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I know one particular way (algorithm) to solve it, and can do so in under 5 minutes.
My cousins daughter can look at the cube, understand which way to move it, and solve it in under 1 minute.
Syag says “Haha! Are you really pretending sugar and dyes effect behaviir? (FAke news!) And you put it on par with screentime and exercise? Too funny”
I have a friend whose daughter went nuts every time she ate a particular dye. And while sugar doesn’t affect behavior directly, poor eating affects the body tremendously.
And yes, screen time certainly affects behavior. Phones have blue light filters because using electronics before bed affects the release of certain hormones. Sleep depravation mimics ADHD symptoms.
Watching large amounts of television affects the release of certain hormones (dopamine) in the brain, which affects behavior. A child that doesn’t get out isn’t burning excess energy, which can affect their ability to focus. Want to test it on your own? Grab a group of young boys and make them run a few laps before a lesson. See how much quieter they are.
Further, watching tv may show empathy by sharing a conflict and resolution, but do not allow kids to experience the concept of turn taking, sharing, etc. A child that doesn’t know how to interact with peers may struggle to do so in class, which will cause doctors to slap on a label on a child that isn’t correct.
Perhaps “half” is a bit of a stretch. But the point is sometimes a person has to really look into the causes of their child’s issues, and make some changes instead of asking a doctor to write a script because their son isn’t paying proper attention.
Neville says “You mean real mental health issues like schizophrenia, or the made-up stuff like ADD?”
The irony is that a well known psychiatrist said schizophrenia doesn’t exist back in 2016. But where does your belief end? ADHD doesn’t have a proper test. Neither does Fibromyalgia, MS, lupus, or autism. Do they not exist?
Unfortunately we live in a world where any child that doesn’t conform needs a label. If people stopped giving into their kids and started parenting (disciplining), removed sugars and dyes, shut off the electronics, and made their kids run around, about half the cases of autism, ODD, and ADHD would disappear. Then the doctors could treat the kids that really needed it.
And as someone who grew up with ADHD, there is a beauty to it. We can multitask in a way most people can’t. We see solutions that most people can’t, and solve problems differently. (When I started ADD medications I lost that ability). We have more energy. Similarly, people with autism (another “fake” condition) can be savants and have huge advantages in certain fields.
But back to illness, mental or otherwise. There are issues that can be cured if they are treated early enough, but too many parents are afraid to share the truth. We have come a long way from simply putting people in a home, but we have a long way to go. If someone isn’t violent, they deserve to live the way they were created.
The value of the blood can be someone’s life.
As far as donation value, I’ve seen the blood bank vans parked outside of Kohl’s and they give you a $10 gift card (and a cookie!) for donating. BlueClaws stadium in Lakewood offers a pair of free tickets ($20) if you donate there.
Every single one until 2 other presidents have served.
President A gets elected. “Oh, he’s horrible! Our taxes have gone up! That bill he signed! It’s a shanda! Why did people elect him?!”
President B’s turn: “He’s as bad as the last one! Can you believe what he just vetoed?! And he said he would improve education. Taxes are higher than ever!”
President C’s first term: “I can’t believe he sent troops to war! And that international treaty is a joke. I mean, President A never would’ve voted like that”.
President D: “remember the good old days of President A? Low taxes, less crime? He had great immigrant reform and he really helped the education platform. So much better than the current loser.”
Like everyone said, there is a lot to factor into whether or not you want to lease a car. We own two Toyotas, 2012 (200k miles) and 2013 (69k miles). The ‘02 Camry had at least 260k, and the other was close to that but hurricane sandy ruined it.
I can say we didn’t spend a lot on repairs to any of them. My coworker has a Ford, 10 years old, 50k miles, spends a few thousand a year on fixing it. If you lease, Ford is fine. Otherwise, Toyota all the way.
@haimy- now I understand you. I agree about being over reliant.
@zahavasdad- Brooklyn has a much better mass transit system and better growth planning.
