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I don’t really think you have a good reason to have more than 1 username other than to argue with yourself in various threads or confuse the other members of the CR with unnecessary arguments. Stick to 1 username and be yourself. We’ll all be much happier.
After working for almost 20 years in the orthopedic field and seeing all the damage that sports does to people’s bodies at all ages, especially small children who are pushed into sports at crazy ages, doing multiple sports all year long, not giving their bodies a rest, having to undergo surgeries because of various injuries, I have a very hard time anymore buying into enthusiasm about sports.
Add to that my problems with who exactly are these participants, are they role models? How much money they make – is it even reasonable? How much you have to pay for tickets to a live event? What has happened to college sports over the years – are these players getting a college education at all? All of these questions have completely disillusioned me against sports at all levels. The only thing I think we should be doing is what Goq is – exercising for our health. Even casual games played amongst friends have ended up with people sustaining difficult injuries that lead to lifelong problems afterward. I’m not sure it’s worth it.
HK – I agree with your first post that this is an either-or situation. You either go for the chuppah and go home and eat dinner, etc at home or you eat dinner at home (or a restaurant close to the chassanah just to treat yourself) and then go for the simchas chosson v’kallah. No one expects you at that point to go to both, why would you think so? Yes, it is difficult if it is far away, but then you have to make a cheshbon of whether you want to go at all, you’re not chayav to go. I think it can save a lot of $ in babysitting money or if you decide to take the kids with, they don’t have their schedule upset each time you want to go to a simcha – just go for the chuppa and stay home for the rest. You can split it up if you want – wife takes kids to the chuppa and goes home to put them to bed. Hubby goes for the simchas chosson v’kallah.
By the way, as far as not making it to the 800th friend, don’t forget that there are 2 sides to a chassana. Perhaps one side has a very large family and the other side doesn’t. They could agree to split a portion of the meals that one side pays for all of that and then the side that has more people to invite simply adds the difference. Maybe your side only had 200 people on their list, most of whom was family and only very close friends because that is what they could afford simply because they were paying for 400 people total and that was their budget. Now the other side added 400 more meals on their own.
Mishpacha’s site has archives. The Back Issues link will take you to a page with the cover pages of all of their magazines since July 2010. I’m sure if you enlarge each cover you’ll see which one has the article about Atlanta that you’re interested in.
If you can teach English, you can look into teaching it in groups to the children of English-speaking families who already speak English, but need to work on vocabulary/writing skills.
Shticky Guy – Geshmock can also mean delicious (smell/taste)
ZD – I just want to say that I think the people in Meah Shearim that are doing these destructive things wouldn’t even listen to their rabbeim if told to stop. They are ungovernable and out of control.
oomis1105 – I’m not sure where you are, but this is a pretty regular thing at chassanahs here in EY. Everybody I know does it. Most don’t even give a card to say you’re invited to the meal, but if they’re tight on $ (who’s not these days – but really, limited space, etc) – then I have received a few invites that have a special card saying that you’re invited for meal or the simchas chassan vekallah, depending on which the baal hasimcha wants to specify on the small card inside.
This is standard protocol at chassanahs at EY. Only family and close friends for the most part come to the meal and it is your choice whether to come for the chuppah (no smorgasbord here, just a few cakes) or the simchos chosson v’kalloh, where they usually put out a kabblos orchim set up of food for people who did not have the meal – kugels, maybe stuffed peppers, fruit, maybe a salad.
I don’t think that unless it was registered as a business you need to worry. There would have to be paperwork processed and it’s obviously beyond the scope of a kid to do this. I don’t think you’re stealing from the government the taxes due on this income, but you could ask your LOR for a clear psak.
I would look into opening a bank account with Charles Schwab. They have had in the past fee-free withdrawals at any ATM, so she can take the $ out over here in shekels and not incur any fees. Please verify as my info is more than 1 year old, and while I believe it still exists, banks are changing their policies all the time. Many Israeli banks have online ability to look up where their ATM machines are located to make it easier for her to find such machines in the beginning when she gets here. After awhile, she will be able to find them just by asking around. I think she should start out with a certain amount of cash to begin with just to make sure that she will be able to get herself to her dorm and manage for a week or so before having to go out to get $ right away.
Also, don’t forget about a cell phone with an Israeli # and something that she can call you also. Everybody lives with their cell phones, but I don’t know if she’ll need 2 phones for this or just 1. Price around. Look in various publications for advertisements about this as I’m sure there are deals being offered.
Just keep in mind that September 1st this year falls out mid-Elul, so Yomim Tovim will be upon her before she even knows it, so don’t forget that list of people she can go to.
