Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
A near-drowning experience, gave me a lifelong fear of the water, though I can swim.
Goq, btw, I may not be a man, but in some ways it is far worse to be an older FEMALE single than a male. Women who are not married by age 25/26 are pitied. Guys are looked at in a more positive light until after they reach their 30s. Right or wrong, people will tend to treat ALL older singles in ways that may be perceived offensively. A great deal has to do with one’s attitude to those perceptions.
I didn’t get married until I was 26. Every time someone would say, “I’YH by you,” to me at a simcha, I smiled and said a heartfelt thank you and amein. A relative of mine who was a year younger, became incensed and depressed when she would hear what she called “the metchems,” from them. It’s all in one’s approach.
I will be mekabeil the explanations being given. I personally have never observed in ANY shul that I have attended, that young bochurim or older single males were being singled out for g’lilah. So the concept of this being done “routinely” is quite foreign to me. Anything that is done in such a way as to make someone feel embarrassed (like putting me at the kids’ table at a slightly distant relative’s wedding (when I was specifically included in the wedding as a way of introducing me ot friends of the chosson), is improper. But IMO one should never feel that any action relating to the taking out or putting back the Torah, is a “slight” or a lesser kovod. It is unfortunate that ANY shul would relegate a kovod of this type only to bochurim or older singles, resulting in their finding it ultimately offensive and embarrassing, when it should never be considered as such. Would you feel the same way if Shishi were only given out to the same demographic?
I do, however, understand your point, though I am not a male.
The fact is, this is a Kibbud that is usually given to a younger bachur. “
Not in my shul.This is more often given to the elderly who can no longer do Hagbaha and cannot stand for an aliyah. I think that shows GREAT respect for them.
I believe that the very fact that the OP chose the kovod of G’lilah as his example (if it is correct that he merely wants to be treated as an adult and not as a kid), leads me to feel he has another agenda, and that is to stir up the controversy that he did, or else, he has no inner concept of kovod for Torah.
And Popa, yes, I believe in respect all around. But I also believe first and foremost in respect for the Torah, and that is NOT was I was feeling from that OP’s words. I think that after all these years, you should recognize that I try to be very reflective and think before I speak. And I try to always be sincere in what I express. Perhaps this time around, I did not express myself sufficiently well. If so, I regret that lapse.
However, WHATEVER the OP meant to convey, it came off (to me, at least and possibly to some others) as a bit chutzpahdig when speaking of something related to kovod haTorah. I will l’chaf zechus at this point, assume that was unintentional on his part, but please be assured, I am not overly-sensitive, I am quite “chillaxed” (especially now that everyone has gone home after yom tov), and if I give mussar in this forum, I must be feeling VERY strongly about the subject at hand. Regarding and worse, describing, ANY kovod relating to the Torah in a dismissive way, upsets me very much. It reminds me of someone who was insulted at my oldest son’s wedding because her husband was “only” asked to be an Eid Kiddushin at the Chuppah, instead of being asked to make a bracha under it.
Go for it (JF is absolutely right – the girl asked for advice, not a mussar schmooze). Perms are great for people who have less than easy to style hair, but do you want a “body wave” to make your hair more easily able to take and retain a waved shape, or do you want a “frizzy perm” of very curly hair? I personally would go for the body wave. It is more versatile.
Seriously, Popa???? I will assume, knowing your usual posting style, that this was a joke coming from you. The poster was either yanking our chains (and I think he was just trolling), or is genuinely in need of a better understanding of what kovod haTorah means. And by the way, to get respect, one must show respect.
Nothing is glatt in this situation. SOME 20 year old boys have the wisdom and maturity to be able to retain an open door with such a friend, and even potentially influence them positively. Others ABSOLUTELY cannot and should not remain in such a friendship, because they themselves are easily influenced. You have to know your child and his kochos.
