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The only rock I am interested in hearing me this week is
Tzur Yisroel.
(No offense to Yerachmiel – I still love your letters in the FJJ, too!)
We have already learned of tragic losses to Klal Yisroel. A friend of mine lost his great-nephew. May Hashem watch over all of our precious children and keep them safe as they fight this milchama for which they never asked. All our tfilos are with our chayalim and their families, who are also all OUR family.
My theory is if a guy is old enough to get married he’s old enough to talk to a shadchan directly without having his mommy do it for him. ‘
I am SO with you on that score!
oomis
Maybe we run different circles but in most cases I know of the guy agrees when his mother nixes a shidduch based on XYZ and if he doesn’t I would think most mother’s wouldn’t stop their son from dating someone they’re interested in. “
I suspect I am a great deal older than you, so I guess we do run in different circles (wish I could still run)… But out here, most of the mothers of the type that has been negatively described, DO NOT EVEN LET THEIR SONS KNOW ABOUT THE GIRLS, if the moms do not first think the girl is attractive enough for their sons. It is only with their prior approval, that the boys are even shown the profiles of said girls. You would be shocked at how many moms WOULD ABSOLUTELY stop their sons from dating someone, by not letting the girl’s info even be made known to the son. I have friends who have done this, and I have told them my opinion on the subject.
Posted 5 hours ago #
MyTurnAtBat
Member
oomis can we assume that your daughters are all fascinating and gracious? Perhaps you are being a little critical of the males of our society, something I’m seeing a whole lot of on these pages. The boys are under tremendous pressure in general and on the date in particular. Not so the girls. There’s a post on these pages by a woman who says her son is going off the derech. He’s shomer shabbos but skips scharcharis and sleeps till noon. For a boy that’s off the derech. But that’s what we call a good girl. There’s so much less pressure on the women that it’s easier for them to act a little more together on dates, particular when on that date they are passive and the guy is doing all the driving, paying, and thinking of things to do, facing the parents etc. “
Since you asked and FTR, my girls ARE indeed, fascinating and gracious (as well as extremely attractive, smart, kind, loving, and baalos middos tovos, which they no doubt got from their father). One is married, two are not. And they daven every day. No one sleeps until noon, but if they did, they would still not skip shacharis OR mincha, because it is choshuv to them. Girls do not have the same halachic chiyuv in davening as boys (and if someone’s son is skipping Shacharis regularly, I would be a bit concerned about that), so your analogy, while well-intentioned, does not really hit the mark.
SOME girls are passive on dates, as are SOME boys. One cannot generalize about this. There is less pressure for the girls in SOME aspects of dating, but not in others, and there is less pressure for the boys in SOME aspects of dating but not others. The girls still have the majority of the waiting to be asked out. The boys generally are the ones getting all the profiles (sent to their moms), and it’s like Baskin-Robbins all over for them.
Dunno, it is one thing for a guy to envision what is attractive to him. It is quite another when his mother is so overbearing that she censors all the shidduch profiles, and makes unilateral decisions about which girl is pretty enough for her son, and THEN allows the shidduch to be made. I know people who do that, and it makes me ill. And the values that this type of activity imparts, are inconsistent with a Torah life.
Why do you think singles date for so long? Is it possible, chas ve’shalom, that every single person they ever went out with was a terrible person with severe character flaws, who no one in their right mind would want to marry? “
No, they don’t have to have character flaws, but they may be dull in personality, hard to get to engage in a conversation, have no sense of humor, and be clueless as to how to act on a date in other ways. My daughters went out with ALL those guys, often more than once, just to give them the benefit of the doubt that maybe they were nervous on the date, but their original impression was usually the correct one. And lastly, maybe there just is no chemistry whatsoever. No one says someone has to be a movie star in looks, and even really objectively attractive men and women can be unpleasant dates, but there has to be SOME sense of attraction.
Friends who are 2-3 years younger (depending on how old YOU are), might be much more immature. A lot changes in 2-3 years when you are a teenager. Also, most parents are not thrilled when their children are friends with OLDER kids, even by 2-3 years.
Perhaps, but while I’m in awe of BTs for many other reasons, from my experience, male BTs are just as fussy about appearance. Theyre not that much easier to commit. “
My experience was quite different from yours (and yes, I married the BT, a singularly non-shallow, non-fussy about appearance, emesdig and temimusdig special neshama). People are people, whether they are complete atheists, or the most chareidi of the chareidi. Some are really fine and look beneath the surface. Others are incredibly into externals. It is a universal condition.
Streekgeek+1000
Depending on getting set up by friends is a recipe for disaster and will only INTENSIFY the Shidduch crisis. Not happening, my friend. “
Depending on ANY one derech as being the ONLY one, is a recipe for disaster. We didn’t have a shidduch crisis in my day. Not likee we have now.
