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areivim, nice. you should go into the outreach field definately.
First of all welcome to the cr.
If a persons tshuva was really sincere then these images can be viewed as a good thing.
Hashem doesn’t erase memory once the tshuva was accepted but rather He turns them into stepping stones for growth. The yetzer hara puts the images in your mind cuz he wants you to feel disgusted with yourself, and say uch I was so bad watz the point, and go back to your old ways. But instead if you take that image and tell yourself, wow I came far since then and I have no interest in falling back, then you’re squashing the y’h and it will only strengthen your resolve to keep on growing!
Hatzlocha!!
Feivel’s really getting married? Mazal tov! I thought he was just throwing out a theoretical question
ames, not at all! You explained your reasoning beautifully and you’re helping everyone here see the light! 😉
troubledandfrum, wow you sure do know your disney! and welcome btw!
Jothar, LOLLLL!!!
We should all share simchos!!! Iy’h to all the singles on here!! (and me!!! ;))
Love him or hate him, he sure hits the nail on the head with this! Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good,?politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.
Rule 1: Life is not fair – get used to it!?
Rule 2?: The world won’t care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.?
Rule 3?: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won’t be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.?
Rule 4?: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.?
Rule 5?: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping–they called it opportunity.?
Rule 6: If you mess up,?it’s not your parents’ fault, so don’t whine about your mistakes.? Learn from them.?
Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren’t as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent’s generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.?
Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they’ll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn’t bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.?
Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don’t get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.?
Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.?
Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working for one.?
If you agree, pass it on.?
If you can read this – Thank a teacher!
*NO CLUE IF THIS IS TRUE*
BEST LAWYER STORY OF THE YEAR, DECADE AND PROBABLY THE CENTURY
>
> Charlotte , North Carolina A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and
> expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire.
>
> Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars
> and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy
> the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.
>
> In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost ‘in a series of
> small fires.’
>
> The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that
> the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.
>
> The lawyer sued, and WON! (so what else is new?)
>
> (Stay with me.)
>
> Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that
> the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer
> held a policy from the company, which it had warranted that the cigars
> were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against
> fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable ‘fire’ and
> was obligated to pay the claim.
>
> Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance
> company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss
> of the cigars lost in the ‘fires’.
>
> NOW FOR THE BEST PART:
>
> After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him
> arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!
> (Good for them!!!)
>
> With his own in surance claim and testimony from the previous case being
> used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his
> insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000
> fine.
>
> This is a true story and was the First Place winner in the recent
> Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.
Yup, I’ve heard it before. Sorry, its an Urban Myth
YW Moderator-39
1. Kamakazi/sombrero
2. concorde, cream malaga
3. strawberry banana smoothie (only Hagen daaz)
4. exit (energy drink)
5. fresca
If anyone knows me I so just gave myself away!
lol squeak!!
most women don’t really dress up they just wear a cute hat or shirt. It’s Purim, it’s a Mitzva to be b’simcha and everyone definately smiles when you’re wearing something different. I usually wear a cute hat and tie and regular clothes so I’m not chapping where that would be not tznius
Btw ames, beautiful story!!
This thread is going off topic. Gota update it:
ATTN MOD 39: These are myths!!! 😉
Don’t mess with kids:
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically i mpossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, ‘When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah’.
The teacher asked, ‘What if Jonah went to hell?’
The little girl replied, ‘Then you ask him’.
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, ‘I’m drawing God.’
The teacher paused and said, ‘But no one knows what God looks like.’
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, ‘They will in a minute.’
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to ‘honour’ thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, ‘Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?’
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, ‘Thou shall not kill.’
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, ‘Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?’
Her mother replied, ‘Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.’
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, ‘Momma, how come ALL of grandma’s hairs are white?’
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
‘Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, He’s a doctor.’
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, ‘And there’s the teacher, she’s dead.’
The children were lined up in the cafe teria of an elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The teacher made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
‘Take only ONE . God is watching.’
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other en d of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, ‘Take all you want. God is watching the apples.’
ames, don’t feel stupid!! Tell your rabbi some people were discussing that it might actually be muttar and you were wondering if there’s any truth to that…
Let us know what he says
lol squeak totally! I would also have different stores be required to send me lunch everyday!!
Anyways, everyone stop fighting and lets take a poll on who is going. Whoever goes gota wear a sign saying PROUD YWN MEMBER
myshadow
Member
beacon, cute!! I wana cute license plate mine is so boring!
lol mod wrong thread!!
‘I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone.’
