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“I heard in a shiur from someone who knows his stuff, that sayin ‘Oh my G-D’ is ossur mideoyrayso.”
According to many poskim, yes.
Sister Bear:
“I learned in a shiur and saw inside the Torah and meforshim that adding on to the Torah is an issur deoraisa.”
True. But I’m fairly certain that “lo sisa es shaim Hashem Elokecha la’shuv” was part of the Torah ever since Hashem gave it to us on Har Sinai.
I’m with The Goq on this one…
I find that the threads here tend to move in waves of a one or two topics. There will often be a whole bunch of threads about divorces, tzniyus, kollel, etc. If you are interested in the current “in” topic(s), you will find many of the threads interesting and exciting; if you’re not interested in the current “in” topic(s), the CR will be boring.
Silent One:
You said it. An abusive person is a person who has developed their bad middos instead of their good ones. We must put the mussar and self-improvement back into our chinuch.
As a side point, I believe part of the reason there are more abusive spouses today is due to the modern technology (internet, ipods, etc) of our times. This technology exposes many (if not most) of our boys to highly inappropriate materials that tend to have the attitude that women are to be treated as things, not people. Once a man has this atitude implanted within him, it’s very, very hard to get it out. This problem is far widespread than most believe, and I believe it is a primary cause of the rising abuse/divorce rates.
Lomed Mkol Adam:
“Mitzvos bain adam l’chaveiro are also lav di’oraysa”
What lav? “Vi’uhavta li’raiacha kumocha” only applies to “raiacha”, your fellow jew.
rabbiofberlin:
“shlishim–mmmm…how about ‘veohavto lereaicho komocho’?”
See above.
“how about “midvar sheker tirchok”?”
Huh? What does respecting goyim have to do with telling the truth?
“how about “mipnei seivah tokum”?”
This only applies to people over the age of 70.
Josh31:
“Degrading people created BeTzelem Elokim is worse than eating non Kosher.”
The statement that every human being is created bi’tzelem Elokim (and therefore deserving of respect) is from Pirkei Avos, and not brought down by the Shulchan Orach. That would make it the same halachic level of obligation as, say, getting married at 18, or not talking too much to one’s wife.
Eating non-kosher is a lav di’Oraysa, stated in the actual chumash. It is discussed extensively in the Gemora, Rishonim, and Achronim, and there are pages and pages of Shulchan Orach, Rema, and Mishna Berurah written on the subject.
How can you even compare the two?!
Deja vu all over again…
I see nothing wrong with saying GS to a member of the opposite gender, but I certainly understand why some people feel it shouldn’t be done.
popcorn:
“In New York when you say “Gut Shabbos” to people they look you up and down and wonder “Do I know who that is” and wonder why I said Gut Shabbos to them…(even to people of my own gender).”
I can’t speak for all of New York, but here in Monsey it’s not like that at all. Everybody says GS to everybody else (to the opposite gender depends on the neighborhood).
“For a long time I’ve harbored the irrational fantasy of winning the Megamillions jackpot… In every scenario that I imagine my life were I to win, it includes me working. Perhaps not as a lawyer, but I would certainly continue to work in some fashion.”
That doesn’t answer my question: Do you think the people who have already made more than enough money to live on must continue to work?
“indeed working if (is?) far more important that learning, at least for the overwhelming majority of people. It’s a mistaken ideology to say otherwise.”
I cannot imagine how somebody could even say this. Working is a curse, necessary only so we have what to eat and where to sleep for our short stay in this world. But doing the mitzvos, and especially learning Torah, are why we are here in this world!! This is what Hashem put us here to accomplish!! The working should only be in order to be able to do more mitzvos, to be able to help others more, to learn more Torah, and to serve Hashem better!
But to glorify working as a an end inofitself, not just a means?! To say this should be what we are focusing on, how we should live our lives? And not just that, but to pass it off as a Jewish ideology?! Are you serious?!
