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binahyeseira, who said anything about paying the guys? Theres suggestions here to pay a Shadchan to work harder for older girls, where the guys have absolutely no financial gain.
IMHO the biggest advantage of the Nasi project is giving Chizuk to all to attempt closer in age Shidduchim first.
AZ, unfourtanetly there are less than 10 people in the country who are doing anything about it.
May you have Arichas Yomim for your efforts, and may there be an awakening of those who have the koach to change things, to follow in your holy footsteps!
Im a Bubby, not a Biblical scholar, but my heart tells me what angers Hashem more than anything is lack of Achdus and selfishness among Jews, more than sins of secular Jews and government.
Also, how can we fault irreligious Jews for Aveiros, if religious Jews are far from Aveiros-free?
AZ, so if me with my realtively small mind grasps the enormity of the situation, why dont those in the press and those in real authority work harder on this and give it more publicity? Trust me, its causing tragedies and illnesses l”a in many homes.
Can someone explain how we help marry off ALL older girls (over 24) if there are a very small number of available guys per large number of girls? One girl will get one guy, regardless of what we’re paying the Shadchan for date #1 and date #4!!!! That still leaves many many girls without guys.
For instance: If we go to a store for a container of milk, and there are 25 people looking to buy a container of milk, but there is only ONE container, one person gets the container of milk, 24 DO NOT, no matter what efforts are made, or what is offered to be paid by the people looking to buy a container of milk!!! How do we help the 24 who didnt get the container of milk if there was only one and its gone?
Any time there is one container of milk available, there’s one who gets it and 24 who dont.
AZ, your advice might work for the under 24 crowd girls. But, once a girl exceeds 24, the pool of boys ready willing and able to get married is comparatively so small, we’re giving Shadchanim an inhumanly difficult task of streching one boy for a few girls, which does NOT work in our religion. In the game of musical chairs more girls are left with no chair than with a chair, after 24. This causes the guys to feel theres less of an urgency for them to commit. The comparatively few desirable guys get better and better and more and more girls thrown at them, with strong emotion, and pressure, as time goes on.
i understand how difficult it is to get a date off the ground…. i appreciate any and all the time you spend of behalf of…. if youy are able to get her to date number 1 i would want to compendsate you … if it’s a real quality idea that gets to date #4 i would compensate …… in apprciate of what it takes…
try it it works……
OK folks, has anyone here tried it? Did it work to get them more dates than previously? I think its a matter of getting a guy to say yes, and no matter what the Shadchan says to the guys, the guys’ minds are pretty much impossible to change (now perhaps if we offered the guy $ for the dates…, hee hee).
By the way, Im not trying to malign Shadchanim. They have so few boys resumes, they feel its pointless to speak to lots of girls/parents so they very quickly “narrow” their female clientele to those they have some connection with.
snow, ofcourse, i agree with you. i think i know one. not more…
Im almost willing to bet that this ONE (Shidduch resulting from calling a Shadchan off a list) resulted in the Shadchan realizing early in the call, that the caller and them have some mutual relative or close friend (that the Shadchan wanted to please), so the Shadchan was willing to talk.
Otherwise, fuegeddabattit.
Is anyone aware of ONE Shidduch that resulted from calling a Shadchan off a list?
You never get as far as offering $ per date. These calls don’t lead to discussion of a date, or any discussion at all. The experiences of those Ive spoken to is (especially if theyre calling about a girl)- Cant talk right now, call back… call back….call back….
OK, confession time!
Am I the only one who is specifically jealous (I try hard not to be) of those who marry off all their children, one after another, early? I consider that one of the biggest gifts of all, because of the stress it leads to when one has difficulty in that area. Its such Heartbreak Hotel.
Is it only me? Money, kavod, and all the rest dont even come close. Possibly health and Yiddishe Nachas from children and grandchildren both tie for second place.
tbt, Oy!
I see all the Mailos with solving the age gap, but the Klal needs more Intensive Emergency First Aid by people who people listen to, in other areas as well. The presently small percentage of guys willing to date same age girls, isnt going to change things enough.
To those who have posted their breakfasts, do you really eat the same breakfast every day forever? How long do you eat the identical breakfast before you think it’s time for a change?
Lets be real. I know of many good, normal girls whose parents got hold of lists, and repeatedly, politely, called these Shadchanim, whose names were on these lists, for months, and never got a single return call.
snow, I dont have numbers but Mrs Richards (caters more to the BP Heimish crowd) and Mrs Rose (caters more to the Flatbush Yeshivish and Modern Yeshivish types), both of Brooklyn, might be interested in an arrangement like you mentioned.
Famous sage once said:
Di (Enough)
Et (eating)
AZ, if you think that I can convince any guy or his mother to give preference to a girl from a specific age group over the other 10 he is redt to at the same time, you must be smoking something….
Unless he has heard from someone he holds in high esteem that this is what he should do. Perhaps regular reminders of what the 70 R”Y have said, are in order. People conveniently forget.
Some can be convinced, but they’re a tiny minority. The younger the better, past 20 perhaps, is what the mindset most often is.
AZ, thoese who get it, get it, those who don’t – i guess just won’t……..Put all you personal thoeries, suspicions, first hand opinions to rest for 3 mintues and the age gap concept becomes ovious.
I ~W H O L E H E A R T E D L Y~ agree with the age gap problem, but I think theres more to it that that. Anyhow, imho there wouldnt be this 1 to 10 disparity as a result, if it was only the age gap problem. Even if every 23 y.o. guy married a 23 y.o. girl, the guys would need Shadchanim less.
