The little I know:

In my case, it’s not about control. It’s about making sure there is enough money to pay rent, tuition, electricity Etc. It’s a practical issue, not a psychlogical issue, with all due respect. I have the responisibility stretching the budget so that at the end of the year, maybe we will be able to send the kids to camp, Etc…

I never “denied” her money. When she wants to spend, she usually asks, but sometimes she just charges things as she sees fit and then I get stuck with the consequences, which is why I offered her 100% control, on the condition that she deals with all bills, tuitions, camps, Etc. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. For all the wives out there, especially the feminist ones, try to understand that it’s not easy to manage a household budget and it doesn’t help when you have a spouse that doesn’t appreciate what it takes to earn a dollar and then to use that dollar practically and prioritize the family expenses.

Menachem, she doesn’t take advice from anyone… And if someone disagrees with her, from that point on, they have lost her respect. You try telling a woman that she’s wrong. Even if it’s done diplomatically, with tact, they shut down. I have yet to meet a woman that can handle constructive criticism.

Reb Doniel: I don’t have a maid. She does! She doesn’t work, but she insists that having a maid 3x a week is a necessity and it doesn’t help that, “ALL the women I know have FULL TIME, LIVE IN maids, and get much more money than I do.” I’m still wondering what planet she’s living on.

Hi all. Sorry I didn’t respond previously. I had trouble logging in. Here is my response to everyone:

1) The budget is for food, gas, her 3x a week maid and anything else along those lines as well as her personal spending money.

2) We have a medium sized family an live in Flatbush.

3) I BEGGED my wife many times to take control of the finances. I told her I will deposit all income in her hands an she would be responsible for paying all bills an she would be free to spend as she wishes. She refused every time.

4) In reality, if I didn’t respectfully control her spending, she would rack up tremendous debts an the creditors would probably get screwed. She is the opposite of financially responsible, an she admits so herself.

5) If I would not put her on a budget, there would not be enough to pay the necessities like rent, tuition, insurances, and she would also end up spending her money and not having any left for food.

6) I know what Rabbi Arush says, and I love him and greatly respect him and I’ve benefited tremendously from his teachings. That being said, I assure you that if I listened to him, I would end up with tremendous debts, and I would have no choice but to screw creditors. I would become a deadbeat. A big Chilul Hashem. Just because he is a great Rav, doesn’t mean you should close your eyes and follow him blindly. Sechel is always in order. If Harav Ovadia Ztz’l would have listened to the eitsah of the Chazon Ish, he would have NOT become who he was…

Looking forward to your responses…

I’m looking for something that doesn’t exist. Frum, but at the same time, open minded and non judge-mental. Somewhere where the kids aren’t snobby, where my girls will learn midos and chesed and learn about all the other aspects of Judaism instead of only learning about tsinus. Where they will have a good taste in their mouth and want to learn more and do more. A yeshiva that goes by the mantra, “Darcheyha, darchey noam,” where they paint Judaism in a positive light.