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NechomahParticipant
Massage the back of the shoe. That means to push the area at the back where it is bothering your foot and press it down into the inner part of the shoe (fold it down) and let it go, press it down and let it go back up. Keep doing this for the whole area of the back of the shoe. This will soften up the material so that it won’t rub. In the meantime, put bandaids on the area that is bothering you, particularly when you are going to wear those shoes next Shabbos.
NechomahParticipantIt’s very hard to keep the hamantaschen closed. When they bake, sometimes it opens up wider than you would like. To me, it’s nice when just a bit peeks through. If it is too open, then too much of the filling can bubble away as it bakes,especially yummy things like blueberries.
NechomahParticipantWhy would one need to have pity on Chazal over their machlokes? Machlokes leshaim shomayim is not machlokes like what people try to avoid in our times. Chazal were trying to clarify Emes. That is the purest kind of machlokes.
Please explain further what you mean, as I must not have understood what you were trying to ask.
February 21, 2017 1:30 pm at 1:30 pm in reply to: How do people afford apartments in Israel? #1218515NechomahParticipantGeorgie, this is not such a risk these days. Ever since the big bust about 10 years ago of the kablan in Beit Shemesh and other places that embezzled money, there is what I remember as a contract that the Kablan signs that there is a bank that provides what is called Areivut Bankait. This means that the bank guarantees that in the even the kablan goes belly up before your apartment is finished, they will step in, bring in another kablan and finishing building. Usually when you are taking a mortgage (mashkanta) the bank you are taking the mashkanta from will want to see the paperwork on the Areivut. It is pretty standard if you are buying in a new projection or extension of an existing project.
NechomahParticipantZD and AK – A tinok sheneshba is literally a Jew who was captured and raised by non-Jews. It does not refer to indigenous people who are not Jewish to start with.
NechomahParticipantLU, look at the site. They have long sleeves, 3/4 sleeves, half of the bodice to wear under a dress where you don’t need something all the way to the hips. All kinds. Kids sizes, women’s sizes and probably even maternity. It might be good to get from somewhere that you can see the color yourself and match it up to whatever you’re buying. When I was in a Modasty store recently, they have certain tops that go with the skirt they have on the rack with it. If you have ever gone to Chemise or Basic 4 U, they have tons of colors. You may have to take it in by the shoulders it get the neckline right, but if matching and selection of colors are important, then those are the stores to go to. Chemise is much more expensive. Basic 4 U is about 25 shek for a shirt.
NechomahParticipantThere is a company called Kiki Riki. Google Kiki Riki shells. You can get them in 34 colors. I think that should cover almost any pastel you need. You won’t need to deal with getting them over the Atlantic or around the US, as you can just order them on line.
NechomahParticipantLB, Amalek inside of us is what we can deal with now. It is a good analogy, but there will come a time, byz”H soon, that Moshiach will come and we will be able to fulfill the mitzvah of mechias Amalek. We just have to know 100% sure who is really Amalek, and only Moshiach can tell us that. So in the meantime, we have rabbis who give shiurim that give us different ways to interpret the issue, but it is definitely not going to eliminate the original purpose of the mitzvah.
NechomahParticipantThere are other stores, not just Kohl’s that sell long skirts. You can check out Next and other women’s clothing stores,especially this time of year. You will have a harder time during the summer.
NechomahParticipantWhat kinds of things do you want someone to buy for you in the shuk? The things that are sold there are not of the highest quality. So many things are available on the other side of the Atlantic. Don’t be dependent on other people for your tznius. You can shop online, especially now in the winter. Kohl’s and other stores sell skirts long enough this time of year. Buy a frum publication and learn about some of the other stores that sell clothes for women. You can order tights online from many places, including essentialapparel and barenecessities. Prices there may actually be better than what you can get things for in EY. It’s great to give financial support to business owners in EY, but you may get better return on your investment by buying things at lower cost in US and supporting Torah learning over here with the difference.
NechomahParticipantSorry Health, Kupat Cholim is not cheap unless you have Bituach Leumi, which you have to have properly arranged. I do not know if you can even arrange for kupat cholim without Bituach Leumi. It’s a bit of a complicated system. I have no idea why she has no insurance, as it is pretty basic over here and the law is that anyone who is here for over a year straight, with or without making aliyah, you can have Bituach Leumi and then kupat cholim.
