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Yep, U, U got lucky!!!
Health – “I guess noone wants to volunteer for the job. And I guess the Yeshiva won’t pay for it either. The cop actually called the Menahel to come down and ride with the bus. I don’t know if he did or not.”
In the school where my girls go, they have a bus for girls from preschool up until 3rd grade. They arrange for a girl who is at least 15 or so to accompany the girls to school and on the way home one of the teachers who finishes at that hour goes home with them. This way no one is “volunteering” rather they are getting a free ride. I am sure it is harder for the student to maintain decorum on the bus, but I would hope that a teacher would be able to maintain some control of the students.
As a BT myself, I wouldn’t say that there is anything “objectionable”, but it does sound a little, or maybe more than a little, close-minded and perhaps even bigoted to insist on this, and perhaps you are passing up a golden opportunity to find your zivug. Who really knows what is best for us? You can’t necessarily judge a book by itself cover. If you feel that your family won’t be able to handle the differences between your family and your spouse’s family, then that is definitely an issue to take into consideration as well. Rather than making a blanket statement, I would perhaps get more info on the person before making a decision. In my case, all of my siblings also became BT and my parents were not against and in many cases actually supportive although they did not feel they were able to change their lives the way we all did. Would that make a difference to you?
Hahahaha, Uneeq, it’s sooo funny. I went to look up shtick holtz to find out what it means. I know that shtick means a piece (like a shtickel Torah means a drasha, literally “a piece of Torah”). Anyway, so I just looked up holtz. I found a site that has Everyday Yiddish-English and right away it showed me shtick holtz (it even came up first in Google when I asked for “holtz Yiddish”). Anyway, “shtick holtz” means “a person without personality”. Oh, that was a good one Bear. Glad you’re Back!!
That’s a great post Health. I hope all new (and not so new) parents take the time to read it. All in all, I think what I posted was not far off (do not mean we should take chances with our children’s health), and since I’m basically past childbearing years, I am more interested for when it will be time for grandchildren, byz”H. Did you find specific things in my post that were really off base? I did try to read your whole post, honest.
Body temperature is measured differently depending on a child’s age. If measured rectally, a child is said to be running a fever when the body temperature is over 100.4. Orally, that measurement is 98.6. I always figure in a few (2-3) tenths of a degree if it is late in the day (not night when child is sleeping) if they have been active and running around. If an infant under 2 months has a body temperature over 100.4, they need to be brought to the ER. For an infant 2-6 months, contact doctor for advice. Fevers very commonly run between 100-103 with illness like flu, strep throat, bronchitis, ear infections, etc. An older child (over a year) does not need to be brought to the doctor for a simple fever. If they display other symptoms (rubbing the ear, cough, complaints of sore throat, not drinking or eating), then I would bring a child to the doctor even if their fever is in the not so high range.
I would say that if a child has a fever of 103-104 and is acting sick, give a dose of children’s Advil, use heat-reducing therapies like a lukewarm bath (not cold as this will induce shivering and can raise the fever higher) and wait an hour and measure again. It will hopefully have come down to 102 or below. As hudi said, if the child has a sustained fever of 103 or higher, then a doctor’s attention is necessary. I would say if it goes over 104, then contact the doctor and ask whether to bring the child to the ER.
For fevers that keep going back up, I was told in the ER that it is OK to rotate different types of fever-reducing medications, such as Advil and Tylenol. Advil is given no more than every 6 hours (preferably 8 when doing a rotation, 6 if given alone) and Tylenol every 4 hours. If you have to do this for 24 hours or more, I would not hesitate to contact the doctor about the fever that won’t stay down for more than an hour or two.
Febrile seizures (the ones associated with fever) usually happen when the fever is spiking (more often happens at the beginning of an illness but can also even in the middle). These need medical attention immediately.
Just as a last comment – the doctor doesn’t mean that it’s normal to have kids with fever over 103, just that it has become common in his practice because of the illnesses running around.
Everybody should have a healthy winter!!!
M2, I honestly don’t know what you need to say that for and I don’t think it’s appropriate, not only on this thread, but in the CR overall. Is it any of your business?
Yair Weinstock is the name he writes under for English books and ?. ???? is the one he writes under for Hebrew books.
