Nechomah

Seminary is Israel – the year after high school, is very different than in the U.S. Here the programs are usually for 1-3 years after 12th grade and are known as “maslulim”. If you are not planning on going to college here, then that is where you will go to continue your education and get a “degree” of some sort. I do not mean something like a B.A., but more like a credential that is what employers look for when hiring staff. These would include teaching (most girls do this along with something else), special ed, interior design, and numerous other programs that each school tailor makes for its student population. It is not meant to be a year spent solely for ruchnius, living away from home, etc.

BTW, you are not SAFE anywhere in Israel at this point. It’s all in HKB’H’s hands. Most of the attacks these days are outside of Yerushalayim. Daavening helps.

No, I just use my computer for work.

If you only use regular programs, it may be worthwhile to change to W10, but before you do, you should make an image of your computer using some kind of software like Acronis. Then if you do encounter problems, you can just put your image back on the computer. It’s like formatting the hard drive but with all of your software already in place. The only thing that will be missing will be any files you created from the time you install W10 until you put the image on. I copy over any directories that might have such files onto external storage.

I believe this would come under the category of “mitzvah habah al yedei aveirah..” No, the ends do not justify the means.

Mazel Tov! My daughter is getting married tomorrow (well, it’s already today over here)!!!!!

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For a family with a disabled child, they are usually aware that they cannot simply hire a baby sitter or cleaning help and receive personalized care for their child. Since you are well acquainted with their family, they will probably be relieved to have you offer your services and know that their child will be well taken care of during the vacation season. I think you should ask them what they are willing to pay and if they ask you for a figure, you should name the figure your father suggested and see what reaction you get. Since you are talking about sleeping with them and being a 24-hour live-in helper, you should get well paid for what you are doing, but keep in mind that they will be providing you with food during that time, so that may lower what you receive. Don’t forget to schedule yourself some time off, so you can go to the pool or anything else that you might want do during the days and determine beforehand what will happen during the nights. Sometimes people would assume that if they put you in the same room with the child/ren, you will handle whatever comes up during the nights. Enjoy your summer!

Aish HaTorah is also excellent for your situation.

Mazel Tov! My daughter became a kallah yesterday!

DY – I wanted to get back to you on your comment about using paper towels for Pesach preparation. I would assume that the paper towels this woman needed were for actual use DURING Pesach rather than before, as there is no concern about kitnios before Pesach. Thus my comment about it not being necessary to use paper towels during Pesach.

Freeda have discounted prices on discontinued shaitels. You can check it out on their site. The prices are a third to a half of the regular price for the shaitel. Many of them are really nice. Saw some reviews of them and the comments were good that the hair quality was excellent.

Hey there, ZeesKite. Long time no see. Come back. We miss your insightful posts. Hope there aren’t any problems with the mods.

How can anyone else define for you what is happiness? This is an internal emotional state, so only you can define it for yourself. This isn’t a matter of self-esteem, but self-understanding. Do you feel good, have a positive emotional state, etc, other things that would be described objectively as happy? If yes, then I would say you are genuinely happy. Happiness does not mean perfection. There may still be things in your life that you want to change and that is fine. You should try to define what doubts you are having. If you are wondering if someone else would be happy in your circumstances, you should not walk down that path as no one can judge another until they stand in his shoes, which is not possible. Everyone is different. Hatzlacha!

I don’t understand how OP expects to get a job in the medical field considering the fact that, as he puts it, he is not a science and math person. Medical fields involve learning almost exclusively these subjects. If you can find something in the medical field that does not, then run after that option, as it would be suited to you. Otherwise, forget about medicine and find something that suits what you ARE good at, which you did not say in your posts.

Twisted, here in EY, some years there is mayo that is KLP for ashkenazim but not always. This year Gefen came out here in quantity and many stores are carrying it. I know that Gefen’s “vegetable oil” ingredient is in fact cottonseed oil, which has a psak from ashkenazi poskim of being chashash kitniyos, so we don’t buy it since we follow the poskim here. If you follow poskim from US, they hold that it’s not kitniyos and you can use it. Many unsuspecting Israelis are not aware of this issue and I had to point it out to people running stores/sales that this is the issue so that they can make purchasers aware of it before they use it unknowingly on Pesach.

a mamin, I do not believe that it is healthy for a person to eat 700 calories per day for any length of time. This will put the body into what is called “starvation mode”. The body thinks you are planning to starve it and therefore refuses to convert fat stores to process them out of the body. Instead it steadfastly preserves those fat stores since it truly believes it is starving.

I strongly recommend a well-balanced diet with portion control and limiting either sugar or fat intake (whichever seems to be a bigger issue for you). I have somehow managed to lose a few kilos in the last several weeks just trying this basic idea, even though I lead a very sedentary lifestyle. Also, drink plenty of fluids and get enough rest, as the fat is processed out during sleep and the fluids will keep your skin elastic while it is shrinking.

Hatzlacha!!!

