MTAB

you might be able to get credits at empire state college in ny or Thomas Edison state college in NJ for your degree and then complete your bachelor’s degree there.

tell me fruminnj are the children her property? is his house her property, if you want to leave, then leave, but you want to kick him out like he is a piece of wood, does that strike you as fair, do you care? probably not, because you are not really interested in justice, you just want to do what you want to do

It is interesting how many posts here are from working guys who can’t get a shiduch. It supports my argument that the boys don’t all have lists. Only the learners and those who pretend to be do. And the girls who are on wait list are there because they insist on the learning boy. It’s not because there are more women than men and not because there are more good women than men. The working boys get lost in the fray and not enough people are looking after them.

Command and us are broad terms.

The mitzvos are on the Jewish people. He commanded us, the Jews.

Why do you say bracha of lulav on chol moed? The torah didn’t command it? The rabbis did.

The Torah didn’t command a bracha on water. The Rabbis did. We say commanded us.

midwest2, please don’t use the word troll. I’m so tired of that word which is used as a general insult of anybody with their own opinion.

==I’ve never heard, been redt, or known that boys learn alone.==

i’m not sure what you mean
if a guy has a chavrusa one day , goes to a shiur one day a week, listens to a recording of a shiur one day, reads a book one day a week, he’s not learning alone

i don’t if it’s good to only have chavrusos, that’s the blind leading the blind

One thing that really bothered me about shidichum was meeting women who had a long list of deal breakers about the shiduchim but didn’t do research beforehand. So for example, there were more than a few women – as noted here – who for some reason think Torah study must always involve a chavrusa. Me, I had one chavrusah, most nights I studied by myself, listen to recordings, different stuff. But to them, that’s like eating traife. I don’t know where they get this. But OK, that’s your thing. Then before the date, before I travel 3 hours, do some homework and list all your hakpados and if you must, nix the date. But don’t waste my time. I think they get so spoiled by the dating process, by getting picked up and taken out to dinner, they just take it all for granted.

“For example, I own a 1997 Toyota Camry.
As long as it’s clean and presentable,
why shouldn’t I be able to date in it?”

I won’t tell you that there aren’t many very spoiled girls out there who think they deserve the world. Sometimes their parents put that in their heads. I believe that in general dating today is one sided with the boys doing nearly all the work and the girls sitting around deciding who is good enough for them.

But there are exceptions. There are still some nice girls who want a nice guy. That’s who you should look for and don’t get embittered by all the problematic people. One rav told me to be business like about shiduchim. Don’t get wrapped up emotionally in it.

Certainly you can date in your car. But I do have a concern. Did you say you live out of town? That can be challenging especially for the guy who for mysterious reasons is expected to do all the traveling.

==That’s one thing that seems to be better in some smaller, more OOT communities.==

try the Midwest, people are so much nicer there and live much more simply
Cleveland, Detroit, Chicago, south bend, st louis

–Is there anyone who personally feels/felt the same way?–

i’m about 40 years older than you so i can’t see i feel it now, but i believe there’s a tremendous problem in the yeshiva world today and that is an overemphasis on torah study. yeah, i said it. i have been involved in shiduchim and i do meet all kinds of girls who just insist on a kollel guy, that’s how they are trained, and when people say there are more girls than guys, what they are reflecting is that there are more girls who want kollel guys than guys who want to be that. of course, it’s easier to want it than to be it, plus the girls, who mostly want to live comfortably think the money will fall from the sky

i do feel as a baal habayis that i’m looked down on by the learning community
but i have learned to see that as their ignorance

as for frustrations with learning, i have had that but found the solution was to try new approaches as i have mentioned

you know what you need
parnassah and marriage
that’s enough to worry about for now
you might find you’ll enjoy learning more once you do it in a new way
you likely were just turned off by the style you were exposed to
there are many ways of going about it

” but no daily chavrusa for an hour learning at your own pace? Or shuir at night?”

There’s no requirement to have a chavrusa. When I was dating I met all these girls who thought learning meant having a chavrusa. I don’t know where they get that. You can just study on your own, listen to recordings, whatever. It’s all good.

Of course men have a mitzvah to be tzinus. In Jerus there are signs about this. Tight pants are a big problem today.

”
Don’t worry, you’ll have no problems in shidduchim. The only problem you might have is picking from too many choices looking for you.”

nice of you to encourage, but what’s that based on?

Why does having equal sympathies mean someone doesn’t support Israel? And what does it mean to support Israel, to bow down and worship the government? Does the world have to approve of everything Israel does?

By gov. figures, there are 141,000 yeshiva and kollel students in Israel. 16,000 are non-israeli

Gov. gives about $2,000 a year to each one of the israelis and half that to non israelis

from the article:
“Kollel students receive an average of 2,000 shekels ($500) per month for committing to a full day of kollel study (from 9 a.m. to 1:30 p.m., and again from 4 p.m. to 7 p.m.). In its heyday, state support covered about half of this sum, with the rest being raised by the kollels’ directors, mainly from overseas donors.”

