In the Litvishe world, parents have minimum say to their children’s shidduchim
Do you mean that the Litvish parents do not accept or reject shidduchim for their kids?
I am a latke purist, and I like my latkes to be only from grated or food-processed potatoes, onions, salt, pepper, and only if necessary a little matzah meal or flour if it is too loose. I also add a little bit of lemon juice (does not affect the taste in any way), to help keep the grated potatoes white. Basically, it’s a kugel recipe, just fried instead of poured into a pan.
“In general, a lot of Tznius gedarim are a matter of sensitivity, if u have that sensitivity Kol Hakavod, if you are careful to project an image of a true Bas Yisroel no matter what today’s styles are, Ashrecha! If u don’t, certainly don’t mock someone that does. Respect them and hope that one day u will reach that level. “
You just made my point for me. Do not mock someone who also is reflective of the style of a BAs Yisroel ACCORDING TO THE HALACHA, though it may not be your own concept of what that style ought to be. And above all, no one should hold himself or herself higher because they choose to adopt a more stringent view of something that is already muttar. Sensitivity is a two-way street. Just remember that Muslims think that women should be covered from head to toe. If they could find a way to cover the eyes
without having the women walking blindly, they would do that, too, probably.
“So you agree with the Shulchan Aruch that one should work less and learn more rather than support Kollel Bochrim.”
Interesting point.
My children’s Zaydie on their father’s side was a chashuveh zaidie, and he had no yichus whatsoever, as far as we know. He was not even frum. But he singlehandedly took care of my mother-in-law for over 32 years until her death, when she had a stroke and was bedridden for most of that time, and he would not allow anyone to do for her, because he felt it was his zechus for all that she had done for him when she was well. During that entire time he managed to also raise two wonderful children, plus help support his family members who were out of work, took in two orphaned nieces, helped take care of his in-laws by allowing them to move in (this was before my m-i-l had the stroke) until their deaths, and taught his family the meaning of bein adam l’chavero and kibud av v’em. He is gone now, after being a baal chesed of unsurpassed quality for 95 years, and I will stack him up against any of the chashuveh zaydes you can think of. That is the type of yichus I want my children to marry into. The learning is icing on the cake.
“(I really pity the comment above that said the Yissacher/Zevulun relationship is only applicable to those two tribes.) “
Pity it if you prefer – it does not invalidate the comment. I DO value Torah, and I do support it monetarily, by sending my five children to Yeshivah all through their school lives, by paying dues to my shul so it can afford to pay a Rov to be our Morah D’Asra and pasken our shailos, as well as give us the shiurim and droshas that continue our own learning, and by making sure that my household runs according to the dictates of the Torah. It is not my obligation to pay for someone else’s sons and their families to do that which my husband and I struggle to do for ourselves. And the Y/Z relationship was specific to those tribes. Yaakov Avinu did not thus bless his other children. Clearly there was a reason for it in this case.
“The point is not to be flashy, and slits are! It is so easy to make a kickpleat there is really no excuse for a slit. Someone told me that her usband is reallt unobservant but one thing he said that he really finds flashy is slingback shoes. Especially when the tight are a different color than the shoe. I can really understand that. Woman dont have as many Mitzvos as men, lets keep ours sacred”
Just because there are people who subjectively believe slits to be flashy, does not make them right. There are people who think the color purple is flashy. And maybe women should not wear gold jewelry — that is WAY more flashy and attention getting. Oh wait, the women of dor hamidbar ( a higher madreiga than any of us will ever reachg, I am taught) all wore gold jewelry, earrings, bracelets, necklaces, NOSE rings (imagine a bas Yisroel doing that today!), and we know taht because they were lauded for not wanting to give up their jewelry for the aigel hazahav. If your friend’s husband thinks slingback shoes are flashy, that is HIS issue with the shoes. I find the very high heels that our FRUMMEST kallah maydlach are wearing are extremely problematic (not to mention sakanas nefashos to wear them, as more accidents and falls occur in women wearing them than other types of shoes). ANYTHING can be argued as being flashy. You want to know what calls attention to me? When I see a kallah wearing a deck tichel to the chuppah. Would you think I am right or wrong to be bothered by that sight? Everything is a matter of one’s personal perspective. And that includes many of the rabbonim of today. I had a rabbi tell me nail polish is assur.