The problem, as you stated, is parks. Builders care about the housing profit and they ignore the need for parks. Howell, Jackson, Toms River, and Brick have beautiful parks with multiple playgrounds. But they try hard to keep Lakewood out. Howell banned grilling. Mantoloking bridge/ windward in Brick banned vans carrying over 7 people. I believed it was antisemitism until I saw the way some families behave. When even a few families have children that drop wrappers on the ground or run on the ballfield when a sign says “permit only”, everyone becomes a target. I’ve heard people say “we pay taxes to have these parks, go ruin your own town”.
But there is no one making money leaving space for parks when you can get thousands more putting a house in that space. Our kids suffer.
Haimy, that thinking is very short term, if not harmful. Yes, some of the jobs you listed are being done by fellow yidden. But what happens when there’s no more room? The contractors/ builders/ utilities people start losing their jobs. The schools become extremely overcrowded, and children suffer from larger classes. Water supplies run low because the aquifer can’t support the thousands of new people that will either move in or be born in the next few generations. Cars are at a standstill, roadways are breaking down, and emergency personnel can’t handle the growth. On top of the water supplies, how else is the environment affected by the growth? Trees are gone, birds are gone, mosquitoes are running amok. Pollution is harming the air and water.
The only solution is to find a way to lower the cost of living without allowing such high density housing to continue unchecked. Unfortunately that will never happen in NJ. But BMG and Lakewood’s history was started by 15 students and grew to thousands of people. If there is a similar community in cheaper Penn, close enough to visit, quiet enough for growth, then many more could get a start.
Yes, it’s absolutely real, I have seen people I know get hypnotized. And from my understanding, it feels like a very relaxed state of mind, where you wake up feeling refreshed.
One thing to note is that while they can make suggestions, they cannot make you do something you don’t believe in. So in a way, it’s almost like drinking too much and losing your inhibitions, where maybe you say something that you didn’t mean, but it wouldn’t make you do something you would never do otherwise.
Jdb- if you are waiting until your boys are 13 to set an example, it’s already too late. They are watching you from infancy to learn from your example.
Joseph- we can take aunts and nieces out of the topic. My children are nothing like my brother in laws.
I think what you mean is that in an ideal family, you want to marry someone that is like your mother/ sister (or the wife’s father/ brothers) because you want to emulate the family values. Other times, you look at the flaws in your family and do everything you can to marry someone that is different, to spare your children the issues that you grew up with.
When we first married, we discussed what we didn’t care for in our parents relationships, or what we didn’t like about how we were raised, and agreed to change some things in our children. Our parents had both made some pretty big mistakes. And you know what? So have we. Some days, I strive for perfection in them. Some days, I say “if you can be a better man than your father, I will be happy.” There’s a certain pride in knowing your son has achieved more than you.
And sometimes, you need to find someone with different hashkafos to give you a new perspective.
Reb Golden- it is not our place to decide they shouldn’t be together. They have already met at your table and admired each other. Perhaps they can find a compromise that works for them. Maybe she will be inspired to become more traditional to support him. There’s a chance he will study harder in kollel so that he can find a job to support her afterwards. Or… maybe they will each follow their own path with a few simple agreements (no pants around his family), and focus on everything else that makes them a beautiful couple. Love makes people want to sacrifice to keep their spouse happy
Joseph- I have heard that a woman marries someone with her father’s personality, or a man marries his mother’s personality, but I can promise you that my children’s personalities are nothing like any of their aunts and uncles, and my nephews/ nieces are not much like me.
Replace chairs with bicycle generators. Kids have to peda if they want light and heat.
All older children take younger siblings to school and take turns providing daycare for them.
Add a baking class, sell school-made challah to parents.
Kollel students teach all religious classes.
Children make their own paper
Classes taught in large lecture halls (though the size of classes now, it seems to be heading that way)
All kids at a certain age (maybe 15) spend 1 year away from their studies and teach younger kids
Each high school needs to hire a qualified teacher of a financial literacy class. Teach balancing budgets, living within means, etc.
Too many kids growing up nowadays have NO idea how to balance a budget. Many who have grown up with discounted tuitions don’t understand the true cost of running a school and how important the tuition is to continuing the long term goals of the school.
Are you asking what you need to know?
Is it worth the cost? What size do you need? How often are you going to replace the water bottle? Do you drink enough to get a monthly contract with a water delivery service?
