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I’ve heard that it’s genetic, so look at his family to see if you see it elsewhere (dad, uncles, etc). If not, there may be some other issue contributing. Women can have hair loss with hormonal imbalances. Check it out medically. Treatment ranges from topical (not sure if it’s effective) to minor surgical (hair plugs). Does it bother him, you, or both? He may be reacting to fear of how you’ll react.
What a wonderful idea… I think I’ll try to do that for my friends. Kol hakavod!
My husband just picked up 613, also an acapella cd. Some of the songs are so upbeat (one is even wedding music) that I feel funny listening to it. My husband thinks it’s the same as listening to regular music, but in my opinion, it still is mutar b/c there’s no instruments (the actual issue). To the letter of the law it’s ok. To the spirit of the law, maybe not so much. Depends on your level/madreigah.
Huh?? I never heard of that one.
When a woman “dresses up”she wants to feel “special”. Her being/feeling special is diminished if there are others who either look like carbon copies of her, or may actually wear an outfit better than her (people might compare the look on the two of them. Imagine an architect building this amazing small scale model of a fabulous building, something he expects will wow others. He then walks into the room and finds an exact duplicate of his project right in front of him! The appreciation of his masterpiece will surely be diminished by the sheer presence of another in the room. Get it???
How about this one (for the ladies): dressing your kids the same ……..cute
Finding yourself dressed the same as another woman at a simcha….. Disaster! (it happened to me. I wore a very different looking dress to a chassunah, and saw another woman wearing the same one (very noticeable). We agreed to try to stay on opposite sides of the room that evening. Can you imagine? How petty!
When a woman is expecting and showing, we say b’shaah tovah, and not congratulations…..
Yes. I recently got mad at the mods for deleting several of my comments, and said bye to everyone, thinking there was no point in coming back. After only a few days I was back. And yes, sometimes I stay up late reading and writing. My ability to talk openly here strengthens my ability to think and speak clearly for myself in my own personal life.
bpt…. LOL!!!
My mother always said the guy must like the girl just a little bit more than the girl likes the guy (because she’s very vulnerable). I would never try to convince a guy to go out again if he said the chemistry is off.
I once pushed myself to go out more than once with someone b/c he fit the bill, but I was NOT attracted to him. I continued for quite a while, and the guy really thought things were progressing. My feelings about the lack of attraction pretty much stayed the same, and I eventually ended that. I think it’s very rare that someone with whom you’ve had little or no attraction for, that it can work. Sometimes it can grow (depending upon how neutral the feeling was. A person’s appearance can change with something as simple as a change of clothing and or opening up personality wise. But, from experience, if it doesn’t grow within the first few dates, it probably won’t. I know of only one girl who married a man she was not attracted to (chemistry means either physical appearance or personality or both). She is still married to him after many years. But a) she followed the advice of her rav to marry him and b) she was truly not a shallow girl. She dressed neat and clean, but gave very little thought to her appearance. The friends she chose baalas midos tovos, not the super popular outgoing types who everyone flocks to. So she always chose based on good values.
I made oatmeal pancakes for my kids last night, yum! So healthy…. Oatmeal, eggs, milk, sugar, and you can add a little peanut butter and or banana if you prefer. Serve with agave syrup. My kids gobbled it up!
Shidduch stories…….. A boy I was set up with borrowed a car that was in very bad condition from a friend. It was a two door car, with only one working door (mine). He didn’t want to look for too long for parking in the city, so he pulled into this parking lot with really fancy cars. He waited for me to get out, but I could not! My door got stuck! The parking lot attendant was waiting (oy)! He was so smart! He rolled down his window and climbed out and pulled my door open from the outside! I was actually so impressed by that, that I agreed to meet with him again!
During a second meeting with a boy, I forgot his name and he realized it (blush)!
I can’t answer specifically about camp simcha, but if you are interested I would recommend the following: camps for kids with special issues want staff who show an interest and a capacity to work with that population. Begin volunteering now in a pediatric unit in a hospital, call chai lifeline and ask for volunteer opportunities. Any experience you get, at any age will put you in a better position to show maturity, understanding of the issues the kids face, and a capacity to work with them. What a wonderful idea. Good luck!
MO believe inhesder yeshivot: combining periods of full time learning, alternating with serving in frum units in the army.
MO believe that the establishment of the state of Israel is d’hatchalta d’geula. That’s why they are zionistic, support serving in the Israeli army, send their kids to frum tzioni schools.
By girl
How do you expect to watch a movie if you’d never go to a theatre and don’t want a tv? I don’t understand.
