Each couple has to work this out for themselves with the help of their Rav, parents or other trusted friends whose advice they respect. No 2 couples are the same and neither are their circumstances. I think each couple has to assess their strengths and weaknesses, their talents and resources and try to use them in the best way to benefit their family and strengthen their bayis neeman. If they both have to work which is very common nowdays then they will need to think outside the box. Don’t think of the duties and Mens work and womens work, think of them as OUR work, OUR home. Also, be realistic about the standards you set for yourselves and each other. A husband and wife are a team not adversaries in a contest.