I agree 100% with what Brisket said about working on a middah a week, but if you’re really looking to increase your zechusim via mitzvos, then I would first pick one mitzvah that you are already doing and learn all of the halochos very well that pertain to that mitzvah – say netilas yadayim – and then make sure that you are doing it exactly properly. Many times people are already not doing things 100% the right way and instead of accruing full mitzos, they are doing things half way right or something like that.
From another post by this person I saw that he is using Yiddish Translate from Google, so I don’t think English is something he can write on his own.
I think he’s asking for something like Cliff Notes on the book The Gordian Knot by Yair Weinstock.
I don’t believe such a thing exists, but if you, by chance, happen to read Hebrew and just can’t manage the English version, the book is titled
??? ?????
??? ?. ????
I just wanted to post a note to say that yesterday I read in the Hebrew Yated on the pages in the back where people have comments that they send in to the Yated that the family wanted to thank all those who said Tehillim for R’ Brevda. He has recovered to the point that he is able to breath and eat on his own, which is a total nes. They are saying that Tehillim is still needed for his refuah and they list phone numbers where people can contact if they want to participate. I am not sure if I am allowed to put them in my post. If the mods say it is OK, I will get my paper and copy over what is written there. Anyway, even if you can’t participate officially, keep saying Tehillim.
Besuros tovos!
Mazel Tov!!
This is a sample of what my husband put up in our building when our son was born.
??”?
???? ??? ?????’ ????”? ?? ?? ??? ?????? ???? ?????? ?????’ ???
___________ ???? ??? ????? ???? ??? ?????? ?”? ???? ?”?
Fill in the details
MP, I know we’ve not posted together, but I just wanted to say that I’ve followed along with your songs, poems and posts in general and I am very happy for you that you have found your zivug. You should be zocheh to build a bayis ne’eman b’Yisroel and enjoy a life filled with simcha and sholom.
I want to say that I totally agree with everything the above posters say – you should feel no shame. The person who abused you should be filled with shame to have done this to an innocent child/person. It is terrible that you (and others) feel unable to come forward to accuse the person who did his damage seemingly without recourse.
I think the reason this site has issues with discussing this topic stems from the way the site is set up. Basically there is one main group of active threads and the person who starts the thread can name it whatever he/she wants, often giving the potential reader no clue as to the topic. In sites like imamother, there are topics that you must be inside of first before creating a thread. I have often opened a threat to find out that I have no interest whatsoever in the topic. Usually what I do is close the thread without responding, but unfortunately there are many people who either have a hard time doing that and then feel “compelled” to comment, but since they had no real interest in the topic when they opened the thread, they lack the seichel to think before they post idiotic comments.
I don’t know if this problem can be fixed in any way without completely revamping the CR, but people should really think twice before they post unnecessarily.
I am glad that responses to this issue and your thread have given you confidence that this issue is not going to be ignored any longer. You should continue to have strength to fully overcome what happened.
I hope this was obvious already, but just in case it wasn’t, in the old days, the WC was equipped with a chain. LOL!!!!!!!!!!!
I think you misunderstand the difference between the CR and YWN. The CR is part of YWN, but does not purport to discuss news happenings, but anything of interest to even one person is mentioned here (such as boots and buttons but even more sensitive issues could be discussed here). That is why you are free here to discuss this issue. YWN moderates the contents of the forums but does not tell people what to talk about.
On the other hand, there is YWN – that is Yeshiva World NEWS – that is where the news articles are publicized. If you want to know what it isn’t on the news page, ask the people who run the site.
I do agree with ZK that we don’t need to hash over someone’s dirty laundry in a public forum, but I also agree with sw that people who are liable to suffer from these issues should be educated about them and people who are already suffering need not suffer alone and in pain, but I don’t think a public forum is the place for either.
From what I heard in a shiur given by Rebbetzin Samet, not wearing denim has nothing to do with it representing any zionistic group, but the fact that denim is know to be a material worn by the working class doing menial work. As b’nei melochim, we try to rise above that.
I think that the biggest problem I have found with long denim skirts (and maybe corduroy as well) is that they are very NOISY when walking in them. But as far as covering all necessary parts, they do the job just fine.
