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gavra_at_work: that’s interesting. I always thought tuition would be considered hotzaos. Although I’d have to agree with your rav that paying a huge amount for tuition wouldnt be considered hotzaos cuz only a portion of it is actually for your child while the rest is to make up for a portion of someone else’s tuition.
apushatayid: “Given some of the outrageous things attributed to your user name I didnt know this was even possible.” I have to admit that something along this line went through my head too, but i dont think it’s nice to publicize it.
kny: cant be 2 months, this is something a long time wife would say, not a newbie…!
reyidd23: then that would for sure be “veibeshe torah”!
popa_bar_abba: Why would your wife complain? You can always tell her you want to please her and say things that’ll be interesting to her.
Syag Lchochma and Streekgeek: I apologize for making such a lame statement. It was a poor excuse for a corny line. As rebyidd23 commented “children are good people who get evil as they grow up sometimes”. This is more accurate!
Streekgeek: I’m really sorry for not printing your ‘name’ correctly! I am usually pretty good about the spelling of a persons name so that they dont get offended.
Shame on you! I happen to be a ‘normal – to – fast paced talker’ and recently found myself tripping over my words making me slow down a bit. I’m not a slow talker, and i do understand where you’re coming from, but now that this started happening to me, I understand the feelings of the “slow talker”! Think before you speak! (in fact, that may be why people talk slow..maybe try to emulate them instead of knocking them)
Sammyjoe: This is a great question. For me, as others have mentioned, hope that i would that i could withstand such a nisayon. Truth is that there are times (usually after something scary/sad happens. Like what happened with Leiby Kletzky, Suri Feldman, etc…) that my imagination runs wild and i imagine myself in an accident or being abducted or beaten by scary men if i wouldnt commit certain aveiros (every time its something different). The situation feels so real sometimes and i actually feel scared and threatened or i’d feel strong and victorious.
In a time of shmad, we’d have to give up our lives. But what about nowadays?
yummmmm!
Guilty as charged! Except that i only quote opinions on questions i’ve asked and only if i happen to come across that topic irl.
streetgeek: I thought we were all born jerks and only some of us mature…
Popa_bar_abba: ?
notasheep: I agree with what you posted except for not signalling when you are in a filter lane. If you are turning your steering wheel (yes even when you are making a k-turn!!) then the blinkers should be flicked on. Doesnt matter where you are or who’s around you.
So annoying! Its just as bad as not stopping at a stop sign! Its annoying as a pedestrian and frustrating as a fellow driver.
If everything else sounds good about this boy and the only thing holding you back is this “but”, then skip over it for now and finish the rest of the sentence. Go out with the boy and see if what you see is what you want to get! It cant hurt to go out… b’hatzlacha!
You have to use seichel to know when to let the other think they are right/smarter. Syag l’Chachma shtika
popa_bar_abba: Thought you were a man?! If you are self conscious that your divrei torah were too veibish, maybe find a new chavrusa. Also, maybe you can post what this “veibishe devar torah” is so we can see if it is indeed a veibishe devar torah or if you are just really, really deep making the devar torah seem veibish…
tried greek yogurt – not a fan. However, Normans lowfat yogurt – not the Bio one – is absolutely delicious! I have never tasted a yogurt that good! I usually only eat 80 calorie yogurts, but one time i accidentally grabbed a lowfat normans and after i took one spoonful, i was hooked!
Oh gosh! This situation is a little to familiar to me. I have this friend i used to go to when i was in school and i would sleep over when we studied for finals/regents. In the morning, her father would daven brachos and say sh’ma at home before going to shul. (he was one of those that never got to shul on time, which could’ve been prevented if he’d get to shul before davening brachos at home..) Anyway, when he’d say shma, he’d say one word at a time, pausing and mumbling the kavanos one should have when reciting shma, and after about 3 seconds he’d continue to the next word and do the same thing. I used to think he was a huge tzaddik, until i started to really think about the hefsek and talking in the middle of davening – let alone shema!
This is ridiculous.
To the starter of this thread: If you are comfortable giving $700 a week to your wife and its working out, then why do you care what other people do?!
To those that are putting his wife down: Its none of your business what his wife uses the money for! His question was ‘how much do you give your wife per week for the family bugdet?’ Not ‘is it ok for my not working wife to have cleaning help’! And if he can afford to give $700 a week without her going to work, good for him! He didnt ask you what you thought about his wife not working! He knows his wife is irresponsible financialy, therefore needing a budget, and that his wife needs the cleaning help (whether its justified or not that she needs/wants cleaning help is not for us to decide), which is included in the budget!
By the way, I work 1 and 1/2 jobs, have no cleaning help and have a few young children. I may not agree with how much and what the wife uses the money for, but that wasnt his question and its none of my business.
Life is awesome! thanks for spreading your happiness!
I dont answer the door to strangers when my husband isnt home. Of course there are exceptions. When my husband is home, we usually allow the children to give the money.
