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I was once at the kosel and a bird pooped all over my brand new white Shabbos jacket. I was told it’s a good sign.
Who knows? Maybe getting “creamed” was your “good sign”!
If she were your sister would you go?
No one should be locked in a marriage if they don’t want to be.
You can speak to your rav to find out if he recommends THIS course of action on your part, but personally, I think it’s meritorious to show support for her, if you can.
Even though no one collected money (as far as you know) that doesn’t mean gifts weren’t given out privately. I think if you can afford a private playgroup, you can probably get her something small and let it be from your child (the card from you, gift from your child). You can buy a mug and fill it with candies, or let them color a picture and put in a few dollars.
It’s been flooded for as long as I can remember, but that’s never stopped anyone from going into it (and they’re happy). There are changes being made that affect therapists from many different fields. Early intervention services children from birth to age three and is reportedly cutting back on the frequency of sessions allotted to each child. So, whereas, when once upon a time a child could more easily be given OT twice a week, i heard they’re cutting back to what might be two times per month (one of my kid’s therapists told me that). So, that might not be a great area to go into. There are other ages and locations to work at, though. Schools, hospitals, nursing homes, therapeutic centers, etc.
When people who have anger issues use this forum to displace their emotions by bashing others.
IMHO, when a neighbor in such close proximity has a celebratory event, to do nothing would be rude/callous and maybe even a chilul H’.
I think that many of these schools that turn children away would not do so if they did not have such a flood of applicants to choose from. One could argue that they should just accept those who were first to apply (first come, first served), and I guess that’s where the pickiness comes into play. If they can afford to choose (and don’t have the classroom space to house B’H so many children) then, I guess, they need to decide which of the applicants to admit.
Where do you draw the line, indeed?
I agree with the Rebbetzin, and yet, I don’t understand what she is proposing when B’H so many children are applying. Should they admit everyone? Where will they house them? Do they just rent more space because they have more applicants?
Many years ago, a child approached my father and asked “Du bist a Yid?” My father was FUMING! My father learned in Toras Emes and was a talmid of Rav Moshe Feinstein zt’l. His father was a very learned man and taught. My father went to minyan faithfully and was often the first one there, so he had the key to the shul. Just because he’s clean shaven, this chassidishe kid questioned if he was Jewish (even though my father was wearing a kippah). This child was so sheltered he thought there was only one kind of frum Jew.
MODS!!!! Where are you????
Have you read sheeps post???
How are you letting these go through?!?!
My stomach is turning reading the posts on this website!
Sorry.
Simcha Day Camp at Yeshiva Darchei Torah in Far Rockaway has an amazing program for kids with ADHD called the Diamond Program. They have been working for years with kids with ADHD and may be able to give you information about sleep away programs. I think it’s worth it to call and inquire.
(347) 730-1166 or (718) 868-2300 ext 208 Rabbi Goldberg. He’s the middle school principal at Darchei and one of the directors of the Diamond Program.
I find this thread interesting because I have kids and would like to know how to motivate them.
IMO, shul can be very boring for children. Chinch is important, and we want o expose them to what shul is, the structure and beauty of Shabbos davening….. But, IMO, if it’s not a shul that sings a lot, like a carlebach minyan, most kids would find it very boring…..
I personally don’t see anything wrong with what the parent did. Perhaps it’s because it worked, and if it didn’t we’d be having a very different discussion…
Children are very concrete: “put your money where your mouth is”…
The reward for shul is great. Oh, yeah? But, I have to wait 120 years to get it. To a kid, that’s a millennium. I get Aries point f view that skipping school may not be the best chinuch. I liked how R. Kaufman differentiated between reward and bribe. With even further elaboration from the OP, the fact that the reward is switched periodically (not to sacrifice learning) is even more convincing to me.
I really can’t imagine having a child walk 4+ miles to and from shul. Who can blame the child for not wanting to go?
So, I think rewards/bribes are ok, I agree that missing school isn’t great, but considering that it’s only occasional, don’t think it’s so terrible.