I have read on some of the more halacha-oriented posts here on the CR that there are some poskim (perhaps the Chazon Ish) who did hold that ankle-length skirts are best, but I think the ultra-chareidi (is that like a chumra on a chumra?) circles usually want skirts that are 4 in below the bottom of the knee because this is not a length that is affected by fashion. I do know plenty of very frum women who do wear their skirts to their ankles, so I don’t know.
My husband told me that there can be an issue with being mekabel Shabbos if you tell someone Good/Gut Shabbos after mincha on Erev Shabbos. That’s why I just got in the habit of wishing people a Gutten Erev Shabbos all day Friday.
What do you mean “legalize narcotics” for medical use. Narcotics are a type of drug that must be prescribed by a doctor. The patient who has received those drugs can for sure use them legally. What is your point?
42 – or else sore toes (it depends on your corn)
Mazel Tov!!!
I heard a great shiur last summer from R’ Reisman and he said that when your wife-to-be tells you that she burned dinner or something else like that, don’t say, “It doesn’t matter, we can just go out for dinner.” or some other similar response. He said that what your wife is telling you is she is very upset that she burned your dinner. When you tell her “It doesn’t matter”, she can hear that as saying it doesn’t matter that she is upset. Very easy hole to fall into and very hard to get out of. Be aware that it’s there. Try to be sympathetic and think about how she is feeling rather than just how to fix the problem. You could try something like “You are probably upset that dinner burned, would you like to go out to dinner?” Show her that you’re trying to understand how she’s feeling and she won’t feel rejected. You’ll probably get tons of other advice. It should be a binyan adei ad!!!
My niece likes hers with ketchup and I have to admit it is quite yummy!!!
I have 2 questions, 1 is how tall are you?, meaning are you so tall that this is this going to be an issue with almost everybody but the tallest boys out there? If so, maybe you’ll have to decide what priority to put on this. 2 is how big is the difference between you two – 1 in may not seem so much, especially if he’s wearing a hat and you don’t mind flats, but if you’re not in the hat-wearing crowd and/or the difference is much more noticeable, then that needs to be taken into consideration.
I’m glad you’re back. I was missing your sparkling company!!!
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
My answer – Because all of the garbage from the advertisements would fill too many landfills and no one would be able to talk on the phone because of all of the automated phone calls persuading them to vote for one of the 50 candidates. Can you imagine a debate on that scale?
I would say that a student has a responsibility to learn in class. A cellphone would obviously interfere with that. If the school has a no-phone policy, then the rebbe/teacher should take it away. They can make an attempt to give it back to the student but if they find the same student with the phone on another occasion, then I would say take it away and only give it back to the parents, who have to be made to agree not to allow the student to bring it to school. If a person cannot handle something responsibly, then they should not be allowed to have it.
I would say that there is an overabundance in the short term, meaning that right now there have enough to give people things to get started, but I can imagine that replacing whole wardrobes/kitchen appliances and utensils for a small family of only 4 is a tremendous outlay, especially for people who have numerous other things that they are missing. I would imagine that there is an abundance in this short time span, but there will be a need for your wonderful slightly used items in the next several months when people really get a sense of what they’re missing.
I almost feel like it is with a woman who gives birth. When she comes home she has numerous friends offering to bring meals and this can last a couple of weeks or so, but when the baby is 4 or 5 weeks old and she’s still hardly managing, extremely exhausted and hardly has time to prepare the food, much less than shopping for what is necessary for the house, it is at that point when a friend who pops in with an unexpected meal or sends an older daughter to take the older kids out for a couple of hours in the afternoon so she can rest and revitalize herself for the evening bedtime routine, that is when she can really appreciate such an effort. It’s not that she didn’t appreciate it before, it’s just that now the flow of help has stopped, but she still needs it and when it shows up it’s so wonderful.
I would bet that some of the chesed organizations would still find a lot of people needing things a few weeks down the road but right now it is overwhelming to deal with all of the various donations and sorting through everything to determine who needs what and everything. Hopefully they will take that into consideration and make a renewed effort in a couple of months or even in the spring when people will find themselves without even their clothes from last year to fall back on when the weather changes.
