Nechomah

SB – “It is not worth it if it pushes away yidden from yiddishkeit. Even if they had a courtroom with a chuppa in it, at least some sort of halachic requirement would be met… “

I think that since these are the types of couples where having the husband give a get if they get divorced (I imagine their divorce rates are higher than the average Israeli rate since the chareidi divorce rate is low – yes I know it’s increasing unfortunately), it is most likely better that any semblance of a Jewish marriage be avoided to keep the woman from becoming an aguna and later mamzeirim.

Chevron – where do you have the information that a person who is a ger through Reform in America is considered Jewish in Israel? I know of orthodox geirim who have difficulty getting their geirus approved in Israel.

I believe this was something that was brought by the Chasam Sofer and is in relation to the chatzitza issue when a woman goes to mikvah. It has nothing to do with how the shaitel fits.

WIY – I want to say that in principle I agree with you about taking each chodesh and YT in its time, but Pesach is a holiday that has aspects to it that do require planning and preparation beforehand to avoid making bedikas chometz and changing over at 3:00 in the morning the night before Seder.

Some families can start on R”Ch Nissan the cleaning process but most need time to do the easier (and less difficult to get to) places in the house before approaching the living areas such as the dining room and kitchen, where the majority of the chometz is found. Children have to be educated from the beginning not to bring chometz out of these areas. This is something that makes Pesach cleaning much easier, although exceptions are known to happen, so vigilance is a must.

When my children were smaller, we used to begin cleaning the sefarim already from Teves – on motzai Shabbos when they did not have to go bed early – a few shelves at a time. This way by the time we go to Purim, we were basically done except for the shelves that had siddurim and chumashim on them, since they were used and could have been around chometz. My husband is makpid not to bring sefarim around chometz year-round, so it does make things easier, but the dust does accumulate and it is good for the shelves to be turned over to prevent a permanent roundness in one direction.

I also like to clean the top shelves in my closets (here in EY they are not built-in or a small separate room like in America), but the idea still applies – clean up the things that I am not going to use so close to Pesach. I recently had a few days off from work and organized clothes that my younger kids will get as hand-me-downs from my older kids. Now those clothes are all organized and I can actually see what I have that is useful for YT in advance. Makes shopping much easier in those last days as well.

Yes, ladies (and men who are able to help for this) Pesach is almost here. Happy cleaning and organizing, and remember DUST IS NOT CHOMETZ!!! Don’t make yourselves crazy!!!

R=Rolling

O=On

T=The

F=Floor

Usually it is accompanied by an L=Laughing, but it could just as easily be accompanied by a C=Crying, T=Throwing Up, S=Sleeping, or pretty much any other letter in the alphabet, so 007 we’re wondering what are you doing down there anyway?????

How’em I doin’ Popa?

Mdd – you’re wrong.

1) Men don’t stay in Kollel forever in EY. Who would be the Roshei Yeshiva, maggidei shiur, rebbes, etc, for all of the myriads of men, teens and children that the chareidi system has in it? It cannot just be a few of them.

2) There are plenty of women who DO work, either in chinuch or as secretaries, clerks, etc. Some work out of their houses and some have created jobs to do within their houses – even selling clothes or other things at night from the house is a form of employment. Many do shaitels or have a gan in their house, do babysitting, etc. All of this is “employment”. Yes, the ones in the house do not usually require payment of taxes, but there are plenty of people who do things on the books. It used to be easier to have a sale in your house that the tax authorities would not find out about. Now, with all of the advertisements put out every week, it would not take an employee of Mas Hachnasa long to figure out who has a sale in their house and going to make sure that they declare things properly.

3) Only if you get “Datot” or “Haftachat Hachnasah” (income supplement for those with very low income) do you get money. You’re right, it’s not a lot, but I’m sure no one is “living on it”. Expenses are way tooo high, even on the standard of living here. People have to pay rent/mortgage, food, clothes, etc, just like the rest of people around the world. Not only that, but these people have this crazy idea of buying an apartment for each child (usually the daughter) that gets married. Where exactly do they get the $ from that? Even if they go collecting tzedaka, they also have to pay for a chassanah and all of the other things to set up a house, not just pay for the apartment. That’s why women work.

By the way, to whoever asked, even for someone in kollel, Kupat Cholim is NOT free. You pay a certain set amount for Bituach Leumi per month and from that you are entitled to Kupat Cholim. This is the same rule for anyone who has low income.

T613 – what about if you just smile and nod your head. Would that be a happy medium?

Just out of curiosity – where do you want your close friends to get their long dresses from? If you want them matching, do you want to go to a traditional bridal store and have them (or your parents) buy dresses for them, or are gemach dresses OK, even not matching?

If you don’t expect them to pay extra $ for your enjoyment, then go ahead and help them pick their dresses from a gemach or let them go as a group and pick something nice out that they can agree on and enjoy your pictures after the event.