What do you do if you want to teach your child at a younger age to sit on shul and follow the davening, but they become disruptive and it bothers the other people davening. How do you handle that? How do you get your kids from a place of bringing them to shul to getting them to sit quietly in shul? I would love to hear how you’ve managed to transition them…
I don’t think it’s no big deal that a kid winds up in public school. I think it is a yeshivas responsibility to do all that is in their power to help a child find appropriate placement, if they deem their school a poor fit. I’m sorry for the grief you’ve been through. This is not a personal attack. Please don’t attack me for having a difference of opinion, either.
Health
You are such an angry person, not just in this post, but in others. You speak with an insulting tone in your posts, and it would be my suggestion that the mods reconsider allowing you to post further.
Health
You sound so angry
I can feel it in your post
You’re right. I don’t know about divorce and custody and judgements. I don’t know why you would be limited to one frum yeshiva or none at all.
I do know that it is possible to even be kicked out of yeshiva for not being able to keep up and to move beyond the bitterness. My mother did it. She remained frum. Back in her day there were not so many frum schools. Her family upbringing kept her frum. She was angry. Felt she was dealt a raw deal. Saw it as THAT principal’s incorrect decision; not a reflection on yeshivas in general.
Please don’t think that even very yeshivish places would accept anyone over sending them to public school. Maybe out of town, but not in New York. Kids with good “credentials” get turned down for placement just because of a flood of applicants (elementary school) and not having connections. That’s life.
I do think, in theory, yeshivas should look after applicants who might need help finding proper placement if they aren’t accepted.
Why do you assume I’m young?
Why do you assume my knowledge of Halacha is not that great?
The person who was kicked out of yeshiva who went to public school wasn’t forced to go to public school. That was their choice (I know them. You do not).
How does the choice of the yeshiva to call the police and send letters to families alerting them to what has occurred point to their condoning this behavior? I would assume the opposite.
Oy.
The school has a heavy concentration on ivrit as a language as well as limudei Kodesh. They have seperate teachers just for ivrit. I think they believe that in order to have a good basis for learning and understanding what they learn, the kids need to understand the words. There is a huge amount of homework. Very strong curriculum, both English and Hebrew. The rebbeim are all yeshivish. The student body is mixed, ashkenaz and sefard, MO and yeshivish mixed together, all frum. You’ll see kids with long peyos and kids with kippot srugot (like an out of town yeshiva).
The school really looks out for the growth of the kids in middos and Yiddishkeit. They gave out prizes for kids keeping the checklist in shabbos connection (cleaning the house erev shabbos, putting away your muktzeh toys, setting up mommy’s shabbos candles, going to shul for Miincha /Kabbalas shabbos, etc). The classes are split in early childhood; combined for 1st through 8th, making the class size larger (class size is reflective of most Brooklyn yeshivas). There are two teachers per subject.
They do amazing extracurricular programs… Music (they gave the kids a flute this year to learn), Chanukah plays, siddur plays, yeshiva dollars that they earn with good learning and behavior and they can trade in for prizes, science fairs…..
The hanhalah is wonderful and very supportive of the kids needs.
Families are very down to earth, friendly.
Is there a way to hear music from a new album before purchasing it on mostly music? I tried, but couldn’t figure out how to do that.
I once learned that even during shmonah esrei and tehillim a person should whisper loud enough to hear themselves, but not for the next person to hear, or it’s like they didn’t say it.
What do you think about giving three names??
Health
I understand your feelings, as I know several people this happened to. One of those is a neighbor who wanted his child to go to one particular yeshiva because of it’s amazing reputation. When she wasn’t accepted, the parents became very defensive and angry with the school. It never dawned on them that after depriving her of a yeshiva education for years, she lacked even the most basic skills to enter the school at the appropriate grade level. They would not consider sending her to another yeshiva that caters to kids at her educational level. They were not interested first and foremost in A yeshiva. They were interested in THAT yeshiva. Presumably, they did not know better.
I also know of two people who were in yeshiva and at different ages were “kicked out” because of lack of academic ability. Both these people wound up in public school. One stayed frum, married frum, and raised a wonderful family, the other literally went off the derech and married out, blaming the school for HIS choices in life. B’derech sheadam rotzeh leilech, boh molochin osoh. The choices that matter are the choices you make today. They both had reasons to be angry. Maybe the schools needed to help them find more appropriate placements (my opinion). Maybe they wouldn’t have accepted it.
A school doesn’t have to accept every child just because they are a yeshiva. They should be mentchlech and help link them to places that are a better fit.
