OnlyTheTruth

I’m glad you brought it up. Actually, I’d like to thank you for bringing it up.

#1 For your self, it’s great that you are expressing your self. So at least you can “maybe” get an idea from some of the replies why neighbors might not offer to help or take your boys to shul.

#2 I would just like to give you my opinion or rather feeling below. And maybe it could help someone. First I’d like to ask you to please, please do not hold it against anyone. People just don’t know what to say or do. Not everyone has the Z’chus to have the knowledge and the courage to help others. The bottom line is most people are good and they afraid they will hurt your feelings. So, I know this might be a hard one for you. But if you really feel you need the help don’t be afraid to ask. And even then some might jump to help and some might not for personnel reasons that you’ll never know. Example: I’d love to bring home a shabbos guest every week. But I know it would be to stressful for my wife or kids etc.. So I don’t even bring it up. I look for other Chesed Mitzvas to do.

So please don’t hold it against them, and if you feel you can ask them try. And for all you know they might be thanking you.

NOW

Why am I writing all this? (Sorry I can’t write details, not to give it all away.)

I have two divorced people living on my block.

I always see things that make me feel so bad, that I wish I just had the courage to walk over to them and ask them if I could help.

(And that is exactly why I thank you for bringing it up.)

But on the other hand, I am always worried for two things, #1 what if I defend anyone. (Even though I know that as long as I don’t say anything hurtful I shouldn’t worry) #2 I’m afraid, that will start asking for to much or for things I can not help them with. And by nature if I start helping someone I can’t just do it half way.

The main point what is bothering me and I always think I should help but then think it’s not my business.

I’ll bring this out and I’ll leave it at that even tough I have more examples.

One divorcee is a father who has a handsome young boy old enough that he looks like he will be Bar Mitzvah in a year or two. But he dose not bring his son to shul. I have a strong feeling that one reason he doesn’t come is because he has a complex or who knows what. He stays home with his sibling from the opposite gender who is way way older and nebech nebech “looks like she would be a very bad influence on his neshomah. But she looks like a very caring sister. believe me I’m not judging her. But the way she dresses I almost resent living on the block with my children. But on the other hand. I keep on thinking. What can I do or say to these people to make them feel liked and part of “US”. The father works hard all day. The son comes home to an empty house, the sis I think has a job. I more then once wanted to ask the pops where his son is in shul and get in to a conversation. But held my self back. Not to say the wrong thing. Obviously the dad knows where the child should be, or maybe not. Or maybe he just can’t help it. He’s a nice guy, I always greet him and say how are you and that’s about it.

Then, recently, we have another divorcee on the block. And this is a women we are talking about. I have no clue who they are. And the history. But she ended up with a few boys. What can I tell you. My heart go’s out for them. They come in to Shul on their own take a Siddur and do not leave their seats until we finish Davening. I Do greet them. Even though I’m not sure if they know where I live. But I know it doesn’t matter. I do it because I want them to feel like they are noticed. They are not a fly on the wall. But I wish I could do more for them. The answr is maybe yes and maybe no. But a good word. A hello, good morning, good shabbos. will not insult anyone.

Hi,

Honestly, no one can decide on another persons Paycheck if it’s a big hit or not. I don’t get paid a lot and I’m not a book keeper so I couldn’t tell you other peoples numbers.

From my check a whole $13 was deducted.

Some use, a head set in stead of Bluetooth. Its the thing that goes around your head almost like head phones but only half way with mic. I think many of those work with blur tooth as well. Its not the first option, but if you keep on loosing them then you might want to try those.

This is my opinion: Hope its not too long.

The question is what is the lock for? Is it for when they are inside the room? or when they leave the room/house?So no one can enter even Totty or Mommy? Some people no matter what age they are like things to be private, have things a certain way, nice and neat not moved around things borrowed and not returned etc.. especially teenagers I think. Let’s say if you live in a house with a bunch of kids and some have a tendency to take with out asking etc.. Or if they say they want to study/homework and the 10 year old needs to nudge at that time.

Now if it is for something like that you need to know who your dealing with, you need to have some trust, if you live in a smaller apartment or in a house where there is no place for some one to hide for some privacy to rest, read a book, study, then some consideration needs to be given.

One example I know a family that had to buy a little case with a lock for one child because the other had a eating disorder and they couldn’t keep any nosh, snack for the next day laying around, it was either the the lock or nothing at all and that’s not fear.

