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June 23, 2011 11:34 pm at 11:34 pm in reply to: Flatbush- why are the streets so empty after dark? #780427OfcourseMember
shein, I’m happy I live far, far away from any of those places where people are happy to live far, far away from BP & F.
I agree! Whether the people walk or not, theyre def Mkomos Torah, full of top Yeshivos.
Wolf, have u been drinking today?
June 23, 2011 11:27 pm at 11:27 pm in reply to: Flatbush- why are the streets so empty after dark? #780424OfcourseMemberWhat Im questioning is why no one likes to walk in those areas. Theyre such beautiful blocks.
June 23, 2011 8:01 pm at 8:01 pm in reply to: Flatbush- why are the streets so empty after dark? #780416OfcourseMemberapu, It is entirely possible that the reason is because the homes on the blocks mentioned by the OP are rather large and spacious inside with room for the various family members to do their own thing and have their own space.
You can do your own thing, but you cant take a walk inside your house.
OfcourseMemberYay, Mendelsohns. Tastes pretty similar to when buying from store.
June 22, 2011 7:54 pm at 7:54 pm in reply to: Many attempts were made for the Kallah. How would you proceed? #791182OfcourseMemberRABBAIM, When I am mesader kiddushin I inform them that I will not get under that chupah unless the shadchan is paid.
May you be gezunt and shtark! We all know that our treatment of Shadchanim affects to some degree how involved Shadchanim want to be in the future. Especially when we deal with people who dont care or apologize for the couples who dont even make a call at the time of engagement. So, poor treatment of Shadchanim, in effect, at least minimally, creates less Jews. As far as the financial part, when you see photos of a very elegant wedding, in a very elegant hall, it hurts.
Not that many people, Shadchanim and otherwise, are on a G-dlike level.
June 22, 2011 7:02 pm at 7:02 pm in reply to: Many attempts were made for the Kallah. How would you proceed? #791175OfcourseMemberDY, throughout the Shidduch I spoke openly about expecting Shadchanus if a Shidduch goes through.
jaw22, what percentage of Shadchanim dont stipulate fees in advance and get Shadchanus nevertheless? I would think 85%.
I think (hope) it’s very rare for a Shadchan to get n o t h i n g (not even a call from the couple).
June 22, 2011 6:22 pm at 6:22 pm in reply to: Many attempts were made for the Kallah. How would you proceed? #791171OfcourseMemberwandering, If not, it was lost in the mail, and either way, you would greatly appreciate it if she could send you a replacement check for your efforts.
I emailed her weeks ago that I never got the check or invitation. She answered that she will stop the check. I asked her if she could please send another. She said she never shirks her responsibilities and “the kids will take care of it”.
June 22, 2011 5:53 pm at 5:53 pm in reply to: Many attempts were made for the Kallah. How would you proceed? #791169OfcourseMemberDY, You are simply ignoring the fact that there are halachos about this.
Thanks DY!
jaw22, What about the fact that Rabbonim say that non payment of Shadchanus is NOT good for the couple’s mazel? Wouldnt that make the parents selfish?
The mother’s behavior is very unique: first saying-I mailed an invitation wth a check, then- it must have gotten lost in the mail, to the present – the kids will take care of it.
Also, it’s the money too, many hours are involved, and there just arent enough Shadchanim who are willing to do it for free. Are you willing to start? If you were a Shadchan, it would take a very unique Tzadik gamur not to feel like a fool.
June 22, 2011 2:14 pm at 2:14 pm in reply to: Many attempts were made for the Kallah. How would you proceed? #791162OfcourseMemberFYI:
SHADCHANUS GELT
Before we discuss these issues, we need to establish whether paying a shadchan is indeed a halachic requirement.
http://archive.aish.com/smicha/documentsandshiurim/kaganoffarticles/shadchan.doc
June 22, 2011 5:37 am at 5:37 am in reply to: Many attempts were made for the Kallah. How would you proceed? #791158OfcourseMemberThe Chassan and Kallah both are on Facebook. Is there a tactful way to let them know that their mother/mother in law expects them to take care of Shadchanus?