Just a side note – BPT, I don’t have any brothers-in-law learning anywhere, so I don’t imagine that that would be a way for him to find us. Where’s he learning? – Don’t worry mods, there are probably thousands of people with siblings learning in various yeshivos in EY, the chances of making any connection based on this is very slim.
I personally don’t think you have to worry about halacha on this. Dina demalchusa dina would be that if the person gave you a 1099 on this income, then you would be obligated to report it for tax purposes, but since they didn’t, you don’t have to make it up for the IRS. If you did, then they will want to know from whom you got the income, and it could lead to that person getting in trouble for not paying social security, etc, for the wages they paid you. Better not start with unreported income. There is a minimum amount that they have to pay you in a calendar year before there’s any obligation for them to report it to the IRS, so you’re probably in the clear if you never got any tax forms.
I think the second scenario is a real rarity. I would say that it takes a very strong person to get out of the “college scene” and get back into yeshiva full-time. Since he stayed part-time, that might have been what kept it high on his priority list, but I think that most people, once they get involved in college, then they’re off to work because “what’s the point of having a degree if you’re not going to use it”. It takes a lot of yishuv hadaas to get back to kollel at that point. He deserves a lot of credit. I think it’s like people who I know who were in EY for a couple of years after getting married and decided they wanted to make a go of buying an apartment here and living here, but first went back to the States to work to make enough $ to have a nest egg when they got back. Most people would probably never make it back here after that, but I do know one couple that did. It wasn’t easy, but that was their goal together so they helped each other stay focused.
I also agree with the poster who said that it’s hard to imagine what kind of degree he had that it was so easy for him to get a job after he was in learning full-time for 10 years after getting the degree.
That was very brave of you Goq to post your weigh-in. I’m sure mine would be around the same #, I’m embarrassed to say. You’re probably taller than I.
If food preparation is an issue, like I thought, what about getting one of those electric grills, like a George Foreman, or whatever you like that’s like that. A friend suggested grilling chicken breasts. It’s pretty easy and probably absolutely delicious. Add a salad that you might be able to get prepared from the local deli or other restaurant (but be very careful with the dressing) and some another side dish and you would have a terrific filling meal that wouldn’t take long to prepare.
The one thing I learned when I started my last diet is about fat content in food. I never paid attention to it and always thought that sugar was the trick. You obviously have issues (like I do) with sugar because of the diabetes, and your diet must be tailored to that consideration, but the leader of my diet group used the Hebrew expression, which rhymes, to help us understand “shemen mashmin” – fat makes you fat in other words. Watch out for saturated fat content in the food. I was fortunate to find 5% fat mayonnaise from Telma and also Osem make them. Eda hachareidis hechsherim, so no questions, and if you can get ahold of them and compare them even to Hellman’s light, you will see a big difference. Salad dressing can add tons to your meal and not in a healthy way. We all need fat, but in reasonable quantities.
Great job on picking a exercise bike also. It will save your lower extremity joints as you get older. If you’ve carried your weight for more than a little while, then your joints and especially your knees have taken the brunt of the burden. Arthritis can set in at an earlier age than for a person who has never been overweight. Don’t overdo this week on the exercise or you could end up too sore and it can make you want to stop altogether. Just try the same amount each day for a week and then up it for the next week, maybe 10 more minutes each day. After that you can use your judgment. You’re making me want to go out and buy one for my own house, but it will have to wait until I can get over to a store and check out the products in person. I don’t think I could order one online.
Hatzlacha keeping up the motivation tomorrow. Each day is a new day.
Goq, I really feel for you and wish I could join you in your endeavor to improve your health/life. I did a terrific diet a few years ago and lost a lot of weight. I was so happy. I did not do it for beauty but rather health as both of my parents a”h had diabetes 2, like you. I rarely exercised and was not very happy with my weight. I started a low-fat, well-balanced diet and after a couple of successful weeks of weight loss, I began walking for about 30 minutes at night in my neighborhood. It was an uphill climb and in the beginning I couldn’t make it up the hill. After a couple of weeks, I could and I extended my walks. It was great. I was really happy when I lost so much weight and was almost at my goal when my whole life changed. I lost my job and had to start working in a job that requires me to sit most of the day. I am literally at the computer for 8-10 hours a day if not more. I make a good parnosa for my family and we were finally able to buy an apartment, but I ended up gaining all the weight back and added a few more pounds, which I’m sure most people are familiar with in the yo-yo problems of weight loss.
You are doing a great thing by starting with exercise. Since you are single and food preparation is probably an issue for you, are there any diet programs in your area that could provide pre-prepared kosher meals? I always figured that if I could just eat what was put in front of me and I didn’t have to be involved in the preparation side, it would be much easier, less choices. The decisions are hard. I know Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers have prepared food that is available, but I don’t know about the kashrus. It might be worthwhile to look into.
