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There is a wonderful old book called “The Education of H*Y*M*A*N K*A*P*L*A*N” by Leo Rosten. It tells the story (if I remember correctly” about a new immigrant going to night school to learn English and how he completely fractures the language. Just to be sure that I didn’t give you the wrong information, I Googled the title before I posted this. Turns out the book was originally written 72 years ago. I could barely believe it was that old. I have read it at least once – many years ago when I was a teenager – and found it very funny. It seems that it is still available, so I think it is definitely time for a re-read. I think that many of you would find it very amusing – if you like Yinglish.
Perhaps a few sessions with a speech therapist may help you. I know that it is more difficult to remedy the problem as an adult, but there are many tips that you may be able to obtain that can reduce your stuttering. Even more importantly, a good therapist can reduce your anxiety about stuttering.
I think that 2 wrongs don’t make a right. Even if people did not give you/your children a gift and came to your simcha, I still think that if you are going to their simcha you should send a gift. It simply shows that you have “class” and manners. It is so costly to have anything these days, that I always try to give a gift in the range of what I think it is costing them to have me there – although these days some functions are so fancy that there is no possible way that I could afford a gift so costly. Another idea, if you don’t wish to give a gift, is to make a donation in their name – the donation cards usually don’t say how much was donated, so you could simply give a donation of “chai”.
Sorry Gefen: I have never found anything that will remove paint from a fabric, especially now that it is set. Occasionally, if you can get to the stain while it is fresh (still wet) some of it may be removed. Anything that removes paint, such as turpentine, will usually destroy the fabric. Have you done an internet search? Google “removing paint from fabric” and see what comes up.
The Goq: No, I will not fly a flag tomorrow because I am Canadian and it is not a holiday here. I may fly a flag on July 1 which is Canada Day – a holiday very similar to the American 4th of July.
I used to work with someone with TS. When she was a child, growth hormone was not available so she was quite small in stature. However, she held down a full time job as a health care aid in the OR of the hospital I worked in. She was able to shlep patients on stretchers to and from the OR and countless other tasks. She eventually got married. This all took place about 30 years ago. I periodically run into her at the mall and she is still doing very well – she would be in her early 50’s (at least) now. I don’t have anything medically to give you but I just wanted you to know that her future does not have to be bleak.
How about OP and LOR. Took me awhile to figure them out.
Mazel Tov! I am Conservative so most of the weddings that I have been to have mixed seating and dancing. However, I have a very frum cousin and her wedding was separate everything. All of us had a wonderful time and didn’t mind following the customs at all. For most, it is the same as attending any event in another culture – it is very interesting for first timers. I know a great number of people who have been invited to frum weddings and they all loved it. I have never heard anyone say anything bad about the event. A wedding is a wedding – a simcha to be celebrated in the manner that suits the bride and groom. Perhaps in your case, if you have some type of insert in the invitation explaining the mechitza and separate dancing, and even the correct style of dress, nobody will be surpised. I doubt that anyone would take offence. It will be a wonderful simcha – as it should be.
It really would be just so fine
If all of us friends here on line
Could share one long table
If only we were able
To spend Shabbat together in real time.
I wish you a Shabbat of peace
Let all of your worries just cease.
With good friends around you
And food that astounds you
Let all of your mazel increase.
Shabbat Shalom to everyone.
While several years ago the PQ discussed independence for Quebec, the average citizen didn’t want it. In our recent election, the PQ were trounced badly and barely have representation of any kind in Ottawa. The citizens of Quebec didn’t just speak – they shouted!
A midday nap is a pleasure
A period that I truly treasure.
But Friday’s so busy
I’m just in a tizzy
No time for the moment of leisure.
I discussed with my Rabbi, the candles
He said its a mitzvah easy to handle.
He said it is besser to use
A sink – not a dresser
And not worry about fire – a vandal.
I shall have to continue to think
Of a solution that won’t drive me to drink
Its really a pity
To place lichters so pretty
In my clean stainless steel kitchen sink.
I’m an early riser you know,
So early to bed I must go.
With Shabbat so late
I fear for the fate
Of my home – so I watch candles burn low.
So tell me please what I should do
When dinner and cleanup is through
I’m sleepy and tired
The flames aren’t expired
Kindly give a suggestion or two.