YY – The reason the barley was cooked but not the beans was because you need to cook a stove top cholent BEFORE Shabbos comes in and then put it on the blech to sort of finish it off and keep it warm. I put up my cholent about 1 1/2 – 2 hours before I light candles and let it come to a good boil and make sure that it’s not burning. Usually I turn down the heat a little, but it’s on a big flame, so it’s still pretty hot. I leave it this way until it’s time to put on the blech. We have one small flame on our stove, so we put the food to be kept hottest on that spot on the blech. We put it on the highest and then the soup goes over that. Once the soup is served, we move the cholent over on top to stay in that spot the rest of the night until it is served (but if I smell that it is burning I will move it over to a less hot spot on the blech to make sure I still have something to serve the next day). Water contents mentioned above are probably accurate. I rarely check my water level but my pot starts out filled to the brim and boils out during the initial cooking process, so I’m not always sure what is left in the pot when the blech goes on. I’m not usually the one putting the blech on so I don’t know how heavy it feels at that point. It does take a little playing around with the heat level, but I’m pretty happy with what I said above. I do have one son who likes his cholent less well done than this, so that the soupy part is only light brown and the potatoes stay white, but I feel like all of the flavors are absorbed more when I do it my way. It turns out a beautiful dark brown and the potatoes melt in the mouth. Ummmm….
Hope your cholent turned out terrific this week.
No, no, no. OOM, you’ve forgotten to incorporate shidduchim and probably even skirt lengths into the topic. What about:
“Make yourself into perfect shidduch material: Bnos Omaba Yerushalayim, where only A-line below-the-knee skirts are allowed”.
GAC – I wanted to share with you a thought I had about the issue of pictures and “stunning girls”. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It could be that in America there is a certain standard to being stunning, but I don’t know that every guy out there is looking for a “stunning” girl, but at least a girl who is attractive to him. I have a few woman friends where I live and I saw their husbands and I thought, “Eeewwww, she’s such a pretty girl, how could she marry such a nerdy looking guy?” I came to realize that a guy I might find attractive is not necessary the same as what my friend would find attractive and not only that, they might have decided that he was OK on first glance and then got to know him and really came to appreciate who he was, so the fact that he wasn’t tall, dark and handsome didn’t seem so important. I think a guy deserves to not invest excessive time and $ to go out with a girl who he would just say no to when she first comes in the room simply because she is totally NOT attractive to him, so why can’t he see that first and not say OK to a shidduch that has 0 potential. If he’s reasonable, then if she’s at least somewhat attractive to him (not stunningly beautiful) hopefully he’ll give a first date a chance. If he sets too high of a standard, then he’ll say no to every picture he sees and then the shadchanim will get the idea that he’s being too picky and act accordingly. I hope what I said makes sense. I do understand your concern about giving in your picture, but I don’t think it’s necessarily selling yourself short.
Hashem should send you your zivug b’korov.
Double postitis
Aurora, I’m overseas, so only my source of income (which is NJ-based) has been affected. I am hoping that things on that front will return to normal for me today. Glad to hear all is well with you.
As far as I know regarding women learning Zohar, I spent some time learning in a school run by a woman who suggested that women should spend their time first learning about all of the responsibilities that we have, which are very numerous, and deal with anything else afterwards. This would include, in her opinion, the things that only Orthodox men do (as opposed to Orthodox women). This would include putting on tefillin (phyllacteries) and tallis (prayer shawl).
Basically her idea was that a woman’s day-to-day obligations are so vast and the learning that she can do should be focused on them. An example of this is the 6 constant commandments. There are 6 commandments that we are supposed to be cognizant of at all times. Focus on these and on practical laws affecting your daily life. You can decide after you know everything there is to know what to learn after that.
