observanteen

Welcome to the CR! Men are men, but they are to be taught manners too! BTW, PUSHING is much worse than talking – it’s ASSUR to touch a strange woman.

Binah: I think there’s a difference between the author of Just One Jew, and this man. Moshe didn’t go off because he thought Yiddishkeit didn’t make any sense, but to quote him, “it was just that God’s up there, and I’m down here and our paths didn’t cross.” His return wasn’t either based on research he’s done. He just decided to become frum bec he realized that it didn’t make sense for an einikel of R’ Shraga Feivel to go OTD. This man OTOH seems to be a smart individual (although his decision is awfully dumb), and he probably wants to “live the real life”. I think that as soon as the “thrill” fades, he’ll return (hopefully!).

This reminds me of a bochur who told someone I know that he wants to go OTD. She wisely answered him, “Ok. And in abt two yrs from now, there’ll be a guy at my door with long dreadlocks, three earrrings on every ear, tatooed arms etc. You’ll tell me you want to return to Yiddishkeit. Of course I’ll accept you with open arms. So why go the long way? Why wait till you come back? Stay right here!” And amazingly, he did!

Wow!! Amazing!!!!!!!! May Hashem repay him for his beautiful deeds!!!

First and foremost: I AM STILL A TEEN. I may not know exactly how to deal with every situation. I’ll try answering ur question to the best of my ability. In the “alteh heim” Yiddishkeit was taught in a very simple temimusdike fashion. And it worked. There were barely a couple of OTDers. Until Reform Judaism came about. They adapted Darwin’s theory of Evolution. This was a new revelation and unfortunately, many of the youth went off. Nowadays, the world is horrible and dirty, but Darwin’s theory is easily refuted, because of new evidence. The world today really is a very miserable place. The smart OTDers usually come back. They SEE there’s nothing there! NOW, those who don’t even have a great interest in searching for answers – they are fine by being told the dry facts – Good for them!! Ashreichem! Why rock the boat? Why confuse them? To the mainstream I’d instill yiras Shomayim and Ahavas Hashem – as I said before. But the complicated question I think should rather be discussed in private.

Sac: I think a school/yeshiva must stick to the rules, even if some kids don’t keep the basics at home. They should take care of the basics too of course, but there’s a set of rules a school must keep. There are also lots of kids who are temimusdig, and we don’t want to “enlighten” them. Let them serve Hashem in their simple way. Nevertheless, you shouldn’t neglect the needs of a smart deep kid.

Binah: You’re right. I AM very fortunate, B”H!!

Sacrilege: Wow! That’s truly amazing! But if I ever get to do it, I’d like to do it with other schools as well. In fact, I’d love to have ALL schools doing that. Yeshivish, Chassidish, Modern, Sephardi… I don’t care. As long as you’re a yid! Oh, and I fully agree with what you said!

mytake: Well put!

Daas: You’re right that there are some kids who don’t need to understand everything they are tought. BUT, there are MANY kids who do!! And what do you think they do? They look for answers… only they’re looking elsewhere. Boy, I wish you’d know how many kids are confused in spite of their frum appearence! Just because they were BORN frum doesn’t mean they UNDERSTAND. And they want to understand. They’re looking for the truth. Of course there are SOME kids who just want to argue to “prove” that it’s wrong – but I’m talking abt the good FFB, who really is looking for the emes. Don’t take for granted that we know all the answers just because we’re FFB! Therefore, I’d like to instill in the girls Yiras Hashem and Ahavas Hashem. I want them to feel perfectly comfortable to ask whatever’s on there mind! There are answers to EVERYTHING.

BTW, I still have questions, only now, I don’t need answers anymore.

Jewishness: I never read the veyoel moshe, and I don’t plan on doing so, but I can’t argue against it unless I read it! Why wouldn’t you want to do some research? (I don’t really care much about this topic, it’s just that I care the way you talk to a fellow Jew)

I think the OP referred to kids who are not necessarily “at risk”. Just typical kids who need some hadracha. There are many deep thinking kids who have a hard time believing spoon fed stuff. I really hope to go around and teach kids the REAL emuna. I want them to UNDERSTAND. And no, I don’t want to wait till they try it out themselves! It’s so sad. Cuz now, Yiddishkeit is crystal clear to me. But it took me quite some time to get here! And how long do you think it took to get me to be firm in my beliefs? Approx. two hrs! I had a lengthy and deep discussion with my very open minded mother who explained everything in a snap! What a waste of my time looking for answers elsewhere!