HK’BH doesn’t ask who is mizrachi in this minyan and who is Chareidi. If you like the minyan, davening is davening. I think the question of who was right depends upon when they scolded you. If they expressed annoyance that your loud tefillah was disturbing their mundane conversation, then it’s time they take their conversation outside. Shul is for davening, not talking. If, however, they, who generally talk loud, were complaining to you about how your loud tefillos disturb them during their actual davening, that’s another story. Then, I believe, they have a right to ask you to soften the volume of your voice. Loud tefillah that enhances kavanah might be customary in certain environments (yeshivos) but not in others.
I typically tip 15-20 %. However, if not just the service, but the attitude is unpleasant and lacking, I would leave a very small tip, and I would say out loud that I usually give more but found the experience unpleasant. That way, you’ve done what IS socially accepted, and made a point this waitress will remember, which is act minimally generous, get minimal.
I am someone who made the choice to get married knowing there were major obstacles in the union. We were hashkafically very different. A mekubal from a very well known family told me that if I didn’t marry him, I would never have children (another mekubal later told me this wasn’t true). This was an unacceptable option for me. I figured, we could make it work. I can tell you, had he been a mensch, I could have lived with the hashkafic differences. He would have been mature enough to learn from the issues I was pointing out. My marriage is falling apart not because of what I thought would interfere, or because of a fatalistic attitude on my part (even people with doubts go in hopeful), but due to his recent attitude that he could say or do whatever he wants, despite my feelings. I made the decision to get married, knowing I might get divorced, but at the very least wanting children. I am suffering the consequences of that decision now. But seeing my single friends who fear of never marrying, it’s hard to say who has it harder.
I would like to say one thing. I have noticed a difference, when watching shows/movies where couples argue with each other or act not nice (angry, chutzpadicke, etc) it does affect the way I interact with others. T.v. Is, in a way, like a teacher, that has our undivided attention, and it does influence us in a way that we may not always be aware of. There are childrens cartoons that I think are more innocent and benign, but if I felt more freedom to get rid of the t.v., I might opt to do so. I think children grow up better without the influence of t.v., and I would say that for just about anyone, Jewish or not.
I think movies are frowned upon because of bitul Torah and being exposed to untzniusdicke things. Frankly, if a person isn’t going to learn Torah in that time anyway, a lot of movies are very benign. Going to a theatre is another story, though. If I wouldn’t invite the others who are seated in the theaters to my living room, why would I sit with them there? It’s a shared experience, and thus a connection. The trouble is figuring out what’s ok to see and what’s not. By the time you’re ready to reject a movie, you’ve seen too much.
I think you need to figure out what “feels” like a vacation to you. Although I’d have fun in the city, it would not feel like a vacation to me. There’s a website you might want to check out called Time Out New York (www.Tony.com). They also have one for kids called tonykids.com. It lists all the different activities in and around new York (Tri-State area included) and divides it by day trips, weekend trips, free events, festivals etc..
You might find something there.
I didn’t see movies for 7 years, after I saw a movie that was so untzniusdicke, I was horrified and walked out in the middle ( and found half the theatre was yeshiva boys and seminary girls (in Israel). Then, a friend of mine came in from out of town and wanted to see “Who Framed Roger Rabbit, which was partially a cartoon. My parents pushed me to go, for her. That kind of broke down the wall a little bit. Later, I was set up with a guy from a yeshivish background who (unbeknownst to me) became a bit more modern. We went out for a while, but I hung back because of the hashkafic differences. To see if I’d be ok with his way of life, I agreed to see a movie, only far away, where no one would see me. The next night I told him I wanted to see a movie again! I still didn’t want a tv in my future house, which was agreed upon. However, a friend bought us a tv as a wedding present (I suspect so he could watch when he came over). That was the end of that.
Try calling pomegranate supermarket in Brooklyn. I’m pretty sure I saw an entire wall of fresh coffee beans/etc. They have a huge selection and may, in fact, carry flavored coffee.
Tasters choice makes flavored coffee- vanilla, hazelnut, etc.
You can also buy flavored creamer. Check your local supermarket or order online.
I have heard that instructional swim is allowed during the 9 days, but not free swim. I also know camps that do not allow any swim. Perhaps there are different opinions
Chein-
Can you give a suggestion of such a chashuvah rav who deals with shal-om Bais issues?
I’m sorry you’re going through such a rough time. You state that you pay 4 yeshiva tuitions a year, but that if you were to pull them out of yeshiva only one would be affected by that (why is that?). Pulling children out of yeshiva sends a message that it is not important or a priority. Torah is like food for children; if you don’t nourish them when they are young they will not grow properly. I see several choices available: 1) is there another yeshiva nearby that has a lower tuition rate? 2) speak with the current principal regarding freezing tuition hikes until things improve financially 3) ask if you can get an additional discount by helping out the yeshiva in some capacity (I know well respected people who had financial difficulty who did this. 4) (if your kids are old enough) lay down the law to them. Tell them that you expect them to help with expenses in whatever way they can and to contribute half of their earnings to you. Maybe they can do babysitting.
