I have an overweight child who gets teased in school because of his weight.

I got some good advice from a nutritionist, but we’re still struggling with this issue.

He loves to nosh, loves bread/challah and dislikes activities and sports. Oy!

What happens if yisurim keep going on and on and on (for MANY years)………..

What does that mean???

I sometimes think suffering is a test, but then when it lasts ten years, twenty years, etc… I wonder… It seems a long time to test a person…

RT

LOL! 🙂

Adam harishon was created from the earth (that’s what the torah says;it does not say man was created from ape). If man was created from both Adam and ape it would mean that man came first, then ape, then man again. That defies logic. The theory of evolution s that a species starts out one way, then evolves into another (but not back into the first again).

It’s definately true. There’s horrible pressure in the community to have a lot of kids, and if they’re not forthcoming, a person can feel like they wear their shame or nisayon on the outside.

It might help to notice when you are thinking about him. If you are on a date with another, does it come up if the conversation begins to lag, etc? Nature abhors a vacuum, and so, you might, unwittingly, be seeking to fill that vacuum with someone who fits the bill “better”. What are the qualities that you keep coming back to, that you want? Think of him as a set of qualities, not him specifically.

It’s really tough when you begin to obsess about a person. You really might need help to practice the skills to get over this, or it could interfere with future shidduchim. Please, don’t sit on your laurels and wait for time to heal this. I know from personal experience and from that of a very close friend who spent years doing exactly what you described that some people have a harder time than others letting go. It might be difficulty with loss in general that makes some hold on longer than others. I know someone who obsessed with a past shidduch long after the other person got married. You may think that that’s not you, but you have no way of knowing. Neither did she. If it’s interfering with your life it’s time to get help. You have to work on getting over it (or you might find yourself reverting to old habits (obsessing/comparing) if conflicts/problems arise in your future marriage (which they will; they always do).

I don’t understand what you are questioning. You said you had a hard time developing a kesher with him (even though objectively you like him). You attempted several times to ask a question or for clarification, to no avail. You’re questioning something about his ability to teach (or to understand a question) in that he gave you and your chavrusa different answers. The point of a rebbi is someone to teach you and to clarify info. He was unable to do this. A skilled teacher can help you learn how to phrase a question. It doesn’t sound like you made a mistake at all. Only, that, perhaps, you are regretting hurting his feelings because of making a change. I think kindness starts with yourself, though.

I hope wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, you are happy.

We really miss you here. You can’t imagine the impact you had on people. If you would ever consider coming back, I think we would all be so happy.

If you eat something that has more substance to it, like a bagel, chicken, or a bigger handful of cereal, than your throat gets used to the feeling of something larger AND edible going down. By the time I get to the pill, it goes down more easily. I also put the pill as far back as possible, as I avoid tasting the pill.

Ok.

So here’s an additional question

What do you do if your child is trained to use the potty for urine (so he’s still in a pull up) and then while you’re waiting or the school bus they tell you “mommy, I need to make…”. We live in a building, so there’s no time to run upstairs. I don’t want to send the wrong message by saying “make in your pull up”.

Write EVERYTHING down that you eat, quantity (measure with cups and spoons, not by eyeballing) and time. At the end of the day, tally up either calories or points (if you’re doing weight watchers). It makes a huge difference. Without a record and regularly tallying what you’re eating, you could be eating too many calories or too few. Too few is a problem also, as you can lower your metabolism and burn calories slower, if your body thinks it’s not getting enough food. That’s why eating throughout the day is important, even small amounts.

This approach helped me lose 50 lbs last year.

Haleivi

I so admire what you wrote. It makes so much sense.

I find it hard to convey the beauty of yiddishkeit. A lot of it comes out dry…. “say your brachos, bensch, wash negelvasser, wash netilas yadayim,…etc”. It comes out like have to’s and in the absence of bad educators, I wonder how to excite a child about yiddishkeit.

Always runs

“I blame myself…if I was fair to him or more even tempered…”

The first step is to recognize that this situation cannot stay the way it is, and it will not change until you do something about it.

That something is not to be more even tempered. Yes, that can reduce tension, but IT WILL NOT ENSURE that he will not “attack”.

You’re assuming your husband’s response had some logic to it;like, you provoked on some level, and so he responded. That IS NOT what happened. I don’t have to be there to see that.