If Im wrong and the age gap problem is the cause of the bulk of the problem, and that can be shown and proven to those in authority in our community (NOT wasted on the Shadchanim, who on their own cant change people’s minds and behavior as much), isnt it high time that it should be shown to them, and strongly encouraged, very publicly with much greater strength than it is now, by them????? Isnt that what Hashem would want to ease and prevent tears and suffering in our community?
Somehow, whichever Shadchan or organization you speak to (aside from Chassidim), the ratio of boys profiles to girls, they receive, is close to 1 to 10. That is the biggest problem. Perhaps AZ can explain better, because Im at a loss, despite being involved in Shidduchim myself. Now thats in the new to Shidduchim age group. As the singles age, it becomes worse. The amount of boys to girls profiles becomes even smaller.
My suspicion is that guys are approached by friends and relatives so much more, that they dont have to seek out Shadchanim and organizations for help in looking for possibilities.
ydu, Ofcource- As far as I know Grains in bags or in Bins with Scoops(not processed)do not need a hechsher, but they do need to be thoroughly checked for bugs and other things. If Whole Grains are manufactured in a Factory, then the product needs a hechsher. Ofcourse you can purchase all unprocessed Grains and Legumes at the Health Food Store.
1- Do most here buy grains in bags/bins with no Hechsher? (I will ask my Rov, if I hear that the prices are way more reasonable and are available nearby)
2- Are they much cheaper that way?
3- Where in NYC (preferably Brooklyn) is a reasonable place?
Two questions for the health conscious folk here:
1- Interesting that no one mentioned Ezekiel bread. Do you like it? It’s supposed to be very healthy. Wheres can you get it at the best price?
2- Where can you get health food store items like quinoa, bulgur and other similar grains, in large sizes, reasonably (with hechsherim)?
On the topic of Quinoa:
Is there a place to buy quinoa with a good hechsher in big containers? The small bags that they sell in the health food store are expensive.
Has it been statistically proven that couples who complement one another according to the test and rating system, have happier marriages?
I did some googling and find that in some areas opposites work better, in some areas similarites. (Two Judgers or 2 Perceivers dont work well together…)
bpt, and spoon of PB
I hope it wasnt Skippy reduced fat…
I think there are probably lots in Woodmere- Aish Kodesh. Correct me if Im wrong, I think the Rov was YU and became Chassidish and has many BT followers.
Be your own detective. Do a Cheshbon HaDiet and figure out your Worst Noshing Times ( most often couch potato times or stressful times) and Worst Noshes (calorie laden). Try substituting healthy foods for the unhealthy and offer yourself “fun” rewards, other than eating, for a week of “being good”.
Also, get a quality juicer and drink home made vegetable and fruit juices, and try to make them and drink them on a schedule. You’ll want less nosh. Eat high fiber foods. Eat less starches, especially white flour and sugar. Try dieting with a friend and compare notes about what helps.
Be confident and think of the prize.
Hatzlacha.
PY, unless your wife is minimally brain endowed, it will be pretty much understood by her and all, what you wanted to say, without saying it, which makes you either not such a big tzaddik or …..Vehamayvin Yovin.
observanteen, ofcourse: So if you’re not naturally beautiful you’re allowed to wear less tzniusdike clothing? And if you do have a nice figure or a beautiful face, what r u supposed to do then?
Not at all. Tznius rules should be followed. Im just pointing out facts of life. What Im saying is that the really pretty girls (and they know who they are), when they dont follow Tznius rules, they are really taking advantage of the G-d given gifts from Hashem. It’s a test for them! Because theyre the ones who wreak havoc most!
I always wonder about men’s Yetzer Hara and think unfortunately the most Tzniusdik women who are very pretty, attract more mens’ attention than non-Tzniusdik average looking women.
I looked out my window this Shabbos (I live near a Shul and a busy avenue with lots of people coming and going) and frankly the more Tzniusdik women who were just plain naturally georgeous (great figures, good complexions, nice sheitels, confident walks/poise, even the most conservative dressers), for sure turn more heads than the average, not Tzniusdik women.
How many men are really interested in another look at a not attractive, too heavy or too thin woman wearing a tight short outfit???
pba, ROTFL!
Unless of course someone brings something down from a Sefer, perhaps with a Gematria.
Basic Colors on Coney Island Ave near Avenue J. I love the stretchy fabric they use and they hold up well. Their bandanas’ elastic doesnt last though.
I would imagine that you’ve already had a heart to heart talk with your mother and explained to her your reasons. What did she answer? Why arent your reasons for waiting valid in her eyes? You’ll have plenty of opportunities to date in a year or two.
Try taking up the issue with someone whose advice she takes and who she looks up to. Maybe they can have a talk with her.
yeshivabochur123, Kol Hakavod to you! Halevei all guys would be as mature and thought out.
Are some here thinking that, with guys, looks is most often the frontrunner to personality? Some girls have the most sweet, chainifdik personalities and people just fall in love with them.
Can someone please offer a complete recipe with weights/measurements of meat, beans, water and other ingredients?
Does a crockpot produce a better chulent? Or is a pot just the same, as long as the right ingredients are used?
Id like to follow an exact recipe, next week iy”H.
TIA.
DY, there are Taivos and there are Taivos. Negative sites are very serious Taivos.
DY, If moderating for YWN will keep people off other sites, it’s a mitzvah.
I dont mean to sound sarcastic or naive, but from everyone’s tone it seems that CR members dont have any such Taivos.