Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Real-Brisker: After this whole AYC ‘scandal’ I can see why one would be suspicious. But just think about it this way: BubbyLa visited the coffee room as a reader, not a member for a long time. Now she has a relative who is getting married and she needs advice. She’s seen what she can gain by asking our esteemed crowd so she becomes a member.
It doesnt seem fishy anymore…and welcome to BubbyLa!
Boro Park Girl: I do believe in kadeish atzmicha b’mutar lach (make yourself holy with what is permiteed to you). But there has to be a boundary.
DaasYachid: Its good that NASI is encouraging parents to offer money. But we’re back to square one – they are putting a price on the girls heads.
I know shadchanim are working hard now for teh older singles. By telling parents their 30 year old daughters wont be looked at for less than $10,000, its not right because even though they dont mean to, shadchanim may demand teh $10,000 even if the girl is not part of the NASI list.
I hear what you are saying, and i dont think either of us will back down on how we feel about this. And this is why I dont think this game changer will work.
DaasYachid: With all due respect, if a shadchan told me that in order for them to put a girl on their list i would have to pay, and not only to pay but the price goes up as the age goes up, that is called putting a price on the girls.
I like the moshol you used. And like the king, most parents would pay any price to find their ‘cure’. Difference is that whereas the king is offering the reward, here its the doctors demanding the reward. And not just demanding the reward but saying you have to pay ‘interest’ as the years go by.
If a parent says “I’ll pay you $5000 to find my daughters shidduch”, thats great! But for a shadchan to say,”I’m not going to look at your daughter unless you agree to $5,000″
I hope i was clear this time 🙂
or when someone just has to say Zeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeskite!
She was a smart woman! I totally agree!
The Buzz on coney island between J and K.
Zeeskite: you’re right! and if i accidentally pinch the cheek of one more zeeskite that i confuse with my real zeeskites….lol!
what a blow! i really enjoyed most of AYC’s posts…
If someones response helps you, then it really shouldnt matter if its the truth or not.
I’m not saying i lied. If i have to say one good thing about myself, its that i dont lie, at least not intentionally. It bothers me when i find out that people lie. I’m a very trusting individual and my feelings get hurt easily when i’m lied to. But i am used to it to a certain degree. this world is the olam hasheker after all.
Do i care if someone here starts a thread as if he/she is a female and then starts another one as if he/she is a male? a little. so i wont respond to their posts or i’d just ignore them.
i am not for the NASI project. I used to be, until the game changer plan.
DaasYachid: you’re right that people complain about the dollar amounts before adn after it was lowered. But your missing the point of the complaints. Yes its a fortune, but the majority of the complaints are because of the price, not because of the amount. And you’re right, no one is talking negative about the girls, but putting a price on their head is negative.
I believe AZ and NASI deserve our thanx for taking action, but i dont thing its the right way.
imho i believe that all money that a child receives for their birthday/chanukka/etc… is theirs. I put it all checks or cash over $10 that they recieve in the bank for them for when they grow up. The person that gives the money intends it to be for the child, whether to spend on a gift at that time or to do as they please with it. I know that some parents use their childs money and i dont think its wrong, i just have a different opinion.
As far as using your sons bar mitzvah money to pay for the bar mitzvah, i dont think its fair or, as others have mentioned, i dont feel its right due to his age.
My children are young and sharing is still a skill to be worked at. Whenever they fight over a toy or game i tell them that everything in the house belongs to Totty and Mommy and we share it with all of them. Personal items are a different story.
when i first saw this title i thought youw ere talking about those people that talk negatively about themselves.
(actual lines i’ve heard)
“i’m not good enough for this boy”
“i’m so fat!”
“my mouth just keeps on going!”
“dont listen to me, i’m lying again!”
“here i go, complain mode again!”
“i’m so dumb!”
…when you experience something controversal and cant wait to start a new thread
…when you actually hear the interesting noises your car makes.
…when getting a new outfit does not mean shopping at your older neighbors/siblings/cousins outgrown clothing box
…when you realize how much money food/tuition really costs
why do i not see your ‘name’ and subtitle? Are you a chassid of Jothar?
mmm…jalapeno chips..my favorite. The dentist actually told me that chips and supr snacks are not good for your teeth. i dont remember why, but i did stop buying them for a while.
no
photogenic: its similar to working with Jews of the opposite gender. dont share personal stories or feelings, dont discuss your issues with them. I used to work in a large Jewish office with both women and men. a few of the men would come in and start conversations with the women, myself included.
One of the women always shared personal stories and had private jokes with one of the married men. He was married and she was not. Even though it was only 9-5, my point is that 9-5 is a long time.
bottom line, the less personal you are, the better.
gavra_at_work: guys getting married at 19? i think thats a bit young, no? although on the other hand i do think its important for boys and girls to marry young so they can grow together…
yungerman1: lol! i couldnt help laughing when i read your post! now that you bring out this point, its true! my husband and many other men say they dont understand women. most of the time its just sympathy that we need…lol!
