Nechomah

LUL: The reason that it is different for men is that when a woman is pregnant and/or nursing there are medicines that she cannot take for those reasons and she may have to come off of her medicine in order to get pregnant, during the pregnancy, and if she wants to nurse. That whole time period can be devastating to a marriage if the woman reverts to a state that the man is not familiar with or capable of coping with. She is not “the woman I married” and may or may not return to that state once she is back on meds. It is not a simple situation for a woman on anxiety/depression meds. For men, none of these concerns exist obviously. If he is responsible and takes his medication, there is no pressing need for him to go off of them unless they are no longer effective.

Sorry ZD, according to NASA’s website, it’s on August 21. That is the day between 29 and 30 Av, so being that it is Rosh Chodesh then, that is the time of the moon/sun cycle that there can be an eclipse. The 18th is too early.

Joseph, did you see where I said that he can buy kosher (Star-D certified) ice cream but that it will have been (in all likelihood) touched by the nonkosher products (from the scooper that is used for kosher and nonkosher products). Perhaps my comment was in the middle and hidden, but you don’t have to attack without a valid reason. I was making the point, however, that there is such a thing as a certified BR store, which I did not see reliably mentioned in any of the above posts, but I did find this in my search about BR.

Lenny, you never answered zahavasdad’s question about why you would want to be married to a person who does not want to be married to you. This is an issue I’ve wondered about since you started posting.

My other question is, when you say “the couple should work it out”, what does that mean? Do you expect your wife to do the working or are you willing to change as well?

Sparkly, perhaps you don’t understand, but the other people on this thread do not agree with you. While I am very against smoking and my sons all know that if they even though about taking a puff they probably would not be able to sit down for a very long time (just joking), there are a lot of boys in EY who smoke. It’s more accepted over here. It would have been a deal breaker for a shidduch for my daughter before she met her husband and I had to quickly call the shadchan to make sure he did not smoke before we would even consider letting them go out (no point in going out with someone that there is no chance to marry), but her friends have brothers who smoke and they are not off the derech. Either you have to come up with some proofs to your side or drop the argument because you haven’t convinced anybody here in the CR.

I agree about going to EY. I think it’s a terrific idea. Definitely for adults, not kids, this idea. If it’s for a female, there is Neve Yerushalayim, that has excellent programs for women. For men, there are yeshivas like Ohr Somayach and Aish HaTorah that have programs for men. You can go for any length of time, but why not take advantage of the whole year?

Syag, I think absan is from EY, which is where I live. It is very, very common for women to go to what we call Beit Hachlama for a couple of days. I really enjoyed those times, not in the hospital anymore but there is plenty of good, healthy food, which I did not have to prepare,that helps restore a new mother’s strength, as well as extra hands available for her baby so that she can really focus on herself. I remember being able to soak in a bath after delivering an almost 11 pound baby naturally (with epidural but lots and lots of stitches, ouch!) for as long as I felt it was helping me, without anyone knocking on the door needing his/her pajamas or anything else. I never went until my 4th child as I had no coverage on my health plan until that point, but my daughter, who just delivered her first, has coverage from birth #1, so she went for 3 nights. She was able to speak to other women, get tidbits of advice from them, get help from a lactation consultant if she wanted, rest when she was not feeding the baby or herself, and this was in an environment where she came back to my house for a few good weeks until she was able to manage more or less with the new baby. A lot of women who have boys choose to go right after the bris so that the nursing staff can keep an eye on things.

It is different in America, but I can tell you that without a lot of family support over there, it is definitely more challenging coming home after birth. I had my first 3 over there and my 3rd was actually a surprise C-section. B”H all went well, but I came home after 4 days in the hospital and found myself standing in my kitchen preparing dinner for my husband and two children because my family had forgotten to ask for any community help with meals for us. Not fun at all.

I think it is all a matter of where you are coming from (literally in this case) and no one should judge how one population handles women after birth versus another, like a mamim said.

I e-mailed him a question one time and got a response, so I guess he does exist at least in cyberspace.

A Cohen can marry an almanah, but while both are single, the baggage each brings with them into the marriage will be of a different type. Hopefully they can relate to each other well. I know someone who is a Cohen and divorced in his 40s after being a BT. He married an almanah.