Just as an aside, the Zohar would probably seem to be dealing with very esoteric ideas and things because without the foundation of knowing the entire Torah (written and oral), the issues that the Zohar deals with are probably meaningless. Since it is the men who learn the oral Torah, then the Zohar is really primarily for them to learn. You won’t find too many people doing that these days.
aurora, about Kabbala and the Orthodox circles, you should know that kabbala is a very important facet but it is only for the extremely learned. From what I understand, a person has to know all of the rest of the Torah (written and oral) BEFORE he even starts to delve into the depths of Kabbala, which is to learn the Zohar. This is known as the hidden Torah. If someone isn’t properly/sufficiently learned enough, the material he gleans from the Zohar can lead him to totally wrong conclusions. It has been trivialized by people like Madonna and other Hollywood stars who go to “Kabbala centers” and think they are getting something. It is such a shame because I think these people are really looking for something that they are missing in their lives and are unfortunately going about it in a totally wrong way.
I hope this helps and I hope other posters come in to add/fix what I have said above.
Hope all was well and safe with you and your family in the storm.
I tried to give from both perspectives. Happy employees (who doesn’t want to be happy at their job?) are more productive employees, which is good for the company. You as a manager will be successful if your employees produce better and are happier than with the previous manager.
Hey, I thought I saw a putty cat. Oh, I did, I did, I did see a putty cat!!!
Treat everybody respectfully.
Like Syag says, listen to what people tell you. The ones who are in the loop often have the best input to change/improve things. Eizeh hu chochom? Halomed mi kol odom. Everybody will have something you can learn from them. You are not the king. You are there to lead them and make sure they are producing to their utmost.
Hatzlacha rabba! and Mazel Tov on your going up in gedulah!
This is a message for Mod-88. As another poster mentioned, I am bothered by your post insofar as it seems you’ve already determined/decided that bubka is Joseph and talk to this poster accordingly.
I understand your need to address “Joseph” directly so that he will know that you’ve caught him in the act and hopefully discourage him from posting what you feel to be outlandish posts in the future.
But, unless you are really 100% certain that bubka is Joseph, why can’t you address the poster as “Bubka, Joseph, or whoever you are…” This way no one will assume you’ve confirmed your assumptions. It leaves room for doubt and also lets the poster (if it is in fact Joseph) know that you are alert to his posts and will put a stop to them if you are able.
And if you’re not sure it’s really Joseph and it just bothers you how bubka brought up this very old post and added to it, which is a whole other issue that also bothers me, then you are free to do so, and I hope you will try to keep your posts free of any nasty comments (which I assume are you lashing out in your anger at Joseph).
Your question only applies to ashkenazim because sephardim all pronounce it cholam.
My husband says that the German pronunciation is more accurate and only pronounces an “oy” if it is a choylam maleh (with a vav) rather than for a cholam chaser (just a dot over the next letter).
I wouldn’t generalize as to where or how a person learned to determine from how they pronounce this vowel. I’ve heard lots of frum people pronounce it cholam even though they are pretty yeshivish. Why does it matter what their background is unless you plan on pegging them into a particular stereotype.
Loca, if you’re worried about cooties, forget about getting married until you find your anti-cootie spray bottle.
I think it has more to do with opening yourself up, thinking through issues, revealing things you want in life, risking emotional investment, and trying to figure out if the person you’re with could be the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. I think that is a very difficult and possibly tiring activity. It is great that dhl144 has not found it either. A positive attitude about the whole business is the best and makes the time involved pass more easily, but not everyone is on a level that they can show such patience and gratitude.
Hatzlacha in finding your bashert!!
TLKY – I don’t think it’s just fire hydrants. Animals mark their territory with the urine. A dog will lift his leg at any object that he can (trees, fences, benches, etc) to leave his scent behind and mark it as his territory. I don’t know how much of an effect this has on other animals because I think each animal that its owner takes it for a walk down a particular street marks many of the same spots as previous animals, so whose territory is it anyway?
A known religious scientist, Gerald Schroeder, has studied this issue and written books, including “Genesis and the Big Bang” on this issue. He analyzes the issue of a 24-hour day as something that could not exist until the creation of the sun and moon, which was on the 4th day of creation. He talks about universal time in relation to the earth. It’s too scientific for me to explain here, but his explanation made some sense to me many years ago and would give plenty of time for the existence of the dinosaurs and their fossils afterwards. He has his own web site now as well.
YY – Did you go out again? How’d it go? H’ should just help you both to see clearly if this is the right situation for each of you.
Lots of hatzlacha!
