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(1) It is absolutely Ossur to talk in Shul. (2) Rav Wosner may say what he wants as Posek Hador – in Shomayim they listen to him – so should we. (3) Every “kabola” a person takes on himself brings good to that person – even if we do not necessarily see it.
I would add that the Gerrer Rebbe, the Bais Yisroel zt”l, said publicly right before the begining of the 1967 war – that “Hashem yilochem lochem v’atem tacharishun” means that Hashem will fight your battles if only you would not talk during davening.
Another interesting point to consider (not negating not talking in Shul) is that the Pnei Menachem of Ger zt”l said that the “machla” is caused by people not “fargining” others. It is similar to the “machla” in which the white cells “eat up” the red cells. Just additional food for thought. Let’s “fargin” other Yidden. The z’chus of “ayin tova” is enormous.
Besurois toivos and refuous for all cholei Yisroel.
Actually, the “chumros” you describe were the minhag of all chassidishe dynasties before the war. All these “chumros” are based on halacha and chassidus – but this is not the forum for these discussions. The Gerrer Rebbes z”l were of the greatestin all the previous generations, they surely knew right from wrong – it takes some chutzpa to knock them and their “shitos”.
In any case, suprisingly enough, with all the talk about the Gerrers and their “chumros”, all the ones that I know are very happily married – wonders of wonders. There is a much smaller percentage of divorces in their society than in the general “heimish” society – so they must be doing something right.
If you go to Haaretz to get your info, you are in bad shape (i.e. your yiddishkeit is of low quality).
Nishtdayngesheft said it right – talk to your Rov and shadchan. Don’t go to bloggers for “eitzos” – they will surely steer you wrong.
By the way, I don’t know where you live, but if you live in Boro Park, you can see them walking with their wives on Shabbos and Yom Tov – looks pretty normal to me.
Good luck
Beth Jacob of Boro Park. It is the only school that is totally Community owned and operated.
The school serves Boro Park, Flatbush, Kensington, Bensonhurst, etc.
There is over 15% of the school that pays nothing or nearly nothing (due to “tzoros” r”l) – making it a huge chesed organization in addition to a chinuch mosad. And it is struggling presently.
Dr Pepper – I hear you. But the reality, whether we like it or not, is that shadchanim will try harder if they have a chance of being compensated. They are volunteers, not licensed professionals. And they do with their time whatever they want. they can even decide not to red shidduchim at all, and there is nothing you can do about that. You will just have one less shadchan. Give them the hakoras hatov they so deserve (instead of the abuse they ususaly get instead).
That the Rabbonim should create a shidduchim organization is an entirely different story, not being discussed now.
And I will reiterate my other point that I made. I will add a story so that ypou understand. The mashgiach in Mir, Rav Yeruchem ZT”L, charged a penny to enter to hear his shmuessen. A student that did not have, got the penny from him to use. He said, if you pay for something it has more “chashivus – you pay attention”. Same here – the singles and their parents will pay more attention to these shadchanim.
I don’t like the idea either, but it IS reality, and the way to go.
As for poor girls, life is unfair. Sorry but that too is reality. They will get theirs thru prayer and the RBS”O.
As much as this Nasi “game changing plan” will turn people off – the reality is that it is needed and correct. (a) When people pay for a service, they will listen more attentively when they are red a shidduch, rather than the typical stupid “brush-off” for ridiculous reasons. (b) Shadchanim are offering their time, emotions, and prayers and deserve to be both recognized with a hearty “yaasher koach” (whether it worked or not), and MUST be rewarded financially for the few of many times that they succeed. They do it l’shem shomayim, but their time and nerves have to be paid for. Thats reality and menshlichkeit.
So if this Nasi approach causes you resentment – it’s probably because you are one of the people that feel that you have everything coming to you for free, the world owes you a free ride, and you do not know or understand the concept of “hakoras hatoiv”.
Kol Hakovod to Nasi for “saying it the way it is”, even if “it’s in your face”.
And I am not a shadchan.
Either Isaac Honig or Sruly Werdyger Both are top-of-the-line
The Hamodia is a phenomemnal paper under the direction of Gedolim such as the Gerrer Rebbe and Rav Matisyahu Solomon Shlit”a As kosher as you can get.
The Hamodia perhaps should have been a profitable newspaper – but alas it is definitely not. True that the weekly edition makes money – but the daily loses money. So why continue printing it? Because that what these Gedolim want! Rav M. Solomon said it very clearly in a drosho 2-3 years ago at the Agudah convention, and I quote “The Hamodia is not another paper that you should buy – it is the ONLY paper you should have in your house”. Of course he was not refering to the Yated – he was refering to bringing in any other daily into your house.