Bowwow: Coming from a yeshivish environment, i can say that many many girls say they want learners. They wont consider working boys, and they wont consider boys who learn part time. Now that a number of years have passed and there are still single girls from my grade, i’ve noticed a striking change in their quests for the perfect boy. Now if the boy is learning at least part time, they are ok with it. Or if a boy is koveah itim, they are ok with him working full time. Does this mean they ‘lowered their standards’? Or does it mean that they woke up and realized they may not really want to live that lifestyle?
imho, i believe that they only wanted the full time learner out of peer pressure.
This is another of the many many issues with shidduchim nowadays.
so true. I noticed that when you empathize with someone, they share a bit more of the pain and then get over it. whereas when someone criticizes, the ‘victim’ tries to defend his/her honor and the pain or discomfort will last for a long time.
AZ: sorry that example was not one that would change my mind. I still feel its wrong.
I second Middlepath as poster of the year!
lol! actually, i started calling my kids zeeskite sometimes. and yes its because of you! 🙂
gumball: gum…boal? or gum bawl?
kollel101: for some reason your transliteration sounds like i’m starting to say ko-ah-lel, as in koala(with an L at the end)
ShtickyGuy: finally got it! that was really clarifying!
hmmmm..this topic should be interesting. I would love it if my husband would be one of the first ten…i wont hold my breath…
Zeeskite: you are so popular! everywhere i go there are mommies and morahs calling for you! me, not so much…
aries, i’ve missed you!
thank you!
normally i’d stop here cuz i’d feel too embarrassed to tell you i dont know where the url line is, but i didnt want to leave you hanging…
englishman: lol! its crazy but it is what it is!
baalhabooze: thought so too! when i heard it, i started to use it (out of context to…cant resist!)
when you have a supportive spouse (spoken from experience)
Agreer: I’m so sorry about your situation. You are absolutely correct that one shouldnt settle. Not only the older girls, but younger ones too. Although it is easier in a way for a younger couple to grow together and learn while they grow.
shmoel: so true, “better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all”
gasheekee (became a fun word to say although is til dont knwo what it means…)
farfetzed – greasy/dirty (for example: someone opening a bottle of soda with greasy hands, the soda bottle is farfetzed)
moisha-kapoya
As someone previously mentioned (sorry, i read almost all the posts and too lazy to go back and check who it was) a shadchan is not a prefessional, they are volunteers. VOLUNTEERS. What is a volunteer? Last i checked a volunteer was someone who donated their time/efforts for free. I’m not saying a shadchan shouldnt be paid, i just think this is outrageous and ridiculous (and alot more that i wont and cant mention).
And what if a girl does shell out the money, and doesnt get married for a few years, c”v, why is she paying more? Shouldnt she get a portion of her money back? wouldnt a shadchan work harder so that he/she doesnt earn less?
I try to make shidduchim on my own time. I’ve made calls overseas, i’ve been insulted and put down, but i never even thought about the money. If someone went out a few times, i would try to imagine hw much they’d give and what i could do with it, but i would never demand! And even though b”h our bills are growing with our family, i still would not demand anything! most people give anyway. and what they give is what they can afford adn it means more than forcing someone to pay what they cannot!
tahini: i read your post and i totally agree. my husband really likes when i wear a shaitel as opposed to a snood. (However, he tells me that when he comes home and i’m wearing a shaitel, it looks like i havent realaxed since i came home adn he wants me to wear a snood then! Men!) Anyway, he also wants me to keep my hair long and thick the way it was by our wedding. i did for a while. but then it started giving me headaches when i wore it in a shaitel. so i had it cut. I told the lady to cut it short but long enough to fit all my hair in one pony (which is a bit past shoulder legnth.) She cut it a bit above my shoulder (shorter). I hate how i look but i dont care so much for myself cuz its usually covered. My husband cant wait for it to grow back…i learned my lesson well. My hair is staying long.
MiddlePath: this is a deep, insightful, and powerful topic! Just as adorable said, the minute i saw this thread, i knew it was you! I really really enjoy your posts!
Goq: good one!
mustangrider: perfect answer!
I dont smoke and i am anti smoking, but i just love the smell of the second hand smoke of the pipe!
i might exclaim “oh no i forgot _____ at home!”.
Or afterworking forever on something and it all works out i might say “BH i finally finished!”
Or after mopping the kitchen floor for the umpteenth time and seeing it dirty as i pass by, i might say “oh no, not again!”
Its not my fault you were not there to hear it. I said it cuz i was expressing myself.
Come on AYC!!
-someone who thinks they have a great voice and sings really loud and shakes their voices..
-people eating with their fingers at a simcha (or anywhere else for that matter)
i Used to like the whole idea of the nasi project..now i’m not so sure. Wasnt the Nasi project out to help ALL TYPES of singles? if so, why the huge price to add a name on? a boy/girl from a poor family cant afford that, a girl/boy from the middle class income family cant afford that either! when there are multiple single siblings in a family, that price is very hard to cough up!
welcome!