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Coke: Oy, do I need you at my place. Please, please, please come. I will be very nice to you, pay you well and even bake you a cheesecake (whoops, wrong thread).
“I actually overheard some (American goyish) kids at the airport not long ago calling their parents “Father” and “Mother”!
My wife and I looked at each other.
It was like something from Charles Dickens!”
Several years ago, I couldn’t believe my ears when I heard my co-worker refer to her mother-in-law as “Mrs. ‘Smith’. I thoughr that was little too formal for my liking. Can’t say I have ever heard any Yidden do that.
BTW: In Canada there is NO tax on lottery winnings (of course there is tax on the interest you will accrue on your investments) and you get the entire amount paid out in one lump sum – none of this paying you (or your heirs) over 20 years and cutting the prize money by more than half if you choose a lump sum payment. Here, if you win 10 million, you are paid 10 million. This is a wonderful country.
Pretty please with scmerlings chocolate dripping down the sides with caramel chocolate icing ontop of a chocolate ice cream come with melted chocolate and chocolate sprinkles on it…
Can I get all of that with extra onions please?
Blinky: Simmin Tov und Mazel Tov. It will be lovely to have you around for a few more days – we are happy to have whatever time we have with you. Maybe you will have time to add to the Limerick thread before you depart.
I am quite sure that the secretaries at both Morrison Bowmore and Pernod Ricard that will open your letters (and with any luck at all, these letters will not get past the secretarial pool) will now really wonder about Jews and their “crazy” practices. What do you know about Catholics? Isn’t a Catholic a Catholic? Or a Baptist a Baptist? Or a Sikh a Sikh? Well, what most of us know about Christianity (or Buddhism or Sikhism, etc) is what they know about Jews. A Jew is a Jew is a Jew. Your letter will have little impact on them and, if this should happen to reach some manager, their thoughts will be the same. Speaking poorly of other Jews by calling them “misguided” in one sentence and in the next calling them “fellow Jews”, does nothing to enhance an outsider’s view of Judaism – or to enhance your own reputation, as you stated that you signed your real name. Pity.
I see nothing at all wrong in being dressed fashionably – as long as it is appropriate for the function that you are attending and is flattering to the wearer. I am not suggesting that one wear a beaded gown to shul on Saturday morning or a wool suit to a wedding. If you aren’t sure if your clothing is flattering or appropriate, take someone whose opinion you trust with you when you go shopping. I remember a couple of years ago my Rabbi gave a sermon/Dvar Torah about clothing and finery. One of the things I distinctly remember is that he said one should wear their finest clothing for Shabbat. I always dress “up” for Shabbat, but again, I say appropriately. I have accumulated a large collection of Shabbat clothing. Since I don’t attend many weddings or evening functions, my fancy wardrobe is far more limited. But, I do know the difference between daytime and evening wear. I do go to shul every Shabbat “dressed to kill”, but always appropriately.
I am unfamiliar with the term “Charter Schools”. Can someone please explain. In the province that I live in, the public school system has several bilingual schools. This began because many parents wanted their children to be completely bilingual in both English and French as they are both official languages in Canada. You cannot get a job with the federal government without being bilingual – none. Even to be a tour guide (great summer job for teenagers) at the Mint, you need French. Eventually, other cultural groups asked the government to include their cultures in separate bilingual schools, so what happened is that there are English/Ukrainian (we have a huge Ukrainian population here)schools and other bilingual schools (can’t remember what else). Eventually, a group of parents lobbied for English/Hebrew bilingual schools and now there are two of them. They are not allowed to teach “religous” subjects, but they can teach cultural subjects. These Eng/Heb schools are held in larger facilities and the children are taught several of their subjects in Hebrew. They put on a Chanukah concert for the rest of the school (and the Bubbies and Zadies) and a model seder, etc. They learn about all of the holidays. I am unsure how they can separate the studies of the holidays to just teach culture, but apparently they are able to do it. I do know that most of the parents are thrilled with how the children are taught – and at no cost. Other than Eng/French, the other bilingual schools only go from K-6. Many of the kids in the Hebrew program go from public school to the Jewish community high school and do very well there. Many of the kids also get extra schooling or tutoring during their elementary years to learn more religious studies.
