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I am thoroughly discouraged from trying to publish in the Jewish market. For one thing, I am very much into fantasy, and that’s not gonna happen. For another, I was brought up in a home where reading was considered something important – we are all bookworms and grew up reading clean, well written children’s literature and the classics (like Charles Dickens and Jane Austen). My writing style reflects the well-written English I was brought up with, and every piece I have tried submitting to Jewish magazines I have had the response “we feel your writing is not for us”.
Personally, I feel that my vocabulary is very good, I do not use a thesaurus whilst I am writing, unless I find myself wanting to find a better way of saying something, and I feel like these ‘popular and well known’ writers write with a dictionary by their side as they use long words that sound fancy, some of which I have never heard! And I pride myself on good, high class language in my own writing… Some of the words which I do understand are written in completely the wrong context as well…
I feel that unless you have been brought up reading decent literature, you are not going to produce anything outstanding for those who are very well read.
On a side point, two of my favourite Jewish novels are The Betrayal and The Outcast. The author is Israeli and they are translated into English. They are very well written (yes, they also have their flaws but they are so much better than anything else) and the plot is intriguing without having too many twists. I really enjoyed them.
I seem to have lost my marbles. If someone finds them, kindly send to this post
If there is a real reason why someone is not able to go to sem, then fine. However, it is a major experience (as long as you find the right one for you), and you will learn many things that you will not learn by staying at home and starting college. In today’s world, a girl may not necessarily get all the right hashkafos and lessons on building a home and family by simply having been brought up in a frum home. It is so common for mothers to work now that they may be too busy to give their daughters these vitally important lessons for life. One lesson from seminary that will stay with me forever is this quote from a teacher: Marriage is hard work. Hard is not bad. Work is not bad. Hard work is not bad.
This keeps me going. In today’s disposable world, we need this kind of lesson to understand how to build the rest of our lives, and guaranteed a girl will not get that at home any more.
certain foods which are rich in antioxidants can help prevent cancer, however I would seriously advise someone who was already suffering not to forgo treatment in favour of these diets. At that stage they won’t help.
Just for the record, tobacco is also a plant. Should they continue smoking then?
Shanifirst – did you go to pninim? What year?
We did have quite a lot of trips, but it’s not really half day learning, it just has a break for a couple of hours after lunch. Some days classes start again at 4pm, some days at 6pm. It has a very wide range of girls, some more modern, some who came from more chareidi families, but we were all girls who didn’t want to go to the ‘typical’ beis yaakov sem. I went there cause I didn’t want heavy academics and medrash reports every week, I wanted to learn about my purpose in life and how to set up my own home with the right hashkafos.
If we’re talking about sems that aren’t heavy on the academics, you should also look into places like pninim and ateres. I went to pninim and loved every minute of it!
Dunno. If you do have psoriasis though, try the shampoo called Nizoral (it’s ketopine-based). Worked wonders for my dermatitis, and is also for psoriasis.
I second JF – a year in sem is not necessarily about the classes, it provides a very good foundation for the rest of your life. Spending a year living in a dorm with other girls is major education of itself.
I was also born in a solid frum home, and I gained so much from the hashkafa I learned in sem. Besides, the very fact that you think you don’t need it shows that you actually do, cause every person has room to grow. Now that I am married, I remind myself of the lessons my teachers gave me on marriage and setting up a home and it helps to keep me focused on what my role in my marriage is. These are the kind of lessons you won’t get by staying at home.
It doesn’t need to be a long, flowing letter. The right words, no matter how many or few there are of them, mean enough.
As far as during the engagement is concerned, though you really have to be careful how intimate the letters are – it’s really tough when you have stuff you really want to say but not sure how to when you’re not allowed to use certain wording. That’s why I found my engagement really hard, cause I couldn’t express myself to my husband, and he thought I was being quiet and non-responsive.
You don’t need to buy him a gift for the yichud room though. A chassan is supposed to give his kalla gifts, as we see in tanach, but there is no mention of the other way around.
Mazal tov!
It’s hard enough to concentrate with just the migraine. I didn’t need some kid’s screeching as a ‘test’
Shopping, I can refer you to a good doctor, you seem to have a problem with your fingers on the punctuation keys.
Let me add for all those men without kids yet, so you are ready for this scenario: after giving birth, female hormones are all over place, and a new mother will often cry for no reason during the first couple of weeks. There is no problem, don’t try offering solutions, just be a listening ear for her. Crying is ok.
Yes, it’s good to have a cry sometimes. And then have some chocolate.
“Just because women blame everything on hormones, doesn’t mean it’s not true.”
I know how you feel, I don’t feel like I’m coping at the moment,and I keep losing my patience with my 2 year old cause she is testing me to the limit
I used to have a good memory but since having kids my short term memory is shot to hell. If it’s not on a list, it gets forgotten. And that includes what needs to be done erev shabbos, things that I do by routine every week…
There’s a difference between raising your voice and shouting. There was one kid in my shul whose pitchy shouting really pierced right through my migraine. I was finding it difficult to concentrate.
singing ayay yippee yippeyay…
I would lie down on the floor with a paper bag over my head.
