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“also is it appropriate for a married woman to use a man as a life coach?”
ABSOLUTELY NOT. I know of a case where a girl whent to a MARRIED male therapist and the ramifications were terrible! She’s now married and is STILL struggling. It is a major problem EVEN if there is no physical contact, because, you’re getting emotionally involved. PLEASE. There are many male AND female therapists/life coaches. THERE IS NO NEED TO TAKE A MALE TO A FEMALE OR VICE VERSA. I would strongly recommend you ask Daas Torah before doing something like that. Hatzlacha!!
Well, he’s wrong. I guess he’s no rav…
Hey, eclipse, have you realized that the CR is growing younger and younger??? Do you think it’s got something to do with the chachma that comes with age? Y’know I’ve been reading the CR for about a year, but, only recently logged in. I think that a lot of sensible and smart people left(yeah, OF COURSE you’re included!). Any idea why?….
I think it says somewhere that in the times of Moshiach Ishmael will rule over the world. I think that’s what’s happening now with the Islamist terrorists who now seem to have the upper hand.
I LOVE the snow. It’s a “gift sraight from heaven”!
I also enjoy the spring – beautiful weathers! Summers are a bit too shvitzy and you bum around too often… But, I enjoy that too!!! (It’s the attitude that makes the difference, is’nt it??)
Wolf: No. A man is allowed to see his wife’s hair, BUT, she MUST be careful. She must make sure that others DON’T see it (ex: windowshades are open, answers the door).
Oh, boy. Eclipse, I’ll surely miss you:_(. I wish you lots of luck in life. In parting, I’d like to tell you that you really enlivened the CR!!! I Luuuved reading your threads and interesting comments! Take care!I hope we’ll manage w/o you…:(
“if the secretary involved on the story you posted had worn extremely modest clothing, and still became close with and married the rabbi, would you not be equally upset?”
Don’t you think her immodest clothing triggered immodest behavior? And to answer your question: yes, I would’ve been equally upset. But, may I ask, how many of those you know are involved with less than tzniusdike issues are dressed with tznius??
But his OFFICIAL title is “Rabbi”. Do you think that would happen to someone you consider your Rabbi/Rav?
I don’t think that’s a reason to give up your learning. Maybe try going over to Y. and ask in a straightforward and honest manner, something like, “Hey, what’s gotten into you? I noticed you’re ignoring me lately, have I done something wrong?” If it doesn’t help, try finding another chavrusa. I’m sure there are lots of nice guys in your yeshiva/kollel with whom you might feel comfortable. But, please, DON’T give up your learning because of that!!
Smartcookie: did it happen with a rav? Does a chassidish rav have a female secretary at all?
I heard this story first hand:
An Orthodox Rabbi had a FRUM female secretary with whom he was very close. One nice day, he divorced his wife and married this woman!!! She was very attractive and wore less than modest clothing.
Wonder why this almost NEVER happens to yeshivish or chassidish people? Is it because we’re “NARROW MINDED”, and do as the chazal say?
Try looking for someone who does have experience in this field, and ask for advice. In any case, I think a listening ear’s a great chizuk. Try comforting your friend by telling him/her that this too will pass. Hatzlacha Rabba!!
Read Permission to Believe and Permission to Recieve. Was a gr8 help to me.
Okay Yossi- let’s see if you know what we’re REALLY like. Go ahead! Shidduch #1…
happiest: It’s absolutely not in our hands. You will IY”H find your bashert soon. Besides, there are so many ppl out there who were perfectly “normal” and married monsters. It doesn’t matter. THEY weren’t protected cuz they didn’t go through what you did. I also think that one who suffered such a major ordeal is more ripe and mature. I certainly think you’ll make a gr8 mother (although I only know you through your posts).
eclipse: I’m sooo sorry about your fate. I was always terrified of marriage, but, I came to realize that there are only TWO things I can do: 1- Daven 2- work on MY middos, so if he’s the special boy I’m so sure I’ll marry, I should at least deserve him;) And if Chas Vesholom he’s not, there should at least be ONE settled parent… I hope that you, too will find your bashert REAL soon.
“pretty sure it’s raVCHUS”
No, I don’t think so. I actually meant RACHVUS – as in generous or something like that. Haven’t got the proper English translation for it.
“observanteen? Then why aren’t they respected? I respect them the same way I respect others.”
