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I thought that most little boys have their payos cut according to what their father has.
We got our sons payos cut to go behind his ears and when he went to preschool, most of the boys just had a bit of hair in front of their ears. My son wanted us to cut his off. Now that he’s in yeshiva, he hasnt made a comment.
Its really sad that this has become something so commonly found in many shuls. But what hurt me more, was when i told my child to make sure to keep quiet, and she turns to me after davening and said “but in this shul they let you talk!” It was hard for me to explain that it isnt ok. B”h it is not our regular shul and i dont plan on going back there again.
As the famous line goes:
If you come to shul to talk, where do you go to daven?!
Shrek: same here. i never make commitments over the phone, always request an envelope. But i still get calls! If i do happen to pick up a call that is not a recording, i tell them to remove me from their calling list as i dont give solicitations over the phone, and then give them my address for an envelope…but i dont think it works. I guess chinese auction season is over now cuz i havent gotten an calls lately…or maybe it does work….
I’m shocked at what some people are saying and I dont believe for a minute that they can really mean what they are saying. All those posts have to have been made only to stir up our emotions and come to the realization that we all have something in this realm of tznius to correct/upkeep.
I always knew that looks are important to men. But this thread is scaring the daylights out of me! Why would a man want other men to check out his wife?! A woman should always dress in a way that is pleasing to her husband, but to attract the attention of other men?! I’m glad i’m not their wife!
The only reason i can think of, in a non racist point of view, is that it can take years for something to get worse/better, so some may say this rut is not from Obama but from previous presidents. I dont share this view, but its the only reason i can think of.
It hurts my feelings when a topic is started with a request for ideas/help… and others start to make fun of the topic or make a joke out of it. If its not me who started the topic, i feel like defending the OP even if the topic is silly or if the OP is wrong.
MarahRach, after reading your posts, i thought you were in my head and posting what you saw. I too was slim before my babies. After my first it took a while but i did lose the weight. It was more than 5 weeks though. I still have the flab though…after my 2nd, again, it took a couple of months, but i did it and ended up with a bit more flab. After my 3rd, i gained the most during this pregnancy, i never lost the weight, i’m 10 pounds heavier than my pre baby weight. i have a very poor body image too but a very supportive husband who also makes me feel like i’m the prettiest woman in the world.
I found that buying a size bigger did make me feel bad but i looked better in it. I also cut out the size label so I dont have to see it every time i get dressed.
I’m trying to get used to it and i’m sure you can too. Give yourself some time.
Good luck!
My 4 yr old son wears shorts and i dont see anything wrong with a child up to a certain age wearing shorts. I do feel shorts are indecent at a certain age, but thats just my opinion.
When i was young there was a girl in my class who was an only child, but we never knew that until years later. She was so friendly and very positive. A few years later, another only child entered our class and boy was she spoiled and not the most pleasant person to be around! Until she entered my class, i never even thought about an only child being different from me.
I cannot judge as i dont know what its like to be the parent of an only child or to be an only child.
As far as nasty comments people make, that i can relate to in a different area of my life.
So good luck and dont let those nasty comments get to you, just look where its coming from!
What do I do all day you ask?
Well now you’re taking me to task!
“oh, nothing much!” a young child may say,
But that “nothing” is what he did all day!
Painting, coloring, maybe learned a thing or two,
But he says “nothing much is what i do!”
So what do i do that gives me the time,
To sit in the coffee room and type up this rhyme?
I’m not sure, of that I’m sure
Cuz i do “nothing” and a whole lot more!
CHEEEEESE!
sushee: you took the words right out of my mouth!
debdab55: as the wife of a member of hatzolah, i would like to give a shout out to you for your time and devotion!! Whenever I hear the radio go off, I cant help but be amazed that someone volunteers a couple of hours of their day/night straight to answer and dispatch calls!
Shame on all of you who criticize hatzolah! I only pray that you dont ever need their services! Yes there is alot of politics in hatzolah, but it does not shter their amazing work to help you all!
i feel the same way. I dont have the patience to go back to school.
I work in an office and i’ve been working here for a long couple of years. I dont feel stimulated and i know that i have alot more to give. i didnt go to college and i am making a nice salary (there is hope!!)
I come here every day cuz i have to. I dont hate work, but i dont love it either. It bothers me that I dont have to use any of my creativity or talents. My talents shine when i’m with children. But i dont think i’ll ever work in a school cuz the pay is usually not that great and if it is, its probably not on time and then there is no work in the summer.