If we believe that not paying Shadchanus can be harmful to Mazel, whether the Shadchan feels badly about it or not, then wouldnt I be helping them by telling them that it wasnt taken care of?
June 22, 2011 1:37 am at 1:37 am in reply to: Many attempts were made for the Kallah. How would you proceed? #791155OfcourseMemberoomis How could the mother not notice the shadchan was not at the wedding????????
A Shailoh? I never got an invitation.
_______________________________________________________________
Im thinking- would it be more gauche of me than she has been if I ask her to perhaps lay out the money for the couple. Let them work it out between themselves. It is already overdue.
Is there a tactful way to say it?
June 21, 2011 10:24 pm at 10:24 pm in reply to: Many attempts were made for the Kallah. How would you proceed? #791148OfcourseMemberAfter months of me mentioning that I expect Shadchanus, and her answering sure, and then telling me she mailed me a check in an invitation, then switching and saying the couple will take care of it, which is not really nice, to say the least, I think I had the right to sound a little tough. Shes been making a fool out of me, I feel. Im so turned off I cant think of Shidduchim. Im nauseaus. She was sooooo friendly while I was redding her Shidduchim.
June 21, 2011 8:33 pm at 8:33 pm in reply to: Many attempts were made for the Kallah. How would you proceed? #791143OfcourseMemberWM Send her a note thanking her for her response, wishing the couple lots of nachas and mazal, and that you look forward to receiving a check before date X (pick a date at some point — but not too long — after Sheva Brachos)
I like that and I did just that. Heres what I wrote- I think it’s non- threatening but to the point:
__________________________________________________________________
_ _ _ _, I want to make sure you understand that I never got a check.
Did you ever mail me a check (Id really like an answer- why should I wonder) and if yes, what made you turn the responsibility over to the couple?
Are they aware that they have the responsibility? If yes, Id really like it within a month, just as anyone likes to be paid for services rendered.
June 21, 2011 6:53 pm at 6:53 pm in reply to: Many attempts were made for the Kallah. How would you proceed? #791140OfcourseMemberUPDATE:
I just got an email from the Kallah’s mother.
“The kids know what they have to do. They are waiting for after Sheva Brochos”.
How long do I wait, if I am NOT about to chalk this up after all my efforts, and what do I do next? I wonder if the “kids” even know that the parents didnt take care of Shadchanus and expect them to.
June 21, 2011 6:50 pm at 6:50 pm in reply to: Many attempts were made for the Kallah. How would you proceed? #791137OfcourseMemberWM Perhaps the OP’s client took it to mean marriage and since the marriage has not yet taken place, the fee is not yet incurred.
You missed in the original post: The wedding was this week.
June 21, 2011 6:46 pm at 6:46 pm in reply to: Many attempts were made for the Kallah. How would you proceed? #791135OfcourseMemberWM, And, more importantly, do you *know* that the phrase means the same thing to your client as it does to you?
Well do you think it means zero?
June 21, 2011 6:03 pm at 6:03 pm in reply to: Many attempts were made for the Kallah. How would you proceed? #791121OfcourseMemberWM It sounds like you didn’t make it clear up front that you expected to get paid, but rather relied upon the parties “knowing” that it is halachially required and/or socially acceptable to pay.
Absolutely not! I mentioned while the Shidduch was ongoing, that when Shidduchim are made, I expect the going rate.
OfcourseMemberKings and queens never buy new furniture. Only used antiques.
June 19, 2011 11:02 pm at 11:02 pm in reply to: has anyone ever been to albert and sons on new utrect and 48th st. #778134OfcourseMemberA lot of clothing, cleaning products, housewares, some brand names, a little bit of everything.
OfcourseMemberHealth, your post should be in the topic of “chumras”
My post mainly adresses the problem that we have amongst us, MANY 12 years plus Yeshivah educated kids, who are cold, clueless and blase about Yiddishkeit, some nevertheless observing Mitzvos, some not, never mind Chumras. This is not according to me, it’s according to the well known speakers who are trying to be Mekarev them.