As far as weighing in, I have been told that once a week is the best because our weight fluctuates on a daily basis, so a weekly weigh-in will give you a more accurate assessment of your weight loss progress.
I am wishing you lots of hatzlacha and hope that your successes will rub off on me over the Atlantic and I could be motivated to find solutions to the problems that seem insurmountable to me in my weight loss challenges.
I think the problem is that the Zionists are the ones basically in charge of the government here in EY and they make laws and other problems against Yiddishkeit. Life can be very difficult because of them.
Take a drive around the frum areas in Yerushalayim and Bnei Brak. In Yerushalayim, areas like Ezras Torah, Sorotzkin, Panim Meiros, Har Nof, Sanhedria, etc. There are so many people who light in the entrances to the buildings in stools, shelves, etc, it’s sooo beautiful.
I just bought 2 books yesterday. One is an old one, but really nice, called Autumn Rain by Rachel Schorr. The second is one that was recently serialized in Mishpacha by Riva Pomerantz, called Charades. I missed a lot of the chapters in the magazine so I was excited to see the book and read the whole thing.
Well, being a typist for my occupation,I can say that I would probably never in my life text for fear of damaging my thumb muscles. All of that activity cannot possibly be good for the joints surrounding parts of the hand. I would assume that trying to cut down on cramping of the hand is why people started to make these shortcuts, simply to save time and their thumb.
OOM – Does it say in there that you can take an egg, put it in a plastic bowl, break the yolk, stir it a bit (like scrambled eggs) and stick it in a microwave for a couple of minutes – not too long or it’s cardboard – and voila! Scrambled eggs with no dirty pot/dishes to clean up afterward. I am sure that any bochur around can buy a loaf of bread at a local makolet and eat eggs like this. They even have canned tuna spread, which may be good for some. A bowl of cereal (corn flakes, raisin bran, etc, are available in lots of stores these days) is also quick. I feel bad for your son bpt. I’d love to have him for Shabbos and send a goody bag back for in the week.
Here’s a few #s for you, just to give you a head start. All #s are listed with Israeli area code, so if you’re calling from America, drop the 0.
There is one hall in Modiyin Ilit. I’m not sure that this is the one my friend’s daughter got married in, but it’s the only one I founded listed in this part of EY. It’s called Nof Ilit. Phone # 08-979-7992.
Ora, Moshav Ora’s hall’s # is 6419962.
There are tons of #s listed in the Madrich Chareidi. Just know that you will probably have to bring your own caterer for these halls. Most catering is Eda Hachareidit kashrus. You have to decide if this is what you want, depending on which people you will have coming that you want to be able to eat there. Oif Simchas is supposed to be one of the cheaper caterers from what I’ve been told.
Mazel Tov and hatzlacha with the preparations.
By hashkafah, I would say that you should prepare her to be homesick and missing you and your family for a while and it does take time to get adjusted to being away from home for an extended period of time. Most girls do get over the hump and are very happy by Channukah. There was a woman who posted on a recent thread about this that she and her husband arranged to go to EY for Succos to help get their daughter over the hump and also deal with all of the YT meals that many girls find themselves having to plan out for themselves, which can be very hard on a girl who may or may not have much family here in EY. That’s a great idea if you can afford it. Maybe provide her with a list of phone numbers of family and friends you have in EY to give her a base for Shabbos/YT planning in advance. It will help ease her mind.
Not sure if Tamir is so cheap, you’d have to take cheap catering. I know that Yad Eliezer does provide catering, probably good prices, worth a call, their food was yummy at a chasanah I was at in the summer.
The kibbutz that zaidy mentions is called Moshav Ora. Don’t know their prices.
There’s another hall near Gutnick called Armanot Wolf. Everyone I know who has no $ uses that hall.
There is the new thing of Friday morning chassanahs, but I heard from someone that they’re not so nice – no real seuda, not sure about music, sort of plain, depends on what you’re looking for. The halls are pushing it a bit and giving them for dirt cheap from what I’ve heard during the summer.
There’s a hall in Kiryat Sefer/Modi’in that some people are using, not always so convenient, but if you’ve got people coming from B’nei Brak as well as Yerushalayim, it’s right in the middle.
Mazel Tov and hatzlacha with the preparations.
Syag, it probably depends on your video card. You need a lot of RAM to use video on Skype and streamline an event like this. The older video cards don’t work so quickly, that’s why they freeze.
I agree 100% with what you said Toi.