Sparkly, I would say, as a BT myself, that going to Chabad may not give miamilawyer what he/she is looking for as far as the true emuna in Hashem that is the necessary stepping stone for keeping mitzvos.

My sisters became BTs thru Chabad and wanted to persuade me to join them in the “good life” by talking to me about the neshama and how it needs Torah and other gobbleygook that appeals to some people who might be the searching type.

I, on the other hand, was not actually search, but Hashem must have been searching for me in some way or other, because I found myself at a seminar weekend put on by Aish HaTorah for their Discovery program. It was there that I learned much about the truth of the Torah and that it is divinely written. Their program is much more intellectual than many of the classes given by Chabad, which appeal more to the emotional side of a person, which did not really motivate me.

But once I had started to learn that there is truly Hashem in the world and that he made us and wrote a book (just a beginners thoughts on the whole religious world that I had at the time) on how to live our lives, then I understood that it was my job to figure out what to do and how I was supposed to do it. It wasn’t so much of a choice to me anymore because Hashem’s existence was so obvious to me at that time. I was fortunate to take that motivation and turn it into a life surrounded with Torah and mitzvos.

I will say that unfortunately, many MO teachings do not really give the full depth of written and oral Torah and leave the kind of gaps I think you have, which can make a person be wishy washy in their beliefs and observance. Once you strengthen your understanding, you might have a whole different take on the arguments.

I’m not sure about the chukas hagoy issue, but I heard a shiur once and the person speaking said that denim was a very strong material made and used predominantly by laborers, like people in construction, masonry, etc. Thus, the material and the things made from it became defined as working-labor class material, which, depending on the person wearing them, can be beneath their stature. Kings and princes have not in previous generations gone around wearing these types of clothes (times have changed everywhere).

Nisht,

They’re probably old army buddies and, if that’s the case, they kiss each other on both cheeks. If not, then probably a good ole handshake will probably suffice.

Mazel Tov!

My daughter gave birth to my first grandchild – a boy – last week!! There will hopefully also be in a pidyon haben for him, the first in my extended family.

Auf simchos for everybody!

Does using a pot to prepare something that has kedushas sheviis make the pots treif?

Sounds like your appliances are having an identity crisis!

Shopping,

As a BT myself, I hear a lot of what you’re saying. But think of the other side.

It says that chometz “should not be seen or found” during Pesach. That means you if you can’t see it, you could still not find it (like behind the closet or in a box closed 364 days a year, etc. This is the reason why people have taken to doing “spring cleaning” in addition to Pesach cleaning. It is very important for those people to know the difference. I have spent the last 6 weeks really cleaning my house, throwing out a lot of stuff and getting more organized. Most of the year we’re just busy dealing with the day-to-day stuff, so these things get put to the back burner. Before Succos no one has time because it’s R’H and Y’K before, so Pesach works out to be a good time to deal with a lot of this stuff.

For families that have a lot of primarily small children, there is no way for them to tell the children to “clean up their room”. The mother has to do it. She obviously cannot clean everything at the same time, so some areas start earlier than others to give time to get to everything. The challenge then is to keep the children from undoing the work she already did by bringing their Purim treats, Shabbos snacks, etc, back into the rooms already clean. Kitchen is almost always saved for last, but that can also be start earlier just to keep the rhythm of the house on an even keel, especially if the mother is working and cannot do major Pesach all at one time plus keep her kids fed normal meals and have clean clothes available for the whole family.

As far as the meals, it says “ain simcha ela basar v’yayin” Chol Hamoed is really a YT day, just we are allowed to do things on it that we can’t do on Shabbos or YT, but we still are not allowed to degrade it. Most people have a custom and perhaps it is actually halacha (the more knowledgeable people here in the CR will probably clarify) to have a festive meal, like you would on Shabbos or YT, on Chol Hamoed. If you only eat salad and a main dish and one side on Shabbos, then you’re good to go with what you suggested. Many people even wash twice a day during Chol Hamoed. Since family is together a lot during the whole YT, more fancy sitdown meals are very customary. Many people buy only the bare basic products from the stores, like sugar, oil, vinegar and such. EVERYTHING else is made by hand. I have a friend who makes her own potato starch. It takes much more time if you don’t even have “second-level” products that you can purchase from the store. We often have soup, a few salads (make big amount for YT and they last a day or two of Chol HaMoed), main dish with something on the side and dessert. I don’t think it’s too “unhealthy”. I’m lucky because I do buy things from the stores but things take much longer during Pesach due to not being familiar with where things are, etc, after having brought all of my Pesach pots/dishes into the kitchen.