NechomahParticipantNiflaos HaBoreh!!!!
NechomahParticipantYes, Health, but a fracture of a toe that is not very painful and she could walk on the foot would not likely need more than a supportive comfortable shoe (not that she would be wearing flip-flops in the winter) and a pain reliever. What else would a podiatrist or orthopedic surgeon do for it?
Being that you are a trained medical professional and I gave my lowly non-medical opinion, what would you recommend that she do? People without insurance cannot run to the doctor for every little bump or bruise. She did not say in the beginning what had happened, thus the multitude of recommendations.
BTW, nobody asked whether you preferred a podiatrist to an orthopedic surgeon, that is your opinion. They are not so prevalent here in EY (I know that is where LU is located) and they certainly do not have access to an x-ray machine. The most logical thing for her to do would be to go to Terem, which we have both referred to) and have an x-ray to make sure it is not a fracture. If her toe was not hot or painful, then possibility of infection is low. I do not feel that I gave her bad advice in the least.
NechomahParticipantI don’t know if all podiatrists are created equal, but I would prefer, as suggested above, to see an orthopedic surgeon who specializes in feet. Yes, they do exist. I used to work for one. He’s an excellent doctor.
LU – Just FYI, you never said what happened to your foot at the beginning. You simply said that your toe was swollen. Then you said it was purple. That could be a multitude of things – a sign of infection, lack of blood flow, etc.
When you give the details that you banged your toe, it sounds to me like you have what they call in Hebrew a “shetef dam”. What I think that means is that you have some internal bleeding (bruise) going on there. The bang you gave to your toe broke some small blood vessels and they bled, creating the purple color and the swelling. I would say that if your toe is very painful (like you can’t walk on it or sleep at night) or crooked, then I would go to Terem and have them take an x-ray (they would figure out from your story that it was not an infection or ingrown toe nail but possibly a fracture). If it is neither extremely painful nor crooked, then I would wear some comfortable shoes, keep your foot elevated when you can and take an anti-inflammatory, like Advil or Neurofen to help reduce the swelling and pain. If you do this for two or three days and the pain gets worse or does not improve, then I would go to Terem and have them take an x-ray.
NechomahParticipantCan’t give advice about whether to tell manager or not, but I would suggest you keep your hands busy, a cup of coffee in one hand, clipboard or notebook (and even a pen) in your other hand. There will nothing left for the clients to shake, lest you spill your coffee on them in your haste to organize yourself, LOL! Give a big smile and apologize on the spot for not being able to shake hands.
NechomahParticipantMy husband is Russian. Left before the curtain fell, just nissim that he and his parents escaped. Life was not easy then. Now it is supposedly easier, but there is still a lot of antisemitism and, to be honest, even though the current government is not Communist, there are still issues with respecting human and religious rights. The people who were born and grew up there may very well be keeping mitzvos now, but there is probably still an element of fear of being caught and having problems because of that. They may not know what it’s like on the outside. Many are very happy after they leave. It’s not easy to stay and not necessarily easy to go.
As far as everything that Hashem does is for the good, then your concerns about the “pain that may affect other aspects of one’s well-being, currently and intergenerationally” (not sure I understand what this means), it means that even the pain is good. If a person truly understands that this pain is for his/her growth and does not get bogged down in it, then it will be used as a stepping stool for further growth in areas down the road. Not all good seems “sweet” to us over here, it can be painful, but a person has to ask Hashem that they should see the sweetness of it, hopefully while they are going through it, but if not then, then afterwards Hashem should give them clarity why they went through such an experience.
Remember that Yaakov had to go down to Mitzrayim. It was necessary for him and his 12 sons to be in Mitzrayim. But Yaakov did not want to go. Yaakov wanted to be a “ger” but stay in EY, but HKBH said, no, in Mitzrayim. Even when Hashem sent a hunger, he stayed behind and sent his sons to Mitzrayim to get food and bring it back. Hashem realized that it would take more to get Yaakov to go, so the whole story of Yosef going to Mitzrayim happened in order to bring Yaakov there. All this in order to fulfill all of the promises Hashem made with Avraham Avinu. We cannot think that we know better.
