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Thank you SO much, Emunas. You can’t imagine how timely your words are. I really appreciate it.:)
PrincessEagle: Yep, it’s busy in a good way b”H. I wrote it because ayc asked for it, and because I had the need to:)
Would you share your poetry privately? I’d love to see them. BTW, I’m home now, and our computer has a filter so I can’t go on gmail. Maybe I’ll visit tomorrow at my lunch break.
Wow! Exactly what I needed to hear now. Thanks loads, Emunas.
May I ask a question? Once I realize that it’s all from Hashem and understand that He wants me to rise above it all, what do I do then? How do I get back to the level I was?
Thanks, folks. Nice to hear feedback:)
Princess: Thanks for saying that:) I’m working now, so I’m pretty busy. Why, I’d love to get in touch! How do I do that?
mytake: I write when I’m overflowing with emotion. After watching the horrifying videos of 9/11 I just HAD to write.
AYC: Thanks for your kind words. And you’re right about bitachon.
AYC, I know I’m a bit late, but I only had a chance to write at night.
We Remember
We remember
The towers we lost
We remember
The lives it cost.
We remember…
The towers smoking
People choking
Pushing, bumping
People jumping…
We remember…
More news yet
Another jet
Hit with power
The other tower!
The fire raging
EMTs paging
Women crying
Reporters prying…
We remember…
The towers
Once powerful and strong
Crumbling to the ground
And the lives it took along.
The malicious scheme
The Muslims set
We will remember…
We shall never forget.
Bomb: Your post is a good as it is long!;) Seriously, I’m speechless. Your advice is honest, straightforward and most of all practical. Quite amazing.
blabla: I fully agree with bomb. I don’t think it’s necessary to rewrite his post;) But I suggest that you read the ENTIRE post and actually put it into practice. Hatzlacha.
Now I’d like to address aries, blabla and always runs with scissors fast:
(Note: I’m not and probably will not be a teacher.)
Teachers are human beings just like you are. They are not malachim and you can’t expect them to act like malachim. Yes, they must act like “mentchen”, greet others, excuse themselves and work on their sensitivity. But so do we. Are we perfect? Are we ALWAYS sensitive to others’ feelings? Are we NEVER stressed out and act a bit rude? If you are perfect, great. But most people aren’t. Teachers are always in the spotlight. And with reason. They raise our children. But we have to take into account that they’re human. They’re underpaid and overworked. PLUS they have their own private life with their own day to day nisyonos. You say the teachers shouldn’t judge blabla (which is correct). But we shouldn’t judge THEM either. They have to do their job. They must make certain that their students know and understand what they teach. Otherwise, the principal will blame THEM. We cannot expect them to somehow know that blabla’s having a hard time. How should they know to be more lenient with her (although I’m not sure this is the solution)?
Developing one’s sensitivity is a skill. Some people sense when others are suffering while others don’t. Yes, they do have to work on that. But you know what? So do I have to work on kaas. Or jealousy. Or whatever middah raah.
Thanks so much, WIY. But where’s the link? Also, is it available on Kol Haloshon? TIA.
Princess, looks like you feel fed up. You say you don’t care. Perhaps this is the root of everything. If I understand correctly, you weren’t as upset that you couldn’t do the sport but rather that you’re restricted. You feel like somebody is leading your life for you. Why, that sounds SO familiar to me! But PLEASE DON’T do what I did. DON’T drop it all. Do some research. Look, you want to find happiness, right? Check it out. I can’t post everything on a public forum, but I think you should read “Permission to Believe” and “Permission to Recieve” by Lawrence Kelemen. Also, research all religions. It might help you. And perhaps you can do some research on Evolution. You’ll see how contradicting and senseless it is. When you’re not certain that Yiddishkeit is in fact the Truth, you feel that you are restricted and you feel sheltered. OTOH, if you do some research and see that this IS THE ONLY SENSIBLE RELIGION you feel privileged and you see the beauty in Yiddishkeit.
Good Shabbos and Good luck!
You’re welcome! Why not?
deiyezooger, good point. Unfortunately though, most teachers aren’t aware of the middos of their students. The brilliant know-it-all who always takes part in the discussions, davens with great kavana and constantly raises her/his hand, may have rotten middos. Or the quiet girl in the corner who seems to be the sweetest thing who’s just shy, may be dead jealous, or badmouthes other people. Or the other way around.
Life isn’t fair. Guess who typically get’s to be head of G.O.? The smartest, lively top girls. Who’ll get the teaching job? The girl who worked hard on her middos? No. The one who’s popular, smart and well-liked. This is how things work. Tough. You won’t change the system.
But y’know what? The girl/boy who has refined middos, gets her/his reward in the long run. After all, people like to befriend or employ people who are open-minded, patient, accept others’ veiws etc.