OfcourseMemberI recently listened to a shiur on Torahanytime by Rabbi Bentzion Shafier “Teaching Yirat Shamayim”. He says our Chinuch system is “building castles on sand”. We’re focusing on how to be frum to the letter (Halacha) and not why we have to be frum and what our goals in life should be, how it enriches our lives and the Gadlus of Hashem and belief in Hashem.
He says the typical good Yeshiva student when asked if they had a choice of being a Goy in public school, free to do as they please, or a Yid in the Yeshivah system, with many rules, hesitates, and worse, often answers honestly, the former. This is after many years of school.
We’re in denial about the true love of Yiddishkeit among our “good” youth. He says he gets asked regularly by “good” kids and “good” young adults (not with emotional problems or histories) “Do we really have to follow all the Mitzvos?” “How do we know?” “Why?” He feels these questions should have been answered early on in school and reviewed.
He says the basic questions that are answered which a Baal Teshuva hears in his first Kiruv class, arent touched on in twelve years of school. Then we wonder why are youth walks around clueless and aimless, and doing things by rote (I add, sometimes only publicly, unfortunately, as with the Orthoprax). Rabbi Rietti has spoken similarly, giving over necessary facts and figures that crystallize the validity of the Torah (a can of worms, an unwanted topic in many frum schools), that twelve years of school sadly never focused on.
We assume that our children understand the purpose of Jews, the validity of the Torah, and those in Chinuch gloss over it, and focus on the minutae of how to be frum and not the feelings behind it.
June 15, 2011 10:50 pm at 10:50 pm in reply to: Guys who reject most of hundred girls they date- are they "ON the Derech"? #777012OfcourseMemberminyan gal, not at all the case with these 2. One is over thirty, the other mid to upper twenties, and were married, give or take, for a year. No kids, B”H.
June 15, 2011 3:01 pm at 3:01 pm in reply to: Guys who reject most of hundred girls they date- are they "ON the Derech"? #777010OfcourseMemberThis is “two” much. In one week I’ve been advised that 2 guys who went out with hundred+ girls are now divorced and back on the market. Oy.
June 14, 2011 5:23 pm at 5:23 pm in reply to: Wouldnt the Mekubal see whats in store for Weiner? #776414OfcourseMemberThis specific Mekubal had a bad relationship with a very well adjusted, well known individual, who mysteriously jumped from the 19th floor in Manhattan and died. Mekubalim can be scary.
OfcourseMemberbomb, its along the lines of when surgery is performed on me, its major surgery. When the identical surgery is performed on you, TO ME, its minor surgery.
All depends on who is going under the knife and who the crisis is affecting.
June 14, 2011 4:48 am at 4:48 am in reply to: Guys who reject most of hundred girls they date- are they "ON the Derech"? #777003OfcourseMembershlishi, There are a greater *percentage* of older girls unmarried today than 20 years ago???
I graduated High School many years ago. Within 15 years of graduation I think only 3 out of a class of 100 were single. How can you compare to the sitch now? Ouch.
June 13, 2011 11:32 pm at 11:32 pm in reply to: Guys who reject most of hundred girls they date- are they "ON the Derech"? #776995OfcourseMembercherry, Marriage is not for everyone
True, and some of those who are so inflexible in selecting a marriage partner, might possibly be inflexible in marriages as well.
~~~
Im thinking that there are so many single girls in or close to their thirties now. Fast forward twenty years, unless Moshiach comes or some miracle happens, girls who will still be single, will be walking around the frum neighborhoods with uncovered graying or dyed thinning hair (while by comparison, the bulk of their classmates will be blondes, redheads, and brunettes, in addition to having children and granchildren at their sides, now and then). What a sad thought. Until recently they were only a tiny percentage. Ouch.
June 13, 2011 7:29 pm at 7:29 pm in reply to: Guys who reject most of hundred girls they date- are they "ON the Derech"? #776991OfcourseMembergreg, “paint all boys who haven’t had the bracha of finding their bashert as being not quite on the derech”????
Not at all!
Only the ones who after years of constant dating, WITH seriously checking out the girls, and inquiring about personalities, looks, life goals, religiosity and whatever the individual guys’ most important criteria are, consistently reject more than 80% of the time. IMHO something is wrong somewhere that needs soul searching and adjustment.
