There is a TV series about Kleinfelds. They have a frum saleslady on staff and she knows which of the dresses can be altered to be appropriate. She can also add long sleeved lace bolero jackets to a lot of the dresses and they look wonderful. You should go there and see what they have. Even if you don’t buy from them, you will get a lot of good ideas that may be able to be adapted to less costly dresses from other stores. You must phone ahead for an appointment.

oomis is not suggesting that she is the only one that is right.

She is saying that people judge others on where they daven, how they daven and which minchagim they follow – when in fact, everyone is a Jew, even with different customs. We all read the same Torah, celebrate the same Yomtovim and have the same forefathers. (oomis – I think that is what you meant – that is how I understood it).

Aries – as usual, I agree with you completely.

First of all, in biblical times there were no divisions – everybody was likely Sephardic. Secondly, we are all Jews. A topic like this is divisive. A thread that would EXPLAIN the differences in minhagim – without editorials – would be interesting and informative. So far, this thread seems to me to just be editorializing. Why don’t we continue this thread teaching each other the differences? There is a website called The Daily Halacha. Rabbi Mansour who runs the site is Sephardic. With each topic he selects, he gives both the Ashkenaz and Sephardic views (with references) – which means that you learn the different minhagim, and often, the reasons for the differences .

It is important to always be on your best behaviour. The one thing that is difficult to change is someone’s first impression of you. Many authors of “self help” type books say that a first impression can never be altered, but I don’t believe that – you might have to work harder to change a person’s first impression of you, but I think it can be done. Life is much simpler though, if you are always putting your best foot forward – simple things like clean, unwrinkled clothing, an overall neat appearance and good grooming makes a stranger want to know more about you, even before an introduction – because they have sized you up prior to a first handshake (which should be firm – nothing worse than the “limp fish” handshake). The things I have mentioned are even more important if the person you are meeting is interviewing you for a job. Many of these interviewers are trained HR people and as you walk through their door your outward appearance tells them a lot. If all other things are equal, sometimes the “outward trappings” can get you the job. After first glances, the way you talk with someone and whether or not you look directly at them continue to make that first impression. Most strangers can tell very quickly if you are being sincere and if they would like to pursue a friendship or business relationship with you.

Is Joseph really gone do you think?

Or will he be back as quick as a wink

With a new nom de plume

He will infiltrate this room

And another’s reputation try to sink.

We really must be very aware

Because he is lurking out there

Getting ready to pounce

The non-frums to trounce

And then leave just as quick as a hare.

Thanks for the compliment, Shtick

My words I carefully pick

Limerick writing if fun

I can get lots of them done

Taking “poetic licence” is my trick.

I often must change a word

Or perhaps the tense of a verb

But if the message you get

Then the idea is set

And you understand the topic you heard.

There once was a poster named Joe

Who many folks thought was a foe

His secret identity

Caused trouble aplentity

He can surface as someone you know.

Aliases he seems to treasure

Using them gives him great pleasure

It is somewhat confusing

Not at all amusing

When others are blamed for his measures.

I shall try to remember the Torah

And say no more Lashon Hora

But Yosef, please behave

And grief you will us save

And please, don’t come back as Dora.

oomis _ I am with you on that one.

kako: if you go to the doctor for a sliver and he charges you 50.00 – it isn’t just for taking out the sliver. You are paying him for his experience, his education and his good judgement. The same with the plumber and the electrician. You pay not just for the time, but for the wear and tear on his car and equipment and his training. Why is it any different for the shadchan. In one case, a few phone calls may result in a wonderful marriage, but in another it may take weeks of work to get the same result. You are paying for experience and judgement. The rates probably vary in different areas and with different groups.

“Why don’t people ask “How come Hashem is so good to me?” when things go well? “

I asked that question several times this week – particularly on Monday, when I was having the most amazing day. My life has improved considerably in the past few years, but since the beginning of this week, the upturn is remarkable. I have been smiling and thanking Hashem all week. And I know that things will be getting even better. I couldn’t ask for more. I am incredibly happy and incredibly blessed. When we are able to recognize this fact, it is even better. Shabbat Shalom to everyone.

To adams and oomis and many of the other posters on this thread. I am humbled by all of you. I don’t think (in fact, I know) that I could put myself in your position. I thought that I have been through some hard times – both financially and personally – and yet they are peanuts compared to what you describe. And the fact that you did it (and continue to do it) for the sake of Yiddishkeit and your neshamas is far beyond my realm of knowledge and experience. Nobody that I have ever known has done such things for the sake of their religion. I thought it was tough when I paid tuition for one child and it was a drop in the bucket compared to what you pay. Yes, I have always given tzedaka, etc, but I really don’t think I have ever given until it “hurt”. Most of you know that spirituality and closeness to Judaism is something quite new to me, but I really don’t believe that I could ever do what all of you do and not grow to resent it. In many ways I am envious of you. oomis and aries you inspire more with each passing day. How I wish that I knew you in real life. adams, stick around here – you will get excellent advice and if things are continuing to be problematic for you – seek help from a therapist, a Rav or from both, if necessary. Asking for help is the hardest step and you have done that. I don’t say that it will be smooth sailing from the outset but you have begun a process that should bring you some help and resolution. Obviously, there are many directions that you can go from here, but deep down you know the one you should take and I think you are heading there now. Shabbat Shalom.

yummy cupcake – what is “os”?

