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how about Avichai, like teh wonderful rebbi in Phoenix Hebrew Academy.
The difference is ” pennies”
one charges $15,000 and gives food, and others charge $16,000 and don’t give food or toilette paper.
choose your weapons, cofused tatty, but make sure you have the cash to pay for it!!!!
I am an ( old ) male and with my wife have made a number of Shidduchim. Maybe our record is 10 shidduchim, 20 who went out three or more times, and probably 250 or more who went out once or twice or not at all. We have been more than generously compensated whenever the shiddich was successful. Aditionally my wife is a kallah teacher who has a kaballah not to take money although she teaches one on one for 12 to 15 hoursper kallah
I connect the two because there is a mindset that women who do things for the klal don’t need to be compensated. Conversely, men who , lets say ‘tutor deserve compensation. Just today, a young male tutor I was recruiting wanted $70 an hour!
I think that by not paying women for the ” voluntary” work they do, we in fact inadvertently diminish there value.While the mitzvah value is high and is done lishma.
paying the shadchin for her( or his ) efforts is fair.
I also believe more competent people with a strong rolladex would focus more time if they saw their activity as a job. ( read that as fair compensation)
And finally, everyone can choose to do a mitzvah so the poor and downtrodden will not have to pay after date 3 if they explain thier situation..