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i still didnt get that CAPTCHA challenge! anyone else having this issue? i waited before clicking on submit but nothing other than a line for my first and last name, city, state, zip, email showed and then an optional box to check off and then submit! but it doesnt work!
ayc: here goes again! i didnt get that little puzzle when i tried before. i’ll let you know if it worx now…
golden mom: i totally agree. I just brought out htis one aspect cuz finances is what the OP was talking about.
well good luck with everything! may this year be one of simcha for all of us!
adorable: you are an inspiration.
oldie but goodie!
s? m? t?
sea shells: “I suggest you wish Adorable a heartfelt mazel tov! she’s B”H over and done with the parsha, so she probably knows more about it than you do. “
Wow that was quite a statement! First of all, warmest mazel tov wishes adorable! Second, as a married woman of a few years, and as a friend who worx on shidduchim all the time for my friends and others, i have to say that i do know quite a bit about this.
kissthecook: Gotta agree with you. I cant stand the labeling. just because a guy wears colored shirts,or a girl dyes her hair, (not referring to colors like blue or green) or a guy doesnt wear a black hat, or a girl with short/long hair doesnt mean they are off or different! its the inside that counts! And you mentioned that you are redt girls that are OTD, sometimes ones basherte takes a detour, whether its a spiritual turn or emotional turn or maybe just taking a long time to get to their bashert. But they WILL get there!
hatzlacha!
s? m?
This topic is interesting to me cuz i used to tell my husband that i was afraid of having too many children that we couldnt afford. Myhusband always said, Hashem knows what he is doing and to whom He is giving what, and what He gives is what we can afford or we will make ourselves afford.
And you know what? He was right! time and again Hashem proves to me that He is watching out for us and there for us!
Whether its in the form of a bonus from my boss or his, a refund from somewhere, a gift from a relative…it just comes!
By the way, we’re up to 24,448 as of 10/4 9:32AM
I get this error message:
The answer you entered for the CAPTCHA challenge was not correct.
whats that?
i tried to sign but i keep getting soem sort of error when i sign up.
adorable: I thought it was uncommon for a frum woman, or rather anyone frum, who was married, to go off the derech like that. Unfortunately it seems like it may be more common that I’d like to think…:(
bein hasedorim: thats so nice of you to want to daven for my friends! I would give you the list of girls for tehillim but i think that it would be good if maybe you just said a special homemade tefilla, or perek of tehillim with all the single girls out there that need shidduchim…
adorable: i dont know how old you are or if you are even in the parsha of shidduchim. If you are in this parsha, you would not find it hard to believe. I wish you only the best and hope that your bashert comes quickly.
To boost my friends morale when they do vent to me, i always say, “you only need one. only one shidduch. the right one. Just keep davening and believing that Hashem will send him soon…”
bein hasedorim: just read your post now. sorry didnt respond earlier.
I dont know where you’ve been these past couple of years, but its sadly the truth. They have not had a date yet! and they are not overwieght. they are decnt looking girls with great middos and nice personalities.
Golden Mom: As far as i’ve seen, their parents have been involved so far. For my friends who are older than that, i cant say they want their parents involved anymore..
observanteen: in response to why i didnt send it. i cant. i dont want to give out any identifying information so i’ll try to tell you teh situation. A very close family friend has a son that got married, had children, then got divorced. During thier short marriage, i got to be very close with this particular daughter in law. After they got divorced, she started to change. Gradually at first, but then more boldly. She no longer covers her hair (which is not something i can judge, but i doubt she got a heter), does not dress tznius, sends her children to public school, doesnt teach them any Jewish topics, has a goy as a boyfriend and let him move in, and i could go on and on…
At first she was talking to me but because of my and my families long time relationship with her ex’s family, she chose to ignore me and will have nothing to do with me…
Recently i wrote the following letter. Understand that this letter was written a few months ago at a moment of utter frustration and anger at this woman. I know that its during aseres y’mei t’shuva now, and believe me when i say i’m working on myself not to hate her. Again this letter was written a while ago.:
________,
I dont even know what to say anymore. Well who cares what i have to say because YOU OBVIOUSLY DONT! How could you do what you are doing?! How could you live with yourself?!