PacMan: How nice of you to offer to take all of the Canadian provinces as states. And just how do you know that we Canadians are interested in being Americans and part of the US? In fact, if you polled most Canadians you would find that we are not interested in joining your country. We are extremely happy as we are. Fagedaboutit!
Give Me A Break: Do just that – give me a break.
Neither of you are politicians and basically have no idea what you are talking about and what the implications of your proposals mean.
Usually for a wedding there is a reply card with the invitation, so the hosts can know how many people are coming for catering and seating purposes. If the wedding is this weekend and The Goq had been invited, they would know that they hadn’t received the RSVP. By this point, the wife would have asked her husband to ask TG why he hadn’t responded and if he was coming – reply cards also get lost in the mail.
TG – I know it is hard to be the one left out. It has happened to many of us. At least you will be free to enjoy yourself on Lag Bo’emer without having to spond many hours at a wedding that you wouldn’t feel welcome at anyway.
A donation in his name is always appreciated.
Sometimes it is very difficult to live up to my name which is Tova. I try, I try, I try.
ItcheSrulik: I’m with you on this one. My phone doesn’t even have the capability to have background pics or banners. It is just a phone. It doesn’t take pictures or connect to the internet – it is just a phone. I don’t even know what the ringtone is like because I only turn it on if I want to make a call, then it is immediately turned off. My grandchildren think I am very “old fashioned” but I tell them that I think a phone is to make phone calls – period. They cannot believe that people ever lived without cellphones, cordless phones, color TV, CD and DVDs and especially, computers. When I told them that at one time you only had one phone in the house – usually in the kitchen – and it was attached to the wall. When you picked it up an operator asked what number you wanted and then connected you – that it if your “partyline” was not on the phone when you wanted to make a call. Sometimes I think that life was much simpler (and happier) in those days.
ZeesKite: I spent two hours yesterday, pressing. The clothes still look wrinkled. Must learn to check labels for higher polyester count before I buy.
I can’t believe how much space is being wasted debating this topic. If the style of the skirt is modest, then what type of fabric it is made from, matters not. What is more important is the type of person that you are and how you are living your life. What is in your heart and in your head is far more important than what fabric your skirt is made of. If you are living a “good” lifestyle – observing Shabbat, donating Tzedakah to very best of your ability and continually learning Torah and related topics, Hashem does not care that you do these things while wearing denim.
My friends, I am once again learning.
For more personal growth I am burning.
And now Chabad’s giving
The “Gift” of Shabbat living.
And for more Torah lore I am yearning.
Ursula:
At one time it really was true
My wages were great – whoo hoo!
But now I’m on pension
So no need to mention
My salary now makes me blue.
But I’m a lucky woman indeed.
I’ve money enough for my needs.
Two eineklach fine
I’m so happy they’re mine
And can still give Tzedakah – its my creed.
The poetry, its just for fun.
It makes me proud when I’ve done
A thank you or invite
In meter thats just right
On every topic under the sun.
Way back when I was employed
I had a job I enjoyed.
I worked hard as a nurse,
But it did fill my purse.
And with words, I have always toyed.
AYC: Your posts are very interesting and certainly add to the “ambience” of the CR. As ICOT said “In an online forum environment, the CR is by far the most mentchlich forum I’ve seen.” I agree with him completely. In other forums, I have been attacked for being a Conservative Jew. I find that here in the CR most people are very respectful of others regardless of their similarities or differences. I have learned so much from participating in this forum and though I have never met any of you, I consider all of you to be my friends (and excellent teachers). Perhaps the verbal attack you suffered came from one of the very few people here who are only interested in their own views or from someone who just happened to be having a bad day. In any event, keep mingling with us. We would miss you and all the good things that you have to say.
Ursula:
A wordsmith you certainly are
More creative than fixing a car
Or changing a tap
With a wrench give a rap
But the money, it doesn’t go far.
Mr.Pepys wrote a diary we know
And his fame it began to grow
Of course when he wrote it
He had to promote it
Back then the media was slow.