PrincessEagle: where’s the beauty of being frum??????
First of all, I’m an 18 year old girl and the rav you asked is obviously older and wiser and well versed in the Torah – which I’m not. All I can say, is that life, frum or not has no’s. You cannot ALWAYS do as you wish even if you’re not frum. And life is not easy, whether you’re religous or not. So what’s the difference? The difference is that you get schar when you sacrifice something for Yiddishkeit. And I don’t only mean schar in the World to come, but schar in this world, too. The feeling of contentedness, of a goal, of a purpose is beyond compare.
Tznius is the essence and beauty of a Bas Yisroel. To me, tznius is truly my korban to Hashem. I feel like I’m giving away something so dear to me. Tznius is IMO, the most difficult nisoyon for a woman (especially girls in their later teens). When you give something up for tznius, it shows that you’re mature enough to accept a psak and you understand how sensitive men are to untznius women.
“a shame i’m too honest “
Nope. Absolutely not! The reward for being honest is that people believe in you. They trust you. Isn’t it worthwhile (besides for the schar)?
Good luck, and may Hashem grant you the kochos to be able to overcome this nisoyon.
That’s very dissapointing. I really admire you for accepting the psak without looking for loopholes. You’re right, there are many “no’s” in the frum world. But you know what? I used to think that too. Until I finally (sadly) tried not to obey and do some stuff that were “no’s”. Guess where it got me? Depression, anxiety, loneliness, fear and confusion, that’s where. I know it’s easier said than done, especially now when you feel like you really want to do something. But remember, Hashem knows and sees how difficult it is for you and will reward you accordingly. Tell Him that it’s your private korban to Him. Ask that in the zechus of doing what’s right He should give you _____________(fill in the blank).
Hatzchala Rabba in everthing you do.
(And I’ll daven for you, as I promised:))
I’ll bl”n daven for them, candy. Refuah shleima to both of them. And welcome back to the CR, (haven’t seen you around lately).
Welcome back to you too, syag. We missed you! (hope you stay.)
Glad you’re considering it:). As I’ve said before, I strongly think you should do it. Kids at risk LOVE to hear it from someone who’s life isn’t perfect. When this perfect great talmid chacham who comes from a loving family and has friends tells them to do teshuva, it doesn’t reach them. But if you tell them that your life isn’t a bed of roses and yet, you didn’t throw away Yiddishkeit because this is the Truth, they’ll fall for it. Besides, these kids CRAVE tough love. They love it when you command them to do things such as davening etc. They love it when you direct them. And I saw you doing it with the guy on the off the derech thread.
So, yes, definitely go for it. Hatzlacha rabba and come back with your success rate;)
popa, I don’t want to reveal here my entire past. All I can say is that it isn’t pretty. I don’t know you or your past, so I can’t judge whether or not it’s the right thing to do. All I can say is that I definitely will share my past with him, but I will probably not discuss some issues. I hear your point about being loved, and I appreciate your concern, but I don’t feel that way. I used to be someone who dwelled and dwelled on the past. Now, I’m in the present and future. There’s no point in re-living those horrible moments when I don’t have to. To me, if he loves me for the wife and mother I’ll be today, it’s enough to prove that he truly loves me.
In any case, feel free to do as you wish;)
C’mon, bein. He’s been to BJJJJJJJJJJJ.
“I’ll put it this way: If you think your spouse would reject you if she knew things about you, then she doesn’t really love you or respect you, she rejects you.”
That’s not true. They reject your DEED, not YOU.
“Agreed. Which is why you should not be afraid to tell her. Because if you are afraid to tell her, it means you think she does not only care about who you are inside.”
There’s no “fear”. I wouldn’t be afraid my husband would walk out on me if I told him my past. Nevertheless, there’s no reason to shake him up. Why bring up such painful memories? Those “things” are behind me. They’re not part of me anymore. I’ve done teshuva and constantly ask for mechila by selach lanu. Do you share with your husband your exact medical history? Pricesly when you had the flu, a cold or a virus? Why is this any different (if you’ve changed, that is).
“Besides, I don’t believe that things in your past have no influence on who you are. If you have overcome things and grown from them, they are part of you in that way.”
Absolutely. But why not let your spouse see that you’re mature and grew up? Why do they have to know the cause?
Went shopping with two three year old nieces, with one carriage, who kvetched nonstop (one burst into tears and shrieked in the middle of a main road – my face felt unusually hot..wonder why?).
I too, had a “past”. I don’t want my chosson to know, and I probably won’t tell him everything after marriage. Nevertheless, I don’t think it’ll harm our sholom bayis. Those things are literally my “past” and I let it stay there. I live in the present and in the future, so I won’t return there.
