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Yours is a very common situation. As someone that experienced what you are currently experiencing, i would only mention it once to them which you did, and i see they told you “dont try acting holy” – but just go ahead and do that, and dont cut yourself off from your parents. Talk to them and communicate with them as you would if they were not speaking loshon horah. We have a commandment of Kibud Ov Ve’aim and its important you dont cut yourself away from them. I think if they see what a good person you are and are trying to be, they will respect you for that.
true – in that case perhaps its not a good idea – lol, based on my 6 rs in brooklyn anyway…becasue i don’t think they will practice what they preach. Everyone that has ever left brooklyn for a suburban community feels the same way about BK.
when he grows older, it would be every parents wish that he would be serious in his studies and mature enough to differentiate bad from good, things he should do and things he should not do….With good parenting and good Chinuch one would hope that one would not have to worry too much about that, but i know it is every parents worst nightmare.
Thats also a good idea – have the Rabbi Dovid Cohens, The Rabbi HIllel Davids, and other rabbonim from the shul sin the community reiterate this issue on a monthly basis if need be….that may work….But your right about these speeches on tisha b’av – better to come from local rabbonim in the respective shuls.
yes it is – look into hunter college PT program. A lot of heimish frum girls in the program there.
Right Coffee – Personally i have no clue why its not in people’s mindset to greet and welcome new people or even to say good shabbos etc. on a weekly basis to anyone.
How do we get them to do it? Need Rabbi Frand . Rabbi Krohn, etc… to reiterate theimportance of welcoming new faces and greetign your fellow jew in the street.
treat yourself to a get away somewhere and pamper yourself. coem back a changed person. A break from reality always helps.
Being a mother and housewife is HARDER than learnign and working.
So i am telling you that we are all capable of changing – just try. Your telling me that people can’t change? That’s not true. If none of us can change and improve then it’s a very sad state of affairs. Aversion, Addiction – people can change!!!
there are jewish themed CD’s out there with elmo and seasame street – which is a way of giving your child access to elmo and seasame street but in a kosher way as opposed to the secular version.
Only in Brooklyn is there an aversion to it. Lakewood, Passaic, Clifton, Monsey, Stanforf, Waterbury are very welcoming communities and friendly even though some people are not the bubbly open type personality, but they welcoem you and greet you with a smile becasue it is the normal thing to do and nice thing to do. Nothing to do with whatever you mentioned Coffee Addict.
How do we go about changing it? Answer is simple. Veahavta Leraiacho Komocho – Be welcoming to new faces in your community and street, and invite them over and help them if you are able to within your economic means and time etc…
Its impossible for any yeshivah or sem to give boys or girls the Israeli experience in Chutz la’eretz. One has to go to sem or yeshivah in Eretz Yisroel to have the Israeli Esperience.
It’s a beautiful afternoon. Take a stroll down madison avenue or times square if your in NYC.
Nicaragua
Candy 613 – “your not so into this whole deal” – Noone forced you to go to Sem……It’s not mandatory. But it is a wonderful experience.
Candy 613 – to ease the nerves the pointers are:
1) Have a good attitude
2) Take everything and do everythign with a smile
3) Be first to initiate the introduction rather than waiting for people to come to you.
4) Be flexible
Until you actually arrive at Sem, yes, one will be nervous and excited and not much one can do about that. But ince one arrives at Sem, these are some pointers to ease the nerves and the transition.
Ari
Its totally normal to be anxious and nervous and excited. Like RFS said – a good attitude is a must and do everythign with a Smile and be the one to introduce yourself instead of wating for others to come to you – I know i reiterated what RFS said but it is so true so i am just stressing it.After a month you will feel settled and have a Chevrah of friends. Hatzlocho and have a wonderful year or 2 or 3 in Eretz Yisroel. Enjoy the ruchnius and the gashmius and be successful.
Only One Monsey Trails…………..
I remember as a teenager hearing (mostly females) saying “I hate you” instead of I am so jealous of you / you are so lucky. Could be from an American show or sitcom perhaps – I am not sure. It’s def from the materialistic world that we live in.
The difference between teh 2 situations is obvious. If you do not want this Jewish guy to compliment you anymore or attempt to socialize with you then give him the cold shoulder and don’t attempt any eye contact with him. If you have to talk to him or advise him and he make sanymore compliments about you, just ignore it or try to and continue with the job at hand….i don’t know this guys personality and if he is persistant, but your job is to be focused like you were with the non jewish person if thats what you want.
I was also surprised….especially after the words ant the funeral that Leiby’s father said….
i agree with Flowers 100%. When this behaviour occurs, most of the time it’s not because the couple are star struck and into each other……
The hard job is maintaining this from after Simchas Torah until Chodesh Ellul the following year. But a nice Post.
“He has a Past” – sometimes that is out of our hands depending how we were rasied, and what type of yeshivahs our parents sent us too to hanging out in a wrong crowd. I personally believe in never judging a person on their past, but if you say that as recently as a month ago this person was still doing these things i think your friend should be alerted to the fact.
Rabbonim never like to break a shidduch and will say things to make it happen – i have seen it many times and couples are unhappily married after getting the peer pressure from teh rabbonim.
I would alert your friend and take it fromt there. I am sure everyone will have their own opinion.
A couple of things:
1) Leave early – Don’t wait another year to start leaving early.
2) If one can avoid letting a stranger in a house, you shoudl avoid it and i don’t care whether it’s jewish / nonjewish babysitter.
3) Your husband can also help you
Big Blue – and it will always be known as Giants Stadium – not Metlife Stadium 🙂
I WOULD ASK YOUR ROV
Taking a break’s reaction is normal and befitting a frum young lady – and that is blushing and no response. If she feels after seeing him in school a few more times that she wants her father to fidn out more, then so be it….
This isn’t about revenge – MDG.
Monsey will probably be safer than NYC. Best place to be is in the Country so the further north you venture – i think that would be the safest – based on current prediction of the hurricane.
WIY: you said “its a sign he is a certain type.” The worst thing in Yiddeshkeit is all the labelling we do. We are all part of Am Yisroel and if he is more outgoing and comlements a Frum young lady, its a nice thing. He could be a real sweetheart of a guy and be a wonderful husband one day. We should not judge or label others.