(Hands up who’s a Hitchhiker’s fan?)
I would think a chick book is something like PS: I Love You, which is beautiful. Otherwise I usually head for the older kids’ section cause there are some fantastic books there and kids’ literature is always clean. Adults’ and even teens’ section you really have to be careful what you pick up in terms of content.
I can recommend The Tapestry series by Henry H Neff.
I can’t really write what makes me really, truly happy here but I think it’s something most other women feel as well.
jew from monsey: that’s retirement: twice as much husband, half as much income!
Keep some suitable reading by you and a tehillim for when you are waiting for the chazan or not sure where they are up to
“Hard work but worth it”
I think there is a stage 0 (a bit like the START square on a board game): I am ready, but not desperate and will enjoy being single whilst I still am, but if something comes up I won’t say no.
I never got past that stage. I enjoyed my time being single but never really got fed up of it to the point of despair, and when I got engaged I was not upset to leave it behind. I don’t remember going through any of the other stages…
PBA – brilliant!
How about that no matter the age of the child, there is an inyan of kibbud av v’em, and if the parent makes reasonable rules, the child has to follow them? If they want to be treated like an adult, fine, but they have to take the whole package, they cannot pick and choose when it suits them and you have to be consistent about this. Tell them that if they want to claim they are an adult, give them appropriate responsibilities. If they don’t wish to comply, then they don’t get the privileges of being an adult either. It’s tough and you have to stick to your guns on this, but unless the child is really rebellious they will eventually see that it’s better for everyone, them included, when they follow the rules.
Have you ever watched World’s Strictest Parents? Some of these kids really change for the better once they have experienced consistent parenting.
When I was younger I thought that serial dramas were based on books. Now I realise that there is somebody bored enough to be able to think of new episodes for a serial that has been running for several decades.
JF, you want clarification. Just for the record, how old are you and are you married yet? Cause that will make a big difference whether or not you get what I am saying. This is an example of the way a woman functions on a daily basis:
Wakes up in the morning, puts on a load of laundry, goes to wake up the kids, goes downstairs and prepares breakfast/lunches/snacks, goes back upstairs, gets dressed, makes sure kids are getting dressed, feeds the baby, serves breakfast, dresses toddler who can’t quite manage himself, checks on laundry, maybe eats breakfast but usually not, realises the time and rushes everyone out to school. Takes the opportunity to do some shopping, comes home, dumps shopping on kitchen table, sorts laundry and puts it in the dryer – another load goes in the machine. Baby’s due a feed, notices some papers that should have been tidied away last night. Back to kitchen, start preparing supper, chops some onions, notices the unpacked shopping, puts it away whilst onions are frying, phone rings, pick it up and talk to mother/mother-in-law/sister/friend whilst holding baby in one hand and stirring onions in the pot with another…
The rest of the day is pretty much the same. We multitask, start with a job and then start something else once that is underway, then the next and somehow everything gets done (usually) by the end of the day.
Men, on the other hand, can ONLY really concentrate on one job at a time. If they are on the phone, everything else has to stop (my husband cannot do anything whilst he is on the phone). When it comes to cooking in the kitchen (if they can, I am blessed in that area) they cannot divide their time between loads of different things cooking whilst trying to see to the kids at the same time.
Men need this focus and one-track mind in order to learn gemara. The way a woman divides her time and focus means that we would find it harder to sit down and concentrate on a gemara for any significant length of time.
JF – that is not the issue. Whether or not a woman is married or not, busy with kids or not, the fact is that we were wired differently in order to manage with these roles.
Just to clarify, capacity is meant in the meaning that circumstance and situation do not allow for it
To get back to the original topic: I have absolutely no inclination whatsoever. I am a very busy wife, mother and teacher, and my brain is fried after having kids. I think that trying to learn gemara, which is anyway a very complex and difficult thing to learn would dissolve my brain totally. Not saying this because I think I am stupid – on the contrary I am somewhat intelligent (although my kids seem to have permanently borrowed my intelligence now), I just understand that a woman, who is busy with a growing family, does not have the capacity for concentration on something so deep and complex.
dotnetter, it’s whose, not who’s
Vogue, perhaps you didn’t read properly.He is asking for yeshivos in ENGLAND.
There it lots of classic Jewish stuff, if you go to a music shop have a look at any of the albums that have wedding medleys, they should give you some idea.
Hint: however much it sounds upbeat and jazzy, you do NOT want ‘zochreni noh’ played at your wedding. I don’t know why people do. It’s about Shimshon, when he is praying to Hashem to help him crush the Philistines, when he is chained up in their captivity. Not a wedding theme.