Sara Emeinu saw Yishmael acting in a way that was detrimental to Yitzchak and took immediate steps to distance them from each other. Avraham Avinu didn’t want to send Yishmael away (i.e. if you break off your son’s friendship of many years), but Hashem told him explicitly to listen to all that Sara said.
This boy is not a Yishmael chas v’sholom, and your son is not Yitzchak Avinu. But you are wise to be concerned, while at the same time you should recognize the potential your son could have to remain a stable, positive influence in this boy’s life. I don’t have an easy answer for you, but keep the lines of communication with your own son open.
Ivory, I appreciate your comment.
The truth is – IF we all did ALL the mitzvos ALL the time, we WOULD be b’simcha tamid, because a) Moshiach would come and the B”HM would be rebuilt, and Hashem would be happy with US. So it is a MITZVAH GEDOLAH to do all the mitzvos, in order to be b’simcha tamid.
Froggie, how is your wife feeling?
My entire post got deleted before I could send it, so here I go again…
Mazel tov Froggie and to your better half, on the birth of your little tadpole. May she be a continuous source of Yiddishe nachas to you and all of klal Yisroel, as you bring her to T,Ch,u’M”T (too lazy to re-write that).
This was such a nice way to start the week. Thank you for sharing such good news. May we always and only have besoros tovos to relate.
(were you REALLY considering “Oomis” for a name – I am touched!!!!)
As most of you know, who know me for many years in the CR, the one main thing that ALWAYS grinds my gears, is disrespect. It is one of the very few things about which I might give mussar to another poster, and out of deference to the obvious lack of thought that the OP put into his comment before actually hitting “send post,” I will assume he was just trying to elicit lots of controversial commentary.
I don’t know if g’lilah is more choshuv than shlishi or any other kibud, for that matter. What I do know is that when one is offered the opportunity to be mechabeid the Torah, and treats that kovod with zilzul the way it seems to have been treated here, there is something fundamental that is apparently lacking in that person’s thinking.
I hope the OP will reconsider his ill-advised comment, and be appreciative of ANY kovod that is offered to him. My husband is a real baal anivus, and feels as though he should refuse certain kibbudim because he believes himself to be unworthy of them, having come from an irreligious background. I told him the same thing I am saying here. It is not just a kovod to the person, it is kovod to the Torah, and it would be disrespectful to refuse. Only exception in my mind, is when someone is being given that kovod too frequently, when others have not had a chance. And there is still a respectful way to express the thought that perhaps it is someone else’s turn.
I have already written several letters to the IIC (idiot in charge)Gelb, voicing my extreme disgust, not only at the appalling lack of sensitivity to the Klinghoffer family, but the affront to ALL of humanity. This opera glorifies and gives moral equivalency to the terrorists with real fighters for freedom and justice. Forget about the perversion of historical facts. Apparently that is of no concern to Gelb.
I got a thank you for my opinion letter from the Met, which was incredibly patronizing, and I immediately fired back a response telling them that it is despicable that they are digging in their heels in the face of so much legitimate criticism and the rancor and predictable Anti-Semitism this opera is about to cause to proliferate, but their intractable stance and intransigence in owning up to this ill-advised (to say the least)plan, is beyond appalling.
EVERYONE needs to flood the Met with letters and e-mails,d enouncing these plans, whether or not you would ever attend an opera, from the chareidi down to the least-affiliated Jew. And I would hope that people of good will and common sense who are NIST unzerer, would do the same. But I am not holding my breath in this PC society where it has long since been forgotten that “Freedom of Speech” does not mean one can at will yell “fire!” in a crowded theater.