“Every religion has its “Torah”, we had first the Exodus and Har Sinai experiences and then the Torah that Moshe brought down to us.”
OK… But the Torah is still what we received at Har Sinai, not an “experience”.
“Tefilin have to written in order. First the Exodus and then acceptance of G-d’s sovereignty.”
True, but what exactly does that have to do with anything?
I’m with Popa on this one. One should give up their seat to somebody who needs it; but I don’t think a woman automatically qualifies.
havesomeseichel:
“What is wrong with offering a seat [to a woman]? Is there a halacha against it?”
Nobody saying it’s a bad thing to do, just that it’s not necessary. After all, is there a halacha for it?
apushatayid:
“”Remember the Yetzer Ha’Ra loves to work overtime”
Yes, and in this case it is the lashon hara about people who live a certain lifestyle.”
Not to mention loshon hara about people who think today’s luxuries are way over the top.
SJSinNYC:
“It is not a rich person’s obligation to support others”
I completely disagree. If Hashem makes a person rich, it so that they should be able to help others. Mind you, they still have a right to live comfortably (vacations included), but they absolutely have a moral obligation to help those less fortunate than them.
The Torah is a description of the world by its ineffable, infallible Creator. He knows how the world works because He made it. He is never wrong.
Science is a description of the world by limited, mortal men. It is a series of guesses (albeit educated guesses) based solely upon observation. It has been wrong many, many times. (Remember when the world was flat? Or when the earth was the center of the universe? How about when all cognitive activity took place in the heart?)
Take your pick.
Josh31:
“Torah is a shared national experience (Exodus and Har Sinai) and can not be reproduced in the lab.”
An “experience”? The Torah is the knowledge that Hashem gave us at Har Sinai.
cantoresq:
“MW13, it’s a matter of values. And while my citations are subject to other interpretations, the point I wanted to make is that in G-d’s natural order, after Adam comitted original sin, is that one works to earn his living.”
If you truly believe that working is part of a “natural order” that we must uphold, must somebody who wins the lottery work anyways? If working is truly what Hashem intends for us, how can anybody ever retire?
“it’s a matter of values”
It certainly is. We believe that learning is more important than working; you seem to think quite the opposite.
cantoresq:
“I would be embarrassed, ashamed, depressed and mortified if I were ever, Heaven forbid, so reduced to the point of needing such things. Moreover, I would be feel like a horrible Jew; one who does not fulfill the basic injunctions of “b’zeiat apecha tochal lechem” and “Yegiah kapecha ki tochal, ashrecha v’tov lach.””
Derech HaMelech:
“I just wanted to point out that the first posuk you bring “b’zeias apecha tochal lechem” is not an injunction but a curse…
The second pasuk can easily be ascribed to learning Torah as well…
While the list in Peah doesn’t bring ‘working for ones food’ as one of the things on the list it does say “v’Talmud Torah kneged Kulam”
cantoresq:
“Oh monarch in Israel, you have your values, and I have mine.”
This doesn’t have to do with your personal values as much as it has to do with your claim that the Torah commands a person to work. Derech HaMelech eloquently showed how this is simply not the case.
Besides, why should somebody not take money they are legally entitled to? Especially (though not necessarily) if they are doing this in order to learn?
oomis1105:
“To not even get out of the car is to be an absolute bulvanish naar.”
“But noch die tzi to try and JUSTIFY such boorishness??? Oy Vey!”
“Sorry fellas, you will never win with me on this one!!!!!! And you make it worse every time you try to come up with some rathionalization for the boorishness.”
I truly do not understand how you can bash and blast all those who do not walk their dates to the door like this. Weren’t you just one week ago (in the “tznius to wear skirts that just hit the knee or are above the knee?” thread) saying about how nobody should ever judge or bash somebody else, ever? Why are you so tolerant of those who dressed against the halacha, yet so intolerant of those who choose not to walk their dates to the door? What happened to “don’t judge”, “different strokes for different folks”, etc? Why are you being so judgmental now?
oomis1105:
“The OP asked a question about using maaser money to pay for dates, not for people to tell him whether or not he can afford to get married. Why can we not just address the question the person asked?”