‘I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize’
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said ‘Parking Fine.”
How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand.’
Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.’
I went into a McDonald’s yesterday and said, ‘I’d like some fries.’ The girl at the counter said, ‘Would you like some fries with that?”
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.’
Now, it’s true I married my wife for her looks…but not the ones she’s been givin’ me lately.’
Sometimes I think war is God’s way of teaching us geography’
‘When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.’
I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need; if I die by four O’clock’
‘If at first you don’t succeed… So much for skydiving.’
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.’
I’ve been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she’ll kill me.’
My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that’s not so bad; but New York City?’
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.’
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.’
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.’
Just because nobody complains doesn’t mean all parachutes are perfect.’
You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.’
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor’
‘Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind!!!!!!’
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, ‘If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?’
‘No, I had to stop drinking years ago’, the homeless woman told me.
‘Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?’ I asked.
‘No, I don’t waste time shopping,’ the homeless woman said. ‘I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.’
‘Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?’ I asked.
‘Are you NUTS!?’ replied the homeless woman. ‘I haven’t had my hair done in 20 years!’
‘Well,’ I said, ‘I’m not going to give you the money. Instead, I’m going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.’
The homeless woman was shocked. ‘Won’t your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I’m dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.’
I said, ‘That’s okay. It’s important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.’
10 ways to terrorize a telemarketer
10. When they ask ‘How are you today?’ Tell them! ‘I’m so glad you asked
because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems;
my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog
just died….’
9. If they say they’re John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell
their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where their
company is located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions
about their for as long as necessary. Such as when did their company
start, who was the founder, are they still with company?
8. Cry out in surprise, the name of the telemarker name such as
‘Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?’
Hopefully, this will give ‘Judy’ a few brief moments of pause as
she tries to figure out where the heck she could know you from.
7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and
Friends plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, ‘I don’t have
any friends. would you be my friend?’
6. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for
bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
5. Tell the telemarketer you are on ‘home arrest’ and ask if they
could bring you a case of beer and some chips.
4. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry
you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just
give your credit card number to a complete stranger.
3. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them if they
will give you their HOME phone number so you can call them back. When
the telemarketer explains that they cannot give out their HOME number, you say
‘I guess you don’t want anyone bothering you at home, right?’ The
telemarketer will agree and you say, ‘Now you know how I feel!’
2. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke.
‘Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how’s your momma?’
And first and foremost:
1. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD
down.
lol squeak that’s preety funny!! It’s a good thing people can hava good laugh at themselves!
ames, I so wouldn’t want my friends on here!! Hello I say way too much for my own good!
Girl I know when on a boat ride and the guys yamulka flew off and he left his hat in the car. twas pretty awkward
> On a Northwest Airways flight from Atlanta, GA., a
> middle-aged, well to do woman
> found herself sitting next to a man wearing a kipa
> (‘yarmulka’ in Yiddish)
>
> She called the attendant over to complain about her
> seating.
>
> ‘What seems to be the problem Madam?’ asked the
> attendant.
>
> ‘You’ve sat me next to a Jew!! I can’t
> possibly sit next to this disgusting
> person. Find me another seat!’
>
> ‘Please calm down Madam.’ the attendant replied.
> ‘The flight is very full
> today, but I’ll tell you what I’ll do. I’ll go
> and check to see if we have any
> seats available in club or first class.’
>
> The woman shoots a snooty look at the snubbed Jewish man
> beside her (not to
> mention many of the surrounding passengers).
>
> A few minutes later the attendant returned. The woman
> cannot help but look at
> the people around her with a smug and self satisfied grin.
>
> The flight attendant then says…’Madam, unfortunately,
> as I suspected, economy
> is full. I’ve spoken to the cabin services director,
> and club is also full.
> However, we do have one seat in first class.’
>
> Before the lady has a chance to respond, the attendant
> continues…’It is most
> extraordinary to make this kind of upgrade, however, and I
> had to get special
> permission from the captain. But, given the circumstances,
> the captain felt
> that it was outrageous that someone should be forced to sit
> next to such a
> person….’
>
> The flight attendant turned to the Jewish man sitting next
> to her, and said: ‘So
> if you’d like to get your things, sir, I have your seat
> in first class ready for
> you…’ At this point, the surrounding passengers stood
> and gave a standing
> ovation, while the Jewish man walked up to the front of the
> plane.’
>
> When the attendant tells the lady the Captain’s
> arrangement the lady says
> indignantly ‘I think that The Captain must have made
> some kind of mistake.’
