oakandfig

Wow, this has been very disheartening to read. How did we get to the point that the shidduch process has become looking for a perfect person? Every one has flaws, and for many people it’s a flaw in their biological makeup that gives them a predisposition for an anxiety disorder. People on anxiety medicine are not choosing to be anxious. Would you turn down a person who has asthma or diabetes? (Well if you said no to that as well, then I am disappointed once again)

Your bashert is someone who Hashem has handpicked for you, and they are never going to be perfect. Saying that you won’t date someone who is on anxiety medicine, presuming they are healthy and in a good place, is saying that you know better than Hashem what is good for you-a clear lack of emunah. If I didn’t marry someone based on a health concern then I wouldn’t have married my husband- but I think I am the luckiest woman on earth.

Additionally, not marrying someone out of concern that they will pass on a trait to your children is quite ridiculous. Again, this is based on an attitude that we have more control over our lives than G-d does. Plenty of perfectly healthy parents have children with ‘something’- this is out of your control.

Lastly, I understand the concern about not wanting to marry a woman because of the risks posed to pregnancy. However, tons of women face this all of the time, and with the assistance of skilled doctors, she can ease off of the medicine or take something that is safer to the baby. Plus if a women’s condition is severe enough, then basically every doctor would recommend that she stay on a medicine, as that is much much safer for the baby- so when people say they have heard of women who go off of their medicine and aren’t emotionally stable, that clearly was an avoidable situation. Every pregnancy carries some risk! Again, we are not in control of things.