Couldn’t agree more, though I probably would’ve worded it a bit more strongly myself.
rabbiofberlin:
“there is no justification not to answer any of the questions posed by the posters- and very simple ones at that.”
The point of my previous comment was that although I do not know the answer to your question, I am confident R’ Chaim does.
There is little question that if this “revolution” succeeds, we will be faced with a much more anti-America and anti-Israel Eygpt. The question is only if Mubarak can manage to win the support of the military, and hang on to power.
Derech HaMelech:
Duly impressed…
bochur24 and iyhbyu:
You can tut-tut and claim the moral high ground from today till tomorrow; but if you can not answer me with a halachic argument, I stand by my previous comments.
I once heard a Rav (forgot who) quoted as saying that if one does not like their date’s looks, they should keep going until the 3rd date. If it still bothers you then, it’s time to break up. And don’t say “it’s just chitzoniyus, it doesn’t matter” – that’s what you should have been telling yourself for the past 10 years. But now, if there’s no attraction there’s no attraction.
Pashuteh Yid and rabbiofberlin:
I think it’s safe to assume that R’ Chaim thought of that question, and has a more than competent answer. They say he’s fairly bright.
observanteen raises a good point. Chayecha kodmin – the first order of business must be to keep yourself safe. If this requires limiting the amount of time/effort you put into your brother or friend, so be it.
rikki77, I know others have said this, but it’s worth repeating: find yourself a Rav/Rebbitzen who you can confide in and connect to, to can guide you. Then he/she will be able to judge the exact circumstances and personalities involved, and show you the most effective path for both you yourself and how to help your brother.
bochur24:
“I believe it absolutely is a chossid shoiteh. There is risk of serious injury here”
Risk of injury is not the same as certain death. And besides,unless she’s at the top of a flight of stairs the chance of a serious injury is not to high.
“and there would be no chibah involved”
Now there’s the issue. I’ve never looked into the particulars of shomer negiah, and I’m honestly not sure exactly what the halachos of non-chibah touching are.
popa_bar_abba:
“Yes, and if there is an issur here, it is gilui arayos.
Lo sikrivu is generally considered to be yehareg v’al yaavor.”
Really? I was always under the impression that the only thing that is assur is the actual maseh of giluy arayos… As I recall the Gemara even says a woman does not have to give up her life because she is “karka bi’oilam” and (without getting too technical) is not doing a maseh per say.
Btw, rereading my previous comment I realized that the “Um…” could be taken as sign of a condensing tone, instead of the confused tone it was meant to convey. I apologize if it was taken wrongly.
bochur24:
Thank you for the elaboration.
“In my opinion, that proves that the reason for the heter is NOT that she is going to die, since if there really was an issur here, you would be supposed to let her die.”
Umm… no. Pikuach nefesh is docha every issur besides avoda zora, giluy arayos and shvichas dumim, remember?
yentingyenta:
“thanx for the advice!”
No problem.
“i always feel funny saying hi though. guess it’s the BY-er in me”
As long as you feel funny, you’re doing fine. It’s when you stop feeling funny that you have a problem…
It may be chivalrous for a boy to walk his date to her door, but that by no means makes somebody who doesn’t a “boor”, “ill-mannered”, “an absolute bulvanish naar”, etc. Really, it’s just not (or at least shouldn’t be) that big of a deal.
eclipse:
“To let a girl fall and hurt herself is being a chosid shoiteh.”
Debatable. The Gemara says that one who does not save a drowning woman is indeed a chasid shoteh, but that’s only because pikuach nefesh is dochah 610/613 of the mitzvos. However, a couples of scratches and bruises is not necessarily a good enough reason not be shomer negiah. (Note: As always, all halacha li’maseh shailos should be addressed to a competent possek.)
