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acron, I should certainly hope so, it’s a z’chus to be able to recognize siyata d’shamaya in our day to day 😛
To be clear, I would never ask for a number in terms of weight ever. Sorry, if that was unclear, I would only ask height. 1xx, does not mean 100 lbs, it meant fill in that last two digits. I agree with everything you say about different weights looking different, it’s like that for guys too. Even guys of the same height, same weight, totally different look.I appreciate your honesty and I understand where you’re coming from.
I’ll counter with my honesty, and say that I’m short and slim. I am tired of hearing people (the women in my family mainly who are heavy for the most part) tell me that I shouldn’t judge based on external appearances and I should look inside. I do very much look inside but I couldn’t marry a girl much bigger than me. I care so much about middos and inner beauty, but don’t I have the right to be the Big Man on Campus in my own home?I’m tired of always being smaller and shorter than everyone I am around and I’d like it if in my own home I was the bigger person. I don’t mean to be harsh, but telling me to throw looks out the window annoys me so much. I guess I have my own place of angst too.
You should not worry about being nixed before it starts because most guy often admit that they’re perfectly fine with heavier girls and prefer girls who don’t look like supermodels. It’s just the same as being nixed for going to XYZ seminary. I do meet girls to see if she is pretty in my eyes, and I’ve gone on dates with girls who had at least 80+ lbs on me and I was a gentleman and a joy all the way through.
ws: Sorry, if I’m not being clear. You are correct in that people have different standards and do generally try to be “nice”, which is why I don’t trust a random reference, and (partly) why I don’t ask the question. But I DO ask the person initially suggesting the shidduch to me. It is usually mentioned before I can ask and generally I know how to gauge the accuracy of their description because I know the person redting. BUT if her looks aren’t brought up, you can be sure that I WILL ask. You are right that in terms of pretty, gorgeous, beautiful, cute it’s all very vague and objective, but if a girl is 1xx+ lbs, that’s not objective, and I won’t go out with her, or if she’s above 5″x I won’t go out with her either and I’ll definitely ask about height.
You can tell from answers if she’s gorgeous or “pretty” in a “nice” manner. I’m not expecting people to lie. Nor do I ask a reference if a girl is good looking. I do ask if she dresses well, though. I assume that someone who is suggesting a girl for me, knows me well enough to suggest a girl that is within the realm of what I consider attractive.
writersoul: That’s a din in the reference, not in the dater. People should be careful how they give over information, but a person can ask in an appropriate manner.
jewishfeminist: “Also, physical attraction can follow emotional attraction.” Not to generalize, but that is why girls don’t need a picture and guys do. It’s very rare for a guy to marry a girl he didn’t consider in the realm of attractive on the first date.
The phone, i or otherwise, should not make an appearance on a date. It makes a rude impression. Borrow a watch to keep track of time.
@oomis Physical appearances DO matter, why should someone waste time on a date with someone they couldn’t be married to?
#1 Me and all my dating friends (guys) have resumes.
#2 A girl can reject first too, but I think it has more to do with girls appearing more outwardly individualistic.
#That very much depends on what circles and the specific families, more than the the general shidduchim parsha. That has more to do with families than the boy or girl themselves.
Also, most guys do not want a “stick”. That’s a stupid generalization. Most guys want a girl they’re attracted to and that’s how it should be. I don’t know that heavier girls have a harder time getting married. I don’t know why we don’t give in pictures at all/as much as girls do, but I don’t think most guys would care if it was requested.
I got my hands on a couple of masechtas of NVS in “chassan shas” size. I did not find it as bulky or awkward as I thought it would be and I enjoyed using them very much. I don’t think they’re as large and unwieldy as the older generation of chassan shas, but it’s a matter of preference.
Wrap your hand in an undershirt, park in the shade, don’t hold the steering wheel, take the pain, leave a dish towel on top of your steering wheel when you park and it’ll be fine when you come back.
Toi, excellent. That was my thought exactly.
None. Absolutely none.
I have Kaspersky, it does a phenomenal job. It has plenty of controls to create a a filter, plus it allows you to black or white list general websites, which was great for me. Also, it seems to learn or adapt and it blocks a specific site when logged in with a specific account which was circumventing the filter.
I would share a can of coke or a cup with my wife. I also do share those with (select) friends.
In truth, I do not know. I’ve only heard this from others but they did say it in regards to a comment about an American city receiving rain over Shavuos so I can’t tell you one way or another.
It rained over Shavuos. I believe the Shlah says to expect rain if it rains over Shavuos.
I heard once you shouldn’t tell your wife about an argument you had with your friend, because she’ll take it more seriously than you ever will.
Gamanit – I agree with you because I’d expect someone to open my medicine chest, even if just for a Q-Tip, and I wouldn’t want them to see it. But people wouldn’t feel the need for privacy with regards to their medicine chest if all they had in their was Band-Aids, Tylenol, and Neosporin. Do they have a right to put it there and expect privacy to be respected is the question I suppose.
“I’m not sure what’s in the medicine chest, Prozac?
What are you afraid of?”
What?! There are countless medications that people would like to keep private that have nothing to do with emotional issues, such as heart conditions, birth control,cancer, erectile dysfunction, fertility, sleep disorders. And even if it was Prozac or another medication due to an emotional/psychological issue a person has every right to keep that private! How old are you that you seem to lack basic understanding of someone’s privacy??
I asked the woman at the embassy how to revoke my citizenship. She said first you have to fill out all the paper work to become a citizen. I said, so I am not a citizen yet? She didn’t have an answer. They’re all lying in the office you are not a citizen because your parents are unless you wish to accept that citizenship.
coffee addict – Ice cream trucks often sell weed in addition to frozen confections.
inthehock – “his son going in was not the best boy” I know what you’re saying, but it’s harsh to read.
