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There are a couple of things you can use for the kippahs. One is “Kippon” (velcro strips for Yarmulkes). Another is the same little combs that are on wigs,that open and close, and are very narrow, can be sewn onto yarmulkes. They are actually making yarmulkes with this already on it. I ahve used both, and when the were around three or four I also was able to use the clips or bobby pins, because they were so used to the kippah, they never tried to remove it. I am NOT recommending that practice to anyone else, you are right it could pose a choking hazard. You have to know your child.
First of all, a child should be trained to NEVER say “my tateh is nisht aheim.” No one should be thinking that a child’s parent is not there. In fact, my kids were always taught to leave the door closed and say, “My parents are busy right now and can’t come to the door, could you please leave a message?”
I don’t care HOW difficult the meshulach’s job is, in today’s very violent world NO ONE has any obligation Tzedaka or not, to open their door at night to a stranger. I am sorry if they need the restroom or are thirsty, but robbers have dressed up like chassidic-looking collectors, attacked and then tied up the entire family, robbed them blind, and left them traumatized. The message needs to get out that there is a time to collect and after that time (as far as I am concerned that is at nightfall), come back the next morning. I realize that is a problem for the meshulachim, but my family’s life comes before their lives.
Now to relate my own nasty collector story, A meshulach came by when I just had given birth, and I finally got my baby to sleep when he rang my doorbell. I was not dressed properly to open a door, so I told him ina soft voice, as my baby was not a good sleeper when hearing people around, to please leave, that I could not open the door. He definitely heard me, because he became belligerent, WHY couldn’t I open the door???? He started pounding on the door, waking my baby, who began screaming, and refused to leave until in frustration I threatened to call the police. Another time, I opened the door and the meshulach asked for tzedaka. All I had in my wallet was $50 bill ( an anniversary present which I had received from my parents for a special anniversary year), and a few quarters. I offered the quarters to the man, he looked at me disdainfully and said, “Is that all you have? I’ll take a check.” I told him I don’t write checks to strangers, it was the quarters or nothing. He took the quarters, and then suddenly threw them back at me, turned around and left abruptly. This has happened more than once, when I didn’t give them “enough.” That is not a meshulach l’sheim Shamayim. That is a bulvan. And if you gave to one of them, then they send their friend, too, who is collecting for the same cause as they are.
For those who seem to be unsure, I want to put this issue to rest once and for all.
I AM A LADY.
I am female.
I am nekaiva.
I (try to be) a Bas Yisroel.
I say “she-asani kirtzono,” every day.
Any questions?
I am unaware that I could be acquainted with anyone personally on this blog (but if I were, they would let me know, because my friends all know my screen name). In any case, I would proud to call any one of you my friends. In spite of our very different (and sometimes angry-sounding opinions), I think you are all a terrific bunch of people.
I never put it on for any minhag, though I did put it on them for their brissim. I just reasoned that the sooner you accustom a child to something, the sooner that child will accept it as natural. My boys were so used to the idea that a kippah and whatever we used to keep it on, was part of them, they never balked at wearing it, neither did they pull it or the clips off, and they always kissed it and put it back on, if it fell off for some reason. My ainekel will NOT allow a kippah on his head, and he is kinehora two and a half. I won’t give my kids mussar about it, but it does bother me. YArmulke means Yarei Malkah (has awe of the King, Hashem). The kippah is a reminder to men to have that feeling of awe all the time.
It is SO easy to keep kashrus with young children, there is no excuse not to, IMO.
I never put it on for any minhag, though I did put it on them for their brissim. I just reasoned that the sooner you accustom a child to something, the sooner that child will accept it as natural. My boys were so used to the idea that a kippah and whatever we used to keep it on, was part of them, they never balked at wearing it, neither did they pull it or the clips off, and they always kissed it and put it back on, if it fell off for some reason. My ainekel will NOT allow a kippah on his head, and he is kinehora two and a half. I won’t give my kids mussar about it, but it does bother me. YArmulke means Yarei Malkah (has awe of the King, Hashem). The kippah is a reminder to men to have that feeling of awe all the time.