JayMatt19:
“The reason why R’ Chaim Kanievsky is so makpid on “new names” is because the Arizal writes that from the zman of Bais Sheini, there is no such thing as a “new nishama”, rather we are all gilgulim. And since the name is a connection to the nishama, we should stick to old names.”
Thank you for explaining this shita of R’ Chaim. It’s nice to finally have some hard facts here.
“many times i walk in the street and people oppsite gender say hi/ goodmorning et cetra should i respond?”
I would say that it would be a good idea to respond, if only not to appear rude.
“how friendly do you have to be to classmates of the opposite gender?”
Now this is much more of a question. One should not have opposite-gender friends, but on the other hand we can’t make a chillul Hashem. Therefore, I would say to be polite (say hello, hold the door open, and in general show you acknowledge he/she exists), but not friendly (have a real conversation with him/her, ask them how their vacation was, etc).
The following article appeared here on YWN:
(http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/article.php?p=25413)
Harsh Words Against Sheitels
(Tuesday, November 4th, 2008)
The Rav repeated over and over again the severity of the isur of wearing such sheitels, which the wife and her husband share equal responsibility.
(718) 906-6400 [Kol HaLashon NY]
Press 3 for Yiddish
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While listening to the shiur, press 6 (skips 5 minutes) 4 times.
There is no need to call Kol Haloshon in EY
As always, all halacha li’maseh shailos should be asked to a qualified possek, not to bunch of anonymous posters who may or may not have any idea what they’re talking about.
“Older people claim that people were less ostentatious and more true to life…people were less gashmiutdik as well as more mature. People were more excepting of others and less superficial.”
Two words: yiridas ha’doros.
oomis:
“When you call someone untzniusdig, you are making an extremely megative judgment about her character. Those women were nashim tzidkonios, most of them, and no one should be maligning them because they wore short sleeves or yes, even pants.”
This has nothing to do with judging people or people’s character. This has to do with what the halacha says we must do. The halacha says that women must cover above their elbows – therefore, anybody with that area uncovered is in clear violation of the halacha. They could be the nicest people in the world, they could be covering what they are covering with great mesiras nefesh, they could not know any better. But at the end of the day, what they’re doing (or what they did) is still wrong. Period.
“There is a big difference between not dressed according to understood and accepted standards, and outright being untzniusdig.”
Perhaps there is – but not covering parts of the body that the halacha states must be covered is being “outright untzniusdig”, with no two ways about it. Unintentionaly being outright untznisdig, perhaps; but being outright untznisdig nonetheless.
oomis1105:
“My daughter is 5’2″. She is simply not comfortable with a guy who is shorter than 5’7″ or so… You cannot fault someone for what is or is not attractive.”
“guys seem to have truly unrealistic values regarding weight and size… The bottom line (no pun intended) is that we have to be less concerned with numbers, and more concerned with the total package. Some girls who could stand to lose a little weight, can make awfully amazing wives and mothers.”
Interesting how “not faulting someone for what is or is not attractive” is apparently only for the girls, not the boys…
aries:
“Sac, it is very disheartening to hear that you are still hung up on the height issue. I would think that after dating so many guys you would understand what your real priorities should be.”
I don’t think this has to do with being “hung up” on a particular issue as much as it about the sheer stupidity of marrying somebody who you are simply not attracted to (no matter what the reason is). That’s not just asking for trouble, that’s getting down on your knees and begging for trouble.
mikehall12382:
Yes, I would not let my 13 year old son get married… but only because the western society that we live in has conditioned our teens to act and think like children. In other societies where this is not the case, it’s very possible I would indeed let my teenage son (assuming he was mature enough) get married.
Yersl:
The reason people do not call chalav stam “chalav akum” is because R’ Moshe holds that any milk in America is considered cholov yisroel (since there are laws that prohibit anything besides cow’s milk being in a container marked “milk”). Therefore, it is called cholov stam only to differentiate between cholov yisroel according to everybody and cholov yisroel only according to R’ Moshe.
(I only read the OP of this thread, so I apologize if this comment is repeating things already said.)
