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My parents can barely afford to pay for my wedding, and my job cannot cover the rent, food, and utilities of the average newlywed in my neighborhood. I cannot rely on my parents for financial support after my wedding (they’re barely managing to make ends meet as it is).
Forget about a year long honeymoon in Israel. Forget about a down payment for a house.
At least I know that the guy who marries me is doing so for me. Not my money. Not my parents.
GAW
“If the boy is upfront and is only willing to get married if the in-laws provide a house, that is their business.”
You’re right, it’s nobodys business. But, please tell me you see the insanity in demands like these!
My God, I wouldn’t even look at a guy who makes ANY financial demands of me, and ESPECIALLY not of my parents.
Will somebody be so kind and explain to me where $$$$ comes into the shidduch picture? You wanna marry the girl, or not? How does a house or no house change anything about her?
Observanteen
I hope you write during happy moments too. I wrote some of my prettiest lines when I felt so much goodness in my life and I wanted to capture that feeling to remember it always.
Hey, everyone! I really enjoyed reading these! Keep em coming, please! I’m so in love with poetry, but I’m kind of shy about sharing mine. Thanks so much for sharing yours!
Do we HAFTA talk about this????
Proud to be a Righty!
MDG
“how labels are (mis)applied and (mis)used.”
I’d add that they’re often deceptive and unfair.
happiest
Tell me about it…I struggle with similar Tznius issues every single day. Maybe this thread will help. Good Luck!!
http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/women-girls-out-there-i-really-really-need-your-help
Middos Therapist. I like how that sounds.
knowsitall
You are so right. All this dating talk, yuuuck.
I hate labels.
observanteen
I don’t think that this is one of those things where you have to take other’s experiences into consideration.
Go ahead and dream big. Don’t let anything stop you (especially others failure or success)!
Daven for it every day, and invest plenty of hishtadlus, and you’ll be okay.
Good luck!
C u @ PTA
My poems are my diary entries. There’s no way I’m posting them. (Despite my pathetic little rhyme in a different thread, I’m actually quite good at them…)
AJE
I actually commented earlier about how I’d never give up Pesach at home for anything. We happen to be a (b”H former) Chai Lifeline family, and for two years we did NOT stay home for Pesach.
I hated being away. (That, and watching someone I love so much fight nausea and pain all through the seder…)
Of course I didn’t mean to judge. God knows I understand (much better than I’d like to) that sometimes staying home isn’t possible.
I hope I didn’t offend you or anyone else. But if there IS a choice, staying home is best, hands down.
I’m always on time or early. It annoys me. I’m trying to get out of the habit. Makes me feel like a Yekke.
Observanteen
Well said. I wouldn’t give up Pesach at home for any hotel. And that includes the pre-pesach rush, the friendly bickering,the endless cleaning, shopping, cooking, hosting guests, and everything else that comes with Pesach at home sweet home….
Aaaww, come on, ZeesKite, don’t say that! I personally, think your posts are very Zees, and not silly at all.
I just hate your subtitle, that’s all.
Thank you, APushetaYid
For your sweet, little rhyme
Your words are important
To remember all the time
Hashem’s endless gifts
His constant love and care
Must always be appreciated
(Finsih off with any line here)
Hey, why do poems sound so easy to write, until you actually try to write one?
Of course
“But it’s all totally, or mostly, the parents fault for not inculcating Midos, right?”
I know that many people would agree with this line. But at some point a person’s gotta take responsibility for their own actions. Anyone who is married is well past that point.
The Goq
If the letter was on target, I’d take it to heart whether it was anonymous or not.
Sorry you’re having a tough day, Shimmel. Hope tomorrow is turns out better for you.
Hope you find your zivug very soon.
1. To have the wisdom and courage to live my life in a way that will make Hashem proud
2. To be physically, emotionally and mentally healthy ’till my last day
3. To marry the husband of my dreams
I really needed to hear that today. Thanks!
Refuah Shelaima to both of you!
Ofcourse
I don’t get it. It’s your money, right? So you decide if you want to spend it on the DP or retirement. Your money, your decision, I don’t see where the kids come in.
I’m just curious about where they pick up this self-centered attitude.
