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There was a ‘wanabe Cantor’ who came to a small town for a weekend and asked for the
umed.
The crowd obliged and he went up there ‘krechtzing’ away.
When he was finished someone approached him and made the following remark;
‘You are definitly a better Cantor than Yossele Rosenblatt’
Beaming at the compliment he replied, ‘Really?’
‘Sure, when HE sang, people cried. When YOU sing, people laugh!!!
Grapes and a lot of water….
I feel good when:
People show me hakoras hatov(not for Kovod but because it makes me feel like I made them happy)
When my house is clean and tidy
when I do a mitzvah, especially Ben Odom Lechaveiro
when I hear an intersting inspiring shiur or story.
when I get a mitziyah
when I pulled off a good business deal
when I make new friends
Well here is some dark humour which I find quite vile.
At a certain shiva home, the family rented the special chairs the Aveilim must sit on.
Whe the chairs arrived, the widow of the deceased asked that they be changed as these particular chairs did not match the carpet…..
Believe it or not I once witnessed the following:
A young man in his 20s was tragically murdered, leaving a poor widow with four small children. He left elderly parents and lots of syblings.
At the shiva, some idiotic woman who noticed the mother’s heart wrenching cries, piped up and said ‘You will have to learn to be ‘mekabel yisurim Bahava’!
INSENSITIVE is an understatement!!!
Anon,
With all respect to your clever sister, I beg to differ.
If people were so concerned about whats involved they would researcht the issues and speak o professionals.
The reason they ask these intrusive questions is satisfy their curiosity, period!!
A man meets his good friend , a notorious insurance scammer, and says’ I heard your house was on fire’,
‘Shh, only next week’, was his reply.
I had some renovations in my home and the workers spilled paint all over my persian rugs. People were calling and asking me if I am insured,and for how much, blah blah blah-:) Just kidding, I wish it would have been so simple.
No-someone in my family was RL very ill, and people kept on nagging for details
I totally agree with you. I had a horrible experience a few years ago and people who thought they were being helpful by asking all types of questions, were just annoying me.
One must know when to back off!
Or a Zebra with a sunburn, lol
A Yeshiva Bochur!
Only the best guy in Lakewood, the rest are only red to girls their age of which there are fewer
What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.
Two beggars are sitting on the pavement in Ireland . One is holding a large cross and the other a large star of David. Both are holding hats to collect contributions. As people walk by they lift their noses at the guy holding the star of David but drop money in the other guy’s hat. Soon one hat is nearly full whilst the other hat is empty.
A bystander watches and then approaches the men. He turns to the guy with the Star of David and says, “Don’t you realize that this is a Christian country? You’ll never get any contributions in this country holding a Star of David.”
The guy holding the star of David then turns to the guy holding the cross and says, “Chaim, look who`s trying to teach us marketing.”
Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. So, the guy
that made $50 billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made
$750 billion disappear
The economy is so bad:
CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.
Even people who have nothing to do with the Obama administration aren’t
paying their taxes.
Hotwheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.
Obama met with small businesses to discuss the Stimulus Package: GE, Pfeizer
and Citigroup.
PETA serves chicken wings at their meetings
McDonalds is selling the 1/4 ouncer
People in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children’s
names
A truck of Americans got caught sneaking into Mexico
The most highly-paid job is now jury duty
Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting
People in Africa are donating money to Americans
Mothers in Ethiopia are telling their kids, “finish your plate, do you know
how many kids are starving in the US?”
Motel Six wont leave the light on
The Mafia is laying off judge
> > JEWISH POKER CLUB
> >
> > Six retired Jewish Floridian fellows were playing poker in
> > the condo
> > clubhouse when Meyer loses $500 on a single hand, clutches
> > his chest, and
> > drops dead at the table.
> >
> > Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five
> > continue playing,
> > but standing up.
> >
> > At the end of the game, Finklestein looks around and asks,
> > “So, who’s gonna
> > tell his vife?”
> >
> > They cut the cards. Goldberg picks the low card and has to
> > carry the news.
> >
> > They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don’t make a
> > bad situation any
> > worse.
> >
> > “Discreet? I’m the most discreet person
> > you’ll ever meet. Discretion is my
> > middle name. Leave it to me.”
> >
> > Goldberg goes over to the Meyer’s condo and knocks on
> > the door. The wife
> > answers through the door and asks what he wants?
> >
> > Goldberg declares: “Your husband just lost $500 in a
> > poker game and is
> > afraid to come home.”