NechomahParticipantI got a speeding ticket many years ago. I had two choices, either pay the fine, which would have meant points on my license and paying higher insurance rates or going to an educational course for about 8 hours on the dangers of driving recklessly, etc., I’m sure you can imagine what it was about. You should find out if that is an option for you (if you’re going too fast or driving too dangerously, they don’t let). Also find out if there is a company in your area that gives courses either in Sunday or during the week.
NechomahParticipantThanks ZK 🙂
LB, did you ask this random person where he got this “mesora” from? I would definitely insist on pretty strong mekorot from random people to start worrying about these issues with my baby (aside from the fact that a new mother is usually so tired that she can hardly manage regular daily activities during the first few weeks after birth, much less such restrictions). Anyway, random online conversation aside from with the talmidei chochomim here in the CR should be entered into very cautiously. As a single woman, you could be a target for some unsavory people out there, even if they seem to be talking very lofty things. Just keep an eye out.
NechomahParticipantLB, even if you assume that this person is serious, what other restrictions is he going to suggest employing when the baby is old enough to move around, go outside, etc. Should we blindfold our children when they go outside? Unfortunately we do not live in a pure society and just going to the main intersection down the street if you live in chutz la’aretz, or going to the center of town even if you live in Yerushalayim, you can be exposed to things many people would prefer they weren’t, even just going on a bus. This is why many people prefer to live in frum neighborhoods and send their children to school on private transportation, to avoid these kinds of things. I am not sure that we are able to keep to a level of purity that is suggested by some of the restrictions you mention. Listening to any particular person, unless that person is a recognized godol, should not be a requirement. What does this Duvid Chaim say? How did his name come to be mentioned in the shiur? I do not think it is a matter of overlooking things, but there are some common sense guidelines that should be employed to strain out the things that might be on the fringe. You should concentrate on getting the main things, Shabbos, Kashrus, Tznius, and make sure that you get the hashkafa things from recognized rebbeim and Roshei Yeshiva, not just anybody who decides to record a shiur and put it on Torah Anytime (I am not saying there is anything wrong with that site, and I have no idea how shiurim get posted there).
NechomahParticipantHealth, on the whole I would agree with your recommendation that a dentist could do an extraction, but since Litvos says that the teeth are already impacted, this may require more digging to remove the teeth (sorry Litvos, don’t want to scare you).
A regular dentist, who spends most of their time with fillings and other regular dentistry activities, may not be able to deal with such a situation as well as an oral surgeon, who would have more experience dealing with these issues, as they deal with them more often in their daily work. I think in this case he could try to find out prices from different oral surgeons before emptying his wallet at the nearest one, but it does sound like something that needs to be handled in the very near future.
NechomahParticipantThe seminaries have different hanhalos, teachers (may have some that teach in more than 1 of them), and perhaps focus, but since this site only has a few people of seminary age that can contribute to this thread, you might be better off getting information from a different site.
NechomahParticipantLB, I’m curious why an ayin-hara lady would be contrary to Torah Judaism in your opinion.
NechomahParticipantGet it done as soon as possible as you might end up with an infection in there soon and also, if you had braces when you were younger, then the pressure from the obstructed teeth can cause the other teeth to become misaligned. If it is top teeth only, the recovery is not bad, you may need to take pain meds for a day or two after. Bottom teeth can develop more complications, so make sure to follow your surgeon’s instructions. Best to go to a specialist who does this often as they have more experience with digging the teeth out.
NechomahParticipantI would say that in the time that Moshe Feinstein lived, perhaps carob was not available year-round like it is now, so he paskened that he should say a shehecheyanu on it. Now that it is available, the psak could have changed.
NechomahParticipantWe get double on FRIDAY to account for Friday and Shabbos. Otherwise you would have to get a triple portion on Thursday in order to account for Thursday, Friday and Shabbos.
We do see the inyan of triple in relation to Shemitta. Because the land lies fallow in the 7th year, during the 8th year, it takes time for the land to be made ready for planting, planted and then harvested, which can take up most of the 8th year, during which time there was no parnassa from the land. Thus, in the 6th year, Hashem promises that he will provide triple to account for the 6th, 7th (Shemitta) and 8th years.