There are so many couples that want but cant have children and you take yours and let them be abused physically, emotionally, and spiritually! HOW DARE YOU! You are not fit to be a human being let alone a mother! You told me time and again that you are doing the best you can but let’s cut to the chase, your talk is garbage! You dont give a hoot about your children! You just used me to get sympathy and validate your wrongdoings! well guess what! I dont care about you any more! I dont care what happens to you! I hope social services sees beneath your dirty little act and takes the children away from you!
And lastly, I hope G-d gives you more than a wake up call…
mytake: well said!
yungerman1: i’m not arguing your point or disagreeing that girls do get a greater independance by going to E”Y. And I’m sure everyone agrees on that. But it is not a necessity to go to E”Y for sem. Going to a good local (or not so local) seminary helps you grow in other areas. And you know what? there is nothing wrong with calling your mother for a recipe or what to make for supper, or where you can get higher quality for less $$…that’s not called dependance, thats called growing up.
i’m in the same boat, dont know anything about this Joseph character that everyone else seems to know about, unless the name says ‘mod’ i dont know anyone else that is a mod, and i miss Dr. Pepper!
workaholic: i’m not so familiar to the extent of not talking to the chosson before the wedding. But wouldnt your future in laws be happy that you feel good about your decision? As Haleivi pointed out, its compeletly normal to have doubts, most everyone does. But only meeting someone for such a short time does give you the right to request one more meeting. Its a major life decision after all.
Stamagoy: Sometimes airing an issue to strangers who are willing to listen and make time to listen and respond is easier than talking to someone you know, such as this case where the OP feels uncomfortable and unsure if she should bring up the issue with her family. A stranger in the street is not ready to stop sit down and listen and/or give advice. As opposed to CR posters who sign in to listen and give advice.
I’m fascinated by the ‘chassidish way’ of “dating”. I’m not chassidish and find that i would never be able to “date” the ‘chassidish way’. However, that’s just the way i was brought up. (litvish)
I dont think that dating gets you any closer to knowing the truth about someone than a sit in. I’m married a couple of years and still learn new things about my husband every day. Its a growingand learning experience and i wish you the best and much hatzlacha!
Herr Himmel: i agree with you.
With finances so hard these days, i think its not necessary to send your daughter overseas for seminary. One is not obligated to send their daughter to Israel just because she wants to. With a son, its a different story, if a boy feels he’ll learn better in Israel, then i remember learning that one is obligated to send him there. There are more than enough seminaries here in the US or overseas that are cheaper than Israel with just as good or better hashkafa than Israeli seminaries.
i agree with shlishi, although there are exceptions.
why dont u just skip the whole question “tell me about the girl” cuz the answer will be “she’s a great girl!” Just ask “i heard so and so is a great girl, can you tell me about her?”
Unfortunately, shidduchim is really tough. I have to say that I got married only a few short years ago and the difference in the way shidduchim are done are so different.
I have a number of friends who have never dated! i have some friends who are 22, 23 and have never been redt a shidduch! they have been on the market since 19! i dont know how old you are but my other friends who are 25 /26 and have only been on 3 dates since 19 years old, they would love to know that people are thinking of them! weather the shidduch is turned down or some other reason its stopped, they appreciate knowing that someone thought of them.
Try not to let it bother you. I know its upsetting and frustrating, but just be thankful that people are thinking of you.