>
> To which the attendant replied, ‘No M’am. Captain
> Cohen never makes any
> mistakes.’
My son came home from school one day,
With a smirk upon his face.
He decided he was smart enough,
To put me in my place.
‘Guess what I learned in Civics Two,
that’s taught by Mr. Wright?
It’s all about the laws today,
The ‘Children’s Bill of Rights.’
It says I need not clean my room,
Don’t have to cut my hair
No one can tell me what to think,
Or speak, or what to wear.
I have freedom from religion,
And regardless what you say,
I don’t have to bow my head,
And I sure don’t have to pray.
I can wear earrings if I want,
And pierce my tongue & nose.
I can read & watch just what I like,
Get tattoos from head to toe.
And if you ever spank me,
I’ll charge you with a crime.
I’ll back up all my charges,
With the marks on my behind.
Don’t you ever touch me,
My body’s only for my use,
Not for your hugs and kisses,
that’s just more child abuse.
Don’t preach about your morals,
Like your Mum did to you.
That’s nothing more than mind control,
And it’s illegal too!
Mum, I have these children’s rights,
So you can’t influence me,
Or I’ll call Children’s Services Division,
Better known
As ‘C.S.D.’
Mum’s Reply and Thoughts
Of course my first instinct was
To toss him out the door.
But the chance to teach him a lesson
Made me think a little more.
I mulled it over carefully,
I couldn’t let this go.
A smile crept upon my face,
he’s messing with a pro.
Next day I took him shopping
At the local Goodwill Store..
I told him, ‘Pick out all you want,
there’s shirts & pants galore.
I’ve called and checked with C.S.D .
Who said they didn’t care
If I bought you K-Mart shoes
Instead of Nike Airs.
I’ve canceled that appointment
To take your driver’s test.
The C.S.D. Is unconcerned
So I’ll decide what’s best.’
I said ‘No time to stop and eat,
Or pick up stuff to munch.
And tomorrow you can start to learn
To make your own ‘efen’ lunch.
Just save the raging appetite,
And wait till dinner time.
We’re having liver and onions,
A favorite dish of mine.’
He asked ‘Can I please rent a movie,
To watch on my VCR?’
‘Sorry, but I sold your TV,
For new tires on my car.
I also rented out your room,
You’ll take the couch instead.
The C.S.D. Requires
Just a roof over your head.
Your clothing won’t be trendy now,
I’ll choose what we eat.
That allowance that you used to get,
Will buy me something neat.
I’m selling off your jet ski,
Dirt-bike & roller blades.
Check out the ‘Parents Bill of Rights’,
It’s in effect today!
Hey hot shot, are you crying,
Why are you on your knees?
Are you asking God to help you out,
Instead of C.S.D..?’
Send to all people that have teenagers or have already raised teenagers,
Or have children who will soon be teenagers or those who will be parents someday
OR ANYONE WHO’D JUST GET A LAUGH. I love this One!!!
From a MuM
This is a myth, this is not a true story. Do with it as you wish YW Moderator-39
Being that we’re all online here I just wanted to post this email I got a while ago that really scared me, eveyone PLEASE PLEASE READ AND SEND TO OTHER PEOPLE!!!
After tossing her books on the sofa, shannon decided to grab a snack and
get on-line. She logged on under her screen name ByAngel213. She
checked her Buddy List and saw GoTo123 was on. She sent him an instant
message:
ByAngel213:
Hi. I’m glad you are on! I thought someone was following me home
today. It was really weird!
GoTo123:
LOL You watch too much TV. Why would someone be following you?
Don’t you live in a safe neighborhood?
ByAngel213:
Of course I do. LOL I guess it was my imagination cuz’ I didn’t see
anybody when I looked out.
GoTo123:
Unless you gave your name out on-line. You haven’t done that have you?
ByAngel213:
Of course not. I’m not stupid you know.
GoTo123:
Did you have a softball game after school today?
ByAngel213:
Yes and we won!!
GoTo123:
That’s great! Who did you play?
ByAngel213:
We played the Hornets. LOL. Their uniforms are so gross! They look
like bees. LOL
GoTo123:
What is your team called?
ByAngel213:
We are the Canton Cats. We have tiger paws on our uniforms. They are
really cool.
GoTo1 23:
Did you pitch?
ByAngel213:
No I play second base.. I got to go. My homework has to be done before
my parents get home. I don’t want them mad at me. Bye!