NechomahParticipantLB, I totally agree with WTP. You might even want to speak to people who are in a similar situation as you are, how they use their kitchens with the sinks and counters that have or have not been kashered. Kashering a kitchen also includes the dishes/pots that you use. If you take WTP’s comments to heart, you can find lots of ways to prevent the heat of say a hot pot on the treif counter getting transferred into your kosher pots. You might need to invest in accessories like he mentions. There are neat things like silicon trivets and so forth that are available and probably more practical than worrying about contact paper.
NechomahParticipantLB, I would not cover the sink year-round with contact paper, for a week it’s not bad, but more than that, it starts to peel off due to the almost constant contact with water. As far as using two bins, they might have one sitting on one counter next to the sink and the other one in the sink itself or on the other counter. When they wish to do dishes, then they put the bin in the sink and wash them. Or maybe they do the dishes without the bin at all, just use it to collect them in it.
When I designed my kitchen in an apartment that was as yet unbuilt, I paid extra to have a second sink put in and brought over large stainless steel sinks so that I could kasher them for Pesach. That is a near-ideal kitchen, but I could have easily spent less money and brought in ceramic sinks that I could not kasher for Pesach. Here in EY, they sell plastic insert for sinks for Pesach. But there is definitely nothing assur about using one sink or a not kasherable one.
NechomahParticipantWhy would you be chayav to have either two sinks or a kasherable single sink? The laws of kashering are such that having one sink that you thought you would be kashering between meat and milk would make use of that sink almost impossible, as there has to be 24 hours from the time anything hot (certain temperature) was poured into the sink (the hot water from the spout included), so you would not be able to use anything hot in the sink for that period of time, then you could kasher the sink, which would make it parve,and then the same thing goes the other way. People I know who have had only one sink have washed their dishes in plastic bowls that they place in the sink and probably do not use water that is soooo hot and do not pour anything that is either meat or milk that is hot at the temperature that is problematic into the sink. It may be a little tricky, but requiring somebody to put in plumbing that would enable 2 sinks is not practical. The people who first lived in houses that had running water and subsequently had enough money to renovate their kitchens did not necessarily add a second sink as there may not have been enough place in the kitchen to accommodate one.
NechomahParticipantAlso, I would suggest that if you are interested in an Orthodox giyur you pay attention to the sources where you are getting your information. If you do not trust Wikipedia, then JVL, with its secular sources aplenty and seemingly absence of Torah sources, would not be the first choice of places to look. Check out sites like Aish.com and other sites referenced in the Coffee Room.
NechomahParticipantFirst of all, secular Jews do not in general pray in any language, so that is irrelevant.
Second, there is a major difference that must be made between Hebrew as a secular/spoken language versus Loshon HaKodesh (LK), which is the language of Torah, kedusha and prayer.
Religious Jews who have some understanding of LK pray in LK as that is the language prayer was written in. If a person really does not understand LK (such as a baal teshuva) he can pray in his own language until he hopefully gets enough proficiency to be able to pray in LK. The difference for an Israeli baal teshuva is that he may understand enough LK because his mother tongue is Hebrew, but they are not the same.
The people from the Haskala wanted to remove the kedusha from LK and make Hebrew into a spoken language again.
If G-d revealed Himself in LK to the Jewish People, what makes you think that people in this world can replace that language with something else and keep it holy? Their only purpose was to remove the holiness (kedusha) and make it a common, everyday language.
NechomahParticipantThe Q comes from the old British translation of the language and, to me, it makes me think of Arabic, even though there is no obvious connection. The more modern translations are with a K. I think if you spell it Kiryat …., it will get to where you want. Remember, the US Post Office people are going to simply place it in a bag of mail that is going to Israel, no matter what the street address that is on it. Only once it gets here will the Israel Post staff sort it according to the city and street. If your envelope gets damaged to the point that a whole word gets rubbed off while in transit with the USPS, then you should probably find a different way to get your mail places. You could write the letters ISRAEL in very large letters and the Hebrew ones in a regular size.
NechomahParticipantIn EY, everybody has school the whole day on Sunday and Friday is the half day. Unfortunately being that Sunday is a “day off” in America, having school that day interferes with family activities and other things that people arrange specifically to do on the day off.
As far as girls helping at home, my girls are in a school where they have school on Friday mornings until 11, until 3rd grade, and then they have off. That is when they should be at home helping their mothers.
