Helpful: G-d forbid, an intermarriage should happen among one of your children. Let’s see how fast you sit shiva and cut the child out of your life. I think not. Had SJS not included these relatives in her family occasions, then one of them would never have become frum even though they were technically Jewish. (I don’t think that you read her post very clearly). She is responsible for adding another person to Klal Yisroel – a huge accomplishment.

A few years ago I saw a TV documentary about the Amish. When their children reach a certain age (I think it is 18) they are allowed to go “out into the world” for a one year period. It is called something like “Rumshpringen”. They use electricity, drink alcohol and smoke if they wish. Most of them (close to 100%) disavow this life and return to their communities. So the grass may seem greener but it usually isn’t.

I have always known it as “shalashiddis”. Now it is Shalosh Seudot, which I believe when translated means “third meal” as opposed to three meals. I may be wrong – and I know that someone will let me know. Around here the standard food for this meal is herring and chopped egg salad.

smartcookie: I wish that I knew who wrote it but it arrived as you see it – Author Unknown. I think that it is very clever.

deiyezooger- This restaurant has shlishkes?? I haven’t eaten them since I was a little girl and my Baba made them for me. I am definitely planning to make aliyah to this place. I adore shlishkes. I hope that all of you posters realize how lucky you are. Where I live there is only one kosher place to eat – the restaurant at the JCC, which is dairy. Those who keep strictly kosher don’t have any other options for dining out.

Oh, Oomis my dear

I really do fear

That I missed your birth date

So this message is late

Have a happy and healthy year.

It never ceases to amaze me how disrespectful some people during a service. I often wonder why they even bother to come. If it is good conversation that they want, go to a bar or a restaurant. If they want to visit with their friends then they should come (Saturday) in time for Adon Olam – then they can socialize during kiddush. Although I make a little joke of this – it actually bothers me as well when people come to shul on Saturday just in time to eat – my shul is renowned for its catering, but ……

I have used the old fashioned grinder that is clamped to the table or a board and I have used a food processor. The processor wins, hands down for ease and speed. You just need to be careful, one second too long and you will have pate. Still tastes good, but its very French.

JEW GO TO THE MOON – Author Unknown

The Jews settled the moon in 2053, just about five years after the end of the Islamic Wars of the 40’s, where the Middle East, and Israel, of course, had been obliterated by nuclear weapons. The two million Jews remaining throughout the rest of the world – less than 100,000 total in all the Islamic countries – banded together and purchased the dark side of the moon, which no other companies or people wished to colonize.

Great transports were arranged via the 62,000 mile space elevator and the Space Shuttle and every Jew on Earth – including anyone who claimed any Jewish heritage whatsoever – left to go to a place where no one could blame them for anything.

The Earth rejoiced – happily rid of all Jews . There were huge parties throughout all of Sweden and the rest of Europe, Africa, Asia, South America and North America. (Now known as the Northern Alliance of Islamic States after the United States was taken over peacefully in the elections of 2040 by a predominantly Muslim Congress and President, who immediately passed amendments making Islam the main religion of the United States and the world.)

After the last Jew entered the elevator (a David Goldstein, 62, formerly of New York), the Earth was officially declared Judenrein by Hans Ibn Hitler, a great, great-grandson of Hitler who had been raised in Brazil and hidden by Nazis until this precious moment.

It was not an easy move for the Jews but, in some ways, it was no different from all their moves of previous eras. Some former Israelis (still alive because they were out of Israel when the bombs dropped) claimed that the moon was easier to deal with because there were no Extremist Muslims. Of course, this precipitated a huge argument with some Jews, who felt not having the Radical Muslims nearby was not enough challenge.

Other Jews argued that taming a wilderness with no atmosphere, plant or animal life and freezing temperatures was enough challenge. And yet other Jews argued that arguing was counterproductive. It came as no surprise to anyone that for the two million Jews, there were eventually one million synagogues (with the other million Jews not joining).

It was also no surprise that within just three years, the Jews had created a controlled environment that allowed for fantastic plant and animal growth and production. The transports, which had been called the Arks, had also carried two of each animal and plant (remember, Noah), and through the ingenuity of the Jews and cloning, there were now many new species which sped up production of food (cows with six udders, chickens with four legs and so forth). The population had rapidly increased and, due to the amazing collection of scientific and medical minds, most diseases and even aging had been reduced to nil.