I have noticed that “evil eye” jewelery has become very popular lately. Is wearing something like that supposed to protect you or is it just another way of making money?

Mod 20 : I believe they mean the “the man of mystery meat”. Mystery meat is a nickname for meats such as Spam (not the kind that you get on your computer) that come in a can and nobody is quite sure what type of animal the ingredients began life as. These meats (there are others – Klik, Kam Spork to name a few – but Spam is the most popular) gained most of their popularity during WW2 in England, where real meat was strictly rationed. Nowadays, apparently many people are still fans of this product, although in recent years the most popular use has been as a modeling media. Somewhere in the world, a number of people with far too much time on their hands, have an annual (I think) contest building large structures using Spam. I have seen some pictures online and it is hard to believe that these things were built from a canned gelatinous substance. BTW, there is also an annual contest using butter to build various items. When you think about it, it would be far better if these food products (even of dubious value) could be shipped overseas to areas where hunger is a big issue. Perhaps the World Health Organization doesn’t think that canned mystery meat is the ideal product for use in famine ravaged areas.

Hocker – Your use of the word “Mexican” was extremely derogative. I can almost hear the tone of your voice as if you were saying it aloud. The fact that the Hispanic gentleman near the till is not trained in using it, may be problematic for you. It is not a reason to impugn someone or their heritage. As others have said, if you don’t care for the service do not patronize the establishment. If the situation were reversed and it was said about you “The Jew at the register” you would be contacting the ADL and hollering about anti-semitism. You are no better than the fellow working at this place – just different.

Youse. In my part of the country it isn’t unusual for people to use a phrase such as “”Youse should be careful” or “I want to thank youse all for being here.” Drives me wacky when I hear it.I, too, am also appalled by the modern usage (yousage) of the English language as used by teenagers, when every second word is “like”. Also, teens use four letter words as adjectives in almost every sentence. If you have to use public transit and overhear a group of teens talking, four letter words are used to describe everything – good or bad. I wonder what word they have left in their vocabularies when they really need a four letter – for instance after one accidentally hammers their thumb. THEN, you may require such a word to describe the pain.

ronsr – Very well said. She was still somebody’s daughter and the anguish that her parents are going through should not be known by anyone else. At least they are sitting shiva for her. I don’t of anyone who would care to trade places with the Winehouse family at this particular time.

This thread should be merged with the other one that is the same topic.

1dayatatatime

Winnipeg.

My “funnest” thing is still going to shul for the morning minyan. Have to try not to sleep in (never happens) as the numbers are down with so many people at the lake. Actually, it is a wonderful way to begin the day and the coffee klatch (aka kiddush) afterward keeps everyone up to date on all sorts of news. However, I think that early fall will be a great time as I think I will go to my kids for the Yomtovim. THAT is always wonderful, plus I don’t have to cook (at least not as much as if I am having a dozen people for the holidays).

Who is paying??? Probably the taxpayer.

The outcome of “criminally insane” cases can be scary. A couple of years ago, about 60 miles from here, a fellow on a Greyhound Bus killed and beheaded another passenger. He was found insane and committed to a provincial hospital about a half hour from here – it is in the centre of a small town. He is now allowed to walk on the grounds and his lawyer was requesting day passes for him. His doctors actually feel that he is ready for this move but there was such an uproar from the neighbouring citizens that the judge ruled against it. I think that it won’t be long before they pronounce him completely cured and discharge him. What happens when he once again stops taking his meds and begins hearing voices? What will he do next? I think about the victim and his family. A promising young man of about 22 was wiped out because he happened to take the same bus. I realize that these type of killings are different than shooting someone during a crime and the perps really are sick, but there has to be a better system. How many of you have stopped taking a medication because you didn’t remember or didn’t like the side effects? The side effects of anti-psychotic medications and the like are horrendous and a great number of patients discontinue them on their own. We are just lucky that most people with mental health issues do not go on to commit crimes. I don’t know what the answer is but I am just plain afraid that too many “cured” people are walking amongst us.

Of course this is all foreign to me, but it seems to be a question of common sense. It would always be nicest if the bocher could go to the girl first and meet her family at the same time. Having said that, there are many other things to take into consideration – their ages, their dating experience and maturity, distances involved, time of year, ticket prices and ability to avail oneself of a seat sale or use of points, etc. It seems that there are no hard and fast rules and each case is individual. Although, I said that this method of dating (traveling for shadchan arranged dates) is foreign to me, I also know people who have travelled to meet each other on dates arranged by family or close friends. Actually, that is how my father met my mother and he travelled across the prairies by train in 1943. They were “set up” by family members. After their first meeting and about 5 dates they became engaged and were married about 5 months later. It was a great success for 45 years, until my father passed away.

Isn’t a common NY icebreaker: “how bout them Knicks?”

Blinque, I wish you were back

‘Cause I am turning into such a hack

Please come home or phone

We can’t do this alone

Your presence here we lack.