Even in BY schools, the seminary age girls have off from right around Rosh Chodesh Nissan. In our school, seminary age girls are off from around 23rd of Adar. That usually gives enough time to help their mothers clean. Most mothers would prefer that their little girls be in school as they are still too little to help very much, especially not for several hours at a time.
January 23, 2017 12:56 pm at 12:56 pm in reply to: What you prefer to receive as mishloach manos #1211383NechomahParticipantFrom what I understand, the food needs to be ready to eat, not something that needs to be prepared, so I think that the spaghetti idea is also out. I could be wrong, so someone could correct me because I see layouts in magazines with jars of soup ingredients that you just need to put in a pot and add water, or cookie recipe that you just need to add a few small ingredients, or such things, and I’m never sure if that is allowed, but I thought it wasn’t.
I had a friend who made some kind of tray that had places for a few small round cups (think ketchup or salad dressing from a take-out restaurant) and she put a few different kind of shmear salads in them and had crackers in the middle. The whole thing was shaped like an artist’s palate and her family was dressed up as artists. That is what is meant by a theme, and I think this is a pretty inexpensive way to go.
NechomahParticipantLB, just want to add the point that Hashem does not NEED anything. He is perfect and complete just the way He is. He created us to benefit us, gave us everything for our good and does everything because He loves us and wants for us to have good. This boy you are referring to may not have benefited from hearing these ideas, as he was seemingly resistant to them and was still depressed and another angle was needed to try to bring him out of his depression. I think you will find many contradictions to what was said in that talk, but it may have had its use for that specific case only, not to be extrapolated to all Yidden.
NechomahParticipantRebshidduch, if you don’t know much about a kollel lifestyle, why are you looking for a boy who wants to learn in kollel? Rather than saying you’re looking for kollel guys, as those are usually men who learned in yeshiva (does not usually pay any money) and got married and now learn in a kollel (which hopefully pays them money), you should say that you’re looking for a yeshiva bochur.
As the kollel lifestyle requires many sacrifices, it should not be entered into lightly and the girl should be fairly familiar with what life in the home looks like in order to make a success of her marriage. If she has expectations that cannot be fulfilled in this type of life, then she will not get what she wants in the end of things.
Also, if you are looking to get into shidduchim without your parents’ involvement, are they planning on helping you after you get married? While it is not obligatory, many boys will need some kind of assistance to balance out the support that they get from their kollel and the usually low starting salary of the woman when she starts working. Of course if you have money saved up and/or a good job, then your parents do not need to be involved in that aspect of the finances.
Do you have a teacher from high school or seminary who you were close to/friendly with and can help advise you? The best person is someone who actually lives that lifestyle, so you can ask questions and get feedback.
Hatzlacha!
NechomahParticipantSubleasing apartments for short (a week) or slightly longer (a month around the holidays) term in Jerusalem is extremely common. Not illegal unless it is against the terms of the current tenant’s lease agreement with the apartment owner. Nothing to be excited about.
NechomahParticipantWhen my daughter got engaged, both sides paid the shadchanit 4,500 shekels. We paid her the night of the erusin/vort. That would translate to around $2500-$2750, depending on the exchange rate, total from both sides.
My daughter had gone to another shadchanit for an interview before being set up with anybody and paid her 100 shekels for that.
January 8, 2017 10:25 pm at 10:25 pm in reply to: Confusing halacha, minhag, chumra and shtus* #1211032NechomahParticipantWhat about beautifying the mitzvah of lighting rather than lighting more candles? By this I mean getting some kind of pretty candlesticks (do not have to be ultra fancy – can wait for future husband to buy something more special) but can use the glass cups and light candles that last a long time. In EY, there are candles that have their own long wick inside, the wax melts and the wick stays above the melted wax as it burns down. They’re very pretty and because they’re in a glass cup, they add a lot of light, rather than using tea lights, which are in a metal cup and once the level of the wax goes below the top of the metal, they are harder to see and add less light. Then you could upgrade to lighting oil when you get married.
NechomahParticipantI would just append to what WTP said about no interruptions during Shemone Esreh, that this would apply to the silent one. When they are repeating the Shemone Esreh, in what is known as Chazaras HaShatz, a person could motion to you during that time, except during Kedusha.