But the healthy adults are able to get in and put in nosh and clean the box etc..

Now if it’s for when they leave the house the question is how old they are? If they are children that depend on your care no matter how old they are you should have access to that room at all times. And not because you don’t want to trust them, you tell them its because you do want to trust them, Totty and Mommy also share the same room and there is a difference between hiding things and not touching someones things with out permission. It’s ok to lock a door, but not to let anyone in is not right.

Now, if its an adult child living in your house I thing it depends on the condition’s and terms you have worked out. It depends on the situation and if you feel you need to have access to that room then discuss it respectfully with them. Everyone is entitled to respect and privacy.

By the way I knock before entering my Second Graders room as well, if the door is not open. You teach them respect by giving it.

Health, This thread is getting more absurd by the post. I can tell from some posts on here that they never had a therapy session in their life. And they are stam hocking a cheinik.

How early? In which part are you staying? So we can save you time.

If I may chime in.

When I was growing up, we were told somthing that sounds very simliar and it could well be that it’s true and you don’t get the concept. And by the way becuase I was brought up this way I can’t stand when my son dose it so I will ask him to wear slippers. Some children & even grown ups have a habbit of kicking there shoes off under the table. We were told that it’s not Shabbosdig to go around with out shoes because an Avul go’s with out shoes during the week. That is still true today, So basicly you can understand the concept. Now for you to get the kids to not kick there shoes off is a chalange and for her to get that is even harder because she had kids a long time ago. And I think you can tell her I understand about the not wearing shoes on shobbos, but for kids its hard and you will work on it at home.

About her having different opinons is like this. If it’s in her house she can have her rules but if they affect you? what ever they are you need to decide if you can live with them or not. If not, then try not to go there. Trust me, It took me a while. I got very nervous every time my father inlaw bud in everytime I had somthing to tell my young children. Every time I sang a song he told me how it go’s different, and some other things. I didn’t argue with him. I just stopped going there for Shabbos at one point. I have all different excuses, not to go there and they are all true. That’s what he accomplished. My biggest excuse is the best. It’s Shabbos and I need my own bed. I’m a little older than I was ten years a go.

In your house? you are the boss. Yes, every one gets respect, but the rules are yours. If you say plastic plates then its plastic. no arguments needed. I think the problem is, and corect me if I’m wrong. You start feeling put down, if everything is not the way she wants. But you know what it dosnt matter a bit. What you could do is, next time she comes serve everyone on plastic and serve her on china if she asks you why say respectfuly. We usally use plastic to make it easier for us on motzie Shabbos but I know you like China so L’Chovod You I took out china. If she has brains sh’ll say you dont have to.

But then on the other hand. It could well be that your MIL was brought up in a home where they stressed issues on Chovod Shabbos, that’s what it sounds like. About the shoes, and here about China. My grandparents hardly took out a plastic plate and buying a dishwasher was never a thought. So that gos back to the your house her house rules.

Is she from Eroupe by any chance? over there they are very in to China 🙂

MOgold

Chaverim did not start in Wiliamsburg, it was in Boro Park first.

And the directors have nothing with Satmar.

Let’s be fear.

I don’t have a child learning over seas yet. But I can tell you that’s not the only saftey concern I would have and probably the smallest. If I was this concernd as you are and rightfuly you are. Go in to any hardware homeware store in your area and buy a smoke/carbon dedector for less then twenty dollars. One set of Batteries will get you through atleast one Zman.

I wish you a lot of nachas.

If you want to be a Machmer and be m’chabud/Honor the Holy Shabbos it would for sure be nice to have a special pair. If it looks not shabbosdig then it is probably not an honor. But your not a mechlul shabbos if thats all you can afford.

I knew a person from Pre war Eroupe who even war a different Yarmeluka and and made sure never to wear pure black pant on shabbos. So it should be sepecial for Shabbos.

That’s why many Rebbe’s wear White pants on shabbos. That you should see it’s different from a whole week.

It’s a true Story that happened many years a go. When smoking at Chasunah’s was more popular. A Rebbe was sitting at the head table of a wedding of the Daizsha family. the Rebbe said Daizsha Rebbe “Ir kent mir geben a Cigeretel?” Five hands with cigerets come flying his way.