GoTo123:
Catch you later. Bye
Meanwhile…….GoTo123 went to the member menu and began to search
for her profile. When it came up, he highlighted it and printed it
out. He took out a pen and began to write down what he knew about
Angel so far.
Her name: Shannon
Birthday: Jan. 3, 1985
Age: 13
State where she lived: North Carolina
Hobbies: softball, chorus, skating and going to the mall. Besides this
information, he knew she lived in Canton because she had just told
him. He knew she stayed by herself until 6:30 p.m. every afternoon
until her parents came home from work. He knew she played softball on
Thursday afternoons on the school team, and the team was named the
Canton Cats. Her favorite number 7 was printed on her jersey. He knew
she was in the eighth grade at the Canton Junior High School . She had
told him all this in the conversations they had on- line. He had
enough information to find her now.
Shannon didn’t tell her parents about the incident on the way home
from the ballpark that day. She didn’t want them to make a scene and
stop her from walking home from the softball games. Parents were
always overreacting and hers were the worst. It made her wish she was
not an only child. Maybe if she had brothers and sisters, her parents
wouldn’t be so overprotective.
By Thursday, Shannon had forgotten about the footsteps following her.
Her game was in full swing when suddenly she felt someone staring at
her. It was then that the memory came back. She glanced up from her
second base position to see a man watching her closely.
He was leaning against the fence behind first base and he smiled when
she looked at him. He didn’t look scary and she quickly dismissed the
sudden fear she had felt.
After the game, he sat on a bleacher while she talked to the coach..
She noticed his smile once again as she walked past him. He nodded and
she smiled back. He noticed her name on the back of her shirt. He knew
he had found her.
Quietly, he walked a safe distance behind her. It was only a few
blocks to Shannon ‘s home, and once he saw where she lived he quickly
returned to the park to get his car.
Now he had to wait. He decided to get a bite to eat until the time
came to go to Shannon ‘s house. He drove to a fast food restaurant and
sat there until time to make his move.
Shannon was in her room later that evening when she heard voices in
the living room.
‘Shannon, come here,’ her father called. He sounded upset and she
couldn’t imagine why. She went into the room to see the man from the
ballpark sitting on the sofa.
‘Sit down,’ her father began, ‘this man has just told us a most
interesting story about you.’
Shannon sat back. How could he tell her parents anything? She had
never seen him before today!
‘Do you know who I am, Shannon ?’ the man asked..
‘No,’ Shannon answered.
‘I am a police officer and your online friend, GoTo123.’
Shannon was stunned. ‘That’s impossible! GoTo is a kid my age! He’s
14. And he lives in Michigan !’
The man smiled. ‘I know I told you all that, but it wasn’t true. You
see, Shannon , there are people on-line who pretend to be kids; I was
one of them. But while others do it to injure kids and hurt them, I
belong to a group of parents who do it to protect kids from predators.
I came here to find you to teach you how dangerous it is to talk to
people on-line. You told me enough about yourself to make it easy for
me to find you. You named the school you went to, the name of your
ball team and the position you played. The number and name on your
jersey just made finding you a breeze.’
Shannon was stunned. ‘You mean you don’t live in Michigan ?’
He laughed. ‘No, I live in Raleigh .. It made you feel safe to think I
was so far away, didn’t it?’
She nodded.
‘I had a friend whose daughter was like you. Only she wasn’t as lucky.
The guy found her and murdered her while she was home alone.. Kids are
taught not to tell anyone when they are alone, yet they do it all the
time on-line. The wrong people trick you into giving out information a
little here and there on-line. Before you know it, you have told them
enough for them to find you without even realizing you have done it. I
hope you’ve learned a lesson from this and won’t do it again. Tell
others about this so they will be safe too?’
‘It’s a promise!’
That night Shannon and her Dad and Mom all knelt down together and
thanked God for protecting Shannon from what could have been a tragic
situation.
coke, some of mine aren’t getting on either.
yea yea kapusta lol just face it buddy!! I’m so idolized!! 🙂
SJS, “5) Abolish the current shidduch system (no more table cloth questions!).”
I’m with you on that!
azi, the yeshivos are considered “demanding” if they don’t let limos?
Bais Yaakov Park always has a massive clothing drive where you can drop off stuff. I could try to find out when they’re having their next one if you want
moish, charlie, & coke, the random q thread is way too long for me to keep catching up on! But I take that as a compliment moish!
For once Joseph agrees with me. nice!
beacon, cute!! I wana cute license plate mine is so boring!