“let’s not kid ourselves, be honest, Hashem did create some people with more Chein than others. In fact we daven ” Shenimtza Chein V’sachel Tov beinei Elokim V’adam” It is natural while dating to be attracted to someone with nice looks. It is also natural to be enticed by someones Yichus, or by the fact the father is a Talmid Chachem etc. The point is to faocus on priorites, and to keep the points that REALLY matter on the forefront. “
Can’t argue with that.
TBO – you might mean well, but you are notbeing so realistic IMO. With the cost of Yeshivah tuition, kosher food, trying to raise a family (WITHOUT LUXURIES OF ANY KIND), my husband and I can barely support our own kids, much less anyone else’s. Times have changed drastically for EVERYONE. The money is no longer flowing freely even for the formerly wealthy, as businesses declare bankruptcy and people are downsized. My husband is a teacher. Should he support someone else’s kollel family, when it is all we can do to support our own. I would never be able nor even be inclined to pay for some boy to sit in a beis medrash all day while my husband and I worked our backs off so that he should not have too. That is not the Torah way, though it has become popular in the last decades. While it is true there was a Yissacher/Zevulun, they were the ONLY tribes that were so designated. Hashem did not say Reuven will support Shimon, and only Levi was to be supported by ALL of Klal Yisroel, in the form of Maaser. But that is because Levi was assigned a specific role and that role was AVODA, not sitting and learning.
Starbucks does market their own coffee under their name, and I believe it has a hechsher, if I am not mistaken. So does Dunkin’ Donuts. I would not purchase anything of theirs except for plain coffee, were I inclined to go into a Starbucks. I did once go to a Starbucks, did not like the coffee at all, and I liked the price even less.
“We all feel like we lost dear and close family, our brothers, our sisters, this is too painful Hashem Yerachem.”
You state it so well – that is exactly how I feel.
Mrs. B. I truly understand the point you make, but you are also obviously a very wonderful and loving mother. Of course no parents would ever THINK they want less than the best for their children, but the reality is that their concept of what is best is not always what is objectively best, and definitely not always what their children truly need. I do see your side, though.
I am married with seven children (including the two who married my son and daughter). I think I am fairly well-qualified to make the statement that while chidlren need their parents’ input and advice, not everything that comes out of a parent’s mouth is wisdom, objective, or good for that particular child. There are an awful lot of immature, arrogant, controlling parents out there, along with the sagacious, sensitive, and loving ones who want the objective best for their child’s happiness. I didn’t see many immature comments here, and the notion that an 18 year old is truly ready for marriage and knows what he or she is getting into, is ridiculous in today’s world. yes, SOME may be – – but most are immature and unrealistic and have had their minds filled with a great deal of idealistic information that can potentially backfire when the real world encroaches on them and bills come due. When a little girl plays with dolls, she has no idea what taking care of a real live baby entails, much less baby after baby. Mrs. Beautiful, maybe you are the exception, but too many parents do NOT have their children’s best interests at heart, but their OWN. They just put the spin on it that they are only thinking of their children. Why do you think so many of our young people are getting divorced nowadays, sometimes after less than a year of marriage?
Nowadays, 18 year old kids are very different from the 18 year olds of long ago. Our kids do not get up at the crack of dawn to milk cows, feed chickens, and help run a household ALL BEFORE going to shul, to school, to work in the fields, whatever. Our kdis are pampered and coddled from the earliest ages, and they are not the same young men and women who were forced to mature at a much earlier age. For the most part, NONE of them demonstrates a readiness to take on the responsibilities of marriage and a family, at age 18 IMO.
don’t have internet – it is amazing that Walmart is business as usual. I feel so sorry for that young man’s family.