Do you need a cooler, or just a room temperature dispenser? If you get a cooler, do you want a hot water button as well?
Will there be kids using it? (See above hot water question, though they have a basic safety feature). Will they be spilling water on a floor or carpet?
Ive never heard of a Tom Sawyer party, but I’ve been to several- family members or friends who ask for help with painting/ landscaping/ moving. It’s easy if everyone does a little work, you get to chat with friends, and it’s nice to know that if you need help in the future, people will return the favor. That’s what community is all about. As a child, I belonged to a shul that had a cleaning day once a year. I remember the pride of looking at the windows and knowing that they were clean because of my work.
That being said, there are also groups that are required to do community service. I’ve seen Boy Scouts cleaning up and building structures for local parks/ libraries/ VFW halls. They aren’t paid for the work, the town looks a little nicer as a result. If you need work done in a public area, you can contact them.
RebGolden says “Why is this concept not extended to other crisis,like – the shidduch crisis? No one in the class can get married till EACH and EVERY girl of that class finds a shidduch!”
That is a great solution to the tuition crisis! Everyone waits a few more years to marry and have children, so they have the savings needed to pay tuition when the time comes.
Joseph said “Ask yourself the question: Am I dressed in a very specifically Jewish way — in a manner that non-Jews don’t dress and that virtually anyone seeing me will immediately know that I’m Jewish?
If the answer is no, you need to do some soul searching.”
Sorry Joseph, but being in a white shirt doesn’t make you any more Jewish than being in a garage makes you a car. Soul searching has nothing to do with appearance. It has to do with what is in your heart.
A bochur in a colored shirt and (sarcastic C”V) Jeans with a love for the knowledge of the Tanakh shouldn’t be looked down on while a older man in a crisp white shirt and shtreimel who has C”V secretly abused a child or stolen money is respected because he is, as you said, “dressed in a very specifically Jewish way”.
Any way you look at it, the families lose. A large class means children aren’t getting proper attention/ support. A high tuition isn’t compatible with most family incomes. Yes, a school is a business, but it should be run to support the children’s needs.
The unpopular but sensible answer is to model a yeshiva after your local public school system. I don’t know everything about public schools, but I know they contain something like 500-2000 kids each, and each in a central location. If schools could find a way to cooperate (and a large enough building), the solution to the problem is combining several schools into 1 building. Many public schools have 4-6 wings for different grades and a central cafeteria/ gym/ library. If 4-6 smaller schools each rented 1 wing (each with their own administration / classrooms, but then took turns on using the gym and cafeteria), they could save a lot on rental costs. A few less buses would roll through town, because they would each be going to 1 building instead of 4. Tuition is lower, gridlock is lessened, families are better off.
Either way, whether the answer is quality or enrollment, something needs to be done soon. There are constantly houses going up, children ready to start school, and no place to educate them. We need to slow the growth and plan for our children’s needs.
I always considered it male tznius- colored shirts grab attention; when a person is dressed in black and white it seems less noticeable and allows you to focus on things that are more important than fashion. Black and white also looks a little more formal, a reminder to not slouch or appear lazy.
Like others have said, it also allows you to identify as part of the community, separate from the rest of the world.
There is a difference between hating a Nazi and hating a German. I will never forget my grandmother (who immigrated from Germany) telling me that her Xtian neighbor was taken away for helping Jewish families, and I am never to judge a person by their background instead of their behavior. It’s hypocrisy to hate all Germans for what their grandparents did, and then complain when people judge all of Lakewood (or Brooklyn, KJ, etc) for the few people arrested for Medicare fraud. Too many GOOD innocent people are getting hurt because of the Chillul Hashem of others.
Also, I drive a Toyota that was built in America and ignore the fact that Japan was a German ally, and Americans locked up Japanese in the 40’s. Seems like most of Lakewood feels the same way.
I think the better seats should be given to the elderly, or as a privilege of the people who arrive early. I have no issue with someone saving a seat while his wife is taking the child to the restroom, so a family can sit together. Other than that, there should be a 5-10 minute limit on seat-holding. I cannot stand when someone holds a few seats for a friend who may not arrive, or worse, whispers back and forth.