I think what the school did was truly commendable. Sending out letters to all the families allows parents to explore with their kids if they were ever victimized and to seek help and support.
I’ve wondered about that myself, what part you can trim (let’s say during a buzz). Doesn’t it go by minhag, where some people grow it out and put it behind their ear? I learned that the bottom part of the peya has to reach the bottom of the inner opening of the ear. My kids barber said with a buzz cut, anything “3” or above is ok; a “2” is not. He’s not a rav, though. I’m wondering what you all know.
It’s impressive that you are thinking about this.
I’m curious about what you stated about groups of people who are excluded from the shechina. Could you elaborate on that (tell us more about the other groups… Who are they/guilty of what?, etc)
VERY good early childhood program. Kind, caring, excellent teachers. Mrs schulgasser is the early childhood principal. She’s very interested in the growth of the children. They have an excellent curriculum, well run. I highly recommend it.
I don’t have information about financial arrangements.
You want to know what people think of the school in terms of what… Religious orientation, education, crowd, etc?
I say this for the sake of other teachers out there:
To say that something is Halacha and only later, upon being asked, to elaborate that it is the opinion of SOME poskim (and not to say whom), seems irresponsible and misleading to me.
That’s like saying “in the name of some, you have to keep this Halacha”.
If you are blessed to know how to spell, than please use your gift also to not hurt people. A joke is only hurtful when it’s said to make fun of a person.
You’re asking a loaded question, that should most likely be answered by himself through the help of a therapist. What is your interest in this question. Is he planning to listen to you? It sounds like you want to know how to advise him. Make sure you should be doing this. It’s a big responsibility to break up a family.
That being said, you stated many vague comments/generalities:
1) she is horrible. How? What does she do?
2) he will never see the children and will have nothing but the clothing on his back. He owns nothing? Is he working? How do you think she could legally get away with denying him visitation rights? Unless he’s done something horrible that she can prove it might be hard for her to deny him any visitation.
3) the children are being brainwashed by their mother to follow in her sick ways. Brainwashed makes it sound like they “see” her side of it over his. What are her “sick” ways??
4) what are these threats that prevent him so effectively from seeing his family?
I’m not saying that abuse of a wife towards her husband doesn’t exist, but you haven’t provided any concrete information that sounds convincing that she’s donne anything egregious.
If you have a daughter, braid her hair very tight and keep it close to the head. No sharing brushes at all. Have her stuff her jacket into her knapsack at school if the cubbies are very close together.
A deferment of college to spend a sabbatical year abroad focusing on studies of Jewish religion and customs combined with general travel throughout the country to historical places of significance.
How’s that for wordy.
Coffee
What is the relevance of that story?
This person is Jewish, and whether we like hs music, heard his music, don’t like his music, or agree or disagree with his shaving his beard or any other “transformations” he’s going through, when we hear that a person (who we think might be struggling) is still keeping those mitzvah, we should be happy. We are all here to serve H’ together and individually, and when one part of the “body” “ails” the whole “body” “ails”.
Make-up bag with miniatures in it: mini parfume (if you know her favorites), mini compacts with make-up, mirror, etc. (like a little “loot” bag with treasures inside)
Pocketbook organizers – has multiple pockets where you can store everything from wallets to pocket change, ID’s, keys, etc and with one fell swoop you can move the entire contents from pocket book to pocketbook without unloading each item individually.
Jewelry -make sure you know HER taste
Gift certificate to a spa
Men:
Ties
Wallets
Cuff links
Items to use with electronics -ie: iPad holders, any kind of special devices that give more versatility and use to their already owned items
A night out with his friends with a gift certificate to a restaurant or a ball game
A special Sefer or book by an author you know he likes
A Sunday “his” way – he gets to spend the day any way he likes, no nagging, tag alongs……
Thank you for including this. B’H.
Kol hakavod.
I think the choice may depend upon several factors.
1) personal or professional
Are you looking to play in a band or is this a hobby/pastime?
If in a band, you need to check what’s needed so as not to train unnecessarily.
2) do you have space to practice? The instruments may be fairly compact, but a saxophone can be too loud to practice with if you live in a building.
3) where do you envision playing the instrument? If you want something very portable, a clarinet might be more practical, as you can carry it everywhere and play it almost anywhere (not so a saxophone).