Yummy: It may be difficult for you to understand this now, but when you are older it will make a lot of sense – I am old enough to be your grandmother and I still enjoy shopping and getting a “bargain”, but…..for about 99% of all the things that I have purchased throughout my life (particularly expensive items), it was far more fun “wanting” the item than actually “having” the item. Make a budget for yourself and stick to it. Even if you just cut out half of what you are spending on clothing and save the money, before you know it, you will be able to make some very good purchases at the bank – term deposits or bonds, etc. You may even have a different goal such as a great vacation. Whatever it is, one less sweater or pair of shoes won’t make any difference to your life, but the $100.00 that you save can grow for you.
To Ursula:
My friend, it is never too late.
Education has no expiry date.
Off to school you could go
It would be hard, that I know
But the rewards it would bring are just great!
I know its too late for this year
But a dream should not disappear
With the help of your kin
You could just hop right in
And by fall, you’re a freshman, my dear.
PacMan: I find this entire situation absurd – if it even happened at all. The fact that any school would expel a child by virtue of an unfounded rumor is beyond belief. You are also speculating by saying that the parents of this child don’t want him to transfer to a MO yeshivah. It is difficult for me to believe that any parent would prefer to throw out their child’s entire last year of high school – thereby sacrificing his future education – rather than have any other school accept him. For heaven sake, for 3 weeks, he could transfer to the nearest public high school – at least he will get a diploma.
I have another minor point – in order not to offend anyone, how about if we change the name of the alleged perpetrator of this rumor from “yenta” to “yachnah”?
I am home from the lottery, friends.
My luck – it should make some amends.
But good food’s in my tummy
The shul made some money
And I had a good time in the end.
(continued from my previous posting)
To a few spots I wanted to go
That were far from the places we know.
The GPS, it went on
And then we were gone.
Its called a “road trip” – they said so.
And now I am back home at last
A thousand miles I have passed.
I miss them all dearly,
The message comes clearly
I think I should move there – and fast.
So I’m trying to figure it out
The thought of a move gives me doubt.
I have friends and a shul here
But fam’ly is more dear
“Oh what should I do?” is my shout.
I will ask for advice from Hashem.
Do I pack up and move close to them?
Its a difficult choice
Can He hear my voice?
I must think it over again.
My vacation is over – that’s all
And now I am feeling quite small.
I spent time with my eineklach
They are no longer kleineklach
At six foot four each, they’re not small.
To kiss Bubbie they bend over in half
And everyone gets quite a laugh.
All except for me
Because as you see
I can no longer give them a bath.
So instead of a sitter who’s strict
To the store I can them geshicht
They can both drive a car
And my chauffeurs they are
And Bubbie’s wee face is gelicht.
Hi everyone. I am just catching up and wish to thank you all – it is nice to be missed. I have been home for just a few days as I had to extend my trip as I picked up some eastern bug and the doctor wouldn’t let me fly. I promise to post some more very soon, but right now I am off to my shul – for the fund raising lottery and brunch. I know the food will be terrific, and I just need some mazel for the lottery. Efshar, I might have a chance as they have only printed 300 tickets and I don’t know if they have all been sold. Stay tuned for further developments.
I’m sorry that I just upped and vanished
But the health of my back – it was banished.
Once again I can sit
At least for a bit.
But right now I really am famished.
Tomorrow I leave for vacation
To spend Seders with my relation(s)
Next month when I’m home
I no longer will roam
The Coffee Room’s now my vocation.
Hi everyone: Sorry to have dropped off the face of the earth. I had a back problem that had me laid up for well over 4 months. B’H
I am much better now and I have wonderful friends who did every speck of shopping for me for weeks on end as I was unable to drive. Although my back will never be better, a combination of medications has allowed me to resume my life. The only side effect is that I sleep much later these days and have been unable to make it to morning minyan for 7:30 AM. Hopefully, as the weather gets warmer, I will be back to all of my activities. I realize now that we must live every day to its fullest and not postpone anything – so if all remains well with my health, I hope to make my first ever trip to Eretz this fall. If anyone knows of any tours for older first timers, please let me know. I wish all of you a freilich festival of freedom. Shalom – until next month.
The Last of Yankel Dovid
Yankel went to see his doc
He wasn’t feeling chipper
The doctor said there’s nothing wrong
You’ll recover by Yom Kippur.
Yankel’s lawyer called him up
And said there is some trouble
Your accountant’s gone to jail
And now you must pay double.
Yankel bought a clarinet
He wants to be a klezmer
When he played they sighed
But they really meant oy veiz mir.