As far as the rule that all adults should sit first, it is not easy to keep a child still if they are not sitting. (Perhaps not all children, I had 2 with special needs). I know there are different rules for different shuls, and not everyone is as considerate as CTLawyer when they are not going to be there. But really, consideration for others would solve most of these problems.
Just last week I was in a waiting room when an elderly couple walked in, and 1 seat remained. It bothered me tremendously that the teen girl and her mother that were already seated barely glanced up from their phone and magazine. I stood and could only hope that the girl noticed that people out there would be kind to a stranger, but I know it is rare today.
@avocado- my children don’t always obey. I meant they were far more obedient than some of their friends whose parents would say “do this again, and we’re leaving”, but not take their kids home. I had a friend that instead of saying “wait till tatty gets home”, said “wait until I tell your teacher”. If you set clear boundaries for your children, they are less likely to consistently push the boundaries because they know there will be consequences.
I consider them well adjusted, happy, and loving. They know that they are allowed to question things they are told as long as they do so respectfully, because if they understand why I’ve made a decision (or their teachers, etc), it is not blind obedience, which I believe leads to further issues.
One of my children has a medical condition, and as a result some issues with learning, low confidence, mental stuff, etc. While her esteem is low, I am frequently told by teachers that she has no problem saying that she doesn’t understand a lesson, she will ask a teacher for extra help- a problem with low confidence would not do.
I’m not saying they’re perfect, that they are happy with every decision we make, that they get up every single morning without issue. They are kids after all.
I completely understand the concerns about obedience. No amount of therapy will ever “cure” me from some of the things my mother did when I was younger because of the expectations she had of me and the fears she gave me. When my oldest acted out recently, my mother said I should remove every item from her room, let her sleep on the floor without blankets until she comes around. I explained to my daughter why I was unhappy with the way she acted and why she needs to act differently (the situation was beyond her control because of her illness). She went to bed angry, but in the morning she apologized and now tries not to repeat her mistakes. Good discipline is when there’s growth at the end of the situation. My only goal is to raise my children better than I was.
Spare the rod, spoil the child. There is nothing wrong with disciplining him or her in a loving manner. Many of my friends told me that I was too strict with my toddlers (stopping/ scolding them for misbehaving) and should just let kids be kids while they were all running around. By the time my number a few years older, they were also the only kids that consistently obey their parents.
If they are too old for this, and you know you’re going to have a problem getting your son out of bed in the morning, start the night before. Explain what the consequences will be if they cannot do when we get up, and then follow through with it. This way they’ve made the decision knowing what will happen.
When you say developers vs. government should build the developers are applying to state and govt grants to build. They are not losing a ton of money by building low income property.
It’s easier to control low income with rent than with ownership. The bigger problem is the proportion of low income families fighting for the same housing.
Expectancy, maturity and responsibility have changed greatly in the past few centuries. First, when you look at a recommendation to marry young, life expectancy before the 1700’s was 25-30. By 1900, it jumped to 40. By 2000, it was 68. So where you needed to have children by 18 to raise them, you can safely delay that to 30.
At one point, all men learned a trade by working it, all women learned housework and raising younger siblings from helping. Most people didn’t get a formal education. Even when they did, they were required to run the family business while studying. Now with the Industrial Age we have the ability to raise learners instead of workers. But instead of just learning your father’s trade, you are required general knowledge. A woman who previously learned to raise a household now takes on a career to support the family.
Needless to say, we don’t need Shidduchim at 18–19. Delaying marriage and children by just 2-3 years will allow men and women to learn and earn, which will help their family in the future.
@Joseph You misunderstood my math. I was discussing busing alone, which would drop significantly. Alternative placement cost (SCHI) would drop as well. The total school budget would jump, probably closer to $18k per child (Toms River is $17k). The local district typically covers 55-58% of that, the state covers about 35-38% more. The rest is federal. Taxes will jump significantly.
My comment about truancy wasn’t a disagreement. It was an opinion. They shouldn’t punish kids who spend longer every day learning than an average public school student.