DEAR BEST BUBBY I AM TO LAZY TO TAKE OFF CAPS LOCKS LOL,but just for you i will lol 🙂 but on serious note can you elaborate on the first answer i still don’t PROPRIETARY TO THE MOON EVERY CREATION IN THIS WORL IS NECESSARY FOR THE WORLD TO FUNCTION! (WHY DONT WE PRAY TO THE STARS, AND YES I KNOW THE SUN IS A STAR,IM TALKING ABOUT THE OTHER ONES ) “
Thanks for taking off the caps (at least part of the time). We don’t pray to the moon, we pray to Hashem who is Mechadeish the phases of the moon. Aside from the relation of the moon to the tides, the moon also is the guide by which we know Rosh Chodesh and the yomim tovim. And though everything in creation is necessary for the functioning of the world, we have specific things for which we thank Hashem at specific times. We say for example, Bircas haChamah on the sun, when it is in the exact spot and time of the day it was set in Shamayim during Sheishes Yemai Breishis. We say brachos on the first flowering trees of the season. we have brachos for everything in the world, even going to the bathroom because we take these mundane things and elevate them to a level of kedusha, by recognizing that Hashem Created the olam so intricately as to work in harmony. If you have any other questions, I suggest you go to Aish HaTorah. Seriously.
If women have a chiyuv to FAST, then they should also have a chiyuv to EAT. I don’t see a chiluk here.
“How about, when the grandparents walk down, you can play “ilan ilan”? “
I happen to love that song, and it is WHOLLY appropriate for grandparents marching down.
As to noise during a chuppah, I am asronished and proud to relate that when my daughter got married 8 years ago, my son-in-law’s friends were singing Im Eshkacheich (magnificently harmoniously)
a capella under the chuppah, and you could hear a pin drop during the entire chuppah. Not a single sound except for the what was happening under the chuppah. I really have no answer as to why that is so, and I never experienced it prior or since,at other chasunahs that we have made.
It’s so odd – I personally prefer being called by my first name, NOT Mrs. ________. In the VERY olden days, there were no last names. It was not disresepctful to refer to people by name.
Meanwhile, I just want to take this opportunity to wish all my CR friends a G’mar Chasimah Tova, a meaningful Yom Kippur fast and having our tefilos niskablos, and above all, shalom al Yisrael.
oomis (and anyone else confused with this), the reason why we make a Borei Meore HaEsh on Motzei Shabbos is because Adam first “discovered” fire on Motzei Shabbos when the Ohr Haganuz disappeared at the end of the first Shabbos. So, as a praise and thanks to Hashem, we light a fire on Motzei Shabbos and make a Bracha. “
SIDI, I did know that. It is still Motzai Shabbos two days from now, no? In any case, they make a proper Havdallah for everyone in my Shul after Maariv, so I am pretty certain my Rov will tell them what to do.
It is not necessary to add a dash. The name is the name. I know someone who refused to write the name Yehuda in Hebrew, but wrote Yoda. The person who received mail from this person was offended. if you feel it is necessary, by all means write the dash after the Yud, but several rabbonim have told me it is unnecessary to do so.
Well, it always helps if they are breathing. Oh you were serious??? Then good-natured and emesdig. (Middos tovos, thoughtfulness, sensitivity, etc. all fall under this umbrella).
I personally don’t like it. It feels like tzaar baalei chayim to me, swinging terrified chickens around. I have always followed my father’s minahg of using money, and my husband is 100% on board with that. That said, I would not rpesume to dictate to others how they should shlug kaporos.
Don’t we hold that “Tadir v’eino tadir, tadir kodeim” – so even if aus Yom Kippur Havdallah were different, it is still ALSO aus Shabbos.
What’s with this aversion to Austin?
It’s no more a challenge than Boston.
So go South or East,
I don’t care in the least,
And now my opinion, I’ve tossed in.
There is only one thing I find offensive or have ever found offensive in the CR, and that is one poster being mean-spirited and unkind to another. I don’t like bullies. We can agree to disagree about any number of subjects (including shidduchim), but there is never any call to insult or hurt someone’s feelings. Words can hurt and scar, even anonymously.And though some people are more thin-skinned than others, I am pretty certain that only the most ignorant person would be seriously unaware that what he or she has said to someone is uncalled-for.
mazel tov Nechomah. much nachas.