A friend of mine who is a psychiatrist told me that buying lottery tickets (within limits) is a good thing. Everyone dreams of what they would do if they won. His quote “for a dollar a week you can buy a dream”.
My plan for the lottery winnings:
Tons of tzedakkah
Trust funds for my grandchildren
Fresh flowers (from a florist, not the supermarket bunches) every week – on Friday.
A therapeutic massage at least once a week instead of the once a month allowed by my insurance – it is the only thing that helps my crummy back.
Travel, travel, travel – starting with Eretz as I have never been lucky enought to visit there.
Invest – with a trustworthy investment agent (I hope that there is still such a thing. I shudder when I think of what has happened to many peoples’ life savings by unscrupulous brokers)
What I would not do – buy, buy, buy. At my age I have all the chachkies (in fact, far too many) that I could ever want.
“Certification means nothing when there is dedication”
While I agree dedication is extremely important in the teaching profession, the ability to be able to spot a dyslexic child in the 1st grade is just as important, if not more so. In the city that I live in, there is a small very orthodox school and another very large K-12 that the rest of the community uses. At both schools, all of the teachers, whether teaching secular or Judaic studies, are certified University graduate teachers. If they weren’t the government school inspectors would shut the places down. It is a pity that so many parents are paying far more than they can really afford to send their children to schools where they are getting, at best, a second class education. Yes, there is something to say about ruach and frumkeit, but, this is the next generation of critical thinkers that are being educated. These are the future Rabbonim. How many of them will be qualified to even pay their monthly bills or help their children with trigonometry? This is a crisis.
As other have said, buying within your budget is absolutely first class. The only thing I would avoid is upholstered furniture unless it goes directly from the seller to an upholsterer before it comes into your home. Most of my furniture is second hand because I like antiques. A lot of it came from family members, but some of it was purchased from ads in the paper. Most of the furniture manufactured today is of far inferior quality than older furniture is – unless you are prepared to have, for example a sofa, custom made which would cost you a pretty penny. When my kids wanted to buy a good bedroom suite, the bought it second hand and just purchased a new mattress and boxspring. The set they bought would retail in the 15 – 20,000 range today, and they paid 1500 for it. Believe me, they did their homework before they got the bedroom set.
Perhaps this thread should be renamed “the CORNIEST joke contest.”
PS: If this is a contest, what is the prize? I, for one, love contests and enter a lot of them. In the past year and a half I have won a lot of wonderful things – worth a lot of moola.
A termite walked into a bar and asked “is the bar tender here?”
The thing that goes the farthest
Towards making life worthwhile
That costs the least and does the most
Is just a simple smile.
Some of you younger folks may never have heard of an autograph book, but when I was very young everyone (I should say, mainly girls) had an autograph book. You would have your friends, teachers and parents sign a page. Usually friends would write a small note but teachers and parents usually used short poems or sayings that “taught” something. I truthfully cannot remember who wrote the above poem in my book – because it would have been nearly 60 years ago, but I guess that it did teach me a lesson because I still remember it after all these years.
Coke – you said that you were folding laundry. That would mean that it has already been washed. Think of the man’s clothing as just a piece of laundered fabric. If there are children or teens in the household, there would all types and shapes of freshly washed fabric.
Avram: Am I correct in assuming that you are a meteorologist?
Some people swear by meditation. I have a few friends who think that it is terrific. (I am not speaking for myself). A close friend of mine was diagnosed with breast cancer – had a lumpectomy, radiation and is now using oral medication for 5 years. This all happened within the past 6 months and she “sailed” through the entire process using a meditation CD that was custom made for her by another friend. It had various topics on it from music to Torah passages and special prayers. Whenever she felt (or feels) low or cannot sleep, she plays the CD. You could always give it a try.