Finally, they can punish a public school by forcing the state to take over the district. It’s rare, but it happens. And I’m pretty sure Lakewood has been threatened (or at least discussed) for state control. That would not be good.
@zahavasdad People who dress tznius but commit crimes? Chillul Hashem. Let them be judged for their crimes by both the law and by Hashem.
The other 99% of Jews in Lakewood that dress tznius should not be lumped in with the criminals. Don’t lump everyone together.
Abba S: The state doesn’t pay a local school $25k per child to educate them. The school pays $12-15k, and the state reimburses an amount of that (majority from local taxes).
In cases like Lakewood, forcing children to go public would mean that the town would get more funding from the state, and that a $29 million transportation budget to get kids to 140 schools (20,000 routes) would shrink to getting children to maybe 50 schools, each close to a child’s home, at about 3000 routes (assuming 10-15 kids picked up per stop). The budget would be a small fraction of the current total.
Back to the topic. They will not push the MO schools where children do well on the regents. The target will be places like KJ, where there is almost no secular education and the link to poverty/ welfare is high. And honestly, if they are so adamant about not teaching government lessons, they shouldn’t be so quick to take govt funds. I disagree with truancy because they’re getting an education. But I believe the govt wants their education to help them become contributing members of society, so they will force the issue on these Yeshivos.
I doubt the victims will get very far in suing the yeshivas. But the abusers need to be brought to justice, and I’m thankful that society is being forced to see that these things happen. Stories where the beit din tells an abuser to get counseling and then sends them to another yeshiva to continue abusing while silencing the family. I remember a story where a family called local police because the counsel wasn’t doing anything, and they were shunned, harassed, no longer accepted into schools. No parent should have to choose between community acceptance and their child’s neshama.
Find a way to really look into the backgrounds of your teachers and counselors. And men should be careful to have a witness every time they’re alone counseling a boy. The abuse needs to stop.
FSM says “One of the most inspiring sights is when you see before you 9 immodest women and one modest one… there are more than a few women who get it right and i admire them.”
Yes, but the OP is trying hard not to admire any of them, tznius or not.
We make it a point to have a cousins reunion every year (15-18 adults, plus our kids).
Every few years we have a full family reunion- my mother and her cousins down to their great grandchildren.
Of course they do, and of the ones that aren’t already vaccinated (some South American countries have higher vaccines rates than the USA), we have to worry that they won’t have the money/ healthcare to get it done once they arrive.
However, the recent headlines read “wedding delayed because Chosson has measles”, and “3 children returning from trip to E’Y cause outbreak”, not illegal immigrants. It goes both ways.
The world is flat.
Walmart pumps addictive chemicals into their stores so that customers want to come back.
There is a secret medicine to cure any disease, but big pharma is stifling it so they can stay in business.
Childrens videos use subliminal messages to force kids to beg for the matching toys.
The color orange doesn’t exist, it’s a mind trick.
The funny thing about all these “older girls” is that science has proven many times over that men reach their peak in their late teens/ early 20’s, while women reach theirs in their mid-30’s.
Assuming the man is mature enough, what better combination than a young kollel man with a slightly older woman, already has her degrees and a good job, along with the confidence that comes with age? Tradition puts older men with younger women (men are more mature and capable of supporting the wife), but in reality older women are the way to go!
It depends on the community. Many girls are encouraged to get higher education degrees to support a husband in kollel and eventually a family. But when they put a marriage on hold to further their education, the bochurim settle for a nice young girl. And really, if a woman has that much more earning power, who is going to raise several children, clean the house, and bake the challah? So, they stay unmarried while the poorer kallah starts a family much younger.
A- I don’t understand the humor or entertainment here.
B- @yehudayona The conductor is responsible for all movements on the train, by telling the engineer whether to speed up/ slow down.
C- the only way a conductor could switch a track isn’t by a cord, it’s by stopping the train, climbing off, and unlocking/ moving the switch. A dispatcher is in charge of switching tracks remotely. So the joke is on anyone that thinks the conductor can make the decision of who gets killed.
2020. It will be hard enough to find housing/ a job/ tuition in E”Y now, but if you wait until 4 years worth of families move in, it will be that much harder to find them.