I’d say it’s rather their sinas yisroel than their cowerdice. I wouldn’t say though that the Israelis are sinners if they don’t hang them “publicly”.

“I iy”H plan on walking down to those words at my wedding (iy”H).”

Why, I love the idea!

“I’m assuming (but I could be wrong) that I’m looked down upon.”

Happiest: I have a friend who’s sister is mentally retarted lo aleinu. There was one girl who always made fun of her. My friend told her, “I know you have a sibling who’s like my sister.” That girl was like, “Whaaa?! How do you know?? I never told a soul!” So my friend explained to her that she was too quick to make fun of her. “I just KNEW you had the same thing. Otherwise you wouldn’t be doing what you did.” I really think that mental illness is unfortunately very common among the heimish ppl. I’m afraid ppl make fun of others to protect their weak points.

In any case, I certainly do think you are one of the “higher functioning”, but I’d rather call you somebody who’s working real hard on her middos. Which is truly unbelievable! I’m working so hard on mine, and it really gives me chizuk to see how much you can shteig by “looking” at you. Keep it up!!

BTW, happiest, I never actually told you but I must say I really admire you. Most ppl in your condition (Borderline), refuse to go for help. I’m familiar with the DBT method – it’s amazing! (B”H, I don’t suffer from BPD, but I have a pretty close family member who does and abuses her kids). It’s also amazing that you’re solving the problem before getting married. There are so many ppl out there who get married first and then torture their spouse and kids r”l. I think you’re an amazing person with excellent character. There’s so much I can learn from you – just by reading your posts here. Keep going!! Hatzlacha!!

Something’s fishy here. Why was she so adamant about it?

Yeah, I also sometimes wish I’d be “cool” and a bit “snobby”. It just doesn’t work!

eclipse: I feel for you!!!

These are six steps by Lucinda Basset to end Panick attacks and/or anxiety:

1-It’s ok to be anxious. I’m ok.

2-Body symptoms are uncomfortable, but there’s no danger.

3-I have tools to control panick.

4-I can handle sad feelings.

5-I am my safe place. I’m home.

6-It’s ok to relax now.

I think you should just let it wash over you. These feelings pass (yeah, I know….). Think about empowering and encouraging stuff. And in case it makes you feel any better, I had you in mind while I davened Shacharis. Hatzlacha! Let us know if you feel any better!!

When you dream, it’s your subconcious mind talking to you. When I have nightmares, there’s something bothering me, or something major is happening in my life. (Perhaps your eating so much choco is bothering you….;)

Yeah, me too… Okay, I’ll leave in 5 min. Good Shabbos!!!

Eclipse: I know precisely what you mean by the “side stuff”. Boy, it’s so very hard. Even if you don’t ever want to do it again (never say never!), it still is very hard. I cannot really give you proper chizuk, cuz I never whent through what u did (I haven’t even done it once – yet…;)). In any event, you shouldn’t be thinking somethings not right with YOU. You’re a wonderful person with quality few people posses. May Hashem give you Gezunt Parnassa and Nachas in zchus of your suffering! (I’m sure you can use THAT…)

Syag Lechachma: Whoa! You actually got me to blush! Yes, I am a girl. I hope u weren’t sarcastic though…

Can I get one too??

My friends always tell me, “When you write your book, I’ll be the first to read it!” Boy, my life’s…Unreal! One of the WEIRD (sad) things that happened to me was that my very close relative’s X, got engaged to a boy who was the brother of the girl I DESPISED (B”H, I totally forgave her and we’re on really good terms now)!!!!!!! Oh, that was SOOOOO hard! And totally unexpected! (She’s already pregnant. I’m really happy for them.)

Whoa! Zees, this is ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!!!!! LOVE IT!!! I think I’ll print it and keep it. Been there done that. I didn’t forgive a girl, and when I finally did…. Whew! What a relief! This poem really illustrates this point. Gosh, it’s AWESOME!!

I wouldn’t believe though that ur daughter is a nursery kid…

I’d like to thank my mother for always being there for me!

I strive to love every single Yid, to forgive, to accept others for who they are, to be REALLY happy when they get/have something I lack, to understand, to be dan lekaf zechus …. Have I missed anything, Zees? Refuah Sheleima! I wish you a speedy recovery!!