NechomahParticipantLu’l: How do you go out fairly with the person on Thursday or Friday, knowing the whole time that you have another date set up on motzai Shabbos? I would think that the person is not able to properly focus on the person they are speaking with. They may be incorrectly looking for the “spark” that this is the one. Not everybody can make such an impressive first impression that they will be selected as “the shidduch”, but rather may take some time to get to know the inner person and realize what a good person s/he is and that it would be a very good shidduch for the person in question. But unfortunately, because the person in question was, perhaps we could call it, speed dating, they were not able to give proper attention to the first person and just bypassed them.
NechomahParticipantHonestly I do not know how this dating while on vacation and setting up multiple shidduchim would work for anybody really chareidi, who would not consider more than one person at any given time. Each person should be considered on his or her own merits, not in comparison to anybody else. I wouldn’t dream of letting my kids consider a shidduch until the previous one is over.
NechomahParticipantYou are only allowed to give tochacha to a person who is able to receive it (and hopefully do something with your constructive criticism). If not, you are not supposed to tell them anything.
NechomahParticipantLB, it’s totally fine to wear tennis shoes or any other kinds of shoes (open-toed, sling-backs, slits on the side, shoe-boots, you name it) with tights/thigh-highs/socks, as long as it is visible that you are wearing something to cover the leg that is exposed past your skirt. Nobody really cares. Many, many chareidi women wear tennis/athletic shoes, often for reasons of having suffered from varicose veins during multiple pregnancies and they need the support for their legs/feet, etc, whatever the reason. It can be just your style and you like that kind of shoe. Go for it.
I do want to point out something I see in this thread and was also mentioned in another thread. There is what is called a pony tail (known in EY as a koo-koo) and there is a braid (called a tzamah). Most Bais Yaakov girls wear their hair in a pony tail and that is totally tznius. All of the hair (except for some bangs if you like) is collected into a holder off the face. The braid (sometime 2) is worn more by the Yerushalmi/chassidish girls.
I am not sure where it says that you have to have your hair in a braid, I do recall this being mentioned in different thread but I do not have time to go reference it, but I hesitate to say that the large majority of chareidi girls are going around not tznius because their hair is merely in a pony tail and not in a braid.
Open hair is considered prost (I believe that is the word) and I personally consider long-haired shaitels in this category as well (nobody else in the entire world has to agree with me).
NechomahParticipantLenny, you are a blast from the past if you think that therapy is simply lying on a couch and venting. You and your wife have very old, long-standing problems with communication and solving your problems and other issues that you have not really mentioned but I am pretty sure exist. The purpose of therapy is to help you to understand how your old ways of dealing with things have not worked and to help you develop skills that will help you with future communications,with your wife and with other people as well. Individual therapy can help you in ways you don’t seem to understand. I would suggest you follow Mod-29’s recommendation and jump into therapy even if it is just to show your wife that you are working on your personal areas and are not forcing her into things she is not ready for yet. I believe that R’ Yisroel Salanter said that the only person in the world you can change is yourself. If you simply expect to change her mind about whether the two of you should stay married without doing some work yourself, you will probably not succeed. Show her that you’re serious about your end of things.
NechomahParticipant“Can’t I just as easily ask why it’s not cruel for the wife to ask for a Get when there’s no compelling reason for one?”
Lenny, your wife is not cruel, she’s unhappy. Make her happy (work out your issues) and she won’t need a get.
Again, as I’ve asked numerous times on different threads you’ve started and which I feel you seem to have skirted the issue, my question is whether you plan on working on yourself and dealing with the issues your wife has? I am not referring only to simple issues like whether your kids play baseball or video games, but whether you spend the time to discuss with her how you feel about your kids wasting time in front of a video screen and all of the physical/mental problems associated with lack of activity, etc, or do you just insist on your way and belittle her for having any opinion on the issue, and if the latter is how you have been handling things up until now, do you plan to correct this very basic issue of how you treat your wife? Does your wife not deserve to be happy? You might think you are happy, but since your wife is supposed to be a part of you (a very major part I would think) how can you be happy if she is not?
