nudnikit

Morah,

Since you’re a first time mother, you may be feeling a little uncertain about your judgment. Remember that YOU know your baby best!

There are ways to get a baby to sleep that DO NOT involve crying. “The No-Cry Sleep Solution” is a fantastic resource with multiple methods (you choose what works best for you) to get a baby used to sleeping on his/her own.

The biggest problem with the Ferber/CIO method (in addition to being mean to the baby, who isn’t crying to manipulate you, just because they are scared/lonely) is that it isn’t permanent. They will need to be retrained again after an ear infection, teething, long trip, etc… Not pleasant for anyone.

The trick is to teach the baby to fall asleep on their own, but that does NOT require crying.

I could go on longer on this topic, but please, don’t just let your sweet baby cry and cry in the name of teaching him/her to sleep. Baby is used to nursing to sleep… and now you’re teaching to CRY to sleep. Imagine if it was someone trying to teach you to sleep without a pillow and blanket, or to sleep on the floor. For the baby, YOU are as comfy and reassuring as your bed and pillow and blanket.

Remember that small babies don’t have a sense of time. There is no such thing as “only 5 minutes.” For a baby, it’s the equivalent of saying “I’ll be back in 2 hours” and then showing up 5 minutes later.

Too many to count…

But especially, I am petrified of embarrassment. It’s pretty paralyzing sometimes. You know how mortification is related to the word for death? I get it.

I’m also unusually scared that something will happen and I won’t be able to save all of the kids. Read a story about a siren in Israel that the father couldn’t carry all the little kids at once and get to safety in time so he left the baby who would be the least likely to remember being left alone in the car and too young to understand what the siren means, and just davened that nothing would happen… B”H nothing did. But that thought is terrifying to me.

MorahRach, your latest post contains the answer: You are the only religious ones. That should give you perspective!

You don’t say if your in-laws are religious or not. If they are not, they very obviously aren’t “more proud” of your husband for being frum. They probably feel threatened by it, feel that their lifestyle was rejected, and that you think you are better than them. They probably reacted so strongly to a request for money because it fed into a deep-seated fear that maybe you look down on them and only appreciate their money. It also would fit very well into any stereotypes about religious Jews and money.

This is their way to express their disapproval, and YOUR chance to demonstrate that you love them for who they are, the way they are, and it has nothing to do with them financing your lifestyle (which they might respect on some level, but disapprove of on many more levels).

They probably feel like “he made his bed, let him sleep in it.”

May I suggest learning “Chovos Halevavos, Shaar Habitachon”? Trust that Hashem will give you whatever you need. If you respect the Lubavitcher Rebbe, this book will also be an eye-opener. Remember, your husband may have a rich father, but we ALL have a VERY rich Father.