The Hamodia and the Yated are wonderful papers that can be brought into any Yiddishe house – I can’t say the same for any other newspaper.
Of course we now B”H have these quality magazines e.g. Mishpacha, Ami, Binah, Zman, etc.
So there is B”H plenty of kosher reading material for you and your kids.
Sure it costs money to keep kosher. But other than for chinuch reasons – there is no reason to buy any newspapers and magazines. But chunuch is a powerful reason – regardless of what it costs.
So, fargin them the few cents – so that they can cover their increased expenses and stay afloat – for our sake and our kids sake.
Quality & control of voice (singers): Avram Fried, Isaac Honig, Sruly Werdyger, Shloime Daskal, and Shloime Tausig
Best singers (beat, warmth): MBD, Gertner
Best composers (today): Moshe Goldman A”H, Shlomo Carlebach A”H, Ben Zion Shenker. These were consistently producers oh high quality heimishe niggunim.
Most niggunim on records today have no musical quality and are garbage – justr beat & music accompaniment.
To the Wolf: Look at the Tiferes Yisroel on that Mishna, and you will find a very clear explanation; that it is a metaphor for something totally spiritual.
It is easy for us to understand it all in the mundane, if it only referred to Tu B’Av – but it very hard to extrapolate that meaning onto Yom Kippur. Do you really think that the boys and the girls went out to the parks on Yom Kippur? When? Before Ne’ila? Or perhaps after Mussaf?
Learn the Tiferes Yisroel commentary in its entirety,and you will understand.
That teacher is 100% correct. The wives talk on the cellphone when walking with their children, instead of talking with their kids – and their husbands talk on their cellphones in shul, instead of talking to the RBS”O. This is SICK!
By the way – the same stupid mothers talk on their phones even when pushing their baby carraiges in front of them – totally oblivious to the oncoming cars – as if they don’t care about those nebech children of theirs. Then why have them?
Yes it is true – Gerrer chasidim are bashed by Livishe, other Chasidim, and even some Gerrer Chassidim. Proves they must be doing something right.
All those “stringencies” that are referred too above, are all based on either halacha, found in Pirkei d”rab Eliezer, or other chasidishe seforim. None were made up by the Gerrer Rebbes Z”L.
And those “stringencies” are not for public consumption – they are taght to yungerleit that are considered worthy and yirei shomayaim to perform these “stringencies”. Not all are at that madreiga.
Our generation today is so removed and so deep in olam haza (whether they are aware of it – which makes it worse – or not) that anyone accepting upon themselves chumros, are considered weird.
Sorry – but if the hat fits, and you wear it – then wear it proudly. regardless of what people say. V’al yeivush mipnei hamaligim.
Funny though that most of those that make fun, and crack stupid jokes, ending up running to Ger when in need of a yeshua.
And I agree with previous posters – this is not an issue to write about in YW, nor anywhere else. Actually, the Chofetz Chaim doesn’t allow these discussions anywhere at all.
Josh31 hit it on the button. You and your parents “marketed” you as a lamdan, masmid, and 10 year or long-term learner. Both the girl and her parents assumed that to be true. Then she sees you get up late to daven, text messaging shtusim when you are with her, and listening to the sports, etc. Someone feels taken here.
NO- I do not mean that the wife should hound her husband and be his mashgiach – thats looking for trouble. But the husband should show that he is serious and committed. Getting up earlier than her for that extra shiur is a nice gesture. Using Shabbos to learn (of course, rest too), and the same for bein hazmanim. The old adage of “the proof is in the pudding” applies here.
After all – thats what you represented yourself to be – only blame yourself and /or your parents if you were “migazem” a bit too much. But surely do not take it out on your wife. She is working like a super-woman beyond what she ever dreamed she would have to. Show her the respect and appreciation.
I agree with theprof1 on many points. The following are definitely true:
1) The chinuch in most USA seminaries is at least equal to their counterparts in E”Y.
2) It costs a bloody fortune to send your daughter to seminary in E”Y vs. USA
3) If you are a frequent visitor to E”Y, then you see what I see – girls all over town, and boys too. You do run the risk vs. as theprof1 says: seeing them daily at home and watching who they hang out with
4) The idea of girls begging for Shabbos meals – and you have no idea where they end up – is very dangerous, and probably disgusting (including the part of eating into the kolel yungermans tight budget)
5) Chassidish people do have less problems doing shidduchim then the yeshivish crowd – ask any shadchan
But all that doesn’t mean that a girls can not absorb the E”Y kedusha and being “mistapek bemiut” being there. And if you can afford it and it works out for you, the bentsch Hashem.
Hatzlocha