Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
thats a great idea!
yes, its very powerful in todays day and age…
” It bothers me Chizz bec instead of people deciding to work on bein adam l’chaverio during elul, they’re being cholov yisroel and think they are being so holy. when the reason we’re in galus is bec of the way we treat each other, not bec we’re eating hershey bars. get your priorities straight. “
a) the bottom line is that they are working to make themselves better. we are not to judge how or what someone should work on. This reminds me of a friend who was so obsessed with keeping her house clean that she would use a sponge every shabbos to clean her dishes. she knew ti was wrong adn couldnt help it. one day she decided to stop usinga sponge on shabbos. when she told me, i was so happy for her. if she would’ve told someone else, they would not understand the significance.
b)the reason we’re in galus as you so accurately state is because of the way (or lack of) we treat each other. lets start by judging others favorably…
i heard tori wigs is very accomodating…they cut on you and no pressure to buy. sounds like a great place to try
@BPGirl – why would you examine every person that passes by? Dont we have doctors for that?!
On a more serious note, “examining” someone is considered staring. When someone says that someone else is staring at them, it doesnt mean that their eyes are wide open and staring, it means that the person is looking at them in a way that makes them uncomfortable, in other words “examining” them.
@PBA – i always bring something to my in laws or parents to show my gratitude. Even though parents and in laws want you to come and shep lotsa nachas and look at it as special to have you (at least mine do) I feel that its alot of work to invite a whole family for a shabbos. usually i bake a desert or make a kugel or i give an updated picture in a frame.
i hear ya. thanx for the clarification
@shlish, staring is wrong. i dont think there is any justifiable reason. I just stated that the difference between the chinese in chinatown staring and the BP’ers staring is that one group stares adn turns away, and one group stares, judges, and passes on their opinion…
difference is that in china they stare at you and when you pass by, thats the end of it.
i only saw 2. there’s a 3rd? Middle Path, both of those compositions are really good!
@chein, so according to what you wrote, why is buying life insurance (that not everyone needs) and buying a plot (which everyone needs) a segula for arichas yamim? (see first post)
wow! i just finished the first song and its beautiful! you have talent!
mazel tov!
we had a similar issue and added a name.
isnt buying a burial plot a similar issue?
I know exactly what you mean. People stare and sometimes dont even realize it, which makes it even worse.
I tell my children every so often not to stare and point at people.
one of my children has a physical disability and people stare. my child is too young to understand why, but it pains me. and this makes me more sensitive about this issue.
@yahud – good point!
i used to be insulted when a man would do that. but now, i just got used to it and i dont even think about it.
its interesting to read what was previously written. It makes me realize that instead of it just being okay with me, i should realize the ‘greatness’ and take pride in being part of such a nation that takes such precautions!
something similar comes to mind. I used to be disgusted when Kosher eateries and restaurants would name their establishment or name some of their food similar to non kosher establishments. then i just accepted it. But now i realize that this is something that we can find positive – it gives those with a taiva for those delicious looking non kosher advertisements a kosher subsitute.
everyone leaves this world at some point. unfortunately some leave this world when their children are still young leaving the spouse with enormous responsibilities and financial obligations that are more difficult to hold up with only one parent/guardian. like the goq said, its irresponsible not to have.
this is interesting. i love music and as mentioned above, it does bring me to a higher spiritual standing when i listed to music that is composed from a passuk. i always read the words and what they mean when i buy a CD/tape (from teh paper that comes in teh tape or CD) and when the passuk is mentioned during leining or when i get up to it during davening, i really know what i’m saying and what it really means.
or when someone asks you somethin and you respond and they say “shut up!” so why did you ask?!
I have a hard time letting go of relationships, especially in situations where the other party needs help. I know i wasnt the one who should be giving advice in the following situation, so i wrote this letter:
Dear _____,
I know you are in a difficult situation now, and therefore i am writing you this letter with as much sensitivity as i possiblly can.
I wrote this immediately after the letter you sent me with all your ‘grand plans’. That letter you sent me tore my heart to shreds and with those pain filled shreds, I write this letter.
You know i love your children almost as much as i love my own.
Why?! Why?! Why have you chosen to leave the right path? Why do you strive to hurt your children in the long run? Dont you see that your children are suffering?! Dont you see that if you continue this way you will destroy them?! Please! Please stop this! Its not too late! I am willing to be there for you if i was able to, just like i was until now!! And i am only unable to because of your selfishness and pettiness!