I just finished reading Green Fences by Riva Pomeranz for the second time. Really good. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Since you don’t think you can talk to her to find out more information without “yelling or screaming”, is there a third party who can help you find out what she felt was so important that she had to go behind your back to your fiance to talk to him about? Doesn’t she realize that you are at a highly emotional time of your life. Being a kallah is one of the most special times of a woman’s life, but it can be highly stressful, with all the preparations, right up til the big day. Plus, whether or not you are seeing your fiance during this period, there are always little emotional issues that come up during this time and can be magnified by just such a situation as your friend has caused for you. I am assuming that she is single since she seems to be unaware of this (but that does not mean that a well-intentioned but misguided married friend could not cause a similar problem as well). I think you should try to find someone who can help you investigate the situation a little to try and help you get an idea of her intentions and maybe you will be able to find a zechus for her and that might help you calm down before you go off the deep end when you talk to her. All the best.
You are probably asking if it is disturbing to another person, but the answer is that it is probably disturbing the snorer’s own sleep. Snoring can be a sign of sleep apnea and testing is recommended to confirm/disprove this. The problem is usually treated with a CPAP machine. This is helpful for the snorer because the interruptions in their sleep usually mean that they do not feel rested even after a full night’s sleep.
BTW, it wont’ hurt their sholom bayis either if it is treated since it does often disturb their spouse.
BPT, of course you’re right, and in reality, I DO spend most of my time in a sheitel, which for me is for Shabbos/YT and simchos, but my husband is someone who doesn’t really comment about how I look (unless there’s a problem of course) and knows that it’s a matter of comfort. Sure my tichel is more comfortable and I’m sure there are tons of styles out there that don’t look anything like a “sock” as mom22 called them, but it takes a lot of persistence and desire to try out different styles and see what looks good on. Maybe your wife should have a tichel party, where women come and try on new things, like a tupperware party, haha.
Also, given that a woman’s weight can change a lot over the course of her life (pregnancy, etc), the shape of her face changes and what looked good before doesn’t always look good later on, but a sheitel always looks good, maybe a short cut won’t look so good if she’s puffy at the end of a pregnancy, but mid-length styles are almost always complimentary to the way a woman looks.
I guess the bottom line comes a lot from our husbands in how we feel about ourselves. Like mom22 said, if you guys out there would compliment us the same with our tichels on as with our sheitels, then we won’t feel the need to spend crazy amounts on these things.
BPT, don’t be so quick to say that a tichel is the way to go. For some women, they may feel frumpy and unattractive in one, while a sheitel makes them feel pretty and boosts their self esteem. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m totally opposed to spending even $1000 on anything for my head, but I did recently spend $600 on a sheitel for my son’s Bar Mitzvah and hated it – I felt pressured to buy it and it was not a good color for me nor was the cut what I wanted. I was so unhappy that I ended up changing sheitelmachers (after being friends with and going to the same one for more than 10 years) and I bought a different sheitel from the new sheitelmacher and she cut it just how I wanted and I made sure to try on a few to make sure that the color was good. I’m very happy with the new one and it means that I ended up spending more than $1000 in 6 months for 2 different sheitels, but I figured my self esteem was worth it.
Well, I’m going to take a chance to disagree with PBA (please don’t take my head off) and say that I think you just taught that it’s OK to quit. Sometimes Hashem puts us in situations that we cannot change and we have to learn to deal with them, even if we’re unhappy about it.
Could it be a different type of tuna that you don’t usually eat? There is the standard tuna, which is the dark meat, there’s white tuna and then there’s albacore. They all have distinctly different tastes. I don’t think that you would have had a chance of having 1 particular fish make up the can that you ate since all the meat from hundreds of fish is mixed together in the canning process.
Pba, happy they’re not, but they sure can’t argue with you. They’ll just go around thinking you’re crazy. Are they right?
Consider buying a few siddurim of your nusach and giving them as a donation to the shul where you find yourself daavening.
Thanks for your concern Toi, I’ve been living here in Yerushalayim now for almost 20 years and was finally zocheh last year to buy my own apartment (obviously with my husband). It was hard to be apart from my family, but I love it and wouldn’t have changed things for a minute. I’ve been blessed with 6 beautiful children, bli ayin hara, and the challenges I face daily make me shudder to think about what else I would be having to deal with in other locations.
Not sure what you might be missing, but Eyaht has married women who drop in all the time for classes, some are regulars. I’m sure Neve also has married women there but it’s a big school with a big dorm, so I’m not sure of the mix.
I heard about a carnival where someone set up a “wedding booth” and kids ran this scenario. I believe it accurate when I say that gitten had to be given, at least al safek. Kids have to realize the seriousness when they say this.