I know what it is to live for the current day and not be able to save. We do not own a home and have no
savings, but would never consider giving up yeshiva.
I want to add that I think there may be a market for trainers amongst women who are too intimidated to go to a gym and who need someone to help them. You might want to try going to your local weight watchers center and asking if there is a board where you can post an advertisement.
I hired a personal trainer years ago to come to my home, but it was someoneI knew from the gym. I think I paid about $50 an hour. I don’t see people hiring for two hours at a time. Training is usually about toning and strength training and typically doesn’t exceed one hour. Some may want to do cardio also, but they may opt to split the one hour to half cardio and half toning to keep the price down (or they’ll do the cardio on their own time). I wouldn’t hire a trainer who has no experience, so I’d suggest you start there. Find a few friends who want to work out and give them a super break for a few sessions each ($15-20/hour). Try to market to those interested in training privately who can afford to pay. Advertise in Sephardic publications and other ones that are given out for free in stores (more exposure). Try luach.com. If this is a side interest, you haven’t much to lose.
It’s normal to feel jealous. It’s part of life. What matters is what you do about it. When I went through a period of infertility/miscarriages, I had a very hard time seeing people on the street who had children, let alone a whole group of them. I then asked myself “why am I jealous?” and I realized it’s because I wanted children to love and to guide/teach. I then understood that this is Hash-em’s will and I should be grateful and happy that the children were brought into the world somehow, even if not from me. I said a little kapitle of tehillim for those families that they should grow and be well and be zoche to more. It was very painful for me, but it actually lessened the pain when I Davened for them and looked at myself as being a smaller part of the klall. Pray for your friend that she should be happy (even if you don’t feel it or mean it/it will connect you to her and you will with time feel more joy) and be grateful to Hash-em that He helped her find her zivug so she can grow more and tell Hash-em that you look forward to finding your own. Be’ezras Hash-em, you will be rewarded with a wonderful person whom you will say was worth waiting every minute for. Hatzlachah rabbah!
I know what it is to be afraid of growing old. I have a husband who criticizes me for being overweight, so I can only imagine the taunts and hurtful comments that I might be subjected to. This is not only a youth oriented society, it’s a looks oriented society. Look bad, deserve bad (treatment). I intend to have work done on my skin, when the need arises. Although there is no shame in growing old, I don’t see why we can’t invest in ourselves to make ourselves look the best we can. It can’t come down to our accepting ourselves based on being able to dress well or get cosmetic work done, though. If there is no money for such things, we still have to like ourselves.
Growing old doesn’t mean there will be no one there for you to look up to. I am learning, through difficulty, that people younger than me have acquired much wisdom and possess much kindness. There will always be people there for you to celebrate life with and mourn life with.
Bad idea, bad idea, bad idea.
It’s a tease and nothing more. One is inevitably more interested in the other, which leads to heartbreak. Friendship is about sharing to get close, breaking down barriers to become emotionally intimate (which can lead to physical intimacy). Anyone who denies this is in denial or in a relationship with someone who is the more interested party. It’s a modern idea that needs to be eliminated from the orthodox community.
I can tell you that the most Chashuv people I know have made shidduchim with kids from broken families (rosh kollel, learning/chashuv families). I’ve come to understand that they take each person on an individual basis. After having lived life a bit myself, I’ve also come to see that being a good marriage candidate has to do with a persons level of maturity. Life can help a person mature, but so can growing up in a home where good middos are taught.It’s two different ways of maturing. If a guy has all the “bells and whistles” ( money, good looks), but lacks personality or middos, than her admiration of him will diminish very quickly.
WIY,
While I agree that people look for excuses not to do mitzvos and that there is merit to exploring whether my son was drinking enough, staying in the sun too long etc., I would not respond to a question a person asks in such a sarcastic tone. Comparing possibly being overheated from a second layer of clothing is NOT the same as saying maybe I got a headache from a Kippah. Your wish to make a point/teach a lesson is lost on your silly comparison. Take people’s questions more seriously, and be Dan lekaf z’chus that someone wants to do the right thing and is therefore asking and answer respectfully.
I think you need to have several dates in mind and play it by ear. I once heard rosh hashanah is really the time of everyone’s birthday, that we all theoretically turn one year older at that time. Doing it before her real birthday sounds like a good option. After, not so good. The party will be bittersweet for her, as she’ll have spent time thinking that on an important birthday she was forgotten. There really is no way you can plan this solidly, as the due date is two weeks before her birthday, and a woman can give birth between two weeks before to two weeks after her due date.I vote for “labor” day weekend. You can even joke how she’s giving birth to a new year (I know; corny).