You are 100% correct These extravagant affairs are not needed, not appreciated, and not even enjoyed
Edited
When the Gerrer Rebbe, the Lev Simcha zt”l, made strict takonos he both kept them himself and never attended any simcha that didn’t keep those takonos
The famous story back then was of a gvir that came to him to explain why he was not keeping the takonos because he understood that the Rebbe meant it for the poor and middle-class but BH he is well off and can afford it. The Rebbe responded that if you can afford it, then buy yourself another Rebbe
But the other side of the issue is that the middle-class doesn’t have to feel that they have to keep up with the “Joneses”. They don’t have to give into the kids selfish desires either. Be a mensch. Do what you can afford.