It is SO easy to keep kashrus with young children, there is no excuse not to, IMO.
If someone asked to use my restroom, I would point out the Yeshivah enxt door to me which is open very late at night, and tell them to go there. I do NOT open my door to strangers at night. Remember they are invading YOUR space. You did not invite them over.
“A related question…. I am single and live alone. Several times recently, meshulachim have come to my apartment when I was already dressed for bed. If there is a knock, I ask who it is, and if it is a meshulach, I say that I cannot open the door at this time. Most of the time they leave, bit sometimes they are very insistent that I open the door! This can be as late as 10pm. One pair of gentlemen continued knocking for about 15 minutes and was yelling in Yiddish and scared me. I called a (male married) neighbor who came over and spoke to the meshulachim. But was I supposed to open the door? Even when I am not dressed for bed, I still do not feel comfortable opening the door at night. Am I supposed to anyway? Thanks! “
NO, NO, NO!!!!!! NO one has the right to be so chutzpadig as to come to anyone so late at night. And even were it not late at night, if you are a woman alone, you should not open your door. There are women who have been molested doing that. You should have told the man you were calling the police. I tell meshulachim who come in the night thatI do not open the door at night, and if they come back the next morning after 9 AM, I will give them something (in my neighborhood, they must present a teudah signed by the vaad of tzedaka, that is basically a permit for collecting in the neighborhood. This is because too many times people have been swindled by charlatans and ganovim, in one case someone was robbed by a phony collector. The vaad checks out the validitiy of the claim for need of funds, and then acts accordingly. Great system. Anyone who shows up at your door at an odd hour, is beyond belief. You have no chiyuv. If someone came knocking at my door at that hour claiming an emergency, I would offer to call 911 or hatzolah for them, but I would not open my door. We live in crazy times, unfortunately.
“oomis
actually, for your info: breast-milk is not even kosher. never mind parve. “
As more learned people than I have already shown you, you are not correct. But that’s ok, it took me a while to believe that breast milk is really PAREVE. How did I find out? Some expressed milk in a bottle accidentally fell over in the fridge onto some fleishigs that I had not covered, because I was serving it momentarily. I asked a shailah, and found out it was not a problem whatsoever, because the milk is pareve.
This is a hard question, because the kedusha of E”Y takes precedence. However aniyai ircha is a definite factor. I would give to both, a lesser amount to each one.
I will not “pasken” for you or anyone else. I believe that chinuch starts from before the time the baby is born (don’t we even say that the malach is teaching Torah to the fetus…?). So from the prenatal vitamins that I took through today, my kids were taught what was and was not permissible. I never allowed them to have milk right after meat. When they were infants and breastfed,it was not a problem because breast milk is pareve. But once they were old enough to have milk products, they always had a separation, even if was only an hour for the very young, and then the regular amount of time when they were about three. I taught them that they could have juice after their chicken, or water (we didn’t have rice dream or the like then, but ewwww). If they wanted a bottle or cup of milk, tehy had to wait. I therefore tried to always give them the milchigs first, so it would not be a problem.
It is for the same reason, that I put yarmulkes on my boys from VERY early ages, before they could really even talk. Unlike my friends who could not keep a yarmulke on their sons’ heads, my boys were so used to it being on them, they never threw it off. My son and daughter-in-law chose not to follow my example, and they are having a lot of trouble with getting their two year old to not want his milk after fleishigs, OR to let them put a yarmulke on him. He is soon going to have his upsherin, and will not let them put on the yarmulke, even one decorated with his favorite character from Sesame Street. We bought him one with his name on it. He played with it and then put it down.
Kids are NEVER too young to bee xposed to Torah in a way to which they can relate.
cruel, not crule. I dont spel so gud.
When you are kind to the crule, you are destined to be cruel to the kind. Look what happened with AGAG.
This entire discussion of leap dyas, leap years, blah, blah, blah, makes me laugh. Who really cares? So WHAT if the season is a day late or a week late? None of us will have much to be concerned about by the time it really makes a difference! Now the Jewish calendar is a different story. If we did not add Adar Bet every few years, Pesach could conceivably not be in Spring….