However, 2 nights ago, after a particularly grueling day and my husband had to be up really early the next morning, we went to sleep by 9:30. Now i dont care if in your house you stay up until 12AM or later, there is a certain time that you just dont visit/call people after. Anyway, a short while later, the bell rings, not just one time, not twice…I jumped out of bed so that my husband wouldnt be woken up, thinking it was probably an emergency if someone is coming at such a late hour. And what do you know?! A meshulach! I calmly told him that now was not a good time (over the intercom) and good night. Meshulachim should go to a ‘meshulachim etiquette’ course.
takahmamash: I’m so sorry for your loss! hamakom yenacheim eschem b’soch sh’ar avlei tzion vYerushalayim. May you only have good ttidings to share with us. I cannot understand what you are going through, but as hard as it may be for you, try to remember that your parents have done so much for you to get to this point in your life for so much longer than 2 years. And although they were able to see nachas and you wont see/get any physical ‘rewards’ from your duties, you will reap them. The s’char is that much more.
WIY: +1
Haleivi: why would you look for a way out of honoring your parents neshama to the fullest after all they’ve given you? I’m sure its difficult, but it’s huge.
I will not squish people into my van. I have an eight seater with 8 seatbelts. I dont care if i have to drive more often in carpool due to less families in the carpool, i will not allow anyone to ride in my van without a seatbelt – sharing a seatbelt is not an option.
Bottom line is women should dress according to halacha and use their heads too…
If the girls side is notified that he has no parnassah at this time but is in school, its usually not a problem. Most girls too are in school and/or working. The lucky few can even get support from their parents for a set amount of time. In any case, as long as the girls side is notified, there shouldn’t be an issue.
Whats wrong with leather parts in a garment? IMHO leather jackets are quite ugly. I have the same opinion about denim jackets. But thats just an opinion. I would never thrust my opinions on someone else. Wear what you want as long as its in teh parameters of tznius!
I actually thing that leather/pleather additions to a garment is very nice and is classy too.
That is a fortune! I’m actually looking for a new wig and priced out a few companies. European hair is more expensive than most other hair. I’m not in the position to spend so much right now so I’m looking into the cheaper line of Fortune wigs called Mazali wigs. Also Esther Aron wigs are supposed to be very good. She also has a cheaper line of mixed asian and european hair.
lol! Isnt it nuts how so many women wear black? and its not just skirts…I’m guilty as charged too! I mainly have black.
As i was growing up everyone around me always wore black. I have a more conservative style black, white and grays were my colors from when i was a teen. I do like colors and started to venture out of my comfort zone. however, my skirts stay black…
Used to be that the mens section at a wedding was all black and white with the womens section being a colorful array of outfits. Now, they are both about the same…
shidduchim are like “where’s waldo?”, we now he’s out there, but he’s hard to find…
from Long Island: hear, hear!!
Its interesting, but no matter what i make, Hashem is really there to help us pay our bills. When an unexpected expense comes up, somehow Hashem sends teh money to us. It may be immediately after teh expense, before the expense came up or after weeks/months of stress about how we will pay that expense. Davening and having real bitachon in Hashem helps.
on a tightrope
ikno: First of all, kudos to you for doing your best! May all teachers care about their students the way you do and try as much as you do to reach every student!
As a general rule, children want to please. When i say children, it does not mean under 10 years of age. As they get older and hormones come into play,and/or problems in the home come up, and/or there isnt enough parental availability, and/or there’s a learning disability, etc…. the list goes on and on. A child is bound to act up. It can be for attention that they arent getting at home, it can be to cover up an insecurity, it can be a cry for help, or it can just be that this is what they see in their home!
In most girls schools, there is a mechaneches that usually talks to the girls to see what makes them tick. Sometimes a students favortie teacher can be of help even more. Maybe walk the student down the block on her way home and let her know that you are there for her. Maybe ask her favorite teacher to talk to her. In high school, its not an embarassment to be seen walking with a teacher.
Good luck!
Health: I certainly did miss you! i just thought you were posting on other threads. I’m sorry to hear you are not well. May you have a refuah shelaimah!
streekgeek: thanks for letting us know about the hespeidim in lakewood! I judged too quickly and shouldnt have!
adam12: i dont know why or how, but the news of the petirah of R’ Elyashiv spread amongst our community and there was a sadness in the air.
apashutayid: I was not parroting, but I will acknowledge that i did judge hastily. I was saddened to hear about the petirah and even more so that i didnt know about it sooner.
wallflower: I dont know why you had to bring up this whole idea of ashkenazim having some sort of ‘reverse affirmative action’. A yid is a yid is a yid. True, the sephardim have different minhagim than ashkenazim, but a tzaddik is a tzaddik is a tzaddik and it hurts to lose one of the last gedolim.
ferd: please tone down your posts! They seem to be full of animosity and they shouldnt be. You and I have judged to quickly and should be humbled by the amount of yeshivos and bais yaakov’s that have had hespedim and said tehillim for R’ Ovadia.
I apologize to anyone that was hurt by my comment on the previous page. I judged too quickly. Mi K’amcha Yisrael?!