They’re totally real, what you see is what you get.
posek hador, lol that’s pretty funny! What’s the raya that he’s a litvak?
ames, the cr is great but please don’t get a psak from here! It’s not so simple the whole concept of handshaking.
The differences are what makes yidishkeit beautiful. Shivim Panim La’torah applies also to different minhagim people have. If everyone was universally the same the problems we have wouldn’t necessarily change, we would all just have the same issues as everyone else.
Random q: why did they take off the highlighting on the YWN cofferoom??? I can’t find it anymore I keep clicking on rides and calender! Shtickle annoying
Why did the chicken cross the road?
by CJaye | October 3, 2008 at 07:48 am
As answered by politicians and other famous folks
Barack Obama: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!
John McCain: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
Hillary Clinton: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure – right from Day one – that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn’t about me.
George W. Bush: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us.
There is no middle ground here.
Dick Cheney: Where’s my gun?
Colin Powell: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
Bill Clinton: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
John Kerry: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chickens intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
Al Sharpton: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens!
Dr. Phil: The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.
Oprah: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of us chickens.
Nancy Grace: That chicken crossed the road because he’s guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
Pat Buchanan: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.
Ernest Hemingway: To die in the rain, alone.
Jerry Falwell: Because the chicken was gay! Can’t you people see the plain truth? That’s why they call it the ‘other side’. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like ‘the other side.’ That chicken should not be crossing the road. It’s as plain and as simple as that.
Grandpa: In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
Barbara Walters: Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious scare of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
John Lennon: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
Albert Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
Colonel Sanders: Did I miss one???
Enough for now I’ll put on more tomorrow. Too bad we can’t have pix up I have tonz of hysterical ones!
Makes sense, most boys do that. But girls however don’t have that long, In the short year the girls have, they need to accomplish EVERYTHING. Most girls don’t have 3 years.
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
“Please wake me at 5:00 AM..” He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight.. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn’t wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed. The paper said, “It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.”
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
WHO IS YOUR ROLE MODEL???
Try it without looking at the answers…..
please don’t look down until you do it, you’ll love it I promise
GET A CALCULATOR (YOUR COMPUTER HAS ONE ON IT)
1) Pick your favorite number between 1-9
2) Multiply by 3 then
3) Add 3, then again Multiply by 3 (I’ll wait while you get the
calculator…..)
4) You’ll get a 2 or 3 digit number..
5) Add the digits together
Now Scroll down …………..
Now with that number see who your ROLE MODEL is from the list below:
1. Einstein
2. Washington
3. Abraham Lincoln
4. miley cyrus
5. Bill Gates
6. Mark Twain
7. Winston Churchill
8. donald trump
9. myshadow
10. brad pitt
I know…..I just have that effect on people…one day you too can be
like me…. 🙂 Believe it!
PS.: Stop picking different numbers. I am your idol, just deal with it!!!!
A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. As they stand at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter Paradise and meet their maker, God decides to grant each person one wish because of the grief they have experienced.
They’re all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. ‘I want to be gorgeous,’ and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done.
The seco nd one in line hears this and says ‘I want to be gorgeous too’ Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.
This goes on for a while with each one asking to be gorgeous, but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in the line starts laughing.
When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing his head off.
Finally, God reaches this last guy and asks him what his wish will be. The guy eventually calms down and says:
‘Make ’em all ugly again.’
NEXT TIME YOU’RE LAST IN LINE. BE HAPPY
A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a
little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped.
Furthermore she kept staring at him.
She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said,
‘I hope I haven’t made you feel ill at ease;
it’s just that you look so much like my late son.’
He answered, ‘That’s okay.’
‘I know it’s silly, but if you’d call out ‘Good bye, Mom’
as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy.’
She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her
way out of the store, the man called out, ‘Goodbye, Mom’
The little old lady waved, and smiled back at him
Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone’s day,
he went to pay for his groceries.
‘That comes to $121.85,’ said the clerk.
‘How come so much … I only bought 5 items..’
The clerk replied, ‘Yeah, but your Mother said
you’d be paying for her things, too.’
Don’t trust little Old Ladies!!!
I went to a party,
And remembered what you said.
You told me not to drink, Mum
So I had a sprite instead.
I felt proud of myself,
The way you said I would,
That I didn’t drink and drive,
Though some friends said I should..
I made a healthy choice,
And your advice to me was right,
The party finally ended,
And the kids drove out of sight.
I got into my car,
Sure to get home in one piece,
I never knew what was coming, Mum
Something I expected least.
Now I’m lying on the pavement,
And I hear the policeman say,
The kid that caused this wreck was drunk,
Mum, his voice seems far away.