I hope you enjoy your holiday.

I’m sorry, I don’t think I was so clear. Obviously if you’re buying “dried goods” as you clearly state in your post, I’m not suggesting that you buy fresh ones, I meant that you should try to get newly produced ones, check the dates of production and/or last date of use to compare and get the most recently produced ones. Also definitely check inside of packages to see if there are traces of bugs being present in the package. As suggested, Rav Vaye has books on this subject that do a good job illustrating the various concerns.

Considering the number of admorim that came out against the internet, I can’t imagine that there are many chassidim out there looking to buy clothes online. Just saying…

The Goq, you are indeed very lucky to have your position. A union job plus people who are nice and appreciate you. I am sure you appreciate it. It’s good that you didn’t listen to the people here because now you will feel more understood by your supervisors and more satisfied at your job.

Shuli, I agree about bringing deodorant, but they do sell regular American brands over here, so you don’t have to bring a whole year’s supply. With luggage limitations, that’s a whole lot of space just for deodorant.

As far as bringing money goes, you should have your parents set up a bank account with a bank that does not charge for withdrawing from ATM machines in foreign currencies – yes, there are still banks with good fee rates. There may need to be a minimum balance in the account to obtain this (no) fee rate, but it’s worth it. When you need money, your parents would deposit a certain amount in the account that they will tell you and you can withdraw the proper amount in shekels over here. You can find out the Bank of Israel exchange rate for the day before and do the multiplication (take a little bit less). It’s definitely better than getting dollars and paying money changers their fees since they will undoubtedly be higher than the rate you will get from the ATM machine. Also, there is less danger of theft with a card than with cash. Once the cash is gone, you can say goodbye. But a card can be cancelled immediately once you realize it has gone missing and a new one ordered to come to you in EY (student name should be on account with parent).

Health, do they run a wide-spectrum culture and sensitivity as standard procedure for “tonsillitis”? I would assume that they would do a throat culture and it would be run for streptococcus bacteria and, if positive, prescribe penicillin or amoxicillin. Are there other flora found on throat cultures?

Jaybird, if your pediatrician is provided antibiotics for “colds” then you should quickly switch away from him to one who does not put you at risk for overuse of antibiotics, which are supposed to be used ONLY for a documented bacterial infection. Otherwise there is a increased risk of creating superbacteria that the antibiotics are not effective in fighting. The cold is a viral infection and does not need antibiotics.

Are the adenoids and tonsils swollen to the point that they are affecting the health? For example, is sleep being interfered with due to swollen adenoids causing snoring and interrupted breathing? Are the tonsils infected multiple times in a relatively short period, meaning that antibiotics are not effective? How long after the last infection are we talking? Sometimes the swelling does not go down right away. Are both adenoids and tonsils swollen or just one set?

I would try to push off surgery unless there is a real affect on health because surgery has its own risks, especially if they take both adenoids and tonsils at the same time, in my opinion. I had just my tonsils out due to repeated strep throat and tonsillitis infections to the point where I was on antibiotics more than I was off of them over a six month period. But after the surgery I developed allergies to many things that I was not allergic to prior to the surgery. I think the tonsils filter out certain things and do not let them get into the body to the point an autoimmune response is generated. When the tonsils are gone, there is nothing to act as this filter. This last part is my conjecture alone and not medical opinion, but I have found that other people I know did develop allergies only after having these “unnecessary” organs removed. Sometimes kids will outgrow this problem and the swelling will go down on its own over time, so definitely don’t rush.

Briskers generally do not carry on Shabbos and treat glasses as carrying, so they don’t do it. My husband feels that he does not need glasses to see where he is going, only for reading. Whether or not this is true is a matter of intense debate, but in any case, he leaves a pair of reading glasses in shul and has another pair at home, leaving each pair in its place.

I don’t understand. Hesder yeshivas in Eretz Yisroel are for Israeli boys who learn in yeshiva and then go to the army. What kind of yeshiva did he go to in EY?

CT – Just FYI, but December 24, 2016 is the first night of Channukah.