I am sorry to say this if it offends any liberal sensibilities, but all bets are off where terrorists are concerned. If they will not answer questions about their plans to maim, kill, torture, kidnap, and terrorize the people who are not behaimas, then do whatever it takes to get them to talk. They think nothing of slowly cutting off the head of an innocent Jewish journalist or businessman. They deserve to be treated in kind. Maybe if they were MORE afraid of being treated as they treat others, things would improve. Desperate times call for despicable measures, to rephrase.
That happened to me a few times, and the other drivers knew exactly what they were doing (in Boro Park, btw). They even smirked at me when I told them I had been waiting for the spot. I have been guilty myself of inadvertently taking a space that someone was waiting for, because I came to the spot from a different direction, and couldn’t see another car standing a bit away, waiting for the car to pull out. As soon as the driver of the other car told me he had been waiting, I immediately appologized and pulled away.
Oops, sorry, Mango. So you’re a girl. Ok, a once in a LONG while all-nighter has probably happened to msot of us. But truthfully, when you take that test, you are not fresh and clear-thinking, so what are you really gaining? I guarantee you, that the way you feel is going to affect your performance. If you have no time for dating right now, then you do your work, and make the time when you have vacation. OR, you make the date, tell the person you are in the midts of a paper or finals or whatever, and would love to meet him for coffee, but keep the meeting to an hour or less. If you like each other, set up a second time when you are more freely available.
“oomis – we know nothing’s wrong with it. but why would anyone chose a name like that? they know what the first thing that comes to mind will be… what kinda message is this “jinglebells” person trying to relay? “
I guess only he or she could answer that. But it is one thing to have something come to mind (which to be honest, is the problem of the person who thinks that way), and quite another for someone to say, ” I dont know if you know that yw is a Jewish website, just btw… ” when this song is absolutely not about x-mas or santa, or anything anti-Jewish of the sort, but just about riding through the snow. It sounds accusatory. Again, I personally think it is not the best choice for a username myself. But that is the prerogative of the person who chose that name. Apparently the several moderators on this site did not have a problem with it, or they surely would have asked the poster to pick a different name. If the username was something like “Rudolph” or “Frosty the Snowman” I would totally agree with you.
The problem with some of the Bar Mitzvah celebrations is when they are more “Bar” than Mitzvah.
I agree that blind obedience is not always a good thing. There was a story of a teacher who as an experiment, divided her class up into the blue-eyed blondes and the brown-eyed brunettes and began subtly making a very big demarcation between the groups. The end result was to show children how easy it is to become prejudiced and to treat people in a bigoted way,even when you know them to be your friends and good people. The children’s behavior towards their friends altered significantly until the experiment was explained.
Thanks ROB. I can’t learn Gemarah, but will ask my son to explain it to me. Have a good Shabbos.
If “mango” ever used to watch Saturday Night Live, he’s a male. It makes no difference to me – let’s deal with the question. Your educatiion is very crucial right now, so use your time efficiently. It won’t be forever, so you can live with inconvenience or a heavy schedule, knwoing it is self-limited. Do you have to drive, or do you travel by train or bus to school? If the latter, then use that travel time to do some of your studying. If not, try to do your work at the library as much as possible, so that you are not distracted by the other people in your family or apartment. Take BREAKS, and close your eyes, walk around, stretch your legs. Sitting in one place for two long is very unhealthy and stressful. When you feel stressed, always remind yourself of the bigger picture. Try to always be neat and organized in your work and even WHERE you work. Messy is stressy. My kids are on grad programs now, too, and I know how tiring and overwhelming it can be. You will be fine. It is not forever. Keep telling yourself that. Hatzlacha rabba.
re: all the fuss about Jingle Bells’ username. For the record, though I would not use that name myself, there is NOTHING non-Jewish about it. The song Jingle Bells is a WINTER, not x-mas song, though clearly it is sung at this time of year.
If you check out the lyrics of the song, there is no reference to anything of the non-Jewish holiday, to the fat man in the red suit, or anything offensive. It is a seasonal song. People sometimes get offended for things that they perceive, before knowing if what they perceive is the fact. Hevei dan….etc.