A gadol was niftar and if not for the fact that it was mentioned here on yeshiva world, i wouldnt have known about it until my husband would mention it or until our shabbos magazines arrived.
It is a shame. One of teh last gedolei b’yisrael was taken away from us and it wasnt publicized the way other gedolim’s petiros were. I am ashkenaz. I work. And when i found out, as i am sure many other working people did when they found out, was say ‘BD”E’ and then look for stories about him. No, i couldnt fly out to E”Y, but i was able to learn a tiny bit of what a special person he was and the impact he has had on many.
Yes, IMHO, I believe that people can feel sad that a place with a tremendous amount of limud torah, that has had gedolim walk their halls, that has kollel yungerleit, and many others learning torah there, and they didnt stop for a half hour to learn l’zecher nishmas R’ Ovadia zt”l. Or even just to say tehillim for half an hour. As mentioned above, even girls schools stopped to say tehillim!! (not to put down girsl schools, but if girls schools can stop for R’ Ovadiah, halevai that yeshivos should stop too)
I got one without kissing up, just ask nicely…
dstern40: I dont know any shadchanim off-hand, but there are Jewish dating websites like Frumster.com. May it be with much hatzlacha!
i figured!! lol! thanks for the recognition! I was wondering when one is “eligible” for a coveted subtitle!! guess i reached that milestone!
lovehashem: This is a very personal thing that should come from you and only you. If you cant think of anything, then you dont have to write a letter. Many kallahs dont. A simple “I’ll miss you” or “I cant wait for our wedding” will do the trick too!
Besalel and Veltz Meshugener: lol! Thanks for the laugh!
Hey?! why am i on probation?!
jwashing: if its not for him, why doesnt he suggest it for his brother?
OP: as mentioned by others, ask a relative or friend to redt it. good luck!!
Wow! this thread has so many opinions, its scary! I read almost all the posts and decided to add my own thoughts:
1) we cannot judge previous generations! what is an issue now with tznius is affected by and is a result of influences from today!
2) a woman is required to cover certain parts of her body. it is not always easy, but there is a very large variety of clothing and alot of stores with different price ranges that sell tznius clothing.
3) dress how you want for your husband, dont dres that way in public for others to be attracted to you. This reminds me of a story my kallah teacher once told me.
A couple went to E”Y on vacation and the wife realized when she landed that she didnt have a head for her shaitel. Not knowing what to do, she started to knock on neighbors doors. A rebbitzen answered at her first stop. Dressed in a turban with a shpitzel and ultra tznius clothing and being a chashuva woman, the wife started to stammer about knocking on the wrong door and was about to turn away when the woman asked her if she could help her in any way. Stammering and blushing, she told her what she needed and asked if she knew someone who had an extra shaitel head. The woman invited her in and to teh wifes surprise, handed her the head. The wife was so surprised and the woman said, i wear my beautiful clothing for my husband, not for public.
I dont know how to tell this story as my kallah teacher did, but you get the point.
I think i have one of the best subtitles: Member! i belong to the CR!!! Yay!
apashutayid: thanks for sharing! That was sharp!
writersoul: It says in Velamalshinim: v’chol harisha’ah krega toveid vihazeidim, miheira siaker, usishaber, usmager.. And in english that means “..and all the wicked ones in a minute be destroyed and the (not sure of the exact meaning of the word zeidim, but its along the lines of ‘evil ones’) quickly uproot and break (not sure of the exact meaning of the word ‘semager’ but its a similar meaning to siaker and sishaber)
Outsider: what you say is a bit complicated for the following reasons. For someone who has a strong belief system and knows how to ‘deal’ with being mekarev others, then kol hakavod, they should keep a kesher with the ‘not-yet frum’ person. But someone who is just beginning their journey back to Judaism might not have the spiritual stregnth to be close with said person. Backing off a bit from teh relationship might be teh only way. I’m not in the position of saying drop the person completely, but i do feel that to acheive his/her goal, backing off a bit is necessary. Most of us are not on the level of Rabbi Hillel or the Ba’al shem tov that we wont be influenced by the outside world and its enticements.
I’m sorry that you had unpleasant encounters with ‘traditional’ Jews.
ultimaterock : for me, its gotta be cold turkey or it doesnt work. I will definitely be more careful when i shop and probably wont buy skirts online anymore either.
gavra_at_work: You are so right, “devarim hayotz’im min halev, nichnasim el halev”
ultimaterock: kol hakavod to you! May you continue to grow from stregnth to stregnth! We all fall to peer pressure. If you feel that keeping a close connection to this friend may sway you, then back away. I always thought i was strong spiritually and wouldnt fall for certain things. However, I made a close friend and after a few months, i noticed a subtle change in myself. I realized i was unconsiously picking up things that i would never have imagined myself falling for! I quickly backed off and although it took some time, i was able to work on myself and correct what i needed to.
jewishfeminist02: While what you say may be true for some, I feel it can be detrimental to most. Not everyone is strong enough to control the small things that may influence them without them realizing it.