I think Mod-80 said it right, things happen, maybe in this case for a reason. It seems to me like this girl is on your mind so much that you might not be able to give a different shidduch a proper chance since you might always be thinking, “what if…” So, bidieved now you should probably find someone to look into the situation for you and see if she would be compatible and if it looks possible, try to see if you could go out at least once just so that you’ll have it clear in your heart and mind that if you said no, it’s for a good reason. Also, if you were both at a chesed event, then you already have something in common, which is helpful.
I had a similar experience like D613, no learning in US, but lots of really intense (8 am – 10 pm with breaks for lunch/dinner/rest) 5 1/2 days a week. Really amazing stuff. Never, never, never thought about living in Israel before coming here for a month, went back to US to deal with some issues before coming back to learn some more and ended up deciding to stay. My only comparison was LA, which did not have a big frum area and I didn’t think I had a great chance of finding a shidduch there, so on staying in EY, found that the challenges in chinuch that are faced on a daily basis in US (advertising, billboards, TV) are not at all issues here, so for my future children’s sakes, I decided to stay here. No comparison for me, but probably hard to compare with Lakewood/Monsey had I come from there. I think the lack of distractions at home make learning in EY so intense.
There are also great classes at Eyaht, the women’s branch of Aish HaTorah.
Some men in my shul were giving boys – 13 years old – including my son – glasses of wine and whiskey. WHY???? Now I admit, kids this age don’t seem to have the same simcha as a bochur who is a little bit older, but still, one of the kids got drunk and threw up in his house. Why does his mother have to deal with that? It’s surely not Purim. Sorry, Zeeskite, I don’t think this has anything to do with the normal ones getting drunk so that they don’t feel left out. It’s just fun dancing and enjoying oneself. At least that’s my opinion.
You may be right, I’m kind of new here and haven’t yet seen what you said. I’ll keep my eyes open for him/her.
Just remember that this is a public site and anybody can get info from here just by searching on google. It’s a scary world out there.
Be good
I flew MANY times on one-way tickets and on return flights of round-trip tickets. I was never pulled out of the security line, simply asked a few questions by the border guard officer at the window. Things like – why are you here (I was learning or my husband was learning), how long are you staying. It was a little nerve wracking, but not a big deal. I think that unless it was really extreme circumstances (like they suspect you of smuggling) they will issue you the standard, no-cost 3 month tourist visa and you will be expected to renew it in the Interior Ministry offices if you want to stay longer than that.
No, I did not have to pay because it was fully refundable. Just make sure you have a credit card on you that has open credit for such a charge since those are usually pretty pricey tickets.
There’s a really great post about Machon Raya down in the middle of this topic
It would be nice if there could be some Mods in the major time zones, including EY, since there are a lot of us Americans over on this side of the Atlantic also and we’d love to be able to shmooze in the CR on 2nd day YT for you chutznikim.
Soleik, you sound just like R’ Noach Weinberg, z”l, of Aish HaTorah. Most of your arguments would come straight out of one of his lectures. You seriously have the innate ability to do great things in kiruv. If you had taken a few courses in it, you would have known where to go with this discussion.
I once heard him say about a conversation he was having with a confirmed atheist something like this:
R’ Noach: So do you have any sons in the army?
Atheist: Yes.
R’ Noach: Where is he stationed?
Atheist: In the North at the border with Lebanon (this was about 20 years ago).
R’ Noach: I want you to pray to G-d (whom you don’t believe exists) with all your strength that you want your son to step on a landmine and be blown to smithereens.
Atheist: That’s impossible. I can’t do that.
R’ Noach: Why not? You don’t believe that G-d exists, do your words are just going to nothing.
Of course the atheist had nothing to answer and had to reconsider his whole position of being an atheist.
So if you don’t already have a great job/career or aren’t sitting learning in a yeshiva/kollel 3 sedarim a day, then I would seriously recommend you for a kiruv job.
I was stopped at the ticket counter on my return home (to EY) with my 4 small children. This was the return flight of a round-trip ticket. They told me that they were not allowed to board non-Israeli citizen passengers who did not have a round-trip booked back to the US. I do not know where they got such ridiculous information, but I ended up having to book 5 round-trip fully refundable tickets while I was standing there at the desk. As soon as I got to my destination (Jerusalem), I promptly canceled those tickets.
Hey, can someone tell us how those of us over here in EY can have a baby with a HOLY weight?? I get 6 lb. 13 ounces, but over here, if you have a 6k 13g baby, they’re gonna have to keep the mother in the hospital for a good few weeks after delivering a baby who weighs 13 1/2 pounds!!!! So who has any ideas?