June 13, 2011 5:38 pm at 5:38 pm in reply to: Guys who reject most of hundred girls they date- are they "ON the Derech"? #776988OfcourseMembergregaaron, in conversation with world renowned, professional Shadchanim, catering strictly to the typical YU Modern Orthodox crowd, I’ve heard them say that most guys who seriously date for more than 2 years and dont find, have an issue of some sort. IMHO this should apply more so Kal Vchomer when dealing with less worldly, more sheltered, supposedly more Ruchnius-dik guys, who are less familiar with popular culture, magazines, and guys’ needs and desires in the Goyishe velt.
Thats my feeling. You can disagree.
Unless, in two plus years of dating, they just cant find a girl Toirah-dik enough. ;(
June 13, 2011 3:35 pm at 3:35 pm in reply to: Guys who reject most of hundred girls they date- are they "ON the Derech"? #776985OfcourseMembergaw, Even in the best of times theres unimagined EE- Hakoras Hatov .
June 13, 2011 1:52 pm at 1:52 pm in reply to: Guys who reject most of hundred girls they date- are they "ON the Derech"? #776981OfcourseMemberquark, your opinion is biased (you make money when you make a shiduch)
Lav Davka. I dont stipulate $.
health, Just because you don’t like their behavior doesn’t give you the right to call them OTD!
I ~ A S K E D ~ “are they “ON the Derech”?”.
When I see the same guys inflicting pain over and over again on so many girls, with girls getting turned off from dating, and the feeling of Yay-ush setting in, I feel someone should tactfully, but effectively Hocheach Tochiach es Amitecha, otherwise we’re all enablers.
June 13, 2011 3:35 am at 3:35 am in reply to: Guys who reject most of hundred girls they date- are they "ON the Derech"? #776975OfcourseMemberpac: Have you missed: Yes, there are girls like that too, who reject most of hundred+ guys they date, but way less.?
pba: You consider it Derech HaTorah and Derech Avoseinu to go out with more than a hunred girls and reject most, for a few years straight, causing immeasurable pain in homes all over? Rejection hurts!!!
You can predict the future with likelihood, if you study the past. A guy who rejects hundreds and doesnt change his attitude, will, barring small number of exceptions, only do the same in the future. Too much pain inflicted on innocent, well intentioned girls.
Saying it’s Basherte isnt an answer when inflicting pain on many.
ilove: We’re on the same page! Yes you clearly see the difference among the genders, within families, in a great majority of families.
CTO: Reasons? Any and every reason or just “Not for me”. What I think they mean? I’m not ready to be realistic or I’m not ready to commit.
June 13, 2011 2:42 am at 2:42 am in reply to: Guys who reject most of hundred girls they date- are they "ON the Derech"? #776970OfcourseMemberpba You don’t usually post troll threads.
Oy. Hashem should help that the subject discussed should be non-existent (no boy should inflict pain on hundred + girls, over and over, by continuous rejection). Unfortunately these misguided guys are too common.
I dont think its the recipe for marital bliss and Mazel in life.
June 12, 2011 11:48 pm at 11:48 pm in reply to: Guys who reject most of hundred girls they date- are they "ON the Derech"? #776963OfcourseMemberHealth, but to call them OTD is wrong!
I didnt go as far as calling them OFF the Derech, I just dont think they’re ON the Derech either! They’re somewhere in the middle. I guess you can call their malady- Serious-dating-prax (similar to Orthoprax)!
Tikkun, So, why do you keep setting them up with dates if you know they are causing pain to other people?
I HAVE stopped with the ones who are professional chronic rejectors, but I know that many other Shadchanim are very active in setting these “cases” up.
June 12, 2011 5:14 pm at 5:14 pm in reply to: Guys who reject most of hundred girls they date- are they "ON the Derech"? #776954OfcourseMemberayc, nice! Otherwise he might have gone on for another 5 years, hurting more girls.
There are frum therapists who specialize in helping these guys.
OfcourseMemberK E B E, placing food on a crockpot works if you have a small family, but if you have a large family or lots of company and are warming several courses, its not doable.