I plan to make stuffed cabbage (of course), tomato raisin soup with sauerkraut, rice kugel or coconut rice, pickled salmon, various roasts, and roasted veggies, plus honey cake of course. I made a honey bundt cake with coffee icing that I saw in Mishpacha magazine this past month, and it came out spectacular!!!! G’mar chasima tova ro everyone. Hope you all had a wonderful and meaningful R”H.
I doubt very much that a cookbook author has a reasonable belief that everyone will buy her/his cookbook for a couple of recipes. But when you share a recipe that came from a cookbook, it is far more likely that the person will be so happy with it, that she or he will want to see more. By the logic that has been used by those who think it is not right to share recipes from a cookbook, then perhaps we should never read a library book, either, since we don’t pay for those books, either.
If you tried to SELL someone the recipe you found in a cookbook, that would be gneivah. Giving someone the recipe they anjoyed in your home, or one they know that you make well, is being a friend. I know people who deliberately leave out an ingredient or two, so the other person cannot possibly make the recipe as well. THAT to me is genivah (of the daas). I am delighted to share my recipes with anyone who asks me for them. And were I to write a cookbook, I hereby give everyone permission in advance to freely share my recipes.
Everyone have a gebensched, healthy, and joyous, meaningful new year, reflective of recommitment to Torah and mitzvos, as well as to AHAVAS CHINAM.
PS – catch Rocky Zweig’s pre-yom tov letter in the FJJ. it was terrific!!!
If only people stopped submitting “resumes” for what is a non-job-nterview, stopped doing extensive “research” for the non-term-paper, and just let people meet each other in a comfortable way, without being taught their entire lives that there is something inherently immodest about that, maybe we would see things happening in a much more pleasant way. I said it before, I will say it again – I HATE THE SHIDDUCH PROCESS as we know it today. Life was much easier when I was in the parsha (and we didn’t call it a “parsha,” it was just plain dating).
But, oomis, fny attributed it to “preserving the girl’s dignity”. Do you disagree or do you think that preserving the boy’s dignity is equally vital?”
I think that preserving ALL people’s dignity is important. Sometimes feelings will be hurt and it is unavoidable. But boys are just as apt as girls to feel bad when rejected, though they are trained from birth to hide their feelings better and girls are encouraged to let loose emotionally.
I also do not agree that this preserves the girl’s dignity, especially if she is fully aware that her name has been suggested to Boy X and he said no.
Aryea, of COURSE you can mix beef and chicken/turkey, veal, whatever, together. No kashrus problem, and many kosher stores sell bee/turkey chopped meat, and it is less fatty, less cholesterol, and lower in calories than traditional chopped meat, with no loss of taste.
As to liver and meat – kashered meat is kashered meat. Did you know you could technically kasher beef the same way you kasher the liver? The only reason we kasher liver as we do, is that it cannot be completely kashered through regular kashering means (i.e. soaking and salting). The blood will not completely come out unless it is broiled. Instead of asking your butcher (unless he is a rov), ask you LOR for his informed input.
Isn’t the purported reason regarding the female emotional reaction of being rejected? “
I sincerely doubt anyone was concerned with the sensibiities of the girls when they made that “rule.” No one likes being rejected, boy OR girl. And half the time it is the MOMS doing the rejecting. So they are actually being rejected by another female.
Evtach, it’s good to be mainstream, because we have to live within the bounds of society. But please note, I ALSO said, that we have to be flexible, and sometimes that means accepting out of the box thinking, as well. But if we didn’t GENERALLY follow mainstream rules of order, everything would be chaotic.
Sometimes we also have to accept that not everyone is able to conform ALL the time. But there has to be SOME conformity at least some of the time. We cannot live in a balagan.
Whoever is asked about the shidduch first, should be the first one to say yes or no.