I am in such pain as i write this. I know i may hurt you with this letter but only because it is the truth! You are tearing them apart! You are ruining your life! How many more people do you need to tell you this?! How much longer will you fill your children with the terrible things that you do?! Why must they suffer because of your mistake?!
I hope G-d gives you a wake up call.
Aries- totally agree!
After answering a hwole bunch of questions for a about 30 minutes, this lady asks me the shape of her eyes and teh space between it…reminded me of the story with r’ akiva and the man who tried to make him upset with many sily questions…
maybe lots of men and boys are still learning at this time? at night is when most working women with children do their shopping and there are very few stores in teh 20’s and the teens, with exceptions of kings hwy, ave m, ave j,..among others. like someone else mentioned-bp and willi have many simcha halls. or maybe those ‘quiet area’ dwellers have kavod habriyos for those that are sleeping… the list goes on..
You can buy a hard plastic hat box that is the exact shape of a black hat and it has a handle on top. He can tie it to the handle of his briefcase and it’ll be perfectly safe. Or like zachkessin wrote put it in his briefcase (in this special hatbox so it does not gt ruined.)
i hear that some mohelim unofficially charge $1000 -$1500. I dont think its the neighborhood but rather the mohel you use. The mohel we used was $450-$500. Still alot for just a bris, but cheaper than other mohelim.
I didnt have time to read through all the posts, but i wanted to point out that when my son had his bris, my husband was told that the going rate to pay a mohel was around $450-$500. A few months later, i was talking to a neighbor and she said that some mohelim get up to $1000 or more!
My point is that everyones ‘going rate’ is different. Shadchanim who are more well known usually get more, but when i enter teh shidduch scene for my children, how am i supposed to know who is more well know or more chashuv?! tell them straight out what you charge. if you’re vague, you cant be upset about not getting paid.
i seriously almost started laughing when i read the op. unlike band falls, i’ve never had a question about a pony shaitel! its interesting to see the reasons why people may see it as ‘untznius’. But like cherrybim said “There’s no mitzva to be more machmir than our poskim, who have not assired it.”
elicpa: well written! but i have a few comments:
maybe for shluchim it’s not a necessity, I could be wrong but i seem to recall that the gedolim did say that we should send our girls to Bais Yaakov (Sara Schneirer times). I believe that the same goes for boys as well.
Cell phones for children under a certain age can be considered a luxury – what happened to pay phones? Schools still have pay phones and even stores are nice enough to allow use of their phones (sometimes for 25 cents).
A second car can also be considered a luxury in most cases-what happened to public transportation or walking?!
i live in ny and our rent/mortgage is very high. and like hudi said, i’m very hesitant to leave my comfort zone.
But even though its true that the cost of living is lower and tuition is higher which may make it tempting to move; there is one major thing that is here and not there. That is neighbors. When one has children, neighbors are very important, especially in nice weather – tznius, friends, etc… Besides, the gvt services that you can get here, are not available out of NY. I dont know much about gvt help for food, housing, and the like, but i do know that there is no other city that’ll give you services (in my case for a disabled child) like nyc.
good point! difference is you cant see the person so opposite gender cant attract you. Cant see what kind of clothing they’re wearing and you cant see if its a man or woman! Why shouldnt it be okay?
If i went out with a guy who stuttered, which i have, i’d try not to let it become an issue. i mean, it does make a difference if the guy would sort of ‘break the ice’ instead of making a big deal about it or waiting for me to say something. The guy i went out with did make a small joke about it and that was it. Our date went okay and his stutter wasnt an issue. (no, i did not end up marrying him, but he was nice!!)
good luck!
i’m in shape, round is a shape.
I thought i saw
Who i think i see
But I’m not so sure
That they saw me!
lol!! good one, ICOT!
@ adorable, but on the positive side, at least someone is thinking of her and not only that, she comes up with names!! All single girls should be so lucky!
cupcake decorating – give each kid a small bowl with a bit of cream and a spoon, some sprinkles and other edibles to put on top.
or go to oriental trading and order a simple arts n crafts – do a search for ‘color your own’ on their website and you’ll get alot of inexpensive and great crafts!
Doesnt a kallah wear white because it is her yom kippur?
Isnt a kallah considered a queen and dont queens wear gowns?
Isnt a kallah covered from head to toe when she walks down the aisle?