First time I was planning to wait until about two months to tell our parents. I ended up telling them a little earlier cause I couldn’t keep the secret any more (I am like that with my personal secrets, I have to tell someone sooner or later!) I told my siblings and a few close friends by the third month.
Second time, I told our parents a little earlier than that since opportunities arose to break the news. I’m hopeless at saying something like this so blase that I have to hint it very strongly, and a good opportunity came up in the conversation. With my eldest, we had just come back from holiday (we found out the day before we left that I was pregnant) and speaking to my parents, they said that when we have kids we shouldn’t just expect to leave the kids with them for two weeks whilst we go jetsetting. I said well it was a bit difficult to do that this time. My parents asked me what I meant and I said well it’s hard to do that when the kid is attached to you!
thank you. If the link is not allowed people can look it up on Wikipedia
mods – what happened to my post?
Sushi is fish and vegetables?
Go look up the definition of sushi – it’s a rice dish that can be made with fresh fish, cooked fish or vegetables. The word sushi comes from the Japanese word for rice.
no links
I love sushi.
Your comparison using Monsey and NYC is not that great, since Gateshead is next to some fantastic tourist areas. It might not be the big city, but bear in mind that some people don’t like the big city, and to be fairly honest, there is more tourist stuff in London than NYC. I didn’t much care for Manhattan when I was there – I just found it to be the big city, only bigger, and far too many people who are rude and brash and push everyone out of the way (I am talking from personal experience, I actually got sworn at for trying to push my stroller through a crowd by a person who refused to move out of the way). London at least has the houses of parliament and the palace to visit, plus plenty of museums, parks and other places of interest. Manhattan is just noisy, crowded and full of shops.
We have mountains here in England too. But the Alps are just different and supposedly some of the most breathtaking scenery in the world – I have been up a couple of mountains in Switzerland, and it’s just different than any other kind of mountain I’ve been up; the air is clean and pure there and you look down on massive forests and clear lakes. The villages and towns lower down the mountains are small and picturesque. I have never been to the Catskills or the Rockies, but I would think that the Alps beats them any day.
I just came back from a couple of days in Venice – if planning a Europe tour you should definitely include! It’s not expensive, it’s really beautiful, there is a kosher restaurant, pizza shop and bakery there, and Chabad does shabbos meals so you don’t even need to take anything with you food-wise. Hotels you can get a good deal on if you find the right one and it’s not peak season, but it’s wise to get one that’s next to the old Jewish ghetto, cause that’s where all the kosher stuff is.
Don’t feel guilty. That is just another method the yetzer hara uses to bring down a person – guilt for guilt’s sake is never good.
Rather, having sincere charata and avoiding that stuff is the best way to go. You can never really forget what you watched/saw/read but you can do other things to counteract it such as learn something every day or read hashkafically valuable material.
what’s-in-a-name – we didn’t have locks on any of the rooms upstairs (apart from the bathroom obviously) when I was growing up. I didn’t feel like I needed it, my privacy was respected and once my younger brother grew up enough to understand that barging in was wrong, I never experienced anyone in my family coming in without permission.
My own house also has no locks on any of the bedroom doors, nor do I plan to put any in.
Perhaps we can upgrade the letter idea? If you’re at all creative, you could make them something to show how much you appreciate them, such as a scrapbook/album with photos and the letter together, or video presentation on CD. You could even record yourself speaking, which is good cause you can write yourself a little script first and then your parents will hear the words in your own voice. Use your talents to give them something beautiful that they will treasure, and that alone will show them how much you love them.
Some people just aren’t the touchy-feely type and find physical gestures awkward.
Chochom-ibber – if the Jews avoided every place we have faced persecution, we would all be living on a tiny strip of desert island in the middle of the Pacific.
1. neesh
2. nay
3. all-bee-it
4. grand pree (grand as in the London pronunciation of bath)
5. zhwa duh veev
6. oveenoo malkaynoo
7. yisgadal v’yiskadash shemay raboh
Mashiach will come before the palestinians ever agree to a peace treaty that they intend to keep. And I don’t mean that facetiously. Let’s just daven that it’s soon.
JMH – very good!
Instead of wishing him mazal you should wish him good luck. That can be said in a skeptical tone of voice.
The palestinians are not interested in peace, all they want is to destroy Israel
Thursday evening. It looks so much nicer when you can see the house already looking shabbosdik. I also have a 2 year old but I try not to let her in that room and keep the door shut, so she can’t pull everything off.
Also, because I work on Friday and I hate last minute rushing it’s just one more thing I can cross off my Friday list.
ZD – clearly you have never been to Manchester, there is plenty to do there and it boasts a large Jewish community as well. I think we covered this point on another thread, but there is nowhere in England that is that expensive for food.
Avi K – there is so much Jewish history steeped in these places, and some of the most beautiful countryside in the world. E”Y is beautiful and full of mitzvos but for many people it’s not an easy trip to make, since flights can be very expensive.