Oomis
Ski admitted she saw a problem with her outfit and tried to correct it unsuccessfully, so it does not sound like it was this other woman’s subjective opinion alone. I agree, the other woman had NO business talking about ski. But, would ski have known about it had her friend not told her?? Why, ski, did your friend tell you??? Please speak with her and tell her the pain it caused you.
I think if we’re going to analyze whether people have a right to judge, we need to distinguish between judging in one’s mind from SPEAKING about those judgements. The Torah does say “Dan leaf zechus”, so, yes, we are expected to control our judgements. It also says “lifnei iver lo titen…..”. This might be a misapplication of those words, but people are essentially blind to your level and striving. When you behave in a way that is not in line with traditional orthodox thinking (which can vary from community to community, such as wearing red, having a seam sewn onto the back of stockings, etc) it is like a michshol…. Like seeing someone walking into McDonalds. They cannot guess that a person needs the bathroom, or is a diabetic and must get a soda fast….
Maybe it’s just expecting too much. I don’t know…. I imagine, I’ll probably get a lot of flack for this……, but it’s something to think about.
Ski addict
Yatzmich made a very important point. What your friend did was rechilus.
She had a choice to say nothing or tell you later…. You suffered at the wedding because of her choice.
I think you really need to address with her first why she elected to tell you this at the wedding.
I decided once a while back that if someone had something wrong with their outfit (a loose hem, a stain, an ill fit, etc) I would say nothing if they were in a place they could no longer correct it. What were you supposed to do once already at the wedding? You could have left, but you wouldn’t do that unless you agreed that you could not appear in that condition. You did not fully agree or you wouldn’t have showed up like that. So saying anything, unless you’d listen, would be futile, and would only serve to make you feel judged and uncomfortable. You can blame the judge for judging, but you might want to look to the speaker (your friend) for speaking. She DID NOT do you any favors.
The truth is, if you’re going to dress noticeably different in a way that a community doesn’t accept and that makes them uncomfortable, it might be a bit unrealistic to expected people to hold back their shock and dismay. That being said, they weren’t going to change your clothes or opinion that night (so, although, it might be hard to withhold shock, words can be withheld, unless meant to help).
Years ago my husband repeated a very hurtful comment that a friend of his made about me (“doesn’t it bother you that so and so is so wide?”). I was so hurt and angry and spitting mad at this friend for talking about me this way to my chassan. Only later I realized I would never had known about the comment had my DH not told me his friend said that. WHY did he have to tell me?? It wasn’t like I didn’t realize this about myself. All my DH accomplished was to drive a wedge between me and his close friend (and wife) who I no longer wish to associate with.
Talk to your friend and ask her why she told you. I would also ask yourself why you chose to wear something that you probably knew would draw negative attention. You might be crying out to be accepted no matter who you are or how you choose to live. That might be unrealistic. We choose communities, yeshivas, friends, shidduchim in a way that allows us to protect our loved ones, keep them pure from outside influences.
By dressing different you are shouting “I am different”. People don’t see the path; only the confused state, and that scares them.
I think we need to be who we truly are in order to grow, but you might want to show it only to those you know you can trust who will love you, support you in your growth, and not fear your confusion.
Popa
Good recipe… Yum!
Cshapiro… Mazel tov! I didn’t know you got married already! Must’ve missed the post!
May you have every happiness in the world! Lots of brachos, hatzlacha ad meah v’esrim shanah!
As far as I know the only one who got the real reason is real Israeli.
Ben yehudah has been a social hangout for years. I don’t know anything about this drug area, but I suspect that that did not start out as the original reason.
Shmoolik: unless I misunderstood your words/meaning, I find your response offensive. It’s a blanket statement that, IMHO, is incorrect, and insulting.
I’m so sorry you went through that. It’s so very hurtful to be judged.
I think it’s good that you can be kind to yourself and notice how you’re trying. We’re all on a path to try to be better. I don’t blame you for your anger.
What she said was uncalled for, and certainly at a simcha (but let’s not be judgmental 🙂 .
It sounds like she’s lacking tact and GOOD judgement about if, when and how to say something… A good person to stay away from.
Stick with your friends who care about you and will support you in your growth and don’t “let the turkeys get you down!”