There was even a ministry of communication with Earth, consisting of the remains of Hollywood producers and moviemakers, who sent back to Earth portraits of life on the moon. Of course, it had been decided when the Jews first got to the moon – based on six-thousand-year history of people being jealous of Jewish accomplishment – that all news coverage of the moon’s population would be ‘movie-ized’ to show only horrible things. The film industry, led by Jordan Spielberg, went to great lengths to fabricate news clips to show Jews barely surviving in the harsh lunar habitat. Artists and engineers laboured to cover over vast environmental successes with illusionary domes showing massive areas of wasteland – just in case anyone from Earth ever sent a spaceship with cameras to see what was going on.

But no-one ever did, and the years passed rapidly; one decade, then another. bar mitzvahs, weddings, brises, all celebrated under the artificial world that the Jews had created – not only had it not been that bad, but by the end of the century, some Jewish authors were calling the moon colony – Eden 2′.

Of course other Jews disagreed. In fact, much time was spent on disagreeing. There were even contests for arguing but, in general, there was peace. Anyone who threatened the peace was forced to officiate at a contest with people arguing about why that person was wrong. The contests would go on for days (sometimes weeks), until the troublemaker begged for forgiveness. (Many penalties on the moon were similar to this, and were extremely effective.)

Back on Earth, life disintegrated without the Jews. There was a return to Middle Ages thought – only the current religion du jour was valid – all others were kept legislated into poverty until a war erupted and the positions changed for a few years.

Another amazing anomaly appeared when there were no longer any Jews on Earth – anti-Semitism actually increased to monumental proportions! Famous orators explained this simply by saying: ‘I don’t have to have a gun to be afraid of having my brains blown out.’ Additionally, without the presence of the Jew, the world developed incredible evil that had no release. (Previous evil had always focused on the Jews. One Rabbi on the moon actually said G-d spoke to him, and said that He, G-d, was about to destroy the Earth because everyone o n the Earth was evil. The Rabbi begged Him to reconsider, and bargained that if there were 1,000 good people left on Earth, G-d should spare the planet.

G-d then told the Rabbi, ‘Hey, I went through this before with Abraham and Noah, and I already know the answer because I’m G-d.’

People laughed at the Rabbi, but then, one day, while all the lunar citizens were going about their business, an enormous series of explosions was seen on the Earth. Everyone on the moon stared at the distant fireballs that seemed to engulf the blue planet that was once their home.

Although there had been great anger at being forced to leave the Earth, the true spirit of Judaism was always present on the moon, and no one had wished ill on to their former home. As in the tradition of the Seder (when the wine is spilled because the Egyptians perished, and we do not rejoice fully when even an enemy has died) when the Jews saw what was happening, they began to weep and pray, and watch what was to be the final news broadcast from Earth. The horror of the apocalypse was videotaped by cameras until all electricity was ionised by the new electron bombs. Entire countries were wiped away in the blink of an ion exploding. And then came the final transmission from the nation that had started the entire mess – it was a desperate headline screamed by a hundred dying newscasters. Their rant continued until it was just blackness. What were they saying?

As the Jews watched, some gasped, others cried, and a few even laughed. For the last words of the disappearing civilization was a condemnation. ‘The Jews have caused all our problems – they left us here to face the mess they made. If the Jews hadn’t taken all the best scientists and engineers, we could have defeated our enemies. Our enemies are the Jews! Kill all the Jews.’

It took a little while, but the electronics experts pieced together what had happened on Earth during its last days. Anti-Semitism, which had grown stronger and stronger since the Jews had left, had reached its pinnacle, and all the countries of the world had decided to launch a massive attack on the moon. The attack had been coordinated by the United Nations and, although all the missiles had been launched properly, there was some sort of glitch in the targeting system, resulting in all the weapons colliding in the upper atmosphere and showering the Earth with a deadly rain of nuclear fire, electronic destruction, and a generally bad day. The mistake triggered the military response of all the nations (who all had nuclear weapons by then – plus a few other horrid toys), and the result was truly an Armageddon.

The Jews on the moon went into a period of deep mourning. The Orthodox rent their clothing and there were mass counseling sessions. And then, about one week after the BIG DAY, as it was now called, a presence was detected heading towards the moon. Had one of the missiles escaped? Were the Jews doomed after all? The leaders checked with the defense experts – no this was not a missile, it was an old-style spacecraft, like the ones used in the early seventies. As it approached, the laser defense was trained on the craft. Debates raged as to whether the craft should be destroyed or allowed to get close enough to communicate with.

A message from the ship came just in time. It said, ‘We are the last representatives from Earth – two from each country and we come in peace.’ Some Jews rejoiced that there were survivors, others demanded isolation or death of the approaching group.

