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“I am told that in more machmir circles, the couple try to avoid communicating until after shana rishona. “
You think yur joking but couples really shouldnt spend too much time together espeshally in the early years when he should be focusing on learning. Its better for him to spend his spare time learning when hes young than to spend it in wastefull conversation.
Is it proper hashkafah for a husband to give gifts to his wife? Or does that cause him to be more aitzel nishsoseihem ketarnegol which is against the torah?
“There are ALWAYS costs, and they must be evaluated accordingly.”
Do you think that Hashem isnt capable fo taking care of those “costs” for you? You say tehillim and let Hashem take care of the costs. Saying tehillim is never bad.
“You can’t have it both ways — you want your wife to go to a female doctor,”
I wuldnt want my wife to go to a women doctor. Being a doctor is mens work just like being a nurse is womens work.
“What a ridiculous statement. Nursing didn’t exist in the time of Paroh. “
No not nursing I meant the fact that Paroh forced men to do womens work and vice virsa. Nursing is womens work.
“MR – Posting on blogs is also women’s work. “
No its not. But nursing is and no man should go into it. We learn that from paroh.
Why are peple arguing on halacha here. if the Shulchan Aruch sez that the din is to get drunk why are people making a tummult here?
“A wise man (at least) once said “If you don’t hate anyone, you don’t stand for anything” “
Right. Sometimes its a yids job to hate whether its reshaim or bad hashkafos or people who dont keep the torah.
“If you are confident with your relationship you dont need to convince others. “
If yur confidnet you dont have to convince yurself either.
do you think the gedolim write love notes to theyre wives? do you thnk any ben torah does?
Men adn women are not supposed to be romantick even with theyre wives. Ezra made a takana that men shouldnt be aitzel nishosayhem ktarnegolim and pirkey avos sez the same thing. Husbands and wives are partners not friends not boyfriend and girlfreind or even romantic partners. They are bulders of a bayis neeman something that has to be done with the utmost kedussha.
I dont no. Tell me whos running first.
A modern “orthodox” person doesnt use a shadchan. They meet at parties and with friends.
edited
“I fear, however, it’s not so obvious to one of our posters who (ISTM) is waiting for someone to give him advice on how to bring his in-laws to be to a Din Torah over a watch.”
If hes entitled to it becuz its a minhag then he shuld take them to a din torah.
Why do the mods allow goyish song lyrics on ywn?
“If it will disturb others, then yes.”
Torah is suppost to be learnt bkolei kolos. If its too much for yur sensitive ears thats yur problem. Go somewhere else to learn or even better make some learning noise yurself.
“My kids are allowed online, but then again, my kids are all in their teens. They need to use the Internet for research for school projects, send assignments to their teachers, etc. And, yes, they use it for entertainment too.”
Any “yeshiva” that alows kids to email tehir teachers and reqires kids to go on the internet is not a real “yeshiva.” Its no better than a public school that teaches some Torah subjects.
“While we named our kids after people, we have no theological problem with naming after an time period (i.e. born on Purim) or just picking a name because we like it.”
So you think naming kids is a hefker velt instead of the serious thing it is?
“Yes, but it’s not something that worth ruining a shidduch over. It’s not even worth the bad feelings that may arise.”
Wrong if yur family has a minhag that they kept for hundreds of years and the other side wont respet that then thats a sign. A family that doesnt resepct minhagim is not a good shidduch.
Nursing is womens work. Part of the reason that Paroh was a rasha was becuz he made the men do womens work and the women do mens work. Men shouldnt be nurses.
Why do women besides the kallah and the mothers walk down anyway? Isnt that a total lack of tznius? Who needs to see the sisters cousins friends and grandmothers? Theres no mekor for any of them (besides the mothers) to walk down the aisle.
“That being said, when my kids get married they will be adults and I will not be in a position to “let” my kid marry anyone.”
Its yur job as a father to determine who yur kids can date and marry. If yur giving up that job then who they get can be anyone. Are you willing to risk yur kids future by having them come home with someone who is very wrong?
Be a man and do yur job! If yur so against smoking then put yur foot down when a smoker is mentined in a shidduch.
Wolf what about Sam?
“I often leave small love notes on heart-shaped Post-Its around the house for Eeees. When she finds them, she hangs them up in the kitchen. Currently the entire doorframe leading from the kitchen to the dining room is covered in them. She says that it reminds her. :)”
Total lack fo tznius. Do people see this when they visit yur house?
The poskim all agree that things of affectin between manand wife should be kept as little as possible and even then what theyre is should be kept private. Writing love notes is goyish and chukas akum. Keeping them out in plain veiw is a total lack of tznius, and oiver on lifnei iver and kedoshim tihiyu.
“but what I am saying is that if you want them to be able to learn to discern for themselves what is right and what is wrong, you’re going to have to educate them *with examples*.”
Thats like teaching yur kids about poisin by having them eat it.
No such thing as a kosher movie. Period. All the gedolim assured movies.
“They all are – and, in fact, all three would be heard in my home.