My husband threatened to drive extra fast on an icy road on an elevated narrow roadway (mountain) when I told him I was scared because of the driving conditions and asked him to slow down. He was enraged that I had the nerve to ask him to slow down. There IS NO logic to abuse. Their response to their PERCEPTION of insult or threat is unpredictable.

The fact that he has redeeming qualities does not mean he’s a good husband for you or good father for your children. The most important thing he can offer you and your children is security (not just financial, but safety). He has demonstrated that at this time he is incapable of offering that to you. His outbursts are unpredictable.

You need information. I don’t blame you for being terrified of even thinking of dissolving this marriage. You don’t know where to go or how to support yourself. But, that doesn’t mean that you’ll be stuck. The more information you have the less you’ll fear considering other choices. Frum shelters exist and are designed to be safe for woman and children. Supportive services are provided to help women become grounded.

It sounds like you unequivocally believed your husband harmed your daughter and then allowed yourself to question it/who’s fault was it. It is not foolhardy to “evacuate”your children if he exposed them to harm.

Now is not the time to assess who’s responsibility it was and what you can do differently. Your primary job is to keep your children safe.

I, too, would recommend that you keep trying to reach shalom task force. Ask if you should report it to the police (I think you must, but consult with them).

I see they listed the two times as degrees and fixed minutes, respectively. What does THAT mean?

If the ou says the fast starts at 6:08 than, I guess, I’m still ok, at least according to some.

I really don’t understand how there can be such a discrepancy with the time. Even with lichtbenchen on erev shabbos, I find so many different times listed, even from the same organization/yeshiva. I don’t understand how this is such an inexact “science”.

The job with the boss who doesn’t appreciate the work being done may be very short lived. Ultimately, the worker may never see the 75K he’s “banking” on.

There’s also a difference between working for a boss who doesn’t appreciate the work and a boss who verbally “mouths off” about his lack of appreciation for the work. The boss who’s silent about his feelings and continues to pay shows that for the time being he accepts the status quo. That may be tolerable. Working for a boss who’s verbally abusive in the way he shows his lack of appreciation might be more difficult to tolerate long term.

Marrying someone with a similar background makes for better understanding and an easier adjustment.

A person who’s looking to marry someone who lived a more restrictive or pristine lifestyle should expect that they’re likely to experience more resistance in the shidduch market.

Marrying someone from a more sheltered background happens all the time. I think the issue is that you need to be prepared for some rejections and understand why they are coming (and you can choose to ignore them and keep on moving forward). When it comes to shidduchim, people are very wary, and if they have a choice to be meshadech their daughter with someone who’s never veered off the path, you might have a harder time getting in through the front door.

That’s why connections are very important. People who are respected in the community will recommend you, and the respect and trust that they earned will translate into greater trust in you and giving you a chance.

Can I ask you a question, though?

Why would you reject anyone who had the same background?

If I saw a forgotten bag, I’d tell the driver and get off pronto. Better safe than sorry. The driver can call the mishtara.

A husband’s opinion has a major effect on the clothing the wife chooses to wear. If he complements her on borderline tznius things (ultra long shaitels, skirts that are too fitted, a lot of make-up) than that is what she’s going to strive to wear. I think men need to pay attention to what they’re admiring and complementing (so too, peers/ friends, mothers).

It is sticky when a father comments on his daughters mode of dress (to notice that she isn’t dressed tznuah is to also notice her as a woman and not just his innocent child). I think if parents question their daughters mode of dress, it might be more effective to offer to take (or in the father’s case, send) her (with mom) on a shopping spree for new clothing (and n the process, guide) (obviously, this depend on finances).

The time to educate is when kids are young. I think telling a 16 year old that her mode of dress is unacceptable (when she attends a school where her peers are doing it or is exposed to it firsthand) is a recipe for rebellion. Teenagers are first recognizing their own beauty and begin to equate self worth with it. They don’t see where their choices will lead and how it can spiral out of control.

What about looking into saw you at Sinai? We know of someone who became involved in shidduchim through that route.

I think some are shtus and some are not. I just read in a book about how a young child had a dream about walking to school and that when she got there, there was no school there. She told her mom, who dismissed it. The next day, there was a coal mine avalanche on top of her junior school killing many people inside (1966).