Feif Un and others want to comment that mixed seating could lead the shidduchim, so we should encourage mixed seating of singles. My comment is that in times like today, people are on such different levels of yidddishkeit and have many different other worldly values, so it is foolish to think that a shidduch can be made based on the appearances of girls and boys at a chassanah (all dolled up and acting on their best behavior) without investigation of the people and families involved to see if they are suitable one for the other. Each side get emotionally involved (if not physically) in a situation that could be completely not the right thing for them and it would, in all probability, end in disaster with the only question being when? The idea is frightening to me, as a mother of a 16 yo girl. I know she’s not in the parsha yet, but I would surely want to make sure that the boy she goes out with is someone whose background and goals as well as his personality would be compatible with hers. Why should she be left to figure this out by herself? Meeting someone “off the street” leaves the person having to figure out too many issues, something which can be minimized by proper investigation before the two would even meet. How do you know who is being invited to the wedding?
I think the main thing is to instill in a child love of Torah. Like other posters said, setting a good example for him is paramount. Also, encourage him from when he is small. Ask for his participation in discussions at the Shabbos/dinner table. Go over what he learned. Encourage him to learn with you – make this fun and interesting. Ask him to prepare/share a vort at the Shabbos table.
If he loves learning and either 1) he is brilliant and it comes easy, 2) he is not brilliant but he really wants to persevere, then he will hopefully learn to love Torah and learning Torah. Once that cycle begins, then it will be up to his parents to nurture it and not stunt it and give him the best opportunities to grow to be a godol B’Torah. I don’t think you can do much else except give the opportunity and water the fertile ground that you create. Everything else is out of your hands.
I think the reason a lot of people pick hotel lobbies is that you can sit there for as long as you like and not spend $. Yes, you can buy a drink and sit and talk for as long as you like, but it’s not like you’re in a restaurant or cafe, where if you’re sitting at the table they want you to order food. You’d be taking the place of someone else who could be a paying customer. Try to find a quiet place that will allow you both time to focus on each other and converse. Like BHB says, you are not going out to play games together, especially not the first couple of dates.
I would say that the most important thing that will influence how you handle this situation is how your parents interact with you and your children. Do they respect you (despite the fact that you went off their derech, so to speak)? How far away from them are you and how often will you be seeing them. Will there ever be instances that they will be with you and your family on Shabbos/YT?
I was very fortunate in that my parents, while not willing to change their lives, were supportive of what I did with my life and I was extremely fortunate that my 2 sisters also became BT with their families and so basically it was all of my parents children who were shomrei Torah umitzvos. When my father was with us, he always wore a kippa, but he did not dress yeshivish at all. My mother would cover her hair – interestingly only for me and my children but not for my sisters, perhaps because they grew into yiddishkeit in the same city as my parents and my parents were with them all through the process, but I became frum more or less in EY and went even further than my sisters did.
My mother was much more supportive than my father, but he still would go to shul with my brothers-in-law and nephews. He was not able to walk distances in his later years, so he did drive, but tried to hide it from people, especially the children. I don’t know if he fooled anybody, but at least it wasn’t “in your face”. My mother would stay with us on Shabbos when I came to visit and she would always make sure that anything questionable she did (like put on makeup), she did in private.
So I think that how you will tell your children will depend on what your parents are willing to do at least for appearances when they are with you. No one is telling them to change their lives, but maybe they’ll do little things for the sake of their grandchildren.
Well, in my parts we do try to do/avoid certain things. Dressing a little nicer is one of them. Boys wear white shirts to cheder, girls also wear white shirts to school rather than their uniform shirts. Laundry and heavy cleaning – like the floors, is also something we don’t usually do, although when it’s a 2-day R”Ch, I really can’t wait to do some of the laundry for both days, so I at least try to keep one of the days laundry-free. I also know families who have a special R”Ch meal, usually fleishig, something that they wouldn’t usually have during the week. I’m not sure of the mekor of this, but I’m supposed to be seeing someone tomorrow who might be able to tell me, if I don’t forget to ask.
Maybe you should eat a whole cow? That way you’d be really sameach, no?
Hey, not so what!! We’re very glad you’re back. You’ve been missed. Hope you had a wonderful Yomim Tovim! A gut gebentsched yahr and a gut vinter. Welcome back!!