oomis

SJS I find you to be very articulate in all your posts. Although once or twice (if that)I may have disagreed with a point or two, I think you express yourself well, and I can appreciate your hashkafa.

Re: Kosher bakeries and holiday “stuff” : You know what – I have sometimes seen gingerbread houses (with magen dovids, menorahs, and dreidels decorating them) in my locla kosher bakery, and I personally was taken aback. Yes, this MO Jew was taken aback. I thought it was inappropriate, and mamesh chukas hagoyim to have such a thing. We are not missing anything by not having this type of confection.

I am sufficiently comfortable to be happy to take advantage of a seasonal day off, because it was my employer’s choice to close up shop for that day. I would not ask or expect to have a day off, were I employed by someone who was open on December 25th, but what is it my business if my boss wants to pay me for being home on that day?

“Rabbosai, Cell phones and children is a large part of why Kids go off the derech and the teens at risk issue.

You are playing with fire. If you give your kids phones now, don’t cry later when they C’V become ”at risk” and R’L go off the derech. “

With all due respect, in my opinion that is just plain not true. I have known kids who went off the derech who NEVER had a cell phone. They went off the derech because people were extremely judgmental of their not fitting into a typical frum mold. Not every kid is made for sitting for hours at a time learning Gemarah, but that is not a reason to throw him away. Not every girl wants to be a Bais Yaakov girl. She can still be a perfectly wonderful and observant, NON-Bais Yaakov girl. MY friend’s daughter has had a phone all through her high school years. She could not be more ON the derech than she is. Her sister is the same. So are all the wonderful young women I know in my neighborhood. The cell phones did not put them at risk, but they did keep them safe when the carpool failed to show up and they were waiting outside and needed a ride home. It kept them safe when their car broke down on an isolated part of the highway (should they not drive, also?).

Anytime one generalizes, one risks being shown that he is mistaken. SOME kids who are at risk for any number of reasons, use their phones for less than noble utilitarian reasons. But those same kids would find a way to accomplish the same goals, with or without a cell phone of their own. Don’t advocate throwing the baby out with the bathwater. If you want to really know what pushes kids off the derech, my son, who B”H is sufficiently grounded in his religious upbringing to have not been adversely affected, went on his lunchbreak to chaap a mincha at a Yeshivah near us, as his workday would otherwise result in his missing a minyan anywhere else. He was dressed very casually, coming from a job working with children, which involved wearing non-Shabbosdig clothing. He was wearing chino pants and an izod-type shirt. The minyan is open to the public. The menahel actually came over to him and embarrassingly told him to leave. He was not messy or unkempt, just dressed in something other than a yeshivish white shirt and black pants. Instead of considering the fact that it was so choshuv to my son to daven Mincha in a minyan that he made sure to not miss it, they threw him out. If it were anyone else, or someone who is on the fence, they could have lost a yiddishe neshama. Instead of castigating kids for all the reasons why they go off the deredch and attributing those reasons to the evils of the internet and the cell phone, let’s look inside ourselves and see why many of our frum neshamas are deciding it isn’t worth it, because they will NEVER be good enough, in the opinion of some frum Jews, no matter what frumkeit they observe.

“oomis1105 – you think rabbenu gershom was MO?’

R’ Gershom ZT”L was a man who (according to what I was taught re: his takanah)unfortunately married two women and they made his life miserable. He wanted to ensure that other men did not fall into his tzoros, and he had the halachic koach at that time to make a takanah for a specific time (as I understand it), regarding the marrying of more than one wife. He also made the takanah that is is assur to open up and read other people’s mail. I would say that he had a certain visonary quality to him, which one could think of as MO, if one chooses.

“Because we have two thousand years of Mesora behind us & MO only has fifty”

The mesorah of over 2,000 years ago also recognized the permissibilty of men having concubines, more than one wife, taking non-Jewish women as P.O.W. for possibly not-so-kosher purposes, the mitzvah of yibum (which is now almost exclusively modified to chalitzah alone, today), involuntary servitude, etc., etc., etc. Not everything that is Mesorah is practiced today, for a variety of sound reasons. In a time and place when the strong possibility existed of milk coming from a non-kosher animal, such as a mare or pig, and being sold as regular milk, it was absolutely essential to ensure that only the milk overssen by a Jew would be served as milk. We live in a country where all milk is government inspected and graded, and in order to receive the gov’t OK, it MUST and can ONLY be cow milk. Hence R’ Moshe gave the heter. BTW, even if the heter was “in case you cannot get Cholov Yisroel,” nevertheless if it is kosher, it is kosher. It cannot be a little bit kosher, because if it only is a little kosher, it means it is NOT kosher. A rov cannot give a heter on on issur, except to save a life. I think we can agree it is not life-threatening to refrain from drinking milk. A little inconvenient, possibly, but plenty of people are allergic to milk and all dairy, and do just fine.