> >
> > “Tell him to drop dead!” yells the wife.
> >
> > “I’ll go tell him.” says Goldberg
A man was driving when a traffic camera flashed. He thought his picture was
taken for exceeding the speed limit, even though he knew he was not
speeding. Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same
spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. He thought
this was quite funny, so he slowed down even further as he drove past the
area, but the traffic camera flashed yet again. He tried a fourth time with
the same result. The fifth time he was laughing when the camera flashed as
he rolled past at a snail’s pace.
Two week later, he got five traffic fine letters in the mail for driving
without a seat belt.
Men . .
Expensive Doctors
A young woman wasn’t feeling well, so she asked one her
co-workers to recommend a physician.
“I know a great one in the city, but he is very expensive.
Five hundred dollars for the first visit, and one hundred
dollars for each one after that.”
The woman went to the doctor’s office and, trying to save a
little money, cheerily announced, “I’m back!”
Not fooled for a second, the doctor quickly examined her and
said, “Very good. Just continue the treatment I prescribed
on your last visit.”
Feivel,
Can you please adress your point as to why you are debating whether or not this behaviour is acceptable?
‘The following is just questions, and not an editors view in anyway:’
Well its obviously bothersome to you, or else you wouldnt bring it to our attention.
‘Odom Nifal Kifiy Peulosov’ Outside actions depict the inner mind.
There is no question that these demonstrations are getting way out of hand and are
very primitive. Our aim is to sanctify Hashem and by taking such action in public is no less then desecrating G-d’s name.
Why the Gedolim are not offically critical is a tough question to answer….
Great one, Kapusta, thanks
The Chazon Ish says that someone who bites his nails cannot be an eider kedushin because its probable that he is Michalel Shabbos.(I think it was the Chazon Ish who said that, I satnd to be corrected)
I said I ‘heard’ it. Didnt say I was there. But how do you know its just a ‘maaseleh’? How do you know its not true?? People have broken up for stupider reasons.
Well I heard a story lately which I found quite interesting;
A couple were on their way to BP from Flatbush for the ‘l’chaim of their son. As they got into the car, they noticed an elderly couple waitng at the bus stop. After requesting a ride to BP, the young couple obliged.
As they got into BP it started to drizzle and was getting dark. The younger man was gettinga little nervous that he might be late for his son’s Lchaim. Without even asking where the elderly couple has to be, he suggested that he would have to leave them off at the corner of New Utrecht expaling that he was ina rush to get somewhere.
The elderly couple left the car and the younger couple continued to their destination.
As they arrive to their new Mechutonim’s house, they anxiously greeted the soon-to-be young pair, and were welcomed by their new in laws. Just then the door bell rang, and in walked this elderly couple who were their passengers a few minutes earlier.
The older man , a little startled to see this young man again, approached him and asked’ who are you?’
‘I am the Choson’s fahter’, was the reply, ‘and you are??’
‘I am the Kallah’s Zeida, and if you are disrespectful enough, to leave two older people on the street to walk alone without even inquiring wher they have to be, then your standards of Chesed DO NOT meet ours, we are breaking the shidduch right here and now’
So the l’chaim went from a potential simcha to a broken engagement.
Well, at least both x Choson and Kallha can ‘drink’ to the fact that they are on the market once again:-)
Jothar,
In what repsect were not from the ‘bessere mentchen’?
Ok, lets bear in mind one thing:
People break engagements for the silliest reasons. Issues that they would NEVER consider divorcing for.
Maybe the Chassidish way IS the better way. The fact that Choson Kallha dont see eachother very often during their engagement. This way, they dont have the possiblility to pick on trivial things which can be worked out during marriage.
Stamp Malfunction
The Postal Services created a stamp with a picture of President Obama.
However, the stamp was not sticking to envelopes.
This enraged the President, who demanded a full investigation.
After a month of testing, and $1.73 million in congressional spending,
a special Presidential commission presented the following findings:
*The stamp is in perfect order.
*There is nothing wrong with the adhesive.
*People are spitting on the wrong side.
I agree with smart cookie. Shidduchim are not disposable. People are literally desparate for shidduchim these days. If something suitable comes up, try to make it work!
As you know, US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton
fell and broke her right elbow, earlier this week.
The same day, she was telling Israel, yet again, how the US will accept nothing less than a complete cessation of construction in the settlements, including “East” Jerusalem.
I am reminded of: If I forget thee O Jerusalem, let my right hand wither ?? ????? ??????? ???? ?????