This means that it’s a wash for the government. Their spend of $250 million is matched by overseas donations that pay for more than half of the kollel stipend and go into the economy. But a lot more goes into the economy because nobody lives on $2,000 a year in Israel. If each overseas student spends another $4,000 that’s another 64 million in the economy. Add to that visits by parents, funds for buildings – all of which go into the economy.

And let us not forget that America gives Israel 3.9 billion a year.

You want to know who pays for world torah study – america, not the state of israel. Israel profits from it.

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“It says “hevi Dan es kol hudum lchaf zechus” it doesn’t say anything about brother”

it’s poshut, judge on the scale of merit means he has merits and you could judge him either way
if he is not frum he doesn’t have merit

we cut the non-frum way too much slack
you want to keep shabbos, we’ll help you
but if you don’t you have no credibility

“”lol were you telling us before we need to Dan lchav zechus lol”

don cchof zchus applies to proper frum jews. You don’t have to be dan l’chaf zchus on apikorsim. Brothers means brothers in mitzvos.

Folks, these are shomer mitzvos yidden and you have to be dan lchaf zchus, judge for the good. The problem is you are judging another culture. You sit in nice, polite America – the President aside – and judge them. But this is Israeli culture. If you think these guys are crude, you should see the chilonim. Israel has a very crude, rude culture. It’s not the fault of the Charedim. They get caught up in it even as they try to resist it.

“Many Chardim are calling names to soldiers and no one stands against them, Is most chardim okay with that”

It’s not that common. I have seen enough soldiers in Charedi areas and nobody bothered them. The stories are grossly exaggerated.

Most of the most famous stories are where police dressed as soldiers and tried to provoke trouble.

Look, the system is a mess regardless of what anyone tells you. It’s a mess in particular if you don’t fit the mold or have trouble pretending that you do – which is what most people who seem to fit it do. And there’s 100 ways of not fitting the mold.

Allow me, who suffered through this, to make some suggestions.

1) Be as frum as you can be. I’m not talking about driving yourself crazy or faking it. But come as close as you can to Hashem and mitzvos in a healthy way and look to Him for help with this. I have found that the more people are tied up in gentile culture, the more trouble they have getting married.
2) Either work towards serious learning or serious parnassah with kovaya itim.
3) Use all the matchmaking tools. There are singles events, websites, matchmakers, and connections.
4) Create a dating resume and hand it out.
5) Don’t take opportunities for granted. If you meet a decent girl, marry her. Don’t think somebody a little bit better is around the corrner.
6) Don’t think you have forever. Get busy with this.

so much for the myth that the bochurim have lists

IS THERE A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE NESHAMA (SOUL) OF A MAN VS. A WOMAN?

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“In neshamos there is no difference. Hashem gives people different ways different opportunities to perfect their neshama. When a woman is married and she dedicates her life to others, she’s doing something that transforms her nature. It’s impossible for her to function successfully and to remain selfish.

Her main achievement is transforming her neshama by doing chesed (kindness) to Hashem’s people for the sake of Heaven.

She has all the functions of other people upon her. She has to carry children with in her, and then she has to nurse the child. She has to worry about children at night; sometimes they’re not well. She has to think about preparing food for everybody. Everything is for others.

She does it selflessly like a busy Jewish mother usually does. It’s an extremely important achievement for her neshama, and she gains perfection in that way. We don’t expect her to devote hours to Torah learning. Her main achievement is transforming her neshama by doing chesed (kindness) to Hashem’s people for the sake of Heaven. (If it’s done properly, it’s not merely done like gentiles do, but it’s done with the intention of serving Hashem.)

A man has other opportunities. A man is not limited; he doesn’t carry a child within himself. He doesn’t have to nurse babies. Nevertheless he has to do many things. He has to go out to the marketplace, make a living. And there are many nisyonos (tests) in making a living. All the laws of choshen mishpat (business dealings) apply when you have to compete with other people for parnassa (livelihood).

Therefore a man gains his perfection other ways, and is expected also to give part of his efforts to learning Torah and doing more mitzvos than a woman is able to do because she is busy. Each one gains perfection in a different way. (#791, 10 Aspects of Shabbos)”

Q: If tzitizis and teffillin are so beneficial, why don’t women use them? And what do they have instead?
A: The truth. is women do have it, because when men put tzitzis and tefillin, they’re not putting it on for themselves. That’s absolutely not true. Every father puts on tzitzis and tefllin for all of his children and for his wife, too. There’s no question that tzitzis and tefillin are the property of the Am Yisroel. But, more precisely, the family shares in all the mitzvos. So while he’s putting on tzitzis and tefillin in the shull, let’s say, and his wife is taking care of the children at home, somebody has to remain at home – he couldn’t go to the synagogue if she weren’t home. There’s no question that it’s her tzitzis and her tefillin. That’s the way to understand it. It’s silly otherwise! And when he comes to study Torah in the evening, who will babysit? And, therefore, she has one hundred percent partnership in all that the does.

Q&A: Thursday Nights with Rabbi Miller, pp. 189-190.