The Yeshiva World

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March 21, 2013 4:41 pm at 4:41 pm in reply to: Shadchan speaks #946392

modchebp
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To Popa Bas Abba I dont know who you are and you dont know me but when i speak to the mother and i tell her what her son did ,she couldent believe it and she never called me back or her son that its not true.I am not here to judge any one.I did ask someone who deals with all types of teenagers and he told me what they do to bypass the e z pass.

March 21, 2013 2:41 pm at 2:41 pm in reply to: Shadchan speaks #946390

modchebp
Member

Good morning

To Daas Yochid Your proably right on bad reasearch but when you see top yeshivos and you ask people and you hear from them the words top boy i can only give it over from what i hear and the parents have to do their part.

To popa bas Abba Chas vesholom their are many good boys that know menshlickeit ,but in the past year i am hearing from more parents how the boys are missing basic menshlichkeit.

The only i sid this story is because it happened this week.

Again i feel the yeshivos should give the boys a crash course on going out.I think this makes alot of sense

March 20, 2013 5:16 pm at 5:16 pm in reply to: Shadchan speaks #946382

modchebp
Member

Hi every one i am really sorry if i ofended anyone .I am just speaking from experience and as a shadchen and coaching boys and girls for quite a few years every one can use costructive critisizim even us shadchanim.

Ofcourse their are boys that have that comman sense or have a sister or sister in law or Mother that talks to them before and gives them the right advise.

One interesting story i had I redd a boy that is considerd a top boy that went to all the top yeshivos to a girl.Till i got a yes from the boy i had to use all my chochmos of shadchanis to get him to say yes .I finally got it and i was really prould of myself .They went out .

The next morning i call the boys side and the mother tells me .My son had a very good time ,the girl is a chushiva girl has toichen,and has a wonderful personality.My son would like a second date.

You can imagine i was excited on such a positive response.I call the girls side thinking ,boy are they going to be excited,the mother tells me NO WAY MY DAUGHTER IS NOT GOING OUT WITH HIM AGAIN ,i thought i was dreaming.I ask her ,what happened.

The mother didnt want to tell me but at the end she did.She tells me ,they came close to a toll booth and the boy tells my daughter ,watch and i will show you a shtick how you can get away without paying ,he did the shtick and it worked ,came another toll booth he did it again,My daughter asked him isnt it a chillul hashem and geneiva ,the boy started laughing like my daughter is from outer space.The mother tells me such a boy will end up in jail .I was in shock this was considerd a top boy .I called the mother and i told her they are not interested she asked me why ,and i told her.

DID I DO THE CORRECT THING FOR TELLING THE MOTHER ,I DONT KNOW .WHAT DO YOU THINK?

August 3, 2011 8:18 pm at 8:18 pm in reply to: shidduchim #861160

modchebp
Member

TO YITAYNINGWUT

Yes there are tests and if i would tell you the amount of how much they get you would laugh.It is a busha for torah how little they get.It would be so much easier on parents where they would not have to give major support because the boy is bringing in some income from his learning .Why must they wait 5 years to get a dime for their learning ?At that time they can have 3-4 children

The whole shidduch process of the expense would be easier on the parents

August 3, 2011 6:33 pm at 6:33 pm in reply to: shidduchim #861157

modchebp
Member

To PAtur

What do you have against a bechina for thr yungaleit that are learning seriosly,keeping shomrei sedorim,and showing results to their wives how prould they can be of them.Besides for a very nice salary which they truly deserve,and for their parents who dont understand the matzav of kollel,but will shep naches on their grade.It is a win win situation.The ones that want to stay in kollel and do what they want ,on the cheshbon of their parents and wife,hey thats their life dont make the real players look bad and not get paid where they deserve it

August 3, 2011 6:23 pm at 6:23 pm in reply to: shidduchim #861156

modchebp
Member

TO YITAYNINGWUT

i AM HAPPY SOMEONE AGREES WITH MY CONCEPT THANK YOU.I think by changing the system of having a real run kollel

1. there will be less pressure on parents having to support their children for so many years,when they really should be using their time better and not on the cheshbon of the parents

2.kollel yungaliet will get the respect they deserve and the funds that is needed for a true ben torah.

3.The quality of kollel will be unbelievable

August 3, 2011 4:49 pm at 4:49 pm in reply to: shidduchim #861149

modchebp
Member

TO PATUR

Why do you feel a test proves nothing .if he is in the program and comes to all the sedurim and takes a bechina at the end of the month and passes ,i would say that qualifies him to stay in the real kollel that pays very well,where the family will be very prould to say “my son or son in law is in this kollel”If he doesnt qualify and still wants to stay in kollel kol hakovod there are many kollels around that dont pay.

August 3, 2011 3:09 pm at 3:09 pm in reply to: shidduchim #861147

modchebp
Member

TO YITAYNINGWUT AND PATUR AVAL ASSUR

In todays matzav it is very important for a boy who was never in the outside buisness world to slowly get into it,but he should first build a strong foundation of torah with his wife.that is what the first 2 years are for,and if he wants to stay longer it means that he is serios about his learning ,he probably has a child, and he has expenses .Now you want to major in kollek ,great you must qualify to stay in this kollel that pays very well,or go to another kollel that takes everybody and doesnt pay.