My own blood’s all around me,
As I try hard not to cry.
I can hear the paramedic say,
This girl is going to die.
I’m sure the guy had no idea,
While he was flying high,
Because he chose to drink and drive,
Now I would have to die.
So why do people do it, Mum
Knowing that it ruins lives?
And now the pain is cutting me,
Like a hundred stabbing knives.
Someone should have taught him,
That it’s wrong to drink and drive.
Maybe if his parents had,
I’d still be alive.
My breath is getting shorter, Mum
I’m getting really scared.
These are my final moments,
And I’m so unprepared.
I wish that you could hold me Mum,
As I lie here and die.
I wish that I could say, ‘I love you, Mum!’
So I love you and good-bye.
MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Drivers)
BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
_____________________________________________________
Preparing for the Birth:
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don’t bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn’t do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.
__________________________________________ ____________
The Layette:
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn’s clothes, color-coordinate and fold them neatly in the baby’s little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can’t they?
______________________________________________________
Worries:
1st baby: At the first sign of distress–a whimper, a frown–you pick up the baby
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.
______________________________________________________
Pacifier:
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby’s bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
______________________________________________________
Diapering:
1st baby: You change your baby’s diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
_______________________________________________________
Activities
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, Baby Zoo, Baby Movies and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaners.
_____________________________ _________________________
Going Out:
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
______________________________________________________
At Home:
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn’t squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children
______________________________________________________
Swallowing Coins (a favorite):
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!
________________________________________________ ______
Pass this on to everyone you know who has children . . . or everyone who KNOWS someone who has had children . . .
(The older the mother, the funnier this is! )
GRANDCHILDREN:
God’s reward for allowing your children to live !
feivel, how long was your son there for?
I chose not to go to Israel for sem partly because of the financial aspect but mostly because I knew myself and that I could be very attracted to trouble so I wanted to avoid that whole field. Instead I went to a half-day seminary in town, worked in the afternoon, and was in college at night. I didn’t have a second to breathe and no time to get into trouble and b”h I had a very successful year and grew up.
My friends came back a year later and they were all different, some girls really changed in their hashkofos and frumkeit, some just stayed the same and had a great relaxing year with no responsibilities and good lectures, and a few unfortunately did not have good experiences and were able to do whatever they felt like and therefore came back as totally different people.
When I saw some of the girls that changed for the worst my immediate thought went to the 25,000 dollars that were down the drain. That money could’ve been saved and used towards their wedding, future apt…but instead they came back with absolutely nothing.
Chaval.
For those that are thinking of sending your daughter to Israel, please please make sure she is strong enough to withstand the nisyonos going on there, and if you have even the slightest doubt then keep her somewhere closer to home where there is less freedom! ex: yavne, detroit, lakewood…
SJS, 🙂 nope not at all!! I know I gave it away. I gota make a new sn or start keeping my mouth shut
flatbush, I have been saying that for years!! When a boy goes around in a limo, the first 500 dollars at least goes towards the limo instead of the yeshiva or organization.
My brothers tell me that the balabatim will give more money if they show up in a limo as opposed to a van or something. If this is true then the system is very skewed.
The boys also love the shtick of driving around in a limo and do rent them for the fun of it. Purim is a time for tzedaka. If they davka enjoy riding in a limo they should rent one with either their own money or sponsered money that people know is going directly for the car
feivel, there is definately a certain amount of gain in seminary in Israel, but unfortunately there is a too big of a number of the girls that go and revel in the freedom on the streets of yerushalayim and ben yehuda.
Especially now with the economic situation as bad as it is, is it worth it for parents to spend/borrow that kind of money and take that risk with their daughters neshoma?
striving, your absolutely right.
Personally I never saw that much wrong with the coffeeroom but I hear everybody’s points. We are all kidding ourselves that maybe people that we think are young girls are really 40 year men. Most blogger’s gender and approximate age are very clear.
From all the shidduchim threads, the single girls have been identified therefore technically any man who is posting on this site should really not be stam schmoozing with them.
I don’t mean to sound farfrumnt or anything but I was pretty surprised myself when SJS was able to correctly identify me on the laptop thread, and like chillmaster posted on this thread: “good point im a young single working guy dont worry” (no offense chillmaster!!)
So the question then is, when there is a clear distinction between the guys and girls on the internet, and their true identity is not known, is there any sort of issur?
It hysterical to see what craziness people could come up with in here. Also you could just be yourself. no pretense at all.