Maybe the OP should have read: why is there a wedding if the whole point of a wedding is that a man and woman are becoming one unit to build a bayis ne’eman? Isnt this a very private mitzvah?
Adorable,
i read this thread and it brought back terrible memories. I too went through this ‘stage’ in my life after my sem year. At work i’d go onto sites that i never in my life would think i would ever go on. I read and saw such things that i knew i shouldnt. It killed me so often but i got addicted adn i couldnt stop. It came to a point where i just wanted to change but couldnt!
Finally, one day, over a year later, i said THATS IT! I must stop! And you know what, i really tried! i was able to stop for a couple of hours adn then i’d slip. a few minutes later i’d stop and i was ‘good’ the rest of teh day. This happened so often but eventually i stopped and i felt so much better…But i still wished i hadnt been exposed to all that ‘shmutz’!
I am now married, b”h and i feel that while it was a terrible thing that i did, its over and i can work on myself every day to be better than the day before.
Just try a little bit every day and you’ll get there…
i was at a friend of mine and we were talking about this issue. She said that she was told to leave her husband (i dont knwo if she meant the D word or just to seperate temp) if he hit her even once. another friend said that its wrong to leave after one hit cuz what if he did it by mistake and didnt mean it?
IMO, hitting is hitting and if he hits once, he may hit again.
What do you think?
maybe he doesnt know how to park that well and when dealing with a car, its hard for a man to say he doesnt know – like asking directions…lol!
After reading almost all teh posts here, i am laughing so hard…Here in flatbush, there are many babysitters (at least when i was in high school…) I didnt particularly love babysitting, but i didnt mind it.
I knew that i was going there to do a job and i was getting paid. For what? For watching their kids, and taking care of them. Nothing more. Not for pizza to be delivered for me, not for them to buy special food or nosh for me, not to call long distance or any call for that matter, but solely to watch the kids. AND THAT IS WHAT I DID! My hosts (feels weird to call them boss’) were usually very kind and specifically told me that i can help myself to nosh and food adn i can use the phone. I rarely did.
I did lay down on teh couch when i was tired (weddings ending at 1 or 2AM, yes if i didnt mind to babysit that night, i was usually very flexible with time) I would try not to fall asleep or if i did, i slept lightly so that i woke up when they came home.
Gosh, babysitters these days think they are VIP. Either take the job or dont! Tell them time, what kind of food you prefer or dont, tell them to call you or dont. Just see if they’ll call you the next time..And if they dont take your requests seriously, DONT GO!!
a neighbor of mine got a ticket for not shoveling. i hope all those that dont shovel get tickets. i dont have the guts, but i keep on planning to call the city every time i pass a non shoveled house.
mmmm…garlic mayo is awesome…
if you need it, use it.
Someone once asked me if i was on a certain program to which i responded, my husband and i both get paid on the books so fortunately/unfortunately we are not eligible.
It bothers me immensely that the middle class who works so hard are not eligible for any prgrams and struggle to pay bills (tuition, utilites, babysitters, credit cards…u name it). But those that have one income get gvt. help for rent, food, utilites, etc…
Then again, b”h we dont have to rely on those programs…
I dont know, something doesnt feel right about this whole issue. But if you are eligible, take advantage. Like a previous poster said, i’d like to know that my tax dollars are helping someone in kollel…
vacation,
I’ll respond to you ‘al rishon rishon’:
-Totally agree!
-When someone says their looking for midos first and looks is secondary, it can be 100% true. But if some great guy/gal with great middos is difficult to look at, yes it may play a large factor in a negative response! Doesnt mean that looks are everything..
-good point!
-true true true! When i was in a bank in the city, there was a muslim passing by, he looked at his watch and put down his prayer rug and knelt down to pray. If they can do it 6x’s a day, halevai we can do it 3x’s a day!
used to ride the subway. got a crack out of the people who would start singing songs from their religion with their eyes closed and then give a whole spiel about how thier god is the one, we will be punished, we have to be better…
also crack up when collectors give their speech about how they wont use the money for drugs and alcohol and come around smelling like alcohol and who knows what…lol!
o come on! Everyone experiences life and believe it or not, dating is part of life! Just as people like to share different aspects of their life, there is no reason why one cant share their dating experience!
For those that are married, its something to laugh about! For those that are not, it gives dating a little bit of spice to hear and share in others funny, scary, daring dates!
I had one crazy first date that i would love to share but cannot cuz then my identity will be out there…