August 2, 2011 10:46 pm at 10:46 pm in reply to: shidduchim #861144

modchebp
Member

Dr Pepper

i apoligize if i didnt explain my self clearly.I have been involved in redding shiduchim about 24 years .In the last 8 month i have gone into it much more seriously .I am not chas vechalila trying to prove you wrong ,just giving my opinion on the whole matzev of shiduchim,and how to make people realise that there is nothing to be ashamed of learning for a year or two still staying a ben torah and going to work.I say IT AGAIN ALOT OF WORK GOES INTO SHIDUCHIM IF YOU WANT TO CALL BACK ALL THE PEOPLE THAT CALL AND LEAVE MESSAGES.

August 2, 2011 8:03 pm at 8:03 pm in reply to: shidduchim #861138

modchebp
Member

TO Dr. Pepper and Patur aval assur speaking from a shadchans point of view i dont think Dr pepper has a clue what is involved in redding a shidduch ,waiting to get a answer from the boy,redding it to the girl .The going out process and all the dates till something works out and the many times that it doesnt .Waiting up to hear how the dates worked out ,discussing with both sides the financials and that both sides should be very happy.I would say `1 in 200 shiduchim work out,so please dont talk about the money .It is money well deservedand worked for.

To Patur aval assur I dont say that a boy who is slow or doesnt do good on a test should not be in kollel.Let him take a oral test ,let him talk in learning with the rosh chaburah,or let him learn in kollek where they dont pay.If someone is using his time properly he should not have a problem

August 2, 2011 5:34 pm at 5:34 pm in reply to: shidduchim #861130

modchebp
Member

to patur aval assur The enterance exam is not what is important its the fact that they know that after 1 month they will get a bechina .believe me the boys will think twice before getting into this kollel and not passing the bechina ,getting send out and having to face your wife and in laws and parents

August 2, 2011 4:05 pm at 4:05 pm in reply to: shidduchim #861120

modchebp
Member

Dr Pepper i agree with you ,but i would not compare the two .A person that redds a shiduch ,the person really means well,and is not doing this to hurt any one .he or she just dont know how to deal with people,and after alittle time nobody will call them.On the kollel issue people are getting hurt ,people are going into choves for no reason,and people in kollel dont have yoshuv hadas

nobody is being what they really want to be.someone has to stop this matzav.The only people that can is either the Rosh hayeshivos or a big gevir that will start such a kollel in lakewood,and run it like a buisness

August 1, 2011 10:45 pm at 10:45 pm in reply to: Shadchanus Gelt #1141715

modchebp
Member

az member You are probably right about not charging for resume meetings but what price should i charge by date #4 and how much do i charge to get it off the ground?

August 1, 2011 9:25 pm at 9:25 pm in reply to: Shadchanus Gelt #1141712

modchebp
Member

To I use brains ‘ since you started redding shiduchim you understand what is involved .When i had children in shiduchim the shadchanim never called back ,they made you feel that they are doing you the biggest favor.I am try ing to do this in a correct way with allways returning calls to the girls parents .To do it properly and with yeshuv hadass i need my bills paid.I must tell you there are parents who appreciate what i am doing and they send me a check for hakoras hatov even though i did not make a shiduch ,but just for trying .This is what i am talking about

August 1, 2011 8:27 pm at 8:27 pm in reply to: Shadchanus Gelt #1141709

modchebp
Member

To never caustic i hear what you are saying,but if i meet you and your child and ofcourse i meet the other side also with their child and i feel there is alot in comman.i make the shidduch and both sides are very happy.you dont think i deserve between $3000 and $5ooo if you can afford it.i think for parents it should be the most pleasure way to spend money,(i am talking where the families can pay that amount) i say for all those who dont think it is worth it have never made a shidduch and dont realize what goes into talking to both sides.

edited. Please don’t type in all caps. -95

August 1, 2011 8:04 pm at 8:04 pm in reply to: Shadchanus Gelt #1141707

modchebp
Member

To hacham The $200 GETS DEDUCTED FROM THE TOTAL I AM NOT SAYING THE AMOUNT HAS TO BE $5OOO ,BUT UP TILL $5OOO.TRY MAKING A SHIDDUCH AND YOU WILL UNDERSTAND

August 1, 2011 6:54 pm at 6:54 pm in reply to: Shadchanus Gelt #1141705

modchebp
Member

I truly believe that being a shadchan is a job that is not shown enough hakoras hatov.Being a shadchan when i started 8 month ago,i was putting in 3 hours a day .Today i am putting in 12 hours a day.My main job that i was doing was not making me enough of a parnasah and i had to think of other ways.Being very good in dealing with people i B”H was zoche to make a number of shiduchim.I would like to make this a full time job,and to be able to meet all my clients and to return all phone calls which untill now i have been able to.The only way that i can do this is by having an income coming in.I propose certain things and i would like to hear from you if you agree with me.I would like to charge $100 for receiving resume together with first meeting of client.I would request for every date that they go out $200 which means $100 from each side.How much to charge for the shidduch is very hard to say,but it should be a minimum of $25oo -$5000 per side if they can afford it.I am trying to run it like a buisness where i can give my time and experience and give kovod to the families the right way .I have done over 30 shiduchim and believe me it is alot of work.ofcourse it is also a great feeling and a zechus ,but you cant pay bills with a great feeling.Please respond with your opinion. Thanks
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Viewing 17 posts - 1 through 17 (of 17 total)