Dunno. Guess this is what this thread is all about.
I think teens are still kids although we sometimes think we’re sooo adult and know EVERYTHING…;)
I think a balabuste is one who cooks, bakes and cleans well. There are many definitions for balbatish: well off, working class or rachvus.
Didn’t hear anything about this. I used to listen to her on Kol Haloshon. She’s AMAZING!!!! Soooo POWERFUL!!
Science does contradict the Torah although not all the time(Evolution). In any case, we find all the chachma of science in the Torah.
” mother,write,edit,teach,organize small “things””
Gosh, eclipse, how on earth have you got the TIME for all this????
PLUS posting every other minute in the CR… Beyond my comprehesion how you squeeze that all into 24 hrs.
I whent on a diet based on my own common sense. Three meals per day, little carbs, absolutely NO nosh, and TONS of exercise. Seen gr8 results! I lost 25 lbs.
Yummy: Don’t be so hard on yourself;) Those cupcakes are adorable:)And, in case you don’t think of another one, don’t worry. I don’t have one either. I think it spares me some typing…
I was out on Monday and slipped on a sheet of black-ice. I banged my head real hard. B”H nothing serious, but, it got me scared! My head really hurt for a coupla days.
Yep. Down here with you. I’m pretty annoyed by the NYers manners.
Yeah, t’is pretty nerve-wracking. But, again, NY isn’t exactly known for being polite, y’know.
I think these are the qualities I’d want in my zivug:
Learning
Yiras Shomayim
Good middos (still working on mine to deserve that.)
These are a MUST.
Looks, family and money are all a BONUS.
I’ve got a very close relative who was married to the sweetest girl you’ve ever met. She ended up being verbally abusive. Go figure. They got the greatest info. (oh, she’s got a heart of gold! etc.) B”H, they’re both remarried, but, IMO, it’s nearly impossible to know what a person’s REALLY like – unless you live with them. All we can do is daven for our bashert and do our hishtadlus. The rest is up to Hashem.
SJS: You’ve got a point. We’re not talking about a specific individual, though (as far as I’m concerned). We’re discussing bnei Torah in general.
“I am not under any obligation to listen to a rebbe’s advice.”
If I recall correctly, this was precisely what the Maskilim used to do. I don’t exactly think that their end result was very promising.
I’m quite confused by you guys. You discuss this this garbage issue as if this were the point! I think that Kavod Hatorah has made it CLEAR that you should help out your wife and take out the garbage if necessary (I agree with you on that one, Wolf). He was just trying to point out that there is such a concept of keeping a ben torah on a higher level.
Sure sounds boring to me;)
“sorry, but a bocher that is learning lishmah would not think himself deserving of overt shows of respect.”
Well, how long would YOU go on without being appreciated for your hard work??? Besides, we’re not talking about overdoing it. Just give them their WELL DESERVED credit. Everyone needs chizuk once in a while.
Never tried REAL physical pain but, seems to me emotional pain’s practicly MURDER. Refuah Shelaima to all sick people. (I certainly would appreciate a more uplifting thread… This is getting me pretty depressed.)
I think that the guys who don’t adequetly respect Torah simply feel a bit jealous of those who can sacrifice stuff luxury and live on a tighter budget. I hope to marry a Ben Torah, and I’m willing to sacrifice. I will IY”H work so we can make ends meet and I know I won’t always be able to buy whatever my heart desires. I think that a Torahdike atmosphere in one’s home makes all the difference.
I stopped striving for perfection some time ago. Boy, it was a great relief! I always had to be the brightest, funniest, happiest most popular human being. Gosh, it drove me crazy! I was always on edge and ill at ease. B”H I stopped thinking that way. Hashem doesn’t want us to be PERFECT. He wants us to be the best WE can be!:)(Sorry, smile E. face. I didn’t mean to imitate ur symbol;))
“there’s a whole bunch of posters that i’ve never heard of. Where are they?”
I’m also new here, but, I must say, I’m not exactly surprised so many left. Some of the posters here argue with basic facts that are plain and simple. It takes energy to prove facts while you’re trying to come across with a point. I must admit though that the CR is definitely exciting!
Ben Zion (and I guess sephardic Zion) was a name long before Zionism. The female form Zionah is probably purely Zionistic.
To me: Yeshivish or Chassidish.
To a Hungarian: a Hungarian. (Even a Hungarian goy, I suspect;)