“The kids want us to have the same Bitachon that the schools told them to have in married life”
You’re sure it’s Bitachon in Hashem? It sounds a little like its Bitachon in Daddy’s wallet.
Seems that everyone is basically in agreement. Don’t do it if you can’t and problem solved.
edited
bpt
I think you got a point there.
What do we do now?
Simple. Don’t put down the down payment if you can’t afford it.
If your kid can’t understand that, then you’re dealing with a much bigger problem than financial difficulty.
edited
yoyo56
Good for you!!!! I’m so happy to hear that!!
I’ll let you know if I find the website! Good luck and make sure to treat urself for this!
Okay, one more word out of you kids and you’re both grounded for the day. Seriously, I think that’s enough cat fighting for one day.
I don’t get it, these guys were acting like H&M did it on purpose to provoke their disgust and outrage!
What ever happened to communicating like a mentsch? If they’re so concerned with Tznius, they should have avoided looking at that thing, not make a project out of it.
bpt
“It doesn’t “cost”…it PAYS!”
Well said.
Thanks for clarifying, Wolf. Now what can I take for dizziness?
I think most of us back here in the US are past the PTSD stage by now.
popa
I said In Israel. In Israel. In Israel. In Israel. In Israel.
I’m pretending to have a clue about what’s going on in here. Hope nobody minds.
Just please tell me my house didn’t move from where I left it this morning.
“I’m reading through some of the threads on the main page now and I came to one which really disgusted me.”
Only one?
If I’d leave after seeing one disgusting post, I wouldn’t have lasted a day in here. People say disgusting things. And worse, others agree with them. Whaddaya gonna do…
Dunno. But I hope you feel better.
What makes you think you’ll be 100 percent sure after the second date?
What if you’re only 94.309% sure after the second date?
Cut the Sem in Israel. Cut the Sem in Israel. Cut the Sem in Israel. Cut the Sem in Israel. Cut the Sem in Israel.
frumsinglegirl
Clearly, you’re not familiar with just how low things get out there…
Look, no offense, but the original songs that the Macabeats used aren’t exactly about Torah and Kedusha, but you don’t have to make them sound like some sheigetz for listening to (what I believe is) a pathetic attempt at music and a dizzying blur of meaningless lyrics instead.
lightitup
Like mother like daughter?
yoyo, please, please, please check out Gila Manolson’s books. She writes a lot about the pros/cons of having relationships with the opposite gender outside of formal dating.
Its also a pretty light read, and I think you’ll find her ideas helpful.
She has four books out, and they’re on relationships, dating, love, tznius, and shomer negiah.
I think you’d find “Head To Heart” most relevant to your situation, but check out the others; they’re phenomenal!
Let me know how things work out! Good luck!
(btw- Rabbi Zecharia Wallerstein has excellent shiurim on platonic relationships, plus he’s entertaining too!)
I’d want my daughter to see that when dealing with difficult adults (whom you don’t know, and therefore have no responsiblility or ability to change), it’s usually best to let them have it their way, if possible.
So either (as HaLeivi said) you could have asked her to take your seat, and you’d sit between her and your daughter.
Or, if she still refused, I’d put my daughter on MY lap.
Look, she’s obviously got issues. Why play along? Try to handle it gracefully and respectfully.
Personally, I think it’s quite rude to put your daughter on her lap. Of course, she was rude for not budging, but why stoop to her level? I’d even wish her a freilichen purim before leaving.
Cut the Sem in Israel, that should make things easier.
Just curious, why do you feel the need to understand what’s bothering Rashi on your own? It’s not like you’re a guy…
Bas Yisroel
Why don’t you just use artscroll?
“Once you get into shidduch conversations does it become inappropiate?”
So about these “shidduch conversations”: is an exchange of technical information, or more like an exchange of advice/support?
Either way, you wanna know what I think? If you were raised in a home where this is acceptable behavior, you’d probably not be wondering about this. If you saw similar relationships while growing up, you’d probably be sure that this is normal.
I may be wrong about this, but you know that little voice in your head that prompted you to start this thread in the first place? Usually that voice is right.
Again, I may be wrong, it’s just my take on this.
Don’t worry if it takes time to get him outa your head. Keep yourself busy and it’ll get easier iy”h.
I admire you for doing this…good luck!
I don’t think there’s one system that can work for everyone.