When you say that she had a 3-5 month old baby in the top of the cart, I assume that it was in the car seat. Then you say that the baby shouldn’t be in the cart in the first place. Where do you propose that she put the baby? Leave the baby at home (which includes paying for a baby sitter during the time she’s shopping)? In the stroller that has the car seat attachment? Have you ever tried pushing two shopping carts through the store? You could be in the store for an extra half hour, during which time I’m sure that baby would be at the end of his/her patience and needing a diaper change/feeding/etc, and would let you know his/her displeasure very loudly. A woman with a small baby has limited energy (since she’s probably been up half the previous night dealing with said baby), limited time (since said baby is going to need to be fed/changed probably in an hour or so, and has limited monetary resources so they want to get the best deals they can in the shortest amount of time possible.

WIY, I’m surprised at you. It’s obvious that you’re not married since you express yourself this way. Yes, it is very commendable that you are worrying about the way this woman is treating her baby, but have you considered the other factors involved in shopping with a little one? I assume that the baby is strapped into the car seat, but unfortunately the tops of shopping carts rarely fit a car seat in a way that is very secure or maybe she hadn’t learned how to hook it on properly. If she had put the baby in the bottom of the shopping cart, then she for sure would not have had space to put the rest of the groceries in the cart, if you’ve already said that there was stuff on top of the baby but you didn’t say that the rest of the cart was empty. If she’s buying nosh, which this baby obviously can’t enjoy yet, she probably has a few other kids at home, at least one, and you should be grateful that she did not bring the whole load with her so that you would have enjoyed hearing them all screaming “Buy me this mommy”, you get the point.

I think being married and having children requires people to be able to see situations from the other person’s point of view. What bothered you about this situation has plenty of room to be dan le’kav zechus for the mother, but I don’t hear you doing that. I hope you won’t be like this when you get married.

I think a person’s will (tza’va) should contain the message that they want to pass down to the people they are giving over their belongings, that it should be used the way the original owner intended. You should have a chance to fully develop in your mind what you want to write in it as your opinions may change as you age and grow mentally. Maybe you should write a journal in which you can encapsulate your autobiography with small pieces of different experiences in your life.

I had heard only good things about Ateres, but a person should also know the risks involved when investing the amount of money seminaries demand plus other risks not readily known.

Not everybody gets to the level of deductions on their tax return that they can itemize them so they often end up taking the standard deduction. This obviously does not apply to wealthy people, but just wanted to put that out there.

It’s so different for men than for women with aveilus. Having to worry about having a minyan to be able to say kaddish is not easy. My husband had but a 6-week break between his two years of aveilus. He had to daaven the amud for those two years. It was a hard time for him making sure there was a minyan without a prior chiyuv so that he could daaven the amud each time, 3 times a day, every day except for Shabbos and YT. He really needed a break at the end.

All I can say is that I’m sorry for your losses. Hamakom yinachem eschem besoch sha’arei tzion ve’Yerushalayim ve’lo sosifu le’daava od. You should have koach to help your parents to have an aliya to very high places in olam ha’emes. While it’s hard for you, they are fortunate to have a son to say kaddish for them. My parents only had 3 daughters. My husband says that grandsons should say kaddish (daaven the amud) and not sons-in-law. He said kaddish for my parents when my son was not yet Bar Mitzvah. Now my son says it for them.

As far as Purim goes, I thought you could have the meal at home and try to limit it to a few guests, depends on what you’re accustomed to. I’m sure you asked your Rav last year.

One last idea would be to plan a small vacation for yourself (with or without family) when this year is finished. Just give yourself a little time to wind down after all of this. It’s not to celebrate, but to give you some space and time for relaxation a bit without the pressures that go along with being in aveilus.

Just checked it out and there is also Aish HaTorah in the Victoria area. Not sure how close this will be for you, but their approach is different from Chabad and one can never know which will be more appealing to you. My sisters were more involved with Chabad when they became BT and I wanted no part of it. I got involved with Aish and things just clicked. Different strokes for different folks. Again, hatzlacha!

WIY – Make yourself accountable. Either have someone weigh you on a regular basis or find a partner to go through this with. You can be accountable to each other. When you know that you’re going to have to answer for the “crimes” you did, it puts things in perspective and the short term pleasures lose their luster. Are there any support groups for men in your area? Even OA – even though I’m not an advocate of them and it may be too serious for you, but you would benefit from having the support of other people. It helps to have ideas how to handle the situation you describe plus you will be deterred from “cheating” since others will find out. Hatzlacha!

One of my nephews started out in Yeshivah HaKotel and then he switched over to Bais Yisroel, which is in Neve Yaakov. Laherfeld is the Rosh Yeshiva as far as I know. He was there for about two years and did go to Mir after he got married and stayed on for another year or so. It’s a regular black/white yeshivah from what I could tell. Can give you phone number if you want and mods let.

Don’t worry Syag, he didn’t ruin much. The details BW120 gives are not entirely accurate and he didn’t tell the climax of the book. (I mean really, does any novel dealing with a possible mamzerus situation ever end up with the person really being a mamzer? You could imagine that ending as well.) So anyway, feel free to check out the book and read it without knowing the end.