I HATE, LOATHE, DETEST, ABHOR, DECRY, and DO NOT LIKE winter weather in any way shape or form. I am not worried about me driving in the snow, but I am terrified of my children driving in bad weather, even the married ones who are out of my house for many years. Both of them have at least a 40-50 minute drive back and forth every day, and I hate knowing that they are on the road. I will never NOT feel that way, but I have learned to let go and never express my fears to them.
I just read the smart-car thread. It doesn’t sound like what I have in mind. I mean a full-size car, not a car only large enough to fit two, but no more, and scrunched up uncomfortably, at that.
“omg omg that is very funny, oomis1105 you missed the whole thread… and yes lexus does has a car which parks itself “
Mea Culpa. I didn’t read the car thread at all. Now I will.
“I think anyone can become addicted to anthing. I don’t think it has to do with self esteem. Is this a real theory? I think psycologists make these things up in order to make money. “
Yes, it is. And that does not mean that you are not right, too… But in truth, if you look at the types of people who become drug abusers, alcoholics, involved in pritzus, it is obvious that they have at some point felt a lack in themselves. Of course there are exceptions to every rule.
An addictive personality is a person who would become addicted to any of a number of things that are available – whether they are alcohol, smoking, drugs, food, internet use, you name it. Anyone who abuses any of these things, is usually found to have a similar personality trait in common with others who are addicted to something. There is something lacking in the person’s self-esteem makeup, that directs that person to abuse something that makes them feel temporarily better. It becomes a problem, when it becomes a PROBLEM.
Yichus comes from the person himslef or herself. I really don’t care WHO your ancestor was, unless you are as terrific a person as he was.
My dad O”H taught me the trop when I was a little girl, not for any particular reason, but just because it was one more thing he wanted me to know. It came in handy when my sons became bar-mitzvah age and my husband (as I have said at other times, a baal teshuva) did not know the trop to check them as they practiced layning. I listened to them, and was able to correct them when they made a mistake. I never plan to be an oceanographer, but I really do enjoy learning about aquatic life.
“There are 10 measures of speach in the world. Women got 9 and men got the remaining 1. So…. I guess it is a gift from Hashem that we speak so much.”
That’s only because Hashem saw what Adam Harishon did with the measure of speech that He gave him. First, Adam lied to Chava about what Hashem commanded them, THEN when they sinned, he complained to Hashem that all his tzoros were because of the woman (the precious gift, mind you) that Hashem gave him. So he was both a liar AND an ingrate. We women may talk a lot, but what we have to say is worth hearing!!!!!! (I’m just sayin’….)
“No jf02, We would not ask you if you were a guy because Jewish women do not make a big Bat celebration, do not say a public Dvar, and do not lein. Jewish women that follow Judaism that is, not necessarily ‘claim’ to follow Judaism.
And before you even ask, no we are not living in the 21st century. We are living in the 58th century, light years ahead of the evil feminist movement. “
With due respect, Joseph. You are mistaken. SOME people perhaps do not make a celebration (and they are wrong in my opinion, because the reaching of that age is just as important for a girl as it is to be Bar mitzvah for a boy, and it should be treated with the chashivus it deserves), but so many others do, even in the “frummer” circles (whatever that really means). Even in many Yeshivas, the schools themselves mark the occasions of the Bas mitzvahs, by making an all-inclusive school party for the entire grade, giving the girls some type of sefer, often a Tehillim, inscribed with their name, and the girls make a d’var Torah.
I was so startled to read that someone thought I was a guy, that I made terrible typos in my last post!!!!
“Oomis ur definately a guy right? No girl that I know has time before a date to sit down and do her nails herself “
OY vey, you could not be MORE wrong!!! I am an old married lady with kinehora four children in the 20s and one who just turned 30. What on earth led you to conclude I was a guy? And when I had dates (way back when dinosaurs roamed the earth), I ALWAYS and only did my own nails, for simchas, too. How hard is it to slap on a coat of polish? I first discovered the joys of manicaures when my kids gave me a gift certificate for a mani-pedi one mother’s day. It’s a nice luxury, but way too costly for a regular event. As a single girl, I worked way too hard to squander my hard-earned money on such things, nice as these luxuries are. And when I got married, there were more important expenses that my hubby and I had to meet. Whenever the dh and I have any fiscal discussions, I remind him how lucky he is to be married to a woman who does not care if she has “real” jewelry, because I amrried my diamond.