Are 15-year olds too immature to get married? Well, that’s going to depend on the 15-year old we’re talking about. Some are, some aren’t.
And anyways, the Gemora says the best time (for a boy) to get married is 13, so it’s kinda hard to say it’s always wrong to marry under 15…
“I think we’re starting to see some CR McCarthyism. Anyone else think this witch hunt is getting a bit out of control?”
Yes.
Mod-80: That makes sense.
How about “Posting while intoxicated” for chayavinishlivisumay? 😉
YW Moderator613: You’re quite welcome.
How about “Joseph’s wife” for SJSinNYC? Sure to throw anybody who hasn’t seen this thread for a loop 😉
To all those who feel that dress codes better teach a girl how to dress than uniforms do, a guest post from my sister:
Yes, some of my friend’s schools have dress codes that are designed to teach the girls to dress b’tzniyus, but as soon as they walk out of school they change into their own clothes anyways. So these dress clothes don’t accomplish anything more than uniforms do.
Reu6922123L:
“Have you ever posted a appropriate comment and the editor did not post it?”
Once, but it wasn’t in the CR section… other than that, I think the mods here do quite a fine job.
“BP tatty, where not taking about going against the Torah or lehavdel against the “Journalists Ethics of Decency”. Nothing I wrote ran “afoul”.”
Well obviously, the mods felt it was indeed inappropriate. As BP Tatty pointed out, this is the mods’ site, so they get to make the rules. If you don’t like it, there are plenty of un-moderated sites around.
“Just Babylon editing sane and kosher views to fit there motive.”
Huh? What, pray tell, is Babylon editing?
And precisely what is this big, bad agenda the mods supposedly have? There’s few things I find as ridiculous as a conspiracy theory so vague it cannot be expressed.
On the complaint that uniforms suppress individuality:
At the end of the day, people will always find a way to express themselves. There’s shoes, sweaters, hair, jewelry, etc. Those who feel a need to express themselves have plenty of opportunities to do so.
cleverjewishpun:
“Most people here would tell you that the girls shouldnt have any sort of “visual” individual expression.”
Nice of you to let us know what we think. I just love it when I get my opinion delivered to me on a silver platter (with a nice dose of disapproval, no less).
In all seriousness, these generalizations get nowhere. Please do not claim to know what “most people here” think.
s2021:
“do the teachers really think girls today r going to stay in ponies and oxford shirts for the rest of ther lives? when should girls start getting a feel for how a jewish girl shld look every day?”
Fair point. However, no good thing is without its negative side effects. I still believe the positives of uniforms outweigh the negatives.
PBA:
“The way you dress is very important to how you feel… when I put something nice on, I feel good about myself. When I dress formally, I feel formal.”
That is precisely why there are uniforms! “Ha’chitzonias mores es ha’pneimeis”, what you look like effects how you act and what you do. Therefore, if a girl looks like a BY girl, she will be more likely to act like one.
I’m with pumper on this one. Sports is fine as an outlet, so long as it doesn’t become why you get up in the morning. (And yes, there are people like that.)
Correct 🙂
Cedarhurst: Nope, it’s my initials. Kind of unoriginal, but it works.
Thank you dunno for finally restoring some sanity to the shidduch discussions here. You cannot blame a boy for wanting the best prospective life partner he can get. It’s time to stop this blame game.
blueprints:
10-Luchos has been going around accusing all right-wingers of being the same person for some time now. He/she never provides any concrete evidence for these claims, always preferring to say something along the lines of “I’ve been here long enough that I can just tell”. I’m not sure whether or not 10-Luchos actually believes these accusations, or if he/she is just doing it to undermine the opposition.
Now, the only question is if 10-Luchos will simply accuse us of being the same person, or claim that we’re both manifestations of the omnipresent joseph…
Wolf:
“People are curious by nature. It’s not a particularly Jewish problem — it’s a human issue (and not necessarily a bad thing — although, like any other trait, it can be misused).”
Well said.