Blinky, Blinky, Blinky – puhleeeze comeback. We need you here. As soon as I saw that you had posted the last comment, I had to come and see what you had to say. I must admit that I am very disappointed that you are taking a leave of absence. I, for one, will miss you. I hope that your internet access is restored very shortly and if I could lend you mine, I would gladly do so. Keep well.
Your buddy,
Minyan gal
Are these teachers university trained, state certified teachers or seminary-only graduates? I would find it difficult to believe that a board certified teacher (who has studied child psychology in great depth) would make threats about future marriages to children in elementary school. Teachers like this should not be in a classroom molding the minds of the future. University trained teachers spend time in actual classrooms almost from the start of their studies, unlike many years ago when they didn’t go into classrooms until near the end of their last year. These old practices were changed because in many cases, although they could produce excellent marks on exams, they simply could not teach or could not relate to children.
tomim tihye – In the early 1950’s my parents took a motor trip from Canada to Mexico. While driving through Texas they saw countless field of corn growing, but could never find any on the menus of any restaurants they went to. Because it was the middle of winter, it would have been a real treat for them. Finally, they asked at one restaurant why nobody served corn on the cob. They were informed(with an extreme southern drawl): “Man, that is hog food. We never eat it.”
Actually, I have been thinking that being a meteorologist would be a great profession. One of the few jobs you could have that being wrong won’t cause you to lose your job. I wonder if managers even have to do annual performance appraisals (or whatever they call them nowadays). What can they say to their employees – “you were right too often so we will have to let you go.” Hmmm, perhaps I should consider returning to school. I would only be about 70 when I graduate.
giggle – its a “thingamajiggy”.
epis: I can almost guarantee you that a shirt from Brooks Brothers will last a lot longer than the one you will get from Century (or WalMart or KMart), and will probably look a lot better. In the end, quality is quality and you get what you pay for. Aside from the quality factor, if nobody is asking you to pay for their clothing, you don’t have the right to criticize where they are buying it from.
How would we know whether or not you are Joseph? This is an anonymous site and the only ones that are privy to our email addresses or IP numbers are the mods. Also, I for one, don’t care whether or not you are Joseph.
I often enjoy doing crytogram or crytoquote puzzles in the newspaper or in a crossword puzzle book, but this doesn’t seem to bear any resemblence to those puzzles.
flowers, I think that I know what is wrong with the paragraph but I am not 100% positive and I don’t want to ruin it for anyone else. Do you plan to publish the answer? (before I drive myself meshugah)
HIE: I think that I am clairvoyant and I predict that the sale will be sometime this month.
Well, I just checked the Weather Channel. There is a picture of the sun with raindrops beside it. So………..it will be sunny with a chance of rain OR rainy with a chance of sun. Now, I feel that I know as much as I did prior to checking the TV. Do I wear shorts and carry a large umbrella or do I wear a rain slicker and carry a parasol? As if there weren’t enough decisions to make every day without having the National Meteorology Service interfering. Zees: I am not so sure this was a good idea – just gives me more to consider before leaving the house. Of course, I could just stay in bed all day and not have to worry about what to wear. Now, that is a plan.
I also love tunes when davening. I often find it very interesting when I realize how many different tunes there are for the same passages. It depends where you come from and/or who trained you, etc. I think that singing various passages somehow elevates the message and carries to Hashem in a more respectful manner. If there were no need for singing when davening, there would be no need for Chazzanim. (IMHO)
Yesterday I posted about several Jewish buildings in my city that were sold to Xtian organizations. I happened to drive by one of them today and it did give me a “shtoch in hartz” to see the sign “Church of the Living Hope” where it used to say “B’nai Avrohom”. I have driven by there several times since the sale, which was about 10 years ago and never given it much thought, but after this discussion, I realize that it is a sad thing to have happened. I will say that the new tenants have maintained the building and the landscaping and it is very neat and tidy, but it simply isn’t the same. About 10 years before this shul closed, they, along with some government money, built a low rental senior citizens block right next door that had a walkway attached to the shul. Of course, the apartment building is still there and a lot of Jewish people still live there, but the walkway has (of course) been blocked off. In the old days, if they were short for a minyan, they would just go through the walkway and start knocking on doors. I guess I am just nostalgic today but, we cannot live in the past. Shabbat Shalom to all.