Only Hashem doesn’t Make mistakes. Gedolim are gedolim, but they are human beings first. Our rabbonim can and do err. That is what is so exceptional about the Torah’s depiction of the Avos and our other Jewish leaders. Unlike other religions who deify their leaders, the Torah shows ours to be real human beings, occasional failings and all. We respect them no less for it.
Strive to be “in the box,” but always consider keeping the mind open to that which is “out of the box.” Not everything in life goes according to the neat little preconceptions that we have in our minds. It is good to be mainstream, but sometimes we have to take a detour, and we need the flexibility to deal with it.
This has got to be THE most interesting post I have ever seen in the Coffee Room. And if it is not a joke (and forgive me if you ARE serious, as I intend no offense), it is surely one of a kind. I cannot imagine there is another person in the CR who can lay claim to something more unexpected than what I just read.
I hold that when you do, you say “Maharatotai nevareches.”
That’s not even proper Hebrew grammar!!!!!!!! It would still be “nevareich!” The person leading the bensching is calling out, “Hey guys, we’re gonna bensch!” The word “Nevareich” is correct for male or female “we will bensch.” (I am NOT going to even begin to address the Maharatotai, as Rabosai does not mean “rabbis,” in the context of the sentence, so therefore the maharat issue is not shayach. You’re welcome.
oomis – Biologically you may be old, but you can’t fool us! You’re as young as the rest of us here 🙂 “
Why, thank you kindly!
The reason the minhag does follow her is probably precisely because she is the one who physically performs the mitzvah, so it’s hard to find an example.”
That is not necessarily true. For example, many Ashkenazic women who marry a Sephardi, follow HIS family minhag for tevila. So let’s say an Ashkenazic woman was married to an Ashkenazi and then was widowed or divorced. Now, suppose she marries again, to a Sephardi. Though her former minhag in the first marriage might have been to immerse 3 times, it may now be that she immerses 7 times, as per the custom of many Sephardic women. I find that very interesting, as this is clearly HER mitzvah, and she should follow her own mother’s teaching (Toras Emeha) according to what you mentioned, but it is not the case. At least, not in my experience with many such women.
I will daven bli neder for ALL those in need of a shidduch, my daughters included. May Hashem send all of them their proper zivugim, THIS coming year, and may they all recognize that these ARE their proper zivugim.
I won’t debate the legality of paying or not paying a meter, but exactly what sevice is being provided? People SHOULD be able to park on the street, and if there are not enough spaces, then more levels if parking spots should be built, like a parking garage.
We pay enough in taxes and other revenue to the City of New York, that we should be able to park our cars (legally, of course), without being hassled. When you have a meter that gives you 20 minutes to a half hour per quarter, that is outrageous. Even worse, is when there is a meter that runs for a maximum of 2 hours in a place such as a movie theater where the patrons will need parking for way more than the 2 hours.
I recognize that some people will take advantage, but the solution is to make more parking available to everyone, not to gouge people for meter money and fines. it once cost me $20 to prove that the meter was defective, (and that’s what they count on, that no one will fight back, but will just pay the ticket), that it went from 1 hour to zero in 40 minutes. I was away from my car 45 minutes or less. I fought back and won on appeal, but the registered letters, photos, etc. cost me. Still, it was my money, not the City’s. This was the second time something like this happened. I am tired of the DOT or whoever it is, taking advantage of us.
Beautifully expressed!
Please daven for Yaakov Avraham ben Michleh and Dov Nechemiah HaKohein ben Rochel Chaya Sorah, both for a refuah. I don’t question WHO davens for someone. We never know whose tefilah Hashem is Cheshboning at any given moment. The more, the better. So thank you for asking and have a safe and meaningful Rosh Hashana and gebensched year.
We say that Mitzvah goreres mitzvha and aveira goreres aveira. This is taking it to thinking outside the box. That the aveira that a Jew in one place does, has a ripple effect on another Jew somewhere else. I would not say it is outside the realm of possibility. We are all inter-connected.
Goq – not even possible for you to be offensive.