What was worse was hearing him say that there may have been American citizens on the plane, (in which case), and it therefore our highest priority. Where were his priorities when an American citizen who happens to be a Jew living in E”Y, was kidnapped and shechted by Hamas?
the boy for his amazing qualities even though he has a speech impediment “
I haven’t read all the teplies, so if I am repetitious, sorry about that. Based on the little I have read, Moshe Rabbeinu himself would have not been able to get a shidduch with the family who is concerned about this.
My personal opposition to speed-dating, is that people are very self-conscious and totally not being themselves when in this type of high-pressure situation. I am also UNALTERABLY opposed to pictures being shown to (usually) prospective mothers-in-law, who then make the decision of whether or not a girl is shtotty enough for their precious sons.
In my youth, a blind date was virtually just that. we didn’t see pictures of anyone, and the boy called the girl, spoke to her for however long, and made the date. No games, no hiring of detectives to check into each other’s backgrounds, and no basing a relationship by how many dates have gone by, before proceeding to the next level.
I dislike the shidduch process we have today. I see a backlash to many of its aspects developing, and people are starting to realize that something has to change drastically, because too many people are not getting married at a reasonable age, and from those who are, many are divorcing. The problems we see are in unprecedented numbers. I personally know many young women who have not yet married, and they are lovely, balebatish, aidel girls in their early 30s. I also know several young men in their 20s, who are already divorced (some after less than 6 months of marriage). This is a real tragedy in klal Yisroel.
At this point, I believe that ANY method that works, should be utilized to make shidduchim, even one that is “outside the box.”
This is a huge tragedy, and without knowing the updated information, I sincerely hope and pray that Hashem is Meracheim on this little boy(same age as my own grandson, so it is particularly gut-wrenching for me to read of this), and restores him to his parents in the best of health.
I don’t know what happened in this case, and how this child ended up in the pool, and I don’t mean for this to sound preachy, so please bear with me. This type of tragedy just underscores how very quickly a preventable tragedy can occur, and how children, even those being watched carefully, can still end up in trouble.
We are now Bein Hameitzarim, and it behooves each of us not to take for granted that our precious children and grandchildren will always have “a malach” watching over them, so we don’t have to.
Small children should not have any access to or be near pools without extremely vigilant, responsible people watching them EVERY SINGLE SECOND. It literally takes a fraction of a second for a tragedy to occur. Children have drowned even in kiddie pools in only a couple of inches of water.
I feel so sad for what the parents of this little boy are now going through. More important, I feel even sadder for the little boy, who did not recognize danger, and didn’t know what was happening to him. Hashem Yishmor. I hope we hear besoros tovos about him b’korov.
B”H it cannot be the person who presently occupies that title. I don’t care that much for Hilarious, but what do we think of Mike Huckabee?
It has always been my understanding that anything said to a therapist or similar professional, by law must be held in strictest confidence, or they can lose their license (unless the patient or client poses an immediate serious threat to the safety of himself or others). That said, if you are under legal age, and you report i.e., abuse, physical or otherwise, they are mandated by law to report that to child protection services to investigate. Perhaps that is what your therapist meant. I cannot imagine a therapist telling a patient to refrain from being candid otherwise.
One of the Taryag Mitzvos – Korbon Pesach. Try doing THAT one vegetarianistically (is this a real word???).
They are actually tank tops, but the “WB” name was very popular. If you look at a package of men’s undershirts, you will see they are called “A-shirts.” Or at least, they used to be. No one in my household wears them.
I am SOOOOOOOO confused now!
Did I just misspell PERCEIVE?
I was thinking a fruit pizza made with banana, grapes, oranges, sweet (wine) sauce of some type,
There are. haven’t you been to Six Flags?
They call the A-shirts “wife-beaters” (I dislike that term, by the way), because typically when you think of some white trash guy with a beer in one hand sitting in front of the TV in this type of sleeveless undershirt, the image is the type of guy who is abusive to his wife. It is a disgusting expression for an article of clothing, in my opinion.
It depends on how you perceive the last two numbers listed. ANYTHING you add or subtract and then multiply by 0, will always be 0. Unless the last two numbers were bracketed together as [1+0], which would actually be 1, the 0 becomes the multiplier, thus ending in a solution of…0 in this problem.
I have family all over E”Y and have not heard from anyone. THAT is scary.
PBA – IMPRESSIVE!
Herring is not the nastiest food ever. That distinction belongs to p’tcha.
TheBestBubby (no, I am not referrring to myself, though that IS my sub-name). This is my friend with whom I had lost touch for decades, and been reunited here in the CR.
And Joseph in any and all incarnations.
I cannot even read this thread in its entirety. Yes, you absolutely should break his computer. That, is, if you want him to NEVER trust you again, possibly push him off the derech, and have him consider suing you (and in civil court at least, you would probably be liable).