What about the peeled and cored whole pineapples? I believe that there is a special machine that does this and it is doubtful that it could be used for anything else? Also, what about products in a bulk food store that originally were kosher – the sealed bag had a hechsher? There is a large chain of bulk food stores in Canada that sells the Osem Israeli cous cous in bulk for a fraction of the price that it sells for in small packages. The clerk told me that the bin that cous cous is in has never been used for anything else – however, the scoops are washed often in a dishwasher and I am sure the original scoop doesn’t go back to the original bin. Would the cous cous be kosher?
Shouldn’t they be called ponytail sheitels? Pony sheitel actually does sound like the sheitel is made from young horsehair.
DZ: I hope you have candles ready.
Pac-Man: I believe there is only light at the end of the tunnel – or does this information belong in the Engineering thread??
Zees: Are you at liberty to divulge who advised you to begin this fascinating thread?
I have just noticed that as it is becoming darkish here, the sky is a little bit red. I believe that is a “sailor’s delight”.
Wolf: I have a question for you that is completely off topic. I have often wondered why the good woman in your life, whom you often speak of, spells her name with 4 “E”s. Wouldn’t 3 suffice? In fact, some others may agree with me – I sometimes think it may even be a little bit greedy. After all, somewhere there may be someone who desperately needs an “E” and she has 4. She could give one away.
(reminds me – several years ago there were group of thieves going through my city stealing “E” from apartment and other public buildings. After about the 10th episode – and many landlords bitterly complaining – the police put some effort into apprehending the notorious “E” gang. They were successful and they actually discovered a number of the purloined “E”s in one of the crook’s basement.)
I don’t celebrate July 4 because I am Canadian. However, I DO celebrate July 1, which is Canada Day. I will put a flag on apartment balcony. There will be fireworks at night, but I won’t be going to any because they all start after Shabbat begins. However, I can often see great fireworks displays from downtown from the balcony of my place, so I may sit on my balcony about 10 PM and see what I can see.
One of the caretakers at my shul (he has been there over 20 years) told me that after working there for only a week, he just had to find out what “oy vey” meant because he heard it constantly. Then he said that after he had been there a couple of months, he started saying it, if something went wrong and still uses the phrase to this day.
One cellophane package of soup (Manishewitz or whatever brand is on sale – any variety)
1 chopped onion
1 or 2 stalks chopped celery
1 or 2 carrots – chopped or thinly sliced
a handful of dried mushrooms (optional)
a few grindings of fresh pepper
add the amount of water called for on the package and cook for as long as the instructions call for. Enjoy.
Thanks for the information. This is actually full time, year round study as opposed to the regular “college year”. A person would definitely have to be very committed and very focused to achieve this 2 year degree. One would definitely have to kiss any social life a fond goodbye as well as doing the same for any volunteer activities. Of course, for many it is well worth the effort involved.
I don’t see any problem. Where I live, one shul bought their building from a church that needed a larger building, two closed Hebrew/Yiddish schools were sold to another faith-based school and a very large orthodox shul was sold to a church. These are all Xtian congregations or schools that these sales were made too.
Edited
“yummy cupcake – hmmm – name sounds familiar”. Doesn’t sound at all familiar to me, but sure sounds delicious. I know the position of “Cookie Monster” is already taken by a character in televisionland, so I hereby claim the position of “Cupcake Monster”. Yum, yum, yum.
Shticky Guy so glad you’re back
Sometimes we take a new track
But after awhile
We return with a smile
We realize what we did lack.
Our forte is limerick stuff
Why some days I can’t get enough
I sit here all day long
Writing poems, not a song
And by evening I feel pretty rough.
And even while falling asleep
Most people that I know count sheep
I lie there and rhyme
Wasting precious sleep time
For heaven sakes, when is geneek?
