hardatwork

Just want to mention that if, for whatever reason, you don’t end up insisting on being called “Miss/Mrs” it would still be a very good idea that at least YOU don’t call the guys by their first name. They’ll pick up on this, and possibly start addressing you more formally as well.

Good luck on making the right decision.

“I am helpful and would pitch in with whatever is necessary as often as necessary but I want her to be the mommy and take care of the kids, make supper and make sure the house looks decent.”

FYI: Even the most capable woman who juggles work, housekeeping and raising her kids, will find that her husband’s help is necessary most (if not all) days. Being a mother is physically and emotionally draining, so be prepared for that reality.

“I understand that some guys are satisfied with a simple girl who will just be home all day watching the kids. I need someone more dynamic and a “doer.”

Okay, I’m not even married yet and I find that offensive. There is nothing “simple” about raising children to become the kind of adults that will make Hashem proud. She won’t just be watching the kids. She’ll be raising them.

I get that it’s not easy being married to someone who gets ovewhelmed easily and who has difficulties juggling responsibilies. But even supermom wants to be appreciated for her hard work. Being a capable person, doesn’t mean that you don’t find the work as hard as the next person. Just that you handle it better. Hopefully you will find that capable girl, but she deserves the support and appreciation no matter how well she handles things. And all the more so if she holds down a job too.

🙂 Cute the way you describe it. The “dark circular cap” is either a hat or a dark tichel that is set in a way to look like a “cap”.

It can be worn on either a sheitel (with some of it protruding from the sides) or with a shpitzel (in which case you will only see it in the front.

You will find it in Viznitz and Satmar, and I’m sure in plenty other chassidus…

WIY

Just like when you research other characteristics and middos, the only ones who really know are her family and very close friends. You need lots of siyatta dishmaya to reach the right people and get honest and accurate info. Observing her will generally tell you very little. Hatzlacha.

As long as posters get their point across clearly, I don’t care how “mediocre” the language is.

Yes. Wanna make a support group?

“Shmoel how about a translation so we can all answer the question.”

Siz shver tzu tzein ah Yide = It’s hard to be a Yid.

And….FALSE!! It’s a challenge sometimes, but not “shver”. And the difference is that “shver” has a negative connotation, it’s associated with hard in the burdensome, painful sense.

A “challenge”, however, is usually more of a pleasurable engagement even though it isn’t necessarily easy.

soliek

You don’t live on an island. You need to learn to tolerate and respect all kinds of people, including those who “get so bedazzled by what should be obvious.”

Like I said, I personally have an issue with it and I don’t judge those who disagree with me.

I’m not in the mood of starting a debate on this, and if I answer your question that’s exactly what this thread will turn into.

Popa I have no idea how you get away with talking like this. It’s disgusting.

I have an issue with real fancy houses. I’ll let someone else respond.

lovebeingjewish

I’m with smarcookie and wanderingchana on this. Tell your wife that you need to hear it once in a while. Just because she’s pregnant doesn’t mean that she is exempt from being appreciative-and she deserves the chance to make you happy.

Just a thought about fashion: I don’t think it’s about how many clothes you own, I think it’s how much TIME you spend on shopping, putting together outfits, keeping up with the latest trends that determine how invested you are in your fashion.

I don’t see the point in “protesting” fashion obsession. Some people are just too shallow to realize the absurdity of their behavior. It’s not your job to change them. You can dress just as well as they do, the point is not to put too much time and energy into it, and not to judge those who don’t care as much, or simply don’t have a fashion sense.

“What is faltche? fake?”

Yup. In Viznitz, for example, they don’t eat fish on Pesach. So they have “falshe fish” instead which is made with ground chicken. Delicious, btw.

The article doesn’t mention anything about kicking anyone out.

Get used to it, it aint gonna change any time soon.

Are you looking for a separate gift for each parent or one thing for each couple? It can be hard to find something that both your MIL and FIL (or mother and father) will enjoy…

If you think there’s nothing wrong, then enjoy it. If you’re not sure, ask a parent or Rav. Why do you care what I think?

“Can someone please explain the reason why a girl might be struggling to dress tznius?”

I cannot speak for other women, but personally here’s why I struggle:

#1-I am grateful for the side benefits that Tznius affords every Jewish woman aside from the schar mitzvah. Really. But the fact is that appreciating Tznius doesn’t mean that I appreciate the standards that halacha demands of me.

It takes a lot of effort and honest self evaluation to get to a point where you truly appreciate those standards. Until then, you remind yourself every day that your job is to make Hashem proud even when you don’t (yet) appreciate them. And you tell yourself that YOUR standards shouldn’t matter, only Hashem’s do. Even if many people dress worse than you.

#2-I don’t dress to attract attention of others. I don’t dress to impress friends. But I am still a girl who will stop and stare at the pretty flat in the display window. I will critque perfumes with my friends for fun and Sephora is my personal disneyland. And yes, I can see a pretty blue dress and know it’s too short & tight for me, but it is still a pretty blue dress.

I understand that to the opposite gender this dress will turn me into more of a physical object than I’d like to be. But it’s still pretty! The same thing goes for the skirts that hit mid-knee. It’s as wrong as anything, but you’re not gonna get me to say that the look isn’t simply adorable (on the right person…).

So even when you’re willing to follow the halachos perfectly, it’s hard every time you see a cute short skirt or much-too-tight-but-so-so-pretty dress. It’ll never make me less of a fashion enthusiast.

I hope that one day I will be strong enough to overcome those challenges despite the difficulty. Until then, I struggle.

You will probably get answers ranging from “According to so and so it’s ok as long as it hits just below the knee, everything else is a chumrah” to “4 inches. minimum”

My take: Try it out for yourself. See how many inches you need to ensure coverage in all positions.

Hatzlacha!

“These bochrim were truly top boys and big masmidim.”

Come on.

2facer

The only chassidim who get married at 17 are generally from Rebbishe families.

Farrocks is right. Ultra chassidishe couples get married at 18. THowever, they often get engaged a year before that.

Neither of these shidduch systems are perfect. However, here are some thoughts:

1. As a chassidish girl, I know exactly how much time and energy is put into getting information on the other party before a beshow is arranged. But people lie through their teeth when it comes to shidduchim. I’ve seen hearing people go deaf and seeing people go blind when they’re asked information about someone who they’d rather not talk about.

2. Unless a girl/boy is mature enough to know what it is s/he’s trying to get out of the dating process, it’s one big waste of time. Spending hours enxchanging funny yeshiva/sem/camp experiences does NOT count for getting to know the other person for real. It’s a pity that immature daters get the same amount of real talk done in all their dates put together, as a chassidish couple can do in 2-4 beshows.

3. Date or beshow, you only truly know the person once you’re married.

You’re saying that eating disorders don’t have to be stress related, but the three women I know who suffered from Anorexia, all had to (eventually) deal with the stress that their doctors/therapists believed to be the culprit.

One of em didn’t initially connect the disorder to stress, and although with the help of an excellent nutritionist she was able to eat better for a while, she relapsed soon after that. Once she was in therapy for her anxiety she was successful in beating the Anorexia.

It’s also interesting to note that two of these women had OCD as well, which I believe is also caused by anxiety.