I would not agree with having them walk down the aisle, as the chassanahs that I have been to in America (my nieces and nephews) only had sisters or nieces going down before the kallah, no friends and none of them were much past Bas Mitzvah, so no big problem with the kehal ogling them.

As far as white dresses – that is a Jewish custom as it is Yom Kippur for the chosson and kallah and they wear white to reflect that.

As far as standing up for the kallah, here in EY, all of the men go out with the chosson and all of the women go out with the kallah. We all stay standing for the whole ceremony. The chairs in America are just to make things “more comfortable”, probably started by the people running the hotels/halls, but if you want to show respect, maybe stand on the side of the chairs.

As many others have said, Mazel Tov and you should be zoche to a bayis ne’eman b’Yisroel.

Health, there happens to be a clinic in one of the Wolfson towers that accepts student health insurance (as well as the Kupot Cholim). It is a very large, multispecialty practice, proving rather standard medical care. It is not a ritzy practice by any means. Perhaps your friend does not know about this practice. Otherwise your friend is right, Wolfson is one of the areas of Yerushalayim where there are many wealthy people.

In this thread there are girls talking tons about Ateres. You should read it through and see if it helps answers your questions.

http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/seminary-options

What size do you wear? Most men’s clothing stores carry suits running into the larger sizes. If they don’t have something big enough (which I doubt), I’m sure they could tell you where you could find it.

P.S. I take my son (who is also on the heavy side to XXos (or however you spell it), which is in the parking lot underneath the Rav Shefa mall. They usually have good sales right before each YT and during bein hazmanim, but even so their prices in general are not bad.

When one perceives something as an obligation, the yetzer hara comes out and uses its guile to try to get the person to refrain from doing it. Something that one perceives as voluntary (read that privilege) there is no need for the yetzer hara to work so hard.

Hashem gave us tzvuyim – commandments – obligations – in order to give us schar. If we just want to do things that we like/want to do, then the schar is less, really for whom are you doing it?

TLKY – It’s probably husband and wife using the same log in.

What difference does it make who put it out? If you don’t agree with the hashkafas that are expressed in the publication, just throw it out (or put it in genizah if appropriate).

But DY, Avrohom and Sora were 90-100 when they finally had Yitzchok. Rivka and Yitzchok are told to be daavening in the corners of their home after 20 years of marriage and there was a possibility of divorce because she had not had children after 10 years of marriage (they waited 10 years for her to be ready to have children and then another 10). Leah daavened that Dina be a girl rather than the boy she was supposed to be because she knew that if she had 7 boys then Rochel would not even have had as many sons as the shifchos.

So although they did not have medical intervention, they merited to have clear nissim (especially since Sora did not even have a rechem, so how could she get pregnant).

Although I would hate to say no to an otherwise great shidduch, I can surely understand why OP would want her son to avoid a situation where the chances of not having children or needing large amounts of money to pay for treatments in order to conceive, etc. We all have nisyonos, but you don’t ask to have them given to you.

Well, unfortunately I saw the news on YWN that he was niftar last night. The oilam has lost a great man. BD”E. We should only hear besuros tovos.

Dating is for the purpose of getting married, not figuring out what you want when you get married (although people do refine their goals/ideas during the process, but not start the process altogether) or figuring out how to talk to girls or what not. Decide what kind of person you are, what kind of person you are looking to marry and go look for that person, but do not subject another girl the false hope that you might be the one she will marry since you have no such intentions.

I have no ideal who Rabbi Meisels is, but I know that Eyaht is run by Rebbetzin Dena Weinberg, who is the almanah of HaRav Noach Weinberg, zt”l. They are definitely available to discuss tuition, etc. It is not a typical seminary setting, but may give you something you need. When I was there, I found that they had time off and I was able to go to families and to chesed there, especially on Erev Shabbos.

If you can get your hands on a Madrich Chareidi (phone directory for the Chareidi communities in Yerushalayim – there may also be ones for other cities), there is a whole section on gemachim there. You can look up for gemachim on clothes.

But just as a suggestion, there is Beged Yad LeYad. It is on Panim Meirot. I do not know if the mods will let me to post the phone number or specific address.

Snowbunny, I am wondering if you ever thought of a seminary for BTs, which may be out of the box you’ve been thinking of, but I know that Aish HaTorah has a very good seminary for women. Most of the girls are newish BTs but they have a high commitment and the learning is awesome and I’m sure the tuition is much lower than what you’ve mentioned here. Your background sounds similar to some of the girls who have gone there, but you’re obviously more advanced. You could contact Aish HaTorah or the women’s branch itself – known as Eyaht. Amazing place!!!

P.S. Maybe even a place like Neve has classes for people advanced in their yiddishkeit but looking for more learning. I’m not sure of their policies on tuition and such, but it might be worth thinking about a place like one of these to continue your education rather than a straight-out BY seminary.