I’m married with children already, b”h and although i would love a different kind of job, i have to be practical:
a) i dont hate my job
b) i’m making a decent salary
c) i work all year round
d) i have a really nice boss
e) there is no stress to bring home
f) i enjoy my days off more than others cuz they’re so few and far between…lol!!
i always thought it was a shmira for the house – in general, not just for fires.
Mrs. Ptikin? Yoohoo mrs. Pitkin? Are you home? Or are you not home, Mrs. Pitkin?!
I’m not home, Mrs. Himelstein!
You cant fool me Mrs. Pitkin! I can see the lights on in your kitchen so i know you’re home!!
Wow! i have to say i was very surprised to read most of these posts! Is this thread is a joke?! Please tell me that you guys are joking!!
The Best Bubby: you know what i always tell people who say they have the best mommy/totty/bubby/zaidy..? I say ‘for you’. Because as wonderful as their mommy/totty/bubby/zaidy…might be, their ideals, ideas, inputs, advice…is not for everyone.
So while i’m sure you had the right intentions, it’s not for everyone.
Logician: I was very sincere when i replied to you. Like i wrote, it really hit home. I am aware that there are women that really want to work but cant for various reasons.
“The point is priorities. I understand that everyone has a different standard of needs/wants etc, but I know many people in such situations where I see a lifestyle which has plenty of room for trimmings.” so while you see a lifestyle which has plenty of room for trimmings, i dont think its anyones place to tell someone else that… 😉
It is terrible and so dangerous. Just today, this person i dont know starts talking to my son and saying how cute he is and asking if he’s going to school and if he’s learning about pesach…My son continued to hold my hand, stare straight ahead and not say a word. I dont care what that person thought, all i know is that my kid didnt talk to a stranger!
Logician: as a working mother, your comment really hit home. With all due respect, how can you even suggest that a Jewish mother wouldnt want to be with her children?? Yes we may feel the need for a break, or that we cannot spend all day every day entertaining our children, but do you think we feel good about that? Dont you think we’d love to spend more time with our children? Dont you think we realize that the little bit of precious time we do get to spend with our children is taken advantage of to its fullest?
You ask if one really needs to work full time, well to answer for most of the working middle class moms – in order to keep our heads above water, yes. These days one income is not enough. What do we need the money for? Um, how about food, tuition, mortgage/rent, utilites, insurace…and yes the occasional vacation to spend more time with the family.
I’d say that there really isnt much of a choice…
AZ: can you clarify the issue in far east’s post?
far east: i totally agree. the NASI project really only helps the girls who can afford to pay, which, while getting more shadchanim for them, doesnt really change the situation that much…
“A close friend of mine has a brother with Aspergers and some mental health issues. He loves to post his opinions on message boards, but unfortunately people don’t realize his situation and get into arguments with him all the time. If they met him in person they wouldn’t have the same response. It frustrates my friend to see these useless arguments. I’m going to take a lesson from her experience and assume that if you still haven’t let the “joke” go, this is not about your sense of humor and not respond again. Good luck!
So what you are saying is that if someone disagree with you, you assume that they are retarded. How wonderfully open minded of you. “
Popa: from Barshaatya’s post, it sounds that if you dont get responses in person or if you do get responses on a forum, then you may have problems in the mental capacity. I’m quite confused…I may just not donate blood so as not to pass on whatever it is i’m missing…;)
poster: I feel honored! good luck!
which establishment? weren’t they arrested?
No One Mourns The Wicked: lol! the same thought went through my mind!
Health: true about lakewood and some yeshivos in brooklyn too. although i have to say that having the internet “for work related reasons” is the same as having the internet…;)
Coffee addict: good idea!
coffee addict: wouldnt you stop quicker if someone held out a large cup ‘o’ coffee?!
Oh Popa! You are too much! Yes your blood is needed desparately by every hospital and blood bank! But hey, as much as you give, just remember that as much as your blood is needed for everyone, only someone with type specific is needed more than you! So I, having a rare type of blood, am in a bigger position to give than you! lol!
Oh, and the reason no one has said thank you to you, you forgot to write you name and contact number on the bag of blood…
cshapiro: lol! thats one of the main reasons i didnt move there! Lakewood is not for everyone. And, yeah, Queen Bee made an excellent suggestion. I do it with my husband and (sadly?!) this is “our time” together! After the kids are sleeping, we get to work on cleaning up! My hubby is not always home, and working full time does not help matters in the housekeeping dept either. So we do what we can.