OfcourseMemberIts upsetting to think that outsiders see us as doing risky things in the name of religion, leading to additional use of fire department and ambulance and hospital personnel. I wish there would be an easy solution. Non stop use for 2 or 3 days is more than most appliances are made to tolerate, in addition to carbon monoxide issues.
OfcourseMembercoffee addict, if you find an easier or a tastier method, please let me know. Im always looking to try something new.
June 7, 2011 3:51 pm at 3:51 pm in reply to: Why do politicians and others think they'll get away with dirt? #775781OfcourseMember;0
Oooops, howe abat iff Ii rite de werd indiscretion fivty timez and promiz neva ta spel itt incurrectly agen?
June 7, 2011 3:33 pm at 3:33 pm in reply to: Why do politicians and others think they'll get away with dirt? #775777OfcourseMembersdhn, true…. I guess people think they’ll be among the “lucky” ones whose vices stay private…. but the recent news, sending pics to strangers…. c’mon, its almost as if he wanted to get caught.
OfcourseMemberctrl, u got a job for me where I can read recipes? im coming!
OfcourseMemberI personally dont measure, but I think if I did it would be similar to below measurements.
For medium to large size roast:
Onions- 1 or 2, cut up
Garlic- half bunch
Ketshup- 1/8 cup
Honey- 1/8 cup
Paprika-1 Tablespoon
Wine- 2-3 Tablespoons
How long what degrees? I cook it on the stovetop on low flame until I see the meat looks like its starting to lose its firmness and is almost falling apart at the edges. Then I let it cool somewhat and refrigerate it and slice when cold. Liquid can be strained and used for gravy with addition of 1 Tablespoon of flour to thicken, and if desired a tablespoon of honey and ketshup. Reheat slices in gravy and serve.
I hope you like it.
OfcourseMemberOnions, garlic, ketshup, honey, paprika, wine.
OfcourseMemberMidwest2, When it’s being used as a parnassa, we can expect problems.
While I agree that there are yechidim among Shadchanim who are heartless and tactless, the most highly paid of all Shadchanim, barely eek out a living from it and have to put up with a combination of uppity and whining singles and parents,etc. day and night because of a Shidduch crisis ~t o t a l l y~ not of their doing! Therapists get paid $200 per 45 minute session for listening to others tell them their problems, whether they care or not and help or not. Shadchanim listen day and night for nothing!
Whoever criticizes Shadchanim should be forced to become one! Big talkers!
June 6, 2011 11:59 pm at 11:59 pm in reply to: Why do politicians and others think they'll get away with dirt? #775773OfcourseMemberaries, Anyone will true common sense control their egos and stay out of the public eye.
What about very wealthy folks or those who have high visibility jobs, who are in the public eye simply because theyre very wealthy, well known donors, or have powerful positions, not necessarily political, etc. I dont think that many would pass on wealth and/or high visibility positions.
OfcourseMemberpac, Choshuve people by whose definition?
Oy. Those who know, know, those who dont know, better they dont know. Im sure the pros and cons were debated heavily though.
OfcourseMemberpac, He should go down for marrying a shiksa. That itself is more than enough reason.
Very recently choshuve people in Lakewood supported and encouraged voters to vote for a Jew who was married to a shiksa, who was running against a frum Yid!
June 6, 2011 10:32 pm at 10:32 pm in reply to: Why do politicians and others think they'll get away with dirt? #775771OfcourseMemberMod 80, my apologies to Jo Shmo, of course!!!
June 6, 2011 10:25 pm at 10:25 pm in reply to: Why do politicians and others think they'll get away with dirt? #775770OfcourseMemberMDG, We forget that all is being watched and will be reviewed in the Olam HaEmet.
Unfortunately many are more concerned with how they’ll fare in the prozdor than in the traklin .
June 6, 2011 2:14 am at 2:14 am in reply to: Dont forget-SALUTE TO ISRAEL PARADE SUNDAY JUNE 5th #774820OfcourseMemberThis was one of those days where I wish I could have been two places- Chumash Seudah and Parade! Shucks!
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