The Yeshivishe world gives lip service to the idea that they respect those who are MO. To believe otherwise is very naive. I would so love for that to be true, but you cannot respect someone whom you believe to be inferior to you. You might SHOW respect (though I do not think they do), but deep down you believe you are better. I don’t believe as a MO machmir Jew that I am superior to a charedi. I admire the fact that they commit to certain practices that are NOT halachic but which they choose to strictly follow (even if it would just be in the realm of which hechsher to follow), but it does not invalidate my own practices. I have no problem with people only drinking Cholov Yisroel. Kol Hakavod to them. But they seem to have a problem with the fact that I drink Cholov Stam, whether or not they will admit it. We have seen the arguments on this forum many times, to bear out what I am stating. If Cholov Stam was permitted by our poseik hador several decades ago, there is no reason for even one person to try to find mekoros that say it is assur today. But they do. As far as I am concerned that is a good illustration of my point, right there.

Rebetzin, I have tremendous respect for chareidi people. I also have tremendous respect for NON-chareidi people who are shomrei Torah U’Mitzvos, even when their derech is unlike yours. If I understand you correctly, I believe that you are mistaken in your assertion that “black hatters” respect the MO, but not vice versa. Clearly, the opposite is the usual case. I wish everyone I see a good Shabbos when I walk to and from Shul. The “frummer-looking” the person, the less likely she is to even look at me, much less to answer me, or be makdim b’sholom. And the kids are the same as the parents.

What I do NOT accept as being a good thing, is the notion that there is only one true path to Hashem, and that the path is only known to chareidi Jews in black hats. There are all types of frum Jews and as long as they are following the halacha (and not necessarily the chumros that are claiming to be the Halacha these days), then they are fulfilling ratzon Hashem. It is typical of the arrogance some black hatters exhibit, that they do not accept any shitta but their own. It is fine for them, but it is real gaivah to think that one is the only person in possession of the knowledge of what Hashem REALLY wants of us. I can gauarantee you for a fact that our Avos did not wear black Borsalino hats, and they were on a higher madreiga than any of us will ever be. They were also very accepting of people and through that acceptance were koneh nefashos for Hashem.

Have gedolim approved this concert?!

I am more concerned that many people will be afraid to buy tickets (once burned, twice shy) after the last debacle. I really hope those same gedolim re-consider their original position and understand that there was a bit of zealous overreaction about this the previous time.

In this day and age, it is a good idea for everyone to have a phone available. I see nothing wrong with it. In class the teacher can confiscate all phones at the beginning of the day. Don’t make it assur, make it user-appropriate. Another thing parents can do is buy a cellphone with pre-paid minutes that only the parent can re-activate when they run out of minutes. If they run out too quickly, they will have a job to explain to the parents exactly where those minutes went.

I think that ANY carrot cake is intrinsically healthful, as are banana cakes, zucchini cakes, cheesecakes, and chocolate cakes (chocolate comes from a vegetable, no?). That’s my story, and I am sticking to it…

I say get the ticket if you deserve it! I am sick and tired of people driving as if they own the streets, with little or no regard for safety, as well as the traffic laws. If you speed (and especially in a school zone), or run a light, nearly causing an accident in the bargain, then own up to what you did, and pay the price. Why don’t you ask about radar detectors, while you are at it?

Didn’t Yehudah wear a ring? It says in P’ Vayeshev that Tamar asked him to give her collateral for the two goats he promised her (thinking she was a zonah). One of the three tokens that he gave him was his Chosam. Isn’t that a signet ring?

These are a few of the things that I think are wrong with the present system of redding shidduchim:

2) Some shadchanim are completely clueless and are redding shidduchim based on THEIR opinion of what the boy or girl OUGHT to be looking for, and do become offended when a girl says it is not for her. That is because it unconsciously might be viewed as insulting to the shadchan that her brilliant suggestion is not being taken. I experienced this recently regarding my daughters, and the shadchan actually said my girls are stupid if they let a particular issue stop them from going out with the boy that was suggested. The issue was that the “boy” is at least 8 years older than my daughter who is in her early mid 20s. She is not comfortable with the idea of going out with someone that much older at this point in her life. Whether or not she is correct, she politely thanked the person who made the suggestiion, but said she is not interested. That should have been the end of it. But the shadchan told me my daughter is stupid, and will be sitting and waiting a long time (G-d forbid). There is no need for that type of comment. And it is onaas devarim, to boot.