I try not to go to sleep until the counters are clear, floors swept, bathroom sanitized, dishes washed and table washed. In the morning, we’re early risers (except hubby!!), i wash floors, clean the bathroom (yes again!!), and spray cabinet doors, and counter tops. If i dont have time, i do it later or the next day. Its actually a very accomplishing job to do. There’s a certain nachas ruach that you get when you walk into a clean house. My kids pitch in too according to their ages.
Bottom line is, if you make time for it, it can be fun. Call someone while you fold laundery or some other project, it passes the time.
Good luck!
I am no way in any position to start a program like NASI. I dabble in shidduchim here and there though.
The reason i feel that these young women cant afford to pay before is because
a) these girls, right now, give more than half their income to their parents who really need it and use the other half or most of the other half for things for themselves and siblings if the need arises.
b) for the girls that arent contributing toward the family expenses, they arent making enough to afford the exorbitant prices that NASI is “charging” after paying for their own personal expenses
But, they will be able to afford to pay the shadchan after because they will give what they can. Everyone knows that shadchanim deserve more than we can give, but to slap down a price in the thousands for one girl (in this economy) is really overdoing it. I’ve looked up to shadchanim and still do and try to emulate them, but by “charging” this astronomical price, it makes shadchanim look like what many say about them.
nistdayngesheft: in response to your response to the car analogy, if a parent decides that a bright red lexus with the lights that blind other drivers, a rooftop window to afford you air without having it whip your face…is best for you but yoyu felt that red is to showy, you want lights that dont blind other drivers, and you prefer no roftop window, would you buy it so quickly? Even though it has all the other ammenities and modern updates?
Yes chassidim do alot of research, so do non-chassidim.
Yes there is more trust in the chassidishe world, and with the trust of their parents, non chassidim go out with the boy/girl and finish off the ‘checking out’ of the girl/boy personally.
Like most have mentioned, you do what is good for you, which one is better? whichever one gets you to your basherte!
And what is with all the MO and Chassidishe bashing?! Kol Yisrael areivim! People, wake up! I have many acquatances of all different sides of the Jewish spectrum and i respect them all according to their standards! Whether they wear a full sheitel, a hat, no shaitel, half their hair showing, its not my place to put them down! Shame on all of us!
AZ: Like i said before, NASI is amazing and what they do can be unbelievable. When i said that “Why is it that only after you pay the money to NASI is it that your name gets passed on? Why cant their names be passed on without that tremendous amount and then the shadchan receive shadchanus if their suggestion works out?” I didnt mean that NASI actually took the money, i meant that in order to get your names on ‘the list’, you have to pay the few grand to the account that NASI opened up to pay the shadchan. Sorry if i wasnt clear.
By the way, i am, b”h, married. I have many friends though who are not and cant afford to join NASI. So those girls cant get on ‘the list’ because they cant afford to pay? Do you hear my point of view?
Logician: i said this was from my personal view. It was not a general statement that all men in kollel dont have the same geshmake-keit as one who works nor is it that eveyone that learns the daf learns with more geshmake than a kollel yungerman.
Longarekel: Thats true. And isnt it amazing that although they have such a busy and hectic life with working and helping out their families they still go out to learn after/before work, sometimes as early as right after the first possible shacharis or close to 10PM! We cant be teh judge of why someone leaves kollel or doesnt go altogether, but we can see how wonderful it is when they do go…
etzhar: keep it up! its great that you can keep the seder!
Toi: Lets not put anyone down. Isnt it a great idea that the time that working men put into the daily daf is with complete concentration and geshmake? I think the mesiras nefesh these men put into it is really amazing. On the other hand, kollel yumgerman also have mesiras nefesh in a different way. One of my points about why i think the daf yomi is so wonderful is that it gives even those who cant sit all day learning (for whatever reason), a daily dose. While learning all day is hard, it can become mitzvas anashim me’lumadav – a practice that comes from doing it so often that its missing something – so lets not put anyone down.
The Goq: lol! That did come out sounding wrong! I wasnt supporting the idea that one should try to get paid or pay someone off the books, my point was from the “illegals” point of view. If they cant work legally cuz they dont have a legal status, for them its a relief to find a job that can pay off the books.