Whether or not it is right for him to have a computer, that he bought, with HIS OWN MONEY, you are not dealing with someone who i.e., bought illegal drugs (which I believe should be flushed down the toilet by parents if they find them). Though computers have downsides to them, they can have very positive aspects of usage, as well, and that is what should be emphasized IMO. Don’t cause irreparable harm by an impulsive action. Talk to your son, express your feelings, and then examine those feelings. Perhaps he can be made to understand your concerns. And find wholesome ways for him to utilize this device, which really can eb amazing when used in the right way, like so many other things that we use every day.
Redleg:
Oomis, you’ve made a common mistake. The line isn’t, “THE bombs bursting in air” It’s, “Bombs bursting in air.”
I googled the lyrics, and this is what I found. Please note line 5.
Apparently you and I have different versions of the same anthem.
The Star Spangled Banner Lyrics
By Francis Scott Key 1814
Oh, say can you see by the dawn’s early light
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight’s last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars thru the perilous fight,
O’er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?
And the rocket’s red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.
Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave?
On the shore, dimly seen through the mists of the deep,
Where the foe’s haughty host in dread silence reposes,
What is that which the breeze, o’er the towering steep,
As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?
Now it catches the gleam of the morning’s first beam,
In full glory reflected now shines in the stream:
‘Tis the star-spangled banner! Oh long may it wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave!
And where is that band who so vauntingly swore
That the havoc of war and the battle’s confusion,
A home and a country should leave us no more!
Their blood has washed out their foul footsteps’ pollution.
No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight, or the gloom of the grave:
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave!
Oh! thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand
Between their loved home and the war’s desolation!
Blest with victory and peace, may the heav’n rescued land
Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation.
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: “In God is our trust.”
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave!
DY and Oomis very funny! “
HEHEHEHEHEH!
Oomis, you forgot the last two words: “Play Ball!”
I didn’t forget. Out of respect to the CR, I omitted those last two words, lest anyone chas v’sholom, lo aleinu, R”L think I believe in telling people to waste their valuable learning time on such naarishkeit as sports. 😉
Al regel achas, I believe it is as follows:
“Oh say can you see, by the dawn’s early light,
What so proudly we hailed, at the twilight’s last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars, through the perilous fight,
o’er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming.
And the rocket’s red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night, that our flag was still there.
Oh say, does that star-spangled banner yet wave,
O’er the land of the free, and the home of the brave!”
At least that is how I have been singing it all my life. There are more stanzas, by the way.
My daughter makes a really delicious cold london broil salad, with strips of the meat and lots of salad ingredients, with a balsamic vinegar dressing. PERFECT for Shabbos lunch on a hot day!
kumzitz 🙂 “
NOW, yer talkin’!
+1 RebYidd23.
“I agree.”
I believe Moshiach is coming! 🙂
The desire to hunt for sport is cruel. Animals feel pain and fear, and we are a nation of rachmanim bnei rachmanim. Achzorius IS cruelty, and speaks to a middah of intrinsic hardness of the heart. There is nothing “sporting” about chasing an animal down until it is too tired or weak to get away. Nimrod and Esav were known to be mighty hunters. Their depiction in the Torah or Medrash, is not a flattering one.
Not to go into it here, but I was told that there is an entirely different reason why (even bulky) pants would not be permitted for women, even where the shape of the legs is not discernible.
As a human being, I am shocked at the lack of outrage of some other human beings.
Beautifully expressed.
Obama being absolutely no friend of Israel”
Much worse, he is not even a friend of his own American citizen, who was one of the murdered boys!
May Hashem take immediate nekama for them. Nothing more to say other than my heart hurts so deeply for their families, and especially for their mothers. I am sick about this.
Whoa! so many typos in my post, so little time…
Being a Special Ed teacher means more than just thinking about wanting to be one. it is demanding, takes a lot of work, and you will not simply be place one on one just like that. You need to be licensed with a Masters degree in Special Education, which means taking REAL classes and working really hard. IF you are up for those requirements, you will still not m ake a whole lot of money, EVEN when you are on top step, which takes MANY years to reach. I know because my husband was a Special Ed teacher for the Board of Ed for over 40 years, and it was a demanding program when eh first started, and even more so now. You need to really WANT this for yourself, because only someone truly idealistic, will find satisfaction in this extremely demanding career.
IMO, the only way healthcare will ever potentially be fair and good, is if EVERYONE has the same plan, including the President and all the members of Congress who voted on it. When they have to endure the same garbage as the rest of us, be assured they will make it better.
I have been hearing the term to “Jew” someone is to “trick” them into something “
My understanding of the term is that it means to finagle/bargain them down financially. Because everyone knows how cheap the Jews are. Clearly. I once saw a People’s Court, when Judge Wapner was still alive, and the plaintiff foolishly used that term when talking about the defendant(not Jewish) who tried to get him to lower his price on whatever it was that was in dispute. The Judge immediately gave him mussar about the offensiveness of the term, adding that it would nevertheless not influence his decision that this had been said by the plaintiff, but he wanted him to know that it was unacceptable to ever use such a term. And the plaintiff apologized.
He lost the case anyway.