I think you have to find out where this guy is up to. Perhaps have a talk with him. See where he’s headed to and what his goal is in life. If you see that it is indeed bad and not suited for the girl, ask a shaila.
Oh, I forgot to mention PrincessEagle. I greatly appreciate her insightful, smart and sincere comments.
Sister: It sure was hard. Glad to hear you’re doing ok. I agree with bomb. Cutting all emotional ties is the only way to deal with an abuser. After dropping that friend, I hated her. Believe me, it’s so draining wasting your emotions on somebody who abused you. Cutting ALL emotional ties was my only solution. As of now, I rarely think about her, and don’t care about her (you may think it’s cruel, but this is the only way I can lead a normal life now). Hatzlacha!
“What about Project Chazon (Rabbi Mechanic’s thing),”
Never heard any of it, but why not give it a try? Or perhaps you can contact Rabbi Z. Wallerstien. Good luck.
Just heard a massive “boom!”. A big branch probably fell on our roof, but I’m scared to go out to make sure. Whoa, the winds are strong. Hope there won’t be a blackout…:(
No, his thread about trolls does.
It says (not sure where) that Hashem makes thunder and lightening so that our hearts should wake up to teshuva.
It’s impossible to know precisely what Hashem’s trying to say. But as Rabbi Wallerstein said after the tragedy with Leiby a”h, “There’s no way I should know what Hashem wants from you. YOU should know that. You should know what’s most difficult for you and what YOU are supposed to work on.” Be it the internet, listening to secular music, movies, tv, loshon hara, tznius…the list is endless!
Not exactly sure what you mean…
I think you’re heading in the right direction…:) I was really impressed with your answer to the guy who posted that he’s out of yeshiva (on the off the derech thread). I truly do think you’d be great. I’m not in the line, obviously, but unfortunately, klal yisroel would benefit from somebody like you. Also, these kids tend to trust those who have undergone abuse themselves and understand where they’re coming from.
Wow. I used to have a friend like that, sister bear. Unfortunately, she ended up abusing ME and refused to get help – which resulted in me dropping her.
Bomb, I must say, you’re truly amazing. I’d suggest you deal with kids at risk. You know precisely what should be done, and your approach is very healthy.
“Her mother clearly has no desire to get better because she refuses to acknowledge that she has a problem in the first place. It is a waste of time staying with such a person, or maintaining a close emotional bond. ” – Exactly the case with my friend. Boy is this true!
Sister, PLEASE make sure you are still able to go on with your life. Don’t obsess over her life. I assume you’re in your late teens (forgive me if I’m wrong), which is pretty young to absorb such kind of abuse even though not directed at you. Also, make sure your relationship with her is healthy. Don’t get too involved. If necessary, contact a therapist. Please get guidance from daas Torah on how to deal with this issue. Hatzlacha Rabba!
Thanks, Princess. Nice to hear from you! Have a wonderful Shabbos!
Daas Yochid, mytake, mod 80 and WIY.
Always runs, did you mean msseeker?
Glad to hear, blabla:)
Enjoy it while it lasts. Delicious weather outside – thank You, Hashem!
I find that the most encouraging thing to do is simply listening. Let her cry on your shoulder, hug her, soothe her with comforting and encouraging words.
BTW, PLEASE make sure you don’t get TOO emotionally involved. Don’t think about her and her difficul situation all day.
Hatzlaca, and may Hashem repay you for your tremendous chessed.
First of all, amein to your bracha.
Now, before I judge the rebbe, menahel or teacher, I’d like to ask you to take a step back. Where were YOU? Yeah, YOU. You knew you were a good kid with one weakness, why didn’t you ask for help? If you didn’t feel comfortable discussing it with your rebbe, why didn’t you have a talk with your parents? Or daas Torah? Or the rav of your shul? Or a big brother/in law? Or an uncle?
You seem to be a smart kid who knows what’s right and wrong. It doesn’t look like you’re struggling with your Emuna, B”H. All you need, is a little guidance. Perhaps you’re right, maybe they WERE to quick to decide to throw you out – there’s no way I should know since I’m not involved in this. But I think that instead of focusing on THEIR wrongdoing and how bad THEY are, why don’t you spend your energy on thinking how you can better yourself? You don’t seem to be too deeply involved with the “bad crowd” on the streets – baruch Hashem. Before things spiral out of control, SEEK HELP! Don’t just sit back and blame your rebbes. Try being saved! You’ve entered a VERY dangerous zone which is like quicksand. Before you know it, things may get MUCH more complicated chalila. DON’T DO IT! For your sake and for klal yisroel. You said you’re good in gemara. You might end up being a great talmid chacham! Don’t allow this to go to waste.