The Rabbi who had had the vision of earth’s destruction told the leaders that G-d wanted them to have a chance, so they were allowed to circle the moon. When told they could have a section of land to themselves to farm and repopulate, the Earthlings were upset. They told the Jews that they should be allowed to live with the Jews and have all the same privileges – because, after all, in Judaism, the stranger is given the same rights and privileges as the citizen.

Upon hearing this, the leaders went to the Rabbi with the visions, and he offered to guide the visitors to their new home. The leaders allowed him to g ive the instructions for landing. Of course, not trusting the Rabbi, the commander of the ship didn’t listen to his advice, and instead crashed into a lunar crater.

And so we have the final days of the history of the planet Earth, which have been generously shared with us by the Jewish colony of the 453rd Solar System of the M Galaxy. Although the Earth is currently uninhabitable, the head engineer of the Jewish colony on Mars tells us that Venus will be fully colonized by the year 2120, and with continuous replanting, Earth will once again be ready for Jews returning from other planets in the year 2136.

An interesting side note – inside the wreckage of the rocket with the survivors from Earth was a specially-marked package that had survived which included the following words: ‘Once there was a great planet named Earth. And there were many peoples on this planet, and they all existed peacefully with each other, except for the Jews. Wherever there were Jews, there was trouble. Jews brought dirt and death and hatred and strife. They were finally banished from our planet, only to take with them many great inventors and scientists and doctors, leaving Earth with nothing. We have decided to destroy the remnants of the Jews, and since the first attempt failed, we are the last chance for Earth. Whoever shall find this will know the truth – It was all the Jews’ fault.’

This panel has been saved and is on display at the Earth Memorial Museum at Rivka Crater, NW, for all travelers who wish to see the remains of a civilization that did not understand the words – ‘He who blesses the Jews, is himself blessed. He who curses the Jews, is himself cursed.’

My Baba’s yahrzeit starts tonight

I loved that woman – she had might

Her children are gone

And life moves on

I’ll go to shul her name to recite.

For the cholent pot – put a little bit of dishwashing liquid in and fill it with water. Bring the pot to a boil, then turn it off and let it cool. It will clean up in a couple of minutes. If anything is burnt onto the pot, boil the water with some cream of tartar. That will loosen all of the burnt on residue.

No – I am Canadian. Canadians are not as outwardly patriotic as Americans and not many display flags at any time. The only time you see a few is on July 1 – Canada Day (our version of July 4). However, most Canadians wear red poppies (sold by the veterans from the Canadian Legion – our version of VFW) throughout early November until November 11. I just watched the Remembrance Day service from Ottawa – held on the grounds of the capital. After the service and the laying of all of the wreaths, the veterans and the rest of the public line up and place their poppies on the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier.

I used to love ptcha but not so much anymore. A similar type of dish that local Ukrainians love – think it is made with chazar feet – but basically the same – jellied with hard boiled eggs and lots of garlic – but they call it headcheese. The name alone is revolting.

When my daughter was in Thailand she said that along the main drag there are all kinds of food vendors preparing hot foods on carts. She followed the wonderful aroma of garlic cooking to discover fried grasshoppers being prepared. She lost her appetite for the rest of the day – but said that the grasshopper vendor had a huge lineup of people waiting to buy. I guess whatever you are used to. The Thais might find us lining up to buy a hotdog a little peculiar.

As for personal experience – I can’t recall eating anything weird, unless you count ptcha, which many people might.

“on the topic of dating is it protocol to order a beer”

Once when asked by a date what I wanted to drink, I replied “a beer”. I thought he was going to pass out”

Conversly, I know a girl (actually a woman now, this happened years ago) who is the biggest “Princess” that I have ever known – and I am 65 years old and have known many.

She was on a date at a lounge – the waiter/ress took her drink order and then asked her date. He ordered a beer. She said to the server “cancel my order”, looked at the date and said “you may take me home NOW – I don’t date men who drink beer.”

BTW, I guess that this behaviour worked for her because she has been married for almost 40 years to an extremely wealthy man – and both of them are big workers and donors to our community – both the Jewish and general community.

“GAW, perhaps that partially explains why we have a less than 1% OTD rate while yours is…? “

msseeker: What is with the “We” and “Yours”? That is a big part of the problem. We are all “Us”. We are all yidden and must come together to solve problems. Anything less is divisive.

A MARVELOUS QUOTATION BY ALBERT EINSTEIN …

When Paul Newman died,

they said how great he was but they failed to

mention he considered himself Jewish (born

half-Jewish).

When the woman (Helen

Suzman) who helped Nelson

Mandela died recently, they said how great

she was, but they failed to mention she was Jewish.