Imaofthree: I agree 100%. Shadchanim deserve to be paid shadchanus, generously.
AZ: you are right too that their names are now on lists all over the country. However, my point is that yes shadchanim deserve to be paid generously, but i think that the amounts listed are very high and are not giving everyone a chance. I used to be very impressed by NASI, and to some extent, i still am. But this price did put a damper on this outlook. Why is it that only after you pay the money to NASI is it that your name gets passed on? Why cant their names be passed on without that tremendous amount and then the shadchan receive shadchanus if their suggestion works out?
I dont want to put down NASI, what you do is amazing, but there are still plenty of us who dont agree with the way this is coming about. I dont want to start a whole thread again about all this, this is how i and many others view NASI now. But tizku l’mitzvohs..
At the levaya of R’ Menachem Manis Mandel, z”l, principal of the Yeshiva of Brooklyn, some of his students said that he cared alot about his pupils. He always stopped girls in the halls and asked if they had breakfast and if they didnt, he made them go down to the schools kitchen to eat! Since then, they always eat a good breakfast!
For me, I realized how important breakfast was when i always found myself noshing in the afternoons and evenings. Now i always try to eat a bowl of cereal – usually one with high fiber and that does teh trick! I am on my way to lose weight!!
i dont have an answer to that, but the first thing that popped into my head was: with all the programs from the gov. for lower income families, and all the taxes for the middle class families, it might be easier to stay on the lower income rung…
by the way, my previous post was a rhetorical question.
@ 147: There are alot of posts in other threads with lots and lots of info on the nasi project. I couldnt get to read it all, but the bottom line is, why is Imaof three only experiencing a burst of shadchanim calling now after she paid the exorbitant price as opposed to before? Must be the whiff of a couple of grand…
abcd2: There’s a difference when someone asks “Hey do you think your wife would want to clean my toilets?” vs. “Hey, my wife needs cleaning help desperately! Do you think your wife would be interested in the job?”
Its not just our bubbies and zaidies who were fit to clean, we are too! However, those of us that do work, find it easier to have cleaning help. Those that stay at home may feel overwhelmed. And if there is a group of people that are willing to clean for a living, why is it wrong to ask them? They know they are cheaper and thats how they get more jobs! (by the way, a number of my friends have had teh experience of having an african american cleaning lady and were not happy. It seems that mexicans are much more gentle around chandeleirs, glass, and delicate china/furniture)
Many mexicans (and other nationalites) are not yet american citizens and cant find work due to their illegal status. Asking them if they want a job that is off the books is not a bad thing, especially if they want the job!
I think i covered most of your points.
By the way, i dont beleive in hiring cleaning help. The one time that i did (whom happened to have been a mexican) i was extremely uncomfortable and i dont think i’d ever do it again!
From personal experience (a womans point of view), i see a tremendous difference in those that sit in kollel all day and those that work all day and learn the daf a day.
Again this is my own personal view of the people i know, love, and care for (brothers, brothers in law, husband, father, father in law, grandfathers, and a couple of neighbors and friends)
I noticed that the men who learn the daf and cant learn all day because they’re busy making a parnassah for their family, they learn with a greater geshmake than those learning in kollel.
I am in no way putting down those in kollel! They learn with a tremendous geshamke, but the working men who wish they could learn but cant, really appreciate the time they have in the beis medrash.
Again, I am not bashing men in kollel!
call your chosson/kallah teacher. They can reccommend someone or give a refresher course if you help build a class. Thats what i did and my kallah teacher gave a refresher for about 10 women in our neighborhood.
oomis1105: good one! i totally agree!
lol!! i never heard of pi day in my life! this is really funny!
mamshtakah: from my experience with dor yesharim in high school, no one is forced, there is pressure to do it but no one is forced. I had a friend who’s mother was insistant that her daughter have her blood drawn in a sterile environment, not in some office at school. Then there were the complete sephardi girls that didnt take it at all and there were a couple of girls with mixed ashkenaz/sefard in the family tree so they did take it.
Its really nothing to worry about. Its in and out and thats it. Of course its fun to make a big deal about it, so maybe do the whole song and dance about how nervous you are and then you will be pleasantly surprised about how easy it was! 😉
If its not the money, why not lower the amounts so that others can afford it too?
Derech: except for the fact that your coworker is my cousin and i gave it to them…
the “ithe”berg…
my boss walking in while i’m on ywcr