Intelligent, I was horrified to read about the woman with several children coming home from the hospital and doing all the housework. Where was her husband???? Probably reading the paper, or if so inclined, in the Beis Medrash, for which I am absolutely convinced he got no sachar for learning, when leaving a kimpaturin alone with all those children, and not allowing her the rest she needed and deserved. What good is anyone’s learning, when they do not put the mitzvah of V’ahavta l’rayacha kamocha (and who is more fitting to benefit from that than the woman he married, who is part of the “rayim ahuvim”) into practice? Torah is not an intellectual exercise. It is our guideline for how to live. OK, I do not know the whole story about this couple, maybe he had a very legitimate reason for not being home and doing the work that she was forced to do. But superficially without being dan l’kaf z’chus in this one instance, I have seen this pattern repeated often. It does not make the men look very good, I can tell you. Maybe THAT is a question shadchanim should be asking the mothers of the boys – what is your son’s position on sharing the burden of housework with his wife, especially after she gives birth? How important is it to him to be both physically and emotionally there for her?
My daughters all know their Bat-Mitzvah parshiot, jmeaning the parsha that was layned in Shul the Shabbos after they were born. No of course we did not have them called to the Torah (though JF02 has no reason to be looked at askance, especially when it was an all-female minyan). I wouldn’t personally do that, but if it is muttar (and I am told it is), why not if the eprson feels the need? I made it choshuv to my daughters to know the parsha that was layned at their time of birth,and when we celebrated their becoming Bnot mitzvah with a family seuda, their divrei Torah were based on that. I also made sure that we have always marked the occasion of our children’s real birthdates (the Jewish ones), as well as the secular dates. My kids are among the few whom I know who actually know their Jewish birthdays.
Why can’t someone simply develop and axel tire/wheel system where the wheels rotate completely perpendicular to the curb, so that the car can literally slide sideways into place? Or is that the “smart car” I have heard about? I have thought about this for the last twenty years. I am a LOUSY parallel parker, first to admit it, and I would be thrilled for this type of innovation. It would also save space, because people would be able to park closer without having difficulty getting in and out.
“In that I simply follow the gemoro that tells me to despise the “chet” (sin) and not the “choitim” (sinners). “
I really appreciate, ROB, that you posted this, because when I recently posted the same thought, someone said my quote was a goyische concept. I did not know the source from G’ Berachos that stated this, having not learned Gemarah, so I am happy to have a validated view.
“jf02, its the screen name itself thats offensive.”
Why? It doesn’t offend me. Our Emahos were all feminists (were they ever!), as were Miriam, Tzipporah, Devorah hanevia, etc…
Of course, you can get an adapter, my kids have one. Also, since you already paid for your CD, why don’t you record a tape off the CD, FOR YOUR OWN USE ONLY, and use the cassette in the car player? You say you cannot find the tapes, so it shouldn’t be a problem t do so. You just need to have or borrow a CD player that tapes off the CD.
“Somehow the dounts on Chanuka seem to have a special taam, that is missing from the stam donuts all year.”
I agree with Joseph (Moshiach surely MUST be coming! LOL). Your reasoning is why I could NEVER eat chulent on Thursday night. It has that special Shabbos taam ONLY on Shabbos (and for me, only at Shabbos lunch).
Now it’s a little early for Purim shpiels, but I just wondered, you eat STAM donuts (not Donuts Yisroel???)
True, many of these topics are lighthearted shtuyos, to some degree. But somehow I think that it is cathartic for many of us to be able to blog anonymously, venting when necessary, giving chizuk when we can. And that does NOT preclude us from saying Tehillim several times a day, as I do anyway. You are right, however, that we should make it our business to put our minds and hearts in E”Y right now, and daven for the safety of our brothers and sisters there, who are fighting a milchemet mitzvah on our behalf as well as theirs. hashem should keep them all safe.