I am American. Both my parents are born and bred Israelis. I “look” Israeli, as a child I traveled very frequently with my parents back and forth from Israel to America, under an American passport while my mother had to present her Israeli passport. While under 18, i was never forced to get an Israeli passport nor did they cause my mother any problems, except for asking her why she feels like her children don’t need an Israeli passport, but it was pushing an agenda not foreign policy. BUT my AMERICAN passport was marked as the child of an Israeli citizen.
When I went to Israel after high school, I tried to apply for a visa. My mother came down with me to the embassy, questions were asked and whoops! Guess who wasn’t granted a visa? (Last time my mother ever accompanied an adult child of hers to a government office.) In the end, I entered Israel on a tourist visa with no issues, besides for the general pushing of an Israeli citizenship on me. When they push it on me I say no, I’m an American I was born in America and I’ve never had residency in Israel and I speak in English. They always leave me alone.
The only issue I had was re-entering after Pesach when the agent saw I had overstayed my visa last time and told me I needed a student visa. I lied (slightly) and told her I was not in yeshiva but dealing with a family situation. She let me go after a few more questions. And all this was with a marked passport. They can’t actually do anything to you anymore. Their foreign policy changed. It’s not 1985 any more.
I would just go in if I was you.
One shivers from cold, not shudders.
MorahRach – When did teen become synonymous with toddler?
OneOfMany – Well put.
shatier.than.you – Thank you. I have to say though, I’d really only consider it and by that I mean I’d plan a date where she’d wear flipflops.
In the nicest way possibly, you are missing something. A steak sandwich is not the way to experience a good steak and understand it from any other cut of meat. A well done steak is not the way to enjoy the excellence of a good cut of meat.Also, I don’t know what type of restaruant you we’re eating in, but Carlos and Gabbys or Burger’s Bar Burgers is NOT the place to eat a steak. A good steak should be moist, not saucy, and slice like butter. All the word “steak” means (and this is especially relevant in the almost unmoderated frum butcher shops) is a slice of meat. The “steak” in your steak sandwich is nowhere close to the “steak” the world “goes crazy over”.
If girl baked me cookies and gave them to me on a date, I’d let her wear flats on the next date.
Cufflinks, watch, wallet, flask, I don’t know, whatever you want, for every guy and every couple that’s different.
I’ve for sure seen Entenmann’s and American pickles and maybe also Little Bites in Ramat Eshkol.
Just off the top of my head…….Ziploc bags, Q-tips(by far the best call ever), an extra pair of headphones, toothbrush, toothpaste and deoderant for the plane, any “English” artscroll siddur or machzor, spiral notebooks or looseleaf paper,pencil…
The veil under discussion here was not opaque and was a sheer lace. Pictures on mainstream news sources have up close shots of her face. Had any celebrity wore it she would’ve been lauded for her vintage style choice. It doesn’t not hide her face, it doesn’t even completely cover her face. It simply obscures her face slightly and if I was a 20 year old chassidista who was the bride at wedding of 25,000 I would be grateful for the veil to ease my embarrassment and stage fright. It wasn’t a decree for the rest of the world. It was a unique situation and she reacted appropriately.
Blackhatwannabe- At the moment, I can not give you proper sources in halacha. That aside, I would not trust a message board for halachic psak.
You’re allowed to wear a speedo both in the water and on the pool deck. If you feel that to lounge about on the pool deck in a speedo is not bekovidik then feel free to wear a towel or robe. But in regards to halacha, it is perfectly acceptable to swim in a speedo and walk around the pool deck as well. You’re allowed to immerse in a mikva with other men present, so we don’t forbid nudity among men, but we do encourage a certain level of self-respect towards one’s body. That has much to do with the environment one is in. It is perfectly appropriate at the pool to wear a speedo.
I’m not sure why there would be a more stringent level on tznius than the standard bathing suit, or even “a shorter, form fitting swimsuit” when we aren’t makpid to have private mikvaos for men?
Just to present another side, at my work place, which for the most part employs frum Jews we all refer to each other by first name. We are “family-like” I guess. But there is a young woman my age who works with and I only refer to her as “Ms. LastName” when I’m about to say something vaguely unprofessional. If everyone at the office refers to each other by first name, don’t stick out. It’ll bring more attention to yourself, which is attracting and not attractive.
It is difficult when we find someone that we trusted doing things we don’t necessarily approve of. The knee-jerk reaction is to explain to them that this is wrong, assuming they’ll show some regret for their behavior, but this really doesn’t work. Most people by the time they hit their mid-teens know what is right and wrong, particularly in religious areas. They don’t need someone to tell them and they won’t apologize for their behavior because it won’t make them feel good. It isn’t simple to separate person from actions, if you feel you can maintain a level of friendship with them without being negatively affected then you can respect your beliefs and retain the friendship. To end a friendship, because a friend is perhaps doing something you don’t agree with is a loss for many reasons.
OK, seriously? A chup is just bangs lifted off the forehead. Not even talking Bieber length here, just a little something extra.
Thank you, FITT.
There are a number of points I’d like to bring up about the fit of pants. 1)There are pants styles today which are extremely tight. One might even say non-tznius for its accentuation of the body. 2) The classic loose fit of dress pants today, is a relatively new style, than only came about in the 80’s and 90’s with the “sack suit” before this, most dress pants were much slimmer and actually followed the leg line. They were NOT skin tight or drastically accentuated certain areas of the body. But one could be assured that someone had a leg underneath and not two little kids holding you up. 3) The loose flowy pants most yeshivish guys wear today, do not look put together. They looked about as presentably dressed as a cheap waiter.
There is a wonderful medium, and it is definitely closer to today’s more fashionable styles.