I really am curious how you can get any kind of a 4 year degree in 2 years. Are these degrees recognized by any universities for post graduate study? Somehow, I wouldn’t like to be cared for by a doctor who completed a 4 year program in 2 (even if it were just pre-med studies). I know that a lot of frum women go into careers such as social work and occupational therapy – both of which are 4 year programs at any university that I know of. It is pretty much impossible to learn all that is required for either of these programs in 2 years. Even if you are just talking about a BA, I can’t see how it can be done, or done properly, in half the time.
As humor is always a great topic, I will tell you a true story that is very funny. At my shul, one of the Shabbat regulars is a man who is either 106 or 109 – he isn’t sure. He had to start using a walker last year after a tumble, and he isn’t one bit happy about it. He is often given aliyah and refuses to use the ramp with his walker – he insists on walking up the steps. Of course, the usher helps him. Now the usher just celebrated his 95th birthday, so someone else has to help the two of them up the stairs. (the usher is at shul for morning minyan 7 days a week). Now the funny story. Another member had an aliyah in honor of this 90th birthday. When he was done everyone was wishing him Mazel Tov and Yasher Koach. The 106 year old said to him “why you are just a young pisher – I had my Bar Mitzvah before you were born.” I just realized that this doesn’t look as funny written down as it was when it actually happened. BTW, I am in my mid 60’s and divorced. One of my friends said “surely there must be some eligible men that you meet at shul.” I had to tell her that the youngest “single” men are at least 85 years old.
Now, if anyone has some funny, true anecdotes, why not post them here.
Shticky Guy: I can’t believe that someone actually did start a weather thread at some time. How boring. I was being sarcastic and obviously didn’t do a very good job of it. I can’t think of what punctuation marks I could have used to indicate sarcasm.
Ofcourse: The fellows that you are talking about – do you happen to know how old they are now? I think that many of these failed dates (and marriages) stem from the guys being too young. Even is they are extremely frum, 19 – 22 is really too young, particularly for a man. By the time a lot of these young men reach the age of 30, they have been married for many years and have large families. I think at some point, some of them realize that the have so much responsibility and it was heaped upon them at such a young age that they have never had the chance to “live” and they start to feel suffocated. Just my opinion.
Some think we should daven and pray
At least twenty four hours a day.
An author once said
(His name’s gone from my head)
Then we’d be very dull people, oy vey.
You must divide up your day
To have time to learn and to pray.
But you cannot learn trope
Till you’re at the end of your rope
We all need some time left to play.
I think my priorities are shot
Because lately I’m here quite a lot.
It probably would
Do me more good
To read the seforim I’ve bought.
I will settle down one of these days
After I’ve mended my ways.
I’ll spend more time at shul
Learning more golden rules
And more prayers, so Hashem I can praise.
I asked a Chabad Rabbi about this tonight. He said because we are saying “v’zot haTorah” (this is the Torah), we raise our pinkies to point at the Torah. This is obviously not just a Sephardic minhag. A couple of years ago I was given a different explanation by my rabbi. He said that the pinky is the smallest finger and looks similar to a “yud”, a very small letter. We are comparing our finger to a yud and hoping that today we may have learned some Torah, even if it is just a very small amount. I imagine that there are probably many other explanations for this practice. I have seen many people hold up a corner of their tallis while holding up their pinkie and have also seen some who wrap one of the tzitzit around the pinkie before holding it up.
Gales:
What an expensive mistake you would make
If that brisket you were to take
And place in a pot
That fleishig t’was not
For last week it held a cheesecake.
Shlishi: Why don’t you ask your “Good Wife”? If she is so perfect, surely she must have the answer you are looking for.
It seems to me that oftentimes this entire Coffee Room is a “threadmill”. Some days there are many new threads started and many of them are inane (not insane). Some of the topics are just plain silly. One of the few threads that I don’t believe I have ever seen is about the weather. Perhaps we should have a “weather” thread and everyone can post the weather forecast for their area on a daily basis. Now wouldn’at that be exciting! Have a good day everyone.