2) Some shadchanim believe that just because this is a boy and this is a girl – it’s a shidduch. What happened to having things in common?

3) Some shadchanim do propose a match that sounds promising, and then fail to follow through, in SPITE of the girl calling back. And what is this nonsense that the shidduch must be redd to the BOY first? Redd it to whomever you know, boy or girl, and let BOTH decide if they want to meet.

4) Don’t keep interfering, if you are the shadchan. If the boy and girl are old enough to be dating and getting married, they are old enough to arrange their own dates, once the proposed match has been accepted. I am totally turned off by the idea that boys are having the shadchan make their dates for them, at least for several dates.

I have many other gripes, but this is enough to stir up the pot for now. I am sure I will be hearing from well-intentioned people who strongly disagree with me.

So here’s a pet peeve of mine – carpool, especially on a Sunday morning when I bedavka do NOT have to be up as early as usual. Why are people so incredibly thoughtless and honk repeatedly and loudly when they are picking up the children? I ALWAYS had my sons ready on time and waiting with the door open to go right out to the carpool. When it was my turn to drive, if a child was not ready and waiting, I sent my son to the door, so as not to disturb people who might be sleeping in or have sleeping babies, etc. What is so difficult about a) being ready and b) being considerate. One time, I called the house number of the child who was not yet out the door after a couple of minutes, and an irate mother had tainos to me for waking HER up!

meringue cookies are made with egg whites and a little sugar (or substitute). They have no fat and are relatively low in calories.

I play piano and guitar, both by ear, though I was trained in piano as a young child. I gave up the lessons when my teacher realized I was not playing from the book, but rather playing back what I had heard her play. Sometimes I wish I ahd gone further, but I manage to play pretty well without the training. I taught myself guitar about 30 years ago or so. I play to relax, and enjoy singing along.

By not calling “oso ha-ish” by his name, you are giving it a chashivus he does not deserve. He was a Jewish man, not an avoda zara. The only One whom I do not call by His Name is HaKodosh Baruch Hu. the Christian guy is NOTHING to us, and does not deserve even SLIGHTLY to be given the appearance of the kovod that we actually must accord Hashem. I only refrain from writing the name of the “other guy” out of respect for the sensibilities of those Jews who might take issue with it.

My favorite poem was by Robert Frost. I think the title is “A walk in the Snowy Wood,”

The last lines read something like, “And I – I took the road less travelled by; and that has made all the difference.” That poem has always spoken to me.

That’s funny – I got the opposite impression from Shindy. That she was saying, well if they don’t want to go to school, that’s their business, but don’t bother coming to HER when it’s time to marry those kids off.

Jphone is actually right. I hate sports, but if someone wants to discuss it, I don’t have to read the thread. I am changing my original answer to yes. If you really want to discuss (boring) sports, go right ahead, folks. As I said, I would rather play than watch (though I am probably too klutzy for that).

Anyone who delinerately does ANYTHING that takes his or her attention off driving safely, deserves to lose the privilege (not a right) of driving, in my opinion. I have absolutely no rachmonus for such a person. And if you cannot drive properly when listening to a shiur, THAT should not be done, either. A car is a couple of tons of lethal weapon, and we tend to forget that.

Apropos of what ROB posted, I am reminded of a shailah that I myself had. Though the shailah was something else it was on par with a kashrus question. I was prepared to “throw out the entire pot of soup,” metaphorically speaking, but decided before doing so, to ask a shailah anyway, though I felt sure it would be assur, not muttar. My Rov who was a respected chaver of R’ Moshe Zt”L, paskened muttar, and I was beyond shocked. left to my own devices I would have been machmir had I not asked the shailah. When I thanked the Rov and told him I fully expected him to say “treif,” he told me that ANYONE can pasken that something is assur. It takes a real lamdan to know when it is permissible and find the kullah (that exists for a reason!).

A frying latke is something that makes the house smell like a home. In fact, you should probably fry some up if you are showing the house to prospective buyers. Hamantashen are great, but they really only evoke Purim. There is never a bad time for latkes.

BTW, doesn’t anyone put prune lekvar in their hamantashen? All I read was about jelly, chocolate, etc. I add lemon juice, allspice, and finely ground walnuts to my prune butter, and the filling is to die for! (But I still like latkes better)

The theory is also that when one chews many times per bite, that it gives the brain a chance to signal to the body that it is full, hence we eat less.

My daughter did this for my birthday (and it works for an anniversary, too). She had a calendar made up, with each page being another aspect of our family life through the years. It was a real keeper, and I loved the thought.