May Hashem help you and all the others in this situation find their bashert quickly.
popa: thanks for the laugh! its an old joke in our family (and i’m sure many others) and every time i see that line, it cracks me up!
wanderingchana: thats a good question that has yet to be answered. i work and like many other woman in my position with little children, its hard and as much as i would love to be the sole supporter so my husband can learn full time, i physically cant do it all. my husband learns full time and is on call for his job full time too. He works late into the night so that he can learn as much as possibleduring the day. But, unlike those “better than thou” men who think that they must learn all day and night and leave the burden of working and the responsibilites of bringing up children to their wives, my husband actually cares about my health and sanity. After seeing so many of my friends overworked and hardly having any time for themselves if any, i appreciate my husband more and more…
soleik: i believe that learning torah is very important for the man of the Jewish family/house, but i agree with you that it is important for him to be there for them too whether it means working part time or working full time and learning at night…
@health: i wish i knew who you were! i have a friend who always brinds up this argument about how she will not vaccinate her kids whatsoever and she has a whole list of excuses and me, being that i’m not so educated in this area, i dont have such good responses! maybe i should just print out this whole discussion… or maybe i should just let her have her opinion and i have mine…
@ popa: “This is simply the fact. Once you donate a kidney, you are not supposed to do any contact sports, and there are all sorts of other lifestyle changes as well. Ask your doctor.”
sometimes facts are distorted or in this case, it may be that this fact only applies to a small percentage of donors. As seen above, there are a number of donors who are back to themselves with no change and i’m sure there are more.
@health: “I am a medical professional, in spite of what some posters here have said about me. You can take my opinion as a prof. or as anon. poster -it’s up to you. We in the medical profession don’t formulate opinions from one case.
I have some serious doubts on which is safer. If I were you, I’d discuss this with a Rov who is knowledgable in medicine before proceeding. You can mention to him my doubts and let him ask top Nephrologists their opinion. “
I didnt know you were in the medical field, this changes the way i understand your response. I definitely would discuss with a rav before i do anything. thanks
i too was looking into donating through renewal.
popa: after reading all the responses, do you still feel that one cannot do the same sports/excersizes as before the donation?
health: after reading all the above responses, would you still have doubts about the donation if the infection didnt affect your friend? (i’m not lessening the importance or hurt you feel about your friends untimely passing, just want to hear an objective opinion)
as said time and again here, the pros far outwiehg the cons.
this is such a long topic! hey mods, whats the longest thread on this site?
My husband helps around the house all the time. Laundry is one thing that i wont even ask him to do though.
Teh 80’s…the best of times cuz i was born then..lol! Seriously though, i do miss those simple and carefree days…
“That is exactly what she is doing. Brachos on this block. Korbanos on the next. Ashrei on yet another block.
Please try not to be so negative when looking at people. I know we are not all on the magreiga of the Berditchiver, but less than 2 weeks away from the Yom Hadin it cant hurt to try. We all know that we want the Ribbono Shel Olam to view our actions the same way. “
apushatayid: i hear ya’. However, the ‘here and there’ tefillos i was referring to are the tefillos that many women say throughout the day; please Hashem let my children have a good day today! Thank you for making the weather so nice today, please help me make time to get outdoors! Please make my supper come out good, i made it so my family can have stregnth to do your mitzvos…etc..
I wasnt knocking that she was davening in the street, i daven in the street all the time (a her and there tefillah) What irked me was that she was holding a siddur. Isnt there a halacha that says we cannot daven outside because its distracting? Saying shema while watching your kids in the park, doesnt that sound a bit odd? How can one concentrate on the meaning of the words with all the responsibilities she has?
yeshivabochur123: read adn reread tahini’s reply. and if you didnt get it yet, You Are Not Marrying Your In Laws! All you have to do is get along with them! It may be hard, but there is no reason to turn down a girl because her father learns with an artscroll! (no offense to anyone here. my father learns with artscroll and i’ve heard jokes about how kollel yungerleit think that artscroll is the baalebattishe way of learning)
You dont want to turn down your bashert because you dont particulary love her parents.
Smick: I agree with oomis 100%. MIL jokes are just jokes. i love my MIL. she may do things that are not to my liking but who am i to judge? she brought up my husband to be who he is! if not for her…where would i be now?!just for that she deserves my respect and love.