Yankel’s tooth se toot him vay
His head is just a klupping
He doesn’t have a dentist
So for one he must go shopping.
Yankel went to Glasgow town
He wants to buy a kilt
He located Jewish tartan
And his kilt can now be built.
(btw – there actually IS a Jewish tartan – designed by a Chabad Rabbi and approved by the official tartan society. See it on
Google)
Yankel said he’d help his wife
He tried to wash the dishes
She inspected and replied
“There’s remnants from the knishes.”
Yankel signed an IOU
So money he could borrow
On the day the note was due
He said “I’ll pay tomorrow.”
Yankel loves to get down low
And play with kleine kinder
And if you cannot love him now
You really are a blinder.
Yankel davens with delight
He knows Hashem can hear him
His kavanah is truly great
It is what does endear him.
Yankel says his song is done
He’s told his long sad story
A man with little mazel
But a neshamah filled with glory.
“The caloric punch of a deep fried dounut is in the 600-800 range, and a good chunk of that from transfat. “
Twisted – because we eat so many oil laden foods during Chanukah, the high caloric content of a donut just grazes our bodies and silently slips away into the ether. It is a newly discovered additional Chanukah miracle!!
” a buick parave “
Mod 80: Well then I hope that you aren’t munching cheese knishes or corn beef sandwiches in it – you would get the poor car all confused. Besides, I don’t think toiveling would be good for the transmission or the upholstery.
I agree with Blinky. None of us are perfect and there is always something or some behaviour that we have that we can try to improve on.
More Yankel Dovid
Yankel bid Chavah adieu
I’m off to pick up Maish
We thought that for a little change
We’ll daven heint by Aish.
Yankels on a diet strict
But he wants a meichel
Wheres Chavelah I know she hides
The halvah in her teichel.
Yankels on the floor again
He slipped while doing dishes
A better sense of balance
Should be one of his big wishes.
Yankel’s little girl grew up
Today she is a kallah
First he’ll walk her down the aisle
Then he’ll bentch the challah.
Yankel thought he’d paint the fence
It had started peeling
His wife said “practice first on that”
Then you can do the ceiling.
Yankel and his wife looked out
Upon their lovely garden
He said “if we were only French
It would be called a jardin.”
Yankel bought some boimel pure
So he could light menorahs
His wife said “we’ll use e-lec-tric
I don’t want any tsorres.”
Yankels a poor handyman
He’s not a Mr. Fix-it.
He didn’t know that when you paint
First you have to mix it.
Yankel thought he’d learn to skate
And efsher play some hockey
His balance poor, he slipped, he fell
His future’s looking rocky.
Yankel needs to lose some weight
His booch keeps getting bigger
Of course he blamed it all upon
The cooking of his shvigger.
Mrs. Blum was going to the big bargain sale and was in such a hurry she drove into a fire hydrant.
Unfortunately many of these get togethers deteriorate into the unltimate game of oneupmanship. If I bought a house for a million dollars, then X bought one for two. If my child was accepted into a prestigious school, then yours was accepted to the best medical school in the world – on a full scholarship. For some reason, it seems to be human nature to try and outdo others. So many people tend to speak before they think, with little thought of the implications on others. I have no solution to this ever present problem other than trying to watch my own behaviour.
myfriend: Why wouldn’t you tell someone to enjoy their holiday. People whom I come in contact with who know that I am Jewish always wish me a good holiday. I always tell people to enjoy their holiday and wish them and their family good health and happiness for the coming year. In addition, I give something to my hairdresser and the lady who does my nails. My neighbors have been extremely kind to me since I moved into this building. I have had surgery several times and they check up on me and have done some grocery shopping for me. I often give them a little something at this time of the year. Usually it is just some baking and I try to give it to them closer to their holiday when they have more company and could use it. There is certainly nothing wrong with showing appreciation to people at ANY time of the year. It just seems that it has become a North American tradition to do it in December. It also seems that no matter how many times you explain to non-Jews, they believe that Chanukah is the Jewish Xmas because of the time of year and the gifts. It is also now not unusual to see Chanukah decorations and supplies in the stores right alongside the Xmas things. Therefore, if they expect something from you, it would naturally be expected now.
Anyway, good wishes to another, even if not sincere, are just plain good manners.