November 27, 2016 2:37 pm at 2:37 pm in reply to: obtain a beis din's preliminary ruling without actually going to a beis din #1195126NechomahParticipantLenny, I am still not sure why you want to remain married to your wife, why you feel that it would be a good thing to not give her a get when that is what she wants?
Are you willing to honestly and openly address her concerns and not brush them aside as unimportant? As you have said, she reported different issues to your Rav over the years, but they do not seem to have been taken seriously and dealt with by you. That is the first thing you must do. If you do not come to a resolution of those issues, then the marriage will always be contentious. Who needs that?
Do you have small children still? Even older children at home? Do you follow the belief that an intact marriage is the best way to raise them? If so, then make it a happier marriage. You must be willing to give in on issues. If she is steadfast on her issues, then either you don’t see her as your partner or you don’t care for what she has to say.
Either way, you should get out. Find someone who does agree with the way you see things in life and make a life with them. Both you and your wife will be much happier. How many people on this site have said that you should give her a get if that is what a Rav tells you to do.
Why does it need to be that only if a Beis Din tells you are you willing to listen. Yes, they are the only ones who can order you to give it, but why can’t you take the advice of one Rav (you already have more than one who tells you to give her a get)? Are you going to go hopping from Rav to Rav until you find someone who agrees with you? So far, while not saying that your wife is right, everybody with whom you have spoken has said that you should give her a get.
So, again, what’s the point of staying in such a marriage?
NechomahParticipantRebYidd23, I don’t think that what you said is entirely accurate. My daughter (thin and beautiful) was the type you’re talking about and used to tell her brother (my only overweight child) that no girl wants to marry a heavy boy. It turns out that when she met her husband the first time, I thought for sure she would say no because he is FAT. Well, obviously she didn’t say no and they’re now a family with a beautiful baby. He’s fatter than he was before, although he did lose weight for the chassanah. I hope for his health that he does lose weight, but, as said above, the right one at the right time.
November 24, 2016 11:37 pm at 11:37 pm in reply to: Are foods we liked as kids have the same "geshmak" when we grow up? #1194850NechomahParticipantI saw a very interesting package of Oreos today in Yerushalayim for the first time. It was special made with kashrus supervision from Agudas HaRabbonim (I believe they call it). I think that is
R’ Westheim’s hechsher. There was absolutely no mention of OU-D or OU-DE. I did not even see the OU hechsher on the package, which I would assume would be there even if some other kashrus organization was also supervising since the packages are pre-printed. I think the special sticker for the Hebrew translation of all the ingredients, etc, was covering the area where the OU is printed. How can I know if this is DE? I saw a really yummy sounding recipe that calls for Oreo cookies, but I would not use them for a parve dessert on Shabbos, so I’m very curious. I will probably have to contact the kashrus organization. Does anybody know how to find the one I mentioned?
NechomahParticipantLUL, you might think that you will be in that minority. I’m sure the mother who took her kids to the zoo thought she also was careful, until her kid ended up in the gorilla’s cage! I don’t think she was a particularly irresponsible person, but there are only so many eyes one mother can have. If she has a child who is particularly active and she is afraid that she might lose track of him just in the normal process of watching a group of kids, then a harness is an option she can use to make sure that this child is contained in a (hopefully) safe way so that they can still enjoy the benefits of going to the zoo and seeing the animals and other attractions at the zoo without unduly endangering that child or anybody else.
NechomahParticipantDepending on what time your day is finishing, you might think of turning in early. More sleep will give you more energy to deal with the challenges the next day and perhaps you won’t feel the need to simply unwind the next day. Obviously going to sleep at 7 is not what I’m suggesting, but it won’t hurt to turn in at 9:30 or 10, especially if your kids are early risers. You may want to rework your afternoon/evening schedule to not leave yourself with so much seeming free time. Unwinding can be done, if your kids cooperate, by reading a few chapters of a book while on the couch in the room where they are playing on the floor, going to the park with them in the afternoon, or other activities that you find enjoyable to do with your kids. If you are re-energized, you can take care of small household activities, including a bit of laundry, cleaning up the kitchen, getting ready for the next day, etc. If your spouse wants to participate, then he can either help or at least sit in the room and talk with you while you’re doing things. Some people I know take a baby sitter in the afternoon hours (assuming you don’t come home from work only at 7), while they rest and then they have energy to deal with the evening routine.
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