Walter & I — Kosel
George — Koysel
Wilma & Eeees — Kotel”
Whatever happend to the minhag of following the mans customs in the house? Why do yur wife and kids use a different pronounciation?
“This plan would never work. “
Why are you standing in teh way of helping people with their tuition and getting money to yeshivos? Why dont you work on solving the problm instead of saying we cant do it.
Frum yidden dont become cops. Too much problem with mesira.
“an so is Moshe Rose”
How am I a fraud? Im just as real as you are. Just becuz you dont like what I say doesnt make me a fraud.
“What do you do if you can’t afford the shas? “
Get a cheaper shas. If you cant afford any then you probably shouldnt give a gift anyway as you probably need the money to pay for food or bills.
“‘live & let live”
Theres no live and let live in halacha. Kol yisrael arivim zeh lazeh. If someone is doing an aveira it affects me.
Why do you want to change the minhag and not give a watch or shas?
What we need is for the government to pay for yeshivos like tehy do for public skool. Once they do then things will be fair and well be able to afford to give oru kids a decent Torah education.
“A. I don’t have to figure that at all.”
Yes you do. The trup that we have is from har saini. Its kefira to say not otherwise your saying that were not laining the Torah teh right way. So when Dovid wrote tehilim he also wrote it with the trup.
Yuma
Dating shuldnt be about “chemistery.” It should be about seeing if the girl has the same hashkafos as you and will be a good person to help you build a bayis neman.
Not speaking while engaged is a very good thing. Most poskim would ban talking to yur kallah during engagement at all if they could. All talking to yur kallah does is increase the chances of not acting in a tznius fashion.
According to the gemara a girl can be married by her father as soon as shes born. While that maybe too young for most people remember that her mother and brother were given teh power to marry her off befoer twelve to keep her out of trouble. So obviously if theres a danger of her getting into trouble she should get married younger rather than later.
“I had a fellow who tried to convince me that any photography of women was wrong. According to him, every picture I took of my daughter from birth onward was a sin and a breach of tznius. Obviously, I disagreed with him.”
You can disagree but yur wrong. Pictures of women only leads to bad hirhurim. I know you wont have hirhurim of your daughter but yur not the only one who will see the pix. Do you want people to have hirhurim abot yur daughter or mother or other relatave? Thats why pictures of women are bad.
What next? A question on how to give maser from salt?
If I were a modorotor, Id ban kofrim.
“So, why is Thanksgiving forbidden to celebrate, but Independence Day is okay?”
Becuz the gedolim said we should celebrate July 4th and we shouldnt celebrate Thanksgiving. That the only reason anyone ever needs.
“How about, if instead of an ad hominem, you actually address his points and show us where you think he’s wrong?”
Wolf since you say Rashi is wrong and he wrote with ruach hakodesh that automaticaly makes you an apikorus. You can use an ad hominim attack against an apikorus since even if he says the truth we dont believe him.
Also marriage isnt about being happy. If shes putting her own happiness ahead of her husbands learning then shes clearly being selfish. Marriage is about raising a family you dont have to be “happy” to do that. Many people maniged to raise good families even if theyre marriage wasnt always happy.
Men should not cook regularly in the home — its almost in the geder of lo silbash. Of course if the wife is sick or needs help once in a while its okay but not on a regular basis.
Of course if the man is a profesional cook he can do so for his job but he shouldnt take his wifes work at home by cooking.
“much like my opinion on the Flatbush Eruv.”
Accept that all the gedolim have said that the socalled eruv is mamash passul. So why do you use it and be mechalel shabbas?
“This couple needs to find a rav (and, possibly, a marital therapist) to determine where to go from here. Holding her to the letter of her agreement may well spell the end of the marriage before the five years are up. “
All this shows is that yur not machshiv Torah learning. If she agreed to support his learnign for five years then she has to do what she agred to. Doesnt her word mean anything? You cant just say let her out of it becuz shes not happy. what if tomorrow she desides shes not happy with being married to only one guy? Are you going to allow that because shes not happy now?
“Is it mesirah to call the local precinct to have the vehicle ticketed (for blocking your driveway)?”
Yes its mesirah. Its mesirah to call the police for anything involving another yid unless there is real sakanas nefashos like if hes attacking you right now.
“I had a box of nails on the top step of the ladder and accidentally knocked them off and onto the floor. “
Since mdd alredy showed that someone who throws his nails on the floor is a rasha why are you boasting about it?
“the torah is a book of rules, we don’t pick and choose based on what makes us feel good, or because we think we’re doing the right thing, or it seems like the right thing to do.
many a good intention led to wars!”
Thats right. And people who try to convince us that aveiros are mitzvos have been shown to cause the most damag to the yiddishe people.
“When Eeees and I got married, some of the non-Jews who attended were *our* friends, and yes, it did contribute greatly to our simcha.”
Youre not alloued to be friends with a goy. Eisav sonei lyakov. Always keep that in mind. The person who you think is yur freind really hates you deep down. Why would you be freinds with someone who wants to kill you?