“It is a Money-seeking scam, for the most part, and our children are nebach the korbonos. Or is it?? Who do I beleive??”
why dont you ask the parents who lost a child/children due to the lack of vaccinations from another child? Every medication, vaccine, procedure, etc…has its risks.
But with vaccines, the pros outweight the cons.
I saw a woman pushing a carriage with one hand, a siddur in the other, dressed in excersize clothing (was tznius), and brisk walking. Oh, did i forget to mention that she was davening too?
I always try to be dan lekaf zechus, but this just irked me. How could someone daven, while brisk walking, pushing a carriage, keeping an eye on your baby, watching the street lights and traffic all at the same time? I find it very admirable that although women are very busy they try very hard to daven when they can, but there’s a reason why woman dont have a chiyuv to daven! If you feel that you really want to daven with a siddur, do it properly. if you cant, daven the way a woman can – a tefillah here and there.
yeshivabochur123: i’m glad you enjoyed your 40 minutes with the girls parents. most boys, on first dates expecially, dont.
besides, its the father that has to get a feel of the boy whos taking his daughter out. the boy doesnt have to know every thing about the father until he actually joins the family.
i recall hearing that the city is/was thinking of not allowing hatzoloh to go through red lights or something like that. When others who are not part of an emergency response unit have lights and sirens and abuse it, they are putting the whole organization at risk of losing its ‘priviledges’.
bein hasdorim: now i know why men walk into the ladies section only during the meal…silly me to think it was because of tznius!! lol
“I remember years ago, this really “Braite” (extra wide) Guy landed his Boeing on my toe during the dancing at a friends wedding. Man did that hurt.
It felt like he literally put a hole in my foot.”
thats nothing compared to the spiky heels women wear…OUCH!
yungerman: thank you! As the wife of an emergency response volunteer, i would like to thank you for pointing that out. installing lights and sirens is a tremendous disservice to those that use it for good reasons!
And yes it is extremely expensive…
sam4321: thanks for the info!
minyan gal: that is so interesting. never heard that before.
bein hasedorim: lol! thanks for the laugh!
when i was going out, my father always asked me to wait upstairs a few minutes so he could talk to the boy. I never had the patience to wait so i came down after a minute or 2.
How could a girl not be ready when her date comes? who ever heard of dating without peeking out the window to check him out?!… see how he gets out of the car and how he tries to find your house…lol! One guy took such a long time checking himself out in his rearview mirror we thought he was shaving!!
you are so right! my child has a disability and the second we found out i cried. why? SHIDDUCHIM! will my child have a hard time with shidduchim? i try to focus on teh positive about how the disability barely affects my child, thanks to technology..:)
i know its all in Hashems hands and He will send the right one at the right time…but i cant help it that when i do things for this child i always make the decision on how it’ll affect shidduchim. (paper vs. china or toilet trained at 3, or anything like that is not included. that is ridiculous and should be irrelevant to shidduchim.)
i am always by the bus stop 10 minutes before the stop so that no one should have to wait and so that i shouldnt miss the bus. sometimes i have to wait over 40 minutes and this system would really help. I feel that for those of us that actually take others into consideration, this would save us alot of time. And for those parents who are not always on time or feel that everyone has to wait for them to finish their conversation with whomever, this wont help much…
not sure if i noticed the buddah in the salons i go to, but i do notice the gold and red cat. what is that? almost every asian salon has that!
“Theyr also constantly talking against them when they arent here (to me and my other siblings)”
During one of these conversations, why dont you tell them that you love them and when the time comes you want to marry someone that they will love, but this whole situation makes you scared. After all, there is only one of your father, you cant marry your father (i’m assuming your mother is happy with her choice).
When someone is venting their feelings, you have to be careful not to get judgemental or say something that’ll set them off and get defensive. otherwise what you say just comes across as attacks and not what you wanted to say.
I feel that expressing yourself is helpful. maybe this can help your parents understand that you are suffering from their negative comments.