Personally, I think it is beautiful and would love to own it. If I could afford it without depriving anyone in my life or decreasing what I could give for tzedakah or having to change my life in any way, then why not. This is obviously a luxury item and there are some who can afford such luxuries. This particular item will at least for several generations which is more than can be said for a great many other luxury items.
Eclipse, I am so sorry for your troubles. It is amazing what some thoughtless words can lead to. Is there any possibility of you moving to another community so that you can make a fresh start? I know that a major move is big sacrifice in terms of proximity to family, but it is something that you should at least consider. Another option is to seek employment with a non-frum organization. I hope that things will turn around for you soon BH.
Is there something like a Jewish Family Service where you live? Often there are families who cannot afford seforim for their children – new immigrants, etc. They would probably be happy to accept your donation – and other items like tallesim and tefillin.I know that our local service gladly takes these things. I even donated my mother’s 6 week old hearing aid after she passed away.
I just heard that our neighbors keep their crazy grandmother locked in the attic.
“Thanksgiving is a religious holiday nevertheless. “
so right, you are so wrong. Thanksgiving is a national holiday just like Veterans/Remeberance Day. On both holidays, different religious institutions offer special services or prayers during a service. One holiday is to give thanks for the bounty and freedoms that we enjoy and the other thanks those who gave their lives to preserve those freedoms. Both of these occasions apply equally to all citizens – they are totally secular holidays.
You have to be very careful when purchasing any big ticket item. Apparently it is incumbent upon the purchaser to find out about the store policy as the store never seems to inform you.
About 4 years ago I purchased an item (cannot even remember what is was) from Home Depot(Canada). I went to return it and was told that I had kept it too long and I couldn’t return it. There was nothing about the policy on the back of the receipt and I asked to see the store manager. He informed me that this policy is stated by means of a sign – that is posted at customer service/return desk. A customer doesn’t see the sign when making a purchase. I asked why it isn’t on the receipt or posted at the cashier and he said that I had a good point and he would discuss it with head office but that I couldn’t get a refund because the computer was programmed by date of purchase and wouldn’t process the refund. I refused to back down. Eventually the manager said that he, personally, could use the item and took the money out of his own pocket. I did make sure that he really could make use of it because at that point I felt badly that it would cost him money. In the end, I got my money back and the store now has better signage and the pertinent information is on the back of the receipt.
ronrsr: Do you possess mental telepathy? How the heck did you know that I have holes in my stockings? I got the hole while dancing by the light of the moon (didn’t see the nail in the floor).
2009 Chev Malibu (and I don’t like it).
BPT: Thank you very much (taking a bow).
Blinquie: Using your more formal name in honor of Shabbat. Your verses are terrific. Amazing how the tune sticks, isn’t it. I have a bunch of new verses but no time to post now, so will wait until motzie Shabbat.
And again, Shabbat Shalom to all.
I was always taught that during Chanukah we eat foods that require large amounts of oil during their cooking. While the potato latke is the customary food of Ashkenazim and their European roots, the sufganiya is more of a Sephardic/Israeli tradition, that we Ashkenazim have happily (and greedily) adopted. Whatever the reasons, both of these customary foods are delicious and I, for one, am happy to consume generous quantities of each.
Because this week’s seemed very long
I’ll greet Shabbat with joyous song
I’ll welcome the coming night
With the glow of candlelight
And hope to be with friends among.
A peaceful and joy filled Shabbat to all of you.
Chana Yoseph’s son, Ben, is a wise man. He got a scholarship to Harvard. I think he will become a doctor.
Many years ago my daughter used to prepare large amounts of latkes for an organization that she belonged to. She had a helper (her husband) outside in the garage – using 2 electric frying pans at a time, frying the batter so that the house wouldn’t smell so badly. Latkes freeze very well. After you fry them, drain them on paper towels, then put them in a single layer on cookie sheets and freeze. When they are frozen, put them in freezer bags. Reheat them from the frozen state. I have never had a problem with the batter turning black and have never used lemon juice or citric acid. When the potatoes are grated, place them in a colander and rinse them well to get rid of the starch, then press down to get rid of all of the water. Then you add your flour and eggs. I think a lot depends on what kind of potatoes that you use. I like (and many recipes recommend) using a drier kind of potato like Yukon gold or russet. Good luck.