I asked one of my teachers how to stay involved after marriage. She told me that from the time she got married, she and her husband would learn something when/after they were eating their dinner together. You can start out that way, find out if it is something the girl you’re dating is interested in doing. Then keep it up. Find something she likes. My husband wanted to learn Mishnah Breurah, and it was very difficult. Our learning styles didn’t always match for us to be “chavrusas”, but hashkafa is different.

What about the Shabbatons that are put on periodically? I think it is terrific to get away and do something like that. If you can leave (future) children with parents or find out if they have suitable children programs arranged, then it is great for a getaway with a ruchniusdik plus.

Don’t always expect her to have her nose in a book. She definitely won’t have time for that after she gets married and is running a house. Also, the type of shiurim she will want to attend will be different – chinuch bonim classes can be a series and that can encourage her to be involved in a long term basis with something that is relevant to her everyday life and will probably have a big impact on how your house is run.

Definitely make it clear during dating that you want a house focused on ruchnius and that it’s not just a dream, but a reality you want to create. Does this girl think she can be a partner in that? What can she contribute, how does she feel about that?

Also, Popa +1 – really great advice coming from your corner the last few days. Keep ’em coming!

Shiva may be split depending on where the aveilim are and if they are coming to sit shiva in the same location together. There is a shita that the first yahrzeit is on the day of the kevura (1 year later obviously) and then the rest of the yahrzeits fall on the day of the petirah. That is how I observed aveilus for my parents, z”l.

I was not able to go to the beis aveilim for either because of being so far away. My mother, a”h, was niftar erev Pesach and the kevura was on the first day of Chol haMoed. Shiva was observed after Pesach was over and the first yahrzeit was during Pesach, after that on erev Pesach.

My father, z”l, was niftar on a Thursday night and I was notified on Friday morning. The kevura was not until Sunday morning. I was told by our Rav to begin sitting shiva immediately because I was not an onen and had no shaychus to the kevura, so I started immediately. My siblings began sitting shiva only after the kevura. Like with my mother, the first yahrzeit was on the day of the kevura and the following ones were on the day of the petirah.

I know of a big Rav who was niftar in America on a Thursday night/Friday morning. The levaya was first in America and then the rest of the levaya and the kevura were in EY. We found out that they got up from shiva on Wednesday. Apparently some family members stayed behind and started the shiva process so it ended earlier. I’m not really sure how that worked.

After how long are your tomatoes going back in the frig? (I’m not talking taste here, just spoilage). Once a fruit/vege is ripe, if it’s not eaten, the ripening process will take it to its conclusion – rotting of the fruit/vege to expose the seeds to allow it to replant in the soil. This is how plants/trees have progeny. Their seeds (inside of the fruit) is protected by the edible part and then once the fruit has been removed from around the seed (either by eating it or by rotting away), then the seed when left alone will eventually be covered by soil and another tree/vine will grow. The warmer the environment, the faster the rotting will happen. So again I will say that if you want to preserve your tomatoes for another couple of days, keep them in the frig. They may not be soooo tasty, but then you’d better eat them right away when they’re ready.

BTW – I’m in EY, so we don’t have the supermarket effect on the tomatoes.

RR – Your attitude is commendable. I do not feel that I am a bitter isolationist and I just want to add that the limit for not earning enough to pay taxes could come from two spouses working part-time. In our economy not everyone can find jobs that pay so well. The “patur” is available for anyone to claim given that their income level is low enough. I have seen families where the wife works full-time and her children are basically the caregivers once the child comes home from the “Mayon”, “mishpachton” or “tzaharon”. Not everyone chooses to let other people raise their children so at least one of the parents (usually the mother) works part-time. I will say that a family with 6 children was entitled to make up to 100,000 shekels a year and get the patur.

My father, z”l, used to work in the produce department of a supermarket. I learned a lot from him. I would suggest you look at how a supermarket stores their fruits and veges. There are sections that are with refrigeration and even a watering system. There are other sections that are not. I think any fruit or vege can be kept without refrigeration until it is ready (or almost just ready) to eat. Then if you want to keep them from spoiling, refrigerate. Exception: Potatoes and onions. Like OOM says, if you buy fruit that is not yet ripe, putting it into a paper bag will speed the ripening process, but once it is ripe, put it in the fridge to keep it a little longer if you’re not yet ready to eat it (like you need it for Shabbos, YT, etc). I put all cukes and tomatoes into the fridge unless they’re green. Nothing like a cold cuke on a hot summer day!!!

Also, with melons, like cantaloupe and watermelon, the longer they are kept unrefrigerated, the more they ripen and the more the sugars inside become concentrated, leading to a sweeter tasting melon. Once you cut it, into the fridge it goes.

Anything with a hechsher from Badatz Eda HaChareidit has no chodosh products in it. You will also see on products from Paskesz that they also indicate no chodosh (I think they say it is all yoshon).

From what I know, chodosh is d’oraisa in EY and d’rabbonon in chutz la’aretz. Many people in chu”l are becoming makpid on yoshon products as well and I know that even in LA there is a list of bakeries that have yoshon products.