On the other side of the equation, when

Ivan Boesky or Andrew Fastow or Bernie Madoff

committed fraud, almost every article mentioned they

were Jewish..

However, when Ken Lay, Jeff Skilling, Martha

Stewart, Randy

Cunningham, Gov. Edwards, Conrad Black, Senator

Keating, Gov Ryan, and Gov Blagojevich messed up; no

one reported what religion or denomination they

were, because they were not Jewish.

This is a reminder of a famous Einstein

quote:

In 1921, Albert Einstein presented a paper on

his then-infant Theory of Relativity at the

Sorbonne, the prestigious

French university.

“If I am proved correct,” he said,

“the Germans will call

me a German, the Swiss will call me a Swiss citizen,

and the French will call me a great scientist.

“If relativity is proved wrong, the

French will call me a Swiss, the

Swiss will call me a

German, And the Germans will call me a

Jew”.

Blinky – I feel like an idiot. I think I had brain freeze – that was twice yesterday. Or else I was thinking about the earlier line about the candles – using nes instead of nun. I couldn’t think of anything else to rhyme with daily and gayly. I did consider using “freily(ch).

I will take 3 dozen. Oops, just reread the post – I guess this means that I actually would have to bake this. Perhaps I shall – sounds yummy.

The one disadvantage to a front loading washer is that you cannot open it up to add an extra item. I am always finding something that I need to throw into the washload after I have started it.

StateSenator: I really think that you are stringing everyone on this thread along. You adopted this screen name but could not possibly have been the candidate. Your sentence structure is terrible and you cannot spell. I have seen your posts on this and other threads – terrible grammar and syntax. What kind of education do you have? You can fool some of the people some of the time and some of the people all of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time. Eych mir a candidate – oy vey.

I only serve homemade gefilte fish and everybody (including me)loves it. I have been using the same recipe for years. We only have been able to buy the frozen logs/loaves here for about 5 years and nobody I know likes the bottled or canned fish, so 99 percent of the people I know make their own (or buy it from a caterer – very costly here). It certainly isn’t difficult to make.

“Have patience – even the snails reached the ark.”

I understand that to have a steak at Ruths Chris that you should take a second mortgage out before going. However, a friend told me that she had the finest piece of meat that she had ever eaten there.

About a year ago I was baking on a Sunday afternoon and ran out of flour. As I also needed to pick up a prescription, I ran out to the supermarket. I picked up my prescription and paid for it. I then picked up a bag of flour, went through the cashier and started to leave the store. A young man came up to me and said “Ma’am you have something in your handbag that you haven’t paid for and you will have to come with me.” Well, the kid was young enough to be my grandson and had a huge grin on his face. I followed him (like a lemming) to the customer service desk, but I began screaming at him that never before had I been treated like that. He kept claiming that he saw me put something in my purse near the pharmacy. Yes, I had put my wallet away. I emptied my entire handbag out and then he said “apparently I was mistaken”. Well, I let loose and demanded to see the store manager. The person at the service desk felt so badly for me that she came out from behind the desk and put her arms around me. The “security” kid said that he was going to write his report. At that point, I detained him and told him that he wasn’t going anywhere until the manager arrived. He still had the stupid snicker on his face. When the manager arrived he explained that security was provided by an outside organization and he gave me a phone number to call on Monday morning. The kid who “arrested” me decided to leave at this point – still smiling. I told him that I would have the last laugh when he lost his job. The next morning, bright and early, I was speaking to the owner of the company. When I told him about the incident he told me that he would investigate. He called me back within the hour and told me that this kid had been called for a review the next day. The next day the owner called me back and told me that the kid had been terminated. While I felt badly that he had lost his job, his actions had been totally inappropriate – as he smiled throughout the incident. I guess to compensate me and prevent me from seeking legal action, they sent me a $100.00 gift certificate. Now, that is the craziest thing that has happened to me. Can you just imagine my grandson saying “my Bubbie, the shoplifter”?

“Teachers in frum schools aren’t often trained to handle challenging kids. They usually make situations that are dealable worse.”

That is why all teachers (and Rabbonim) should be qualified teachers. Even if the school has no money for special ed teachers, a qualified teacher is trained to pick up these problems and together with the parents, possibly work out a solution.

Also, much as it will pain some parents, occasionally there is a child who is not cut out for a yeshivah or any day school. Use the same tuition money to get the best quality education that you can for this child – even they must learn their yidishkeit at home. As bymeidel said even all children in one family cannot do the same work. If one child is unable to cope with yeshivah life, then send them elsewhere.