Look for the right person. Try getting a mentor. Tell them you’re willing to change. I can almost guarantee you that if you are sincere and truly show that your willing and ready to work hard, they’ll accept you with open arms. From experience I tell you – it pays!
(BTW, I’m 18 and I too, struggled this past year. I think being 17 is not easy, but now I can say that all my difficulty truly helped me grow and helped me be what I’m now.)
Hatzlacha rabba.
Well, have you ever seen a girl with blush ALL OVER her face and neck? Sorry, no good excuse! Especially since you don’t wear the “blush” all the time – it comes suddenly.
When my self esteem was terribly low, I blushed for the dumbest things. I mean, REALLY blushed. Even if I just raised my hand in class. B”H, now, I rarely blush (although it’s more often than others). Good luck!
Dear diary,
On your shoulder
I shed my tears
On your paper
I expressed my fears
My thoughts and dreams
With you I shared
I wept to you
While no one cared.
When I felt
Alone, scared and cold
It was you
Whom my story I told
When all was gone –
My faith, strength and pride
I always turned
Toward your side.
But now is time
To fill a different page;
One that does not
Contain confusion or rage
I’ve come now
To share my joy
My everlasting simcha
Which no one can destroy
I’ve come to tell you
That my Father up there
Has never forgotten
His daughter so dear.
Aries,
“Observeanteen, may I suggest to you that you try filtering. You do not have to read nor get involved in every thread. If you do not agree or feel it is not a topic appropriate for your age or hashkofah, don’t go there, or don’t get involved. Personally I choose to skip over many topics because either it is not something I am knowledgeable about, or I don’t want to get in middle of the arguement.
Posted 2 weeks ago #”
Well, I think you can use your advice.
Abe: she was disappointed with a petty thing my brother did at th chasuna (although it was immature). This in particular wasn’t the CAUSE of the divorce but rather her personality and her upbringing. (They were both pretty young and immature, and she wouldn’t go for help in spite of his begging to do so.)
Chayala: I certainly hope so. It doesn’t necessarily mean her parents forced her into marriage, though. She’s no longer a child. If she wouldn’t want to get married she’d probably protest. Besides, it really doesn’t mean that she’s unhappy. As I said before, she was probably very overwhelmed. After all, marriage is commitment and a HUGE change. Perhaps she’s taking it hard. If you’re really concerned, daven for her.
Well, my brother’s ex-wife did seem pretty sad at her chasuna. Unfortunately, they divorced within 5 weeks (he’s now happily remarried b”h).
But hopefully, this kallah was just very emotional and overwhelmed.
No fair! I missed all the fun!:( Any cake left?
Happy Birthday Goq! May all your wishes, dreams and brachos come true. May Hashem grant you lots of happy good healthy years.
And next time, please send the invitations a bit earlier. Thanks in advance.
We were told there would be a Russian baal teshuva who will tell us her lifestory and how she returned to her roots. In comes this very Russian-looking woman with a tichel and wisps of hair sticking out. She began telling her story with a strong Russian accent. Suddenly, some girls burst out laughing and started talking animatedly. Our camp director turned beet red and told us she’s ashamed we’re behaving like that. Suddenly, the “baal teshuva” tears off her tichel and we realized it was the cleaning lady of the camp. In a broken English she exclaimed, “Color War!”
You’re welcome:)
I was, and still am, inspired by my parents. My father, with his Yiras Shomayim and zehirus with every mitzva. My mother, with her strength and strong Emuna who has suffered a LOT in her life.
I was also inspired by some sincere teachers.
BTW, thanks, Goq. Nice thread!
haifagirl: Although I’m a teen, I too, (is this where the comma belongs?) appreciate good Grammar. Sometimes, I have to re-read a post three times to fully understand what the poster wanted to say. Nevertheless, I wouldn’t think it’s any good to get so annoyed with people making mistakes. We all come here to relax and have a good time. If they enjoy spelling incorrectly or sparing commas and overdosing on exclamation points…why do you care? Let them have some fun! (Besides, they wouldn’t want to take away YOUR fun by writing correctly and preventing you from correcting them, y’know.)
Absolutely. Aglesino para YOSSI151 zeh Dolt v’twit levrut.
I’m in the mood of baking and I looked for some good recipes on here.
Oomis, I decided the Toll House sounds best. Can I use oil instead of margarine? Also, is it ok if I don’t use the nuts? Thanks in advance.
Ok, Princess, I’ve found it. B”H, I don’t suffer from diabetes. But your poem made me understand how painful and difficult it is. You are so articulate! I love the way you express yourself. Your poem gave me chizuk in spite of the fact that I don’t suffer from diabetes. We all have our challenges and tough times, y’know…
Thanks for posting this! Keep ’em coming!
(Sorry everybody… I didn’t mean to intrude.)