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In those circles, the boys have the lists. In many other groups, MO, BTs, older singles, boys who have the sense to know they need a parnassah, there the men don’t have such lists, some can’t get a date at all.
On which planet?
The key word that girls use over and over is N O R M A L. Most single girls I know are looking for a normal boy. By and large, they want to get married and have kids, and are willing to look away stuff (way more than the guys).
I invite the guys you speak of to join SYAS or to network and find out who “SB” is, who I spoke of earlier, who emails Shadchanim tens of profiles daily.
Some good ideas here. The only way any idea can get off the ground is someone researching and coming up with a clear outline of the idea and then bring it to a highly respected Rov and getting a Haskama. Otherwise at least fifty people will criticize and knock it down.
Someone mentioned all Shadchanim trading resumes. Someone “SB” is already doing that. Hes amazing!
Ofcourse, I’m wondering where you are finding these guys. My wife and I set up about 25 dates a year and rarely do the guys ask about looks before the date or comment afterward.
So the concept of guys not giving a yes without a picture these days, must be fabricated or just doesn’t exist in your area. Wonderful!!!! (Hmmmmm. Where is your area?)
How about this: marry a BT like I did and the mother-in-law won’t even be remotely involved in the shidduch.
Perhaps, but while I’m in awe of BTs for many other reasons, from my experience, male BTs are just as fussy about appearance. Theyre not that much easier to commit.
oomis and Streekgeek: +1,000,000,000+
The comment about the guys doing all the work was hysterical.
Sure they do, because most guys get ten times as many dates, while the girls wait for “yes”es.
It’s because potential mothers-in-law are more picky than potential fathers-in-law, and people judge their own gender more because they think they know everything.
Lets not heap all the blame on mothers in law. The ratio of guys who openly tell me what physical characteristics they like, to those who don’t tell me what physical characteristics they like, are 95:1. We cant blame only mothers for what their sons are saying.
Just thinking though… if all the girls with great Midos, were raised by parents who taught them Midos, why did their brothers turn out differently????
Perhaps people who taught their kids Midos only have daughters? Or their lessons failed on their sons?
streek, YOU ARE AMAZING and hit the nail on the head!!!!!!!!! If only there were boys around with your mindset! I very rarely come across guys who dont speak of what they want physically. But but but….I need to be ….Oy.
Like my teachers used to say “Azoi vi se christelt zich, azoi yiddisht zich”… we mimic non-Jews. Sad but true. Probably also related to the pitiful lack of good role models these days…
the current system is a loser on all fronts and the only thing going for it is that it is so inept it is destined, within a short period of time, to collapse upon itself.
What exactly would you recommend as the ideal, that Rabbonim would like and encourage?
Lets not forget that 75% of singles in our communities get married that way, and we still have a WAY WAY lower divorce rate than the world at large… so B”H it could be worse!
The point is, people in Frum communities know people. You don’t need boys knowing girls well or vice versa. You need guys who know guys and girls who know girls, and then the overlaps (siblings, close families, neighbors, friendly parents, etc.) can set people up. Honestly, I think turning Shidduchim into a big business has hurt single people more than anything else.
Great idea thats been suggested for a LOOOONG time, but unfortunately is not happening enough. How many letters have you read to the Yated and other publications, from singles bemoaning the fact that their former best friends dont even call them once they get married, never mind suggesting Shidduchim!
Depending on getting set up by friends is a recipe for disaster and will only INTENSIFY the Shidduch crisis. Not happening, my friend.
Trolling, my foot! Its Common Sense.
If Shadchanim would get paid more per Shidduch, imho there would be more Shadchanim.
If people are hesitant to put the time into Shidduchim because of financial loss because of the time spent, that leaves only the very wealthy who can well afford to do it without major loss to their families!!!!
As far as how many Shidduchim successful Shadchanim make yearly, ask a S U C C E S S F U L Shadchan how many Shidduchim they average a year. I think you’ll be surprised. But don’t ask any who are prone to lieing or exaggerating. Get back to us here on that, please.
I think people here are missing the problem. Ive made more than 10 Shidduchim in the last few years B”H. I deal with Mod Orth Machmir to Yeshivish.
There are simply not enough Shadchanim willing to put enough time into Shidduchim. A Shadchan averages a few Shidduchim a year, even the most successful. But many make as little as one a year!!!!! If theyre getting 1,000 or even 1,800 a side, and are spending every night, every year involved in Shidduchim, and we all know that most are unsuccessful, they make pennies an hour. With the economic climate we’re in, that’s just not feasible.
If the very wealthy people in the community would be willing to put every spare minute into Shidduchim, b’chol l’vavam u’bchol nafshum, we wouldn’t have a Shidduch crisis!!!! and lots less heartache, because wealthy people are influential and their voices would be heard!!!
When ______________ talks, people listen. But, LEIDER they say they have no time (unless theyre looking for Shidduchim for their own children, then theyre busy yomam v’laila and find the time)!!!!
Theyre just too busy going from their city home to their winter home, back to their city home, then on to their summer homes, and lavish vacations thrown in, in between shopping trips. They have time for packing and going and coming…
Sorry folks, its the truth!
FINITO!
Sorry as well. But its comforting to hear that there potentially are/were others besides R’ Blumenkrantz a”h who people other than family members have/had a real kesher with. Since his death I feel orphaned. Suggestions anyone?
Ha! My sentiments exactly!
I have red thousands of Shidduchim in the last couple of years!!! In my household, we agreed with you Agreer, after reading that on Shabbos!!!!
A family member says the undersigned like the idea of making BIGGER bucks, possibly. Big bucks isnt enough.
Im taken aback that the Yated didnt offer comments by those who arent that positively impressed with this novel idea (Nasi has accomplished a lot, but this new idea, um…).
soliek, you dont need a virtual police state to protect yourself from people who would use your personal information against you…just a little common sense.
Please elaborate.
skiaddict, NK are yiden too and no one can dare deny that!
Ok, how should we act towards Jewish molesters an murderers?
pushtayid, have you e v e r heard one respected Gadol say even one nice thing about NK, or even hint to some saving grace of theirs? That should answer your question.
You might be able to judge wealth by what a person throws out- and in what condition, although Ive heard people say some extremely wealthy people are very stingy. OTOH Jerry Lewis the comedian never wore a pair of socks twice, once he became successful. He changes socks a few times a day and always brand new. I think he might donate them, so it wouldnt be in his garbage, although people like that prob have other interesting things in their garbage.
Someone once said this
“If you have ZERO expectations, you’ll have ZERO disappointments”.
Any opinions on anything better than Schmerling, if limited to CY?
Schmerling!
Health, And Hashem would be pleased if a 20 y.o. girl married a 40 -50 y.o. old guy and encouraged others to do the same. It works both ways.
What makes you say that???? Ask Rabbonim. Thats “Hugh H—-r”esque. Yuck!
Health, Most won’t marry older women. There probably are a few reasons why not -I just mentioned one of them!
Thats between each individual man and Hashem, but IMHO Hashem would be pleased if they did and encouraged others to do the same.
We down here cant produce more guys to fill the need. We have to do our Hishtadlus and not orchestrate older girls having less opportunity to get married, causing heartache to the families of older girls.