Phones were ALWAYS necessary – they just were not available to the general public. Cars are necessary, washing machines – VERY necessary, especially with all those large families, vaccinations are necessary, baby sonograms are necessary nowadays to screen for potential, preventable birth defects, COMPUTERS ARE NECESSARY, etc. etc. etc. Many things are necessities in this day and age that were not even dreamed of decades ago. At first when they came out, they were viewed as luxuries. it is no longer the case.
When my kids were growing up, all their classmates had home computers. We did not, because a) we could not afford them and b) we had no idea how to use them. My kids worked very, very hard to get their homework done in time, but the truth is that they struggled UNNECESSARILY, when everyone else had it much easier. Given the huge amount of work our kids got (and for those who disagree with me, look at it this way – the less time they had to spend in doing things by hand, the more time they would have had to learn Torah), life was constantly spent on this project or that, with no end in sight. They couldn’t use their friends’ computers, because there was always someone using them in their families. Beleive me, I was absolutely thrilled when someone generously gave me his used computer. Even from the standpoint of simple word processing for written reports, life became so much easier.
We got along without lots of things in our day. But Boruch Hashem we DON’T HAVE TO anymore.
” If anything I always feel like I’m not doing enough.”
If you are earning the parnassah and having children (if none yet, then B”EH when you are ready), then you are already doing a great deal. Women in the traditional stay at home role, are with their families all day long,and when their husbands get home from work OR Yeshiva, that does not give the husbands a pass on parenting and sharing in the running of the household. I commend your husband for doing his part. he is not “helping,” he is being a responsible adult. I used to get upset when someone would ask me if my husband was babysitting when I went out without my children. My answer was always that he was PARENTING, just as I do when he is not home. Fortunately my husband was always mature enough to realize that he and I are equal partners in our Bayis ne’eman, and even though one of us may have a differnt tafkid from the other at specific points of the day, when we are both home, we are in it totally together.
“The solution to this so-called ”crisis” is more Torah learning, more Kollel yungerleit, more Yeshivas, and more Yiddishe kinder”
Joseph, I believe that you are genuine and earnest in this belief, and on some level, I agree with some of what you say. But the fact is that the more guys who are sitting and ONLY learning, but not becoming educated in a field that will bring them a parnassah, and the more Yeshivahs that are built, when there is not enough money to pay for the buildings and teachers in the ones that are already in existence, the less likely it is that we will have a next generation of yungerleit. SOMEONE has to pay for all of this, and I think girls are beginning to wake up and resent having to do it ALL, i.e., have baby after baby, yet continue to work outside the home, supporting the family, cooking the meals, paying someone else to raise their children….etc. The system needs a HUGE overhaul – and right now!
First of all, jelly donuts are ALWAYS available in most bakeries. Second (and this I mamesh cannot understand) in my neighborhood, SO ARE THE HAMANTASHEN!!!!! Since most bakery hamantashen are not really fit to eat in my opiniion (I am a die-hard “ya gotta make your own” when it comes to hamantashen), I cannot imagione what would possess them to continue to crank ’em out all year long, and worse – what would possess anyone with a discerning palate to actually BUY and then EAT them???????????? Oh well…
My kids tell me (and they are absolutely right) that I have a really corny sense of the lowest form of humor. And all the the pun-dits agree.
Thank you, David Bar-Magen for an enlightening post. I had no idea about any of the things that you stated.
Sufganiyot???? Alas, they are all now sof – gone – I – ate
SJS that is EXACTLY how I was taught. Every girl, rich or poor, had to borrow a dress from someone else, so that the non-wealthy girls had a shot at looking more dressed up.They went to dance in the fields, and the boys got to check them out, and partner up with their desired shidduch. Kinda like a singles weekend. Only it actually worked. I wonder why no one thought it was untzniusdig then. Maybe, because it WASN’T!
Re: the question of separate seating at the Sheva Brachos – many people seat their guests that way ALL the time. I personally dislike separate seating and would not do it myself, but I can respect that the people who do so, feel